“What do you
think a “right relationship” should provide for the people in it?”
Although the
answer here is obviously subjective, in all relationships, romantic and
platonic alike, there are some clear signs that things are going well. So
today, let’s take a look at some signs you’re in the “right relationship,”
along with corresponding tips that could potentially help you make a “wrong
relationship” right:
1. No games
are being played.
Far too often,
we make our relationships harder than they have to be. The difficulties started
when… conversations became texting, feelings became subliminal, sex became a
game, the word “love” fell out of context, trust faded as honesty waned,
insecurities became a way of living, jealously became a habit, being hurt
started to feel natural, and running away from it all became our solution. Stop
running! Face these issues, fix the problems, communicate, appreciate, forgive
and LOVE the people in your life who deserve it. And of course, if you feel
like someone is playing games with you, speak up and establish some boundaries.
2. Everyone is
on the same page.
If a woman
starts out all casual with a man and she doesn’t tell him that she wants a
committed relationship, it will likely never become a committed relationship.
If you give someone the impression that casual, or whatever, is okay with you,
that’s what will be assumed going forward. The bottom line is that you have to
be straight from the start, or at least as soon as you know what you want.
Don’t beat around the bush. If someone gets scared and runs away because you
were honest and set boundaries, that person wasn’t right for you anyway.
3. The line of
communication is open, honest, and clear.
It’s better to
talk and find out the truth, than to keep going and get nowhere. Say what you
mean and mean what you say. Don’t expect the important people in your life to
read your mind, and don’t play foolish games with their heads and hearts. Don’t
tell half-truths and expect them to trust you when the full truth comes out –
half-truths are no better than lies.
Listen without
defending and speak without offending. Communication isn’t just an important
part of a relationship, it is the relationship. Relationships often fail
because of trust issues, commitment issues, and above all, communication
issues. So be honest, commit, be clear about your expectations, and COMMUNICATE
always.
4. Loving
deeds consistently reinforce loving words.
Nurture your
important relationships so that when you tell the people you love that you love
them, it’s merely a ritualistic validation of what you have already shown them
by how you treat them on a daily basis. Do little things every day to show your
loved ones you care. Knowing that the person you’re thinking of has you on
their mind, too, means a lot.
Truth be told,
you can say “sorry” a thousand times, or say “I love you” as much as you want,
but if you’re not going to prove that the things you say are true, they aren’t.
If you can’t show it, your words are not sincere. It’s as simple as that. And
there’s no such thing as a “right” relationship that isn’t sincere at both
ends.
5.
Expectations of perfection are strictly forbidden.
Any
relationship that’s real will not be perfect, but if you’re willing to work at
it and open up, it could be everything you’ve ever dreamed of.
Your best
friends and your soul mate may be far from perfect, but they are a perfect fit
for you. Give them a chance to show you. When you stop expecting the people you
love to be a certain way, you can start to enjoy and appreciate them for who
they are. It’s important to remember that every relationship has its problems,
but what makes it perfect in the end is when you wouldn’t want to be anywhere
else, even when times are tough.
6. Honesty,
vulnerability, and presence are held sacred.
Although it
may sound risky, the strongest type of love is the one that makes you the most
vulnerable. It’s about daring to reveal yourself honestly, and daring to be
open and transparent over the long term. It’s about sticking by each other’s
side through thick and thin, and truly being there in the flesh and spirit when
you’re needed most.
So open
yourself up. Truly be with the person you love. Allow yourself to experience
them authentically. Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around
yourself and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad. This is real
life. This is how you welcome a sincere connection with another human being.
7. There is a
healthy blend of freedom and teamwork.
Keep in mind
that we can’t force anyone to be with us or love us. We shouldn’t beg someone
to stay when they want to leave. And likewise, we should never feel trapped in
a relationship. In fact, if either person feels trapped, the relationship
doesn’t really exist. Because that’s what relationships are all about: freedom.
Relationships
are also built on a solid foundation of teamwork. And since relationships are
one of the greatest vehicles of personal growth and happiness, the most
important trip you will ever take in life is meeting someone else halfway. You
will achieve far more by working with them, rather than by working alone or
against them. It really is a full circle. The strength of a relationship
depends on the strength of its two members, and the strength of each member in
the long run depends on the quality of the relationship.
And remember,
relationships are rarely fifty-fifty at any given instant in time. You can’t
always feel 100%, or a full 50% of a relationship’s whole – life is simply too
unpredictable for that. So on the days when you can give only 20 percent, the
other person must give 80 percent, and vice versa. It’s never been about
balancing steady in the middle; healthy relationships are about two people who
are willing to make adjustments for each other in real time as needed, and give
more when the other person can’t help but give a little less.
8. Personal
growth is embraced, celebrated, and shared.
It’s not about
finding someone to lose yourself in; it’s about meeting someone to find
yourself in. When you connect with someone special, a best friend or a lifelong
partner, this person helps you find the best in yourself. In this way, neither
of you actually meet the best in each other; you both grow into your best
selves by spending time together and nurturing each other’s growth.
When you
honestly think about what you and your closest confidants add to each other’s
lives, you will often find that instead of giving or taking things from each
other (advice, answers, material gifts, etc.), you have chosen rather to share
in each other’s joy and pain, and experience life together through good times
and bad. No matter what, you two are there for each other, growing and learning
as one.
9. Outsiders
aren’t calling the shots.
Relationships
don’t always make sense, especially from the outside. So don’t let outsiders
run your relationships for you. If you’re having a relationship issue with
someone, work it out with THEM and no one else.
You have to
live your own life your own way; that’s all there is to it. Each of us has a
unique fire in our heart for certain people. It’s your duty, and yours alone,
to decide if a relationship is right for you. You’ve got to stop caring so much
about what everyone else wants for you, and start actually living and deciding
for yourself.
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