I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Sunday, November 30, 2008


For a LONG time now, we’ve been living in a world where mankind has been getting ready to live. And as a result of this we have a world that is consumed with ALL the wrong things. From money to fancy cars to the huge house we want it ALL! It is SO sad that many of us seek the answers to life’s question by looking outside of ourselves and try to get happiness N’ joy from the things that will NOT last. Each of us is unique, with OUR own personal histories, OUR own sense of right and wrong, and OUR own way of experiencing the world that defines OUR realities; and using everything AND everyone will ONLY further the problem that already exists in this world. We need to be ready because the future started YESTERDAY and we are a day late AND a dollar short. WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR US TO GET IT? More terrorist attack in some parts of the world? More people dying from hunger? More fretting about the how AND why of life? We need to act as THE compass of life and NOT life being the compass of us. We need to learn to HEAR, TRUST and EMBRACE the world as it happening on MANY levels. I get that within us there are NUMEROUS voices that often compete for our attention. It can be difficult to decide which one to listen to, particularly when the world is sending out its very own set of signals. However ONE voice is the speaker of TRUTH and that’s the voice that is telling you TO BE READY! We need to achieve this if we are to fix things and make them better. Because we’ve been living like we don’t get what humanity is all about, I get that being READY is something that will not happen overnight. But I am SURE if we are PATIENT as we relearn how to be a human with a heart N’ soul we can get there in NO time. We need to STOP going against the TRUTH because it slapping us in the face everyday in every way. THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE, PLACES N’ THINGS YOU CAN SEE THE HAND GOD @ WORK, YET WE IGNORE IT & LIVE AS IF WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE PEOPLE WE ARE…IT IS TIME TO STIR UP OUR SOULS SO WE CAN MAKE THAT JOURNEY TO THAT MOUNTAIN TOP & BE READY SO WE DON’T HAVE TO GET READY FOR THE CHANGE THE WORLD NEEDS…

Saturday, November 29, 2008


THE BOY IS MINE is an R&B song recorded by American singers Brandy and Monica. It was originally written by Brandy Norwood, LaShawn Daniels, Fred Jerkins III, Rodney "Darkchild" Jerkins and Brandy for her second studio album Never Say Never (1998) but was eventually released as the lead single off of both singers' second albums during the second quarter of 1998 (see 1998 in music). To date, it is both singers' most successful song. What don’t you LOVE about this song? This showcase EXACTLY both Brandy and Monica are who they are and I can’t get enough of it.

Friday, November 28, 2008



  • How you see yourself when you look in the mirror or when you picture yourself in your mind.

  • What you believe about your own appearance (including your memories, assumptions, and generalizations).

  • How you feel about your body, including your height, shape, and weight.

  • How you sense and control your body as you move. How you feel in your body, not just about your body.

  • A distorted perception of your shape--you perceive parts of your body unlike they really are.

  • You are convinced that only other people are attractive and that your body size or shape is a sign of personal failure.

  • You feel ashamed, self-conscious, and anxious about your body.

  • You feel uncomfortable and awkward in your body.

  • A clear, true perception of your shape--you see the various parts of your body as they really are.

  • You celebrate and appreciate your natural body shape and you understand that a person`s physical appearance says very little about their character and value as a person.

  • You feel proud and accepting of your unique body and refuse to spend an unreasonable amount of time worrying about food, weight, and calories.

  • You feel comfortable and confident in your body. 

Accepting YOUR body image means:

  1. Appreciate the things your body can do. With your body, you can walk, dance, laugh, and dream.

  2. See yourself as a whole person. When you look at yourself in a mirror, avoid focusing on specific areas of your body. Everyone else sees you as a whole person—you should too. 

  3. Wear comfortable clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Try not to wear clothes that are too tight or too baggy, and fit your style. 

  4. Remember that true beauty is more than skin-deep. The most beautiful people in the world are beautiful because of who they are, not what they look like. 

  5. Keep a list of the top ten things you like about yourself. These things shouldn't be about what you look like or your weight. Make sure you read your list often. 

  6. Surround yourself with positive people—positivity is catching. By being around positive people, you will learn to be more positive yourself. 

  7. Stop listening to the inner voices telling you something is wrong with your body, or that you are a bad person. Drown these negative voices out with positive ones. 

  8. View media and social messages critically. Instead of believing what they tell you, look beyond the hype to see the truth. 

  9. Pamper yourself. Show your body that you appreciate it by soaking in a tub, taking a nap, or going for a walk on a sunny day. 

  10. Do something for someone else. You might be surprised at how good it will make you feel about yourself.

We all may have our days when we feel awkward OR uncomfortable in our bodies, but the key to developing a positive body image is to recognize AND respect our natural shape AND learn to overpower those negative thoughts N' feelings with positive, affirming AND accepting ones.

Thursday, November 27, 2008


CLNMIKE has surprised N honored me with the Superior Scribbler Award and I am giving this one out to the warriors who stand on the front lines and bear their souls for us to see. I couldn’t think of better time than today since America is celebrating giving thanks. I wanted to put mine out there for the following bloggers:

SHALLOTTEI chose this blog because not only is she a GREAT person but she has a kind heart N’ soul. I’ve been trying to get her to enter the blog universe for a while and I am glad that she did. She is TOTALLY deserving of this award and I see that her comments on my blog were ONLY the tip of the iceberg…KEEP GOING…

XIVINRAHI don’t remember how I came across his blog, but I am glad that I did. This young man puts SO much of himself into his writing that it is SO hard NOT to feel his struggles. He reminds me so much of myself and I felt that he is more than deserving of this reward.

KIN’ SHARWhat can I say about her that hasn’t been said? This woman has the kind of energy N’ spirit that can put a smile on anyone’s heart. She is DEFINITELY someone that I would spend time with because she has a vision that is beyond her own; and that’s VERY rare in this world today.

TRU3LOGICMr. TRU3LOGIC, you are something else. NOT only are you one of the best men I know, but you are the FIRST man to follow my blog and hold you in such high esteem. You have such a light and know that you will continue to let that shine…ROCK ON MY BROTHER…DON’T STOP!

XEMVANADAMSThis man says EVERYTHING that I would say if I ever decided to put personal videos on my blog like he does. He is on a mission to get his message, his work out there and I am going to do whatever I can to assist him. It is rare to find gay men such as he and I am glad that he is here @ this point in time.


Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post,which explains The Award.

Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


So I was talking with my ex boss the
other day and as usual she was expressing her joy about me finding employment;
and it is @ this time she said to me
 NOT TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT MY SEXUALITY. Now I get why she said this to me because when I was working
with her, both she and my supervisor knew that I am gay. However, she seems to
forget that
 I NEVER told any of them, she
knew because she has a best friend that is gay and we know of each other.

Nonetheless, I find this thing about
 SO interesting. Moreover, I find it STRANGE that there are persons SO interested
in what I do sexually. Though I don’t dread my sexuality, I don’t feel a need
to come out over
 AND over AGAIN! The thing about COMING OUT…AGAIN and to whom is one of
the most pivotal
 AND personal
decisions one will ever make. It's the first step in building relationships
with family and friends that are based on honesty and openness, instead of the
stressful and never-ending need to hide.

I find that BEING IN THE CLOSET is just that; it is a place of ISOLATION that has it many draw backs. Though a gay person knows that
s/he isn’t the only gay person in the world, it is STILL
 a dangerous thing to let
someone know about your sexuality. Though I am technically IN the closet, I am
 SURE that
my shoes are peaking out. I guess it is like they say
 WITH AGE COMES…so this time I will NOT be
dragged out like I was when I was 20. When I think about that time, I thank God
that I found who I was and stayed strong in that because something like this
 DEFINITELY break person. Even though I now live with the zeal AND enormous relief that I no longer have to suppress my sexual
identity, I rather
 NOT discuss it with
persons that can’t appreciate it. And when I say appreciate it, I mean learn to
leave well enough alone…

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


  1. STOP LETTING YOUR APPEARANCE BE AN EXCUSE TO HIDE…Have you ever seen a nice gentleman exchange contact with someone you wouldn’t give the time of day? That’s because the art of seduction has a lot more to do with social skills than with naked physical attraction. It’s not 30 pounds you need to lose to pick up more men—it’s your inner fears.

  2. APPROACH A LOT OF MEN…To get started in the pick-up game, you need to go where men are and learn to approach them. And not just one or two guys, but many guys. If you can’t strike up a conversation, you don’t have a chance to pick up and eventually seduce someone you’re attracted to.

  3. DON’T HESITATE…Nothing conveys indecision and nervousness like hesitation. Indecision and nervousness are not attractive traits. So practice the three-second rule: train yourself to approach your target within three seconds of seeing him.

  4. LEARN SOME APPROACHES…An approach is an excuse— any excuse— to start a conversation with someone: HOW DO I GET TO THE CAFÉ FROM HERE? Or THERE’S SOME LINT ON YOUR COLLAR. However the easiest of all approaches is simply to smile and say HI. Forget the cheesy pick lines, they’re phony, convey too much sexual interest, and leave you no place to take the conversation.

  5. HAVE AN OPENER…Once you've exchanged a few words develop openers or standard conversational ploys that will attract your target. Try something startling: THAT WASN’T YOUR CAR ON FIRE IN THE PARKING LOT. WAS IT? DID YOU SEE THOSE TWO GUYS FIGHTING OUTSIDE? Or get an opinion: HEY, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? OR THIS GUY I KNOW…Develop your opener into a little routine by adding vivid details and get your target involved and keep him engaged until he gives signs of starting to relax.

  6. LEARN DISINTERESTED INTEREST…Keep him off balance when he suspects you’re trying to pick him up. This allows time for his attraction to develop. Keep talking in a friendly way while pretending you’re not really that interested sexually.

  7. DON’T COMPLIMENT HIM…Since compliments like I LOVE YOUR SMILE give away your attraction; throw them in the dust bin with the pick-up lines. Instead, learn to neg. Negging is the art of giving a half-compliment, setting up a dissonance in your pick-up target. Examples: I LOVE YOUR SMILE, ARE YOU WEARING BRACES? THAT’S A NICE SHIRT; DID YOU GET IT @ SO & SO? The neg should always sound friendly AND positive and only subliminally be insulting. Negs excite your subject by sending contradictory signals spinning in his brain and creating excitement he will be intrigued to resolve.

  8. DEMONSTRATE YOUR SOCIAL VALUE…When you meet a guy, don’t stop talking, just stop talking aimlessly. Learn to be funny and entertaining and cast yourself in a positive light in the stories you tell. TELL HIM ABOUT THE TIME CHASED AWAY A SNAKE or HOW GREAT YOUR NEW GYM ROUTINE IS MAKING YOU FEEL. Please make sure that you talk about ex-boyfriends OR hang a friend around your shoulder to demonstrate that others think you’re attractive. In other words, give him enough ammunition to justify an attracted toward you. Once an attraction develops, you’ll see the signals in his eyes and body language.

  9. TOUCH…Without touching there is no sex. To get the ball rolling, touch early and often. Make sure your touches are sensual and motivating, not crude sexual pawing. Examine his cool wristwatch. Flatten his mussed-up collar. Read his palm. Your fleeting touches will leave him begging for more.

  10. ISOLATE, MOVE & DEVELOP RAPPORT…@ some point you hope to have this man in your life. So to accelerate the process you need to lead him to a neutral location away from his friends. Continue developing rapport and interest. Invite him to a quiet corner of the bar, outside for a breath of air or to a nearby eatery. Then take it from there.

Monday, November 24, 2008


  1. Separate sex from love. 

  2. You don't need to have anything in common. The ability and/or desire to converse with each other is only necessary if one party requires that as foreplay.  

  3. Both parties must be either single or in open relationships.

  4. Exes you are currently friends with make ideal booty call partners. However, if one party broke the other's heart, pursuing a booty-call arrangement is a no-no (at least for 24 hours).  

  5. Unless otherwise agreed upon, after midnight on a school night is too late to call. On weekends, all calls should be made at least five minutes before closing time. 

  6. If you don't want an overnight guest, then make the booty call before sundown. After the sun sets, you've got to resign yourself to the possibility of entertaining all night long--unless you have express rules to the contrary, it is the only polite thing to do. 

  7. It's best to store your booty call's number in your phone and NOT memorize it, should you someday wish to delete the number (and the person) from your sex life.  

  8. Booty calls are best made via caller-ID-friendly devices. That way, the receiver can decide whether or not to take the call. If the receiver is not prepared to say yes, he or she should not pick up lest the answer offend or embarrass the caller.  

  9. Whenever possible, opt for text messaging a booty call request -- it's the most civilized (i.e. safest, i.e. cowardly) form of booty call communication.  

  10. Though it's understood that most booty calls are made after hours, the world would do well to remember that calls may also be made sober and in the light of day. 

  11. Ideally, booty callers should alternate who calls whom so that mutual interest is constantly re-established. If you have been the initiator more than three times without reciprocation, it is safe to assume they'd almost rather do anything rather than have sex with you. 

  12. You probably shouldn't draw on one booty source more than once a week. Two weeks is ideal. More often and you risk drifting into a common-law relationship. 

  13. It’s okay to be tipsy, but if you are stumbling drunk and unable to perform the basic duties of the booty call, don't make the call in the first place. It's is the height of rudeness to call if there is ANY chance you may vomit on or near your booty call. 

  14. Both parties should be armed with condoms and dental dams at all times. 

  15. Don't leave personal items behind. 

  16. Faking is a no-no (that is reserved for the most dysfunctional relationships and miserable one-night stands). Each party deserves at least one real one. 

  17. If you're not having fun, then by definition, it isn't a proper booty call. 

  18. Never call a fuck buddy just to say hi. 

  19. If your booty call is in the same social circle, and your are out together in a group, then either go home together or go home alone. 

  20. Just because the sex is casual doesn't make it an appropriate topic for casual conversation. Be discreet.  

  21. Assume that you are not the only booty call in your partner's rotation. If this is not cool with you, then you must communicate your desire for casual yet monogamous sex and then negotiate from there.  

  22. Don't assume that duration implies relationship progression.  

  23. You should always be honest about where this is going, other booty call partners you may have, sexual health history, etc., but keep unsolicited details about your other partners and sexual experiences to yourself.  

  24. The above rules may be amended at any time if both parties are in explicit agreement.  

  25. No matter how casual the set-up, remember that your booty buddy is a human being, and not a fucking machine. If you can't play well with others, get yourself a sex toy. This final rule may not be amended and trumps all others at all times.

Sunday, November 23, 2008


IS BEING GOOD MORE IMPORTANT THAN BEING HAPPY? IS RELIGION THE DOORWAY TO A LIFE OF HAPPINESS WITH GOD & HIS ANGELS? & IF SO, ARE THERE CERTAIN STANDARDS THAT WE MUST MEET IN ORDER TO ACHIEVE THIS? For all of us, life is full of uncertainties AND difficulties, and it ends in death; and EVERY religion claims to be the ONE that can provide certain rewards to us for being good. As a child I used to wonder why we do church RELIGIOUS every Sunday? I mean we go non-stop to achieve what? It seems that OUR GREATEST FEAR is that if we don’t participate in this ritual that somehow we would end in place that is NOT friendly OR good (talk about allowing hope to override the intellect). It is a SAFE bet to say that I am NOT religious NOR do I participate in ORGANIZE RELIGION. GUESS YOU CAN SAY THAT I AM HEATHEN…one of those persons that isn’t a follower. However, being who I am, I realized that criticizing religion isn’t enough. I needed to understand why religion becomes an integral part of a person's life and it doesn't cease to be so when it can cause HATRED, IGNORANCE and MISUNDERSTANDINGS. It is a known FACT that NO religion ACCEPTS us as the person we know ourselves to be. Rather, we are told that we are INADEQUATE, UNSATISFACTORY and HELPLESS. It is MY feeling that those who feel this way also construct a fantasy about how they are SUPERIOR to those who do NOT share this view. I thank God that I am NOT one those persons that is living life without really being present. HOW COULD I DO MYSELF SUCH AN INJUSTICE? The crazy thing is that they KNOW the TRUTH yet they act as if they are somewhat caught up in a trans. The other day I was chatting with this GAY pastor (go figure…right?), and he told me that he feels so betrayed on both end of the spectrum when does the ANTI-GAY sermon because he knows that he does NOT fully believe what he is saying. In return he told me that it almost seem as if the congregation is waiting for him to hit this topic with vigor AND disgust that it seems to me that we have a situation of ignorance feeding ignorance. This CLEARLY a situation where society has become SO use to the words used that they are NOT hearing them anymore. I guess it is TOO much to listen with innocence AND ask questions when it is SO obvious that something is rotten within the confines of the church…SO CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHEN IS THE DAY GONNA COME WHEN WE STOP CONSULTING THE GREAT BOOK OF FAIRY TALES (the bible) & DO AWAY WITH RELIGIOUS BIGOTRY? IT IS OBVIOUS THAT THEY ARE EASILY MISSING THE FUTURE BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO BUSY BEING STUCK…SO HOW CAN WE CHANGE THIS? BETTER YET IS IT POSSIBLE? I THINK SO & I BELIEVE THAT THE FIRST STEP IS TO PRAY WITH (NOT FOR) EACH OTHER. THIS WILL GET THOSE THAT ARE HURTING RELIGIOUSLY TO FACE THE CHALLENGES FAR GREATER THAN THEMSELVES…WE NEED TO LOVE & TRULY TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER. AFTER ALL WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD: CREATED BY LOVE, IN LOVE, WITH LOVE & FOR LOVE…SO UNTIL WE SEE OURSELVES WITHOUT SELF-PITY, WE WON’T HAVE A FEELING THAT WE ARE @ A PLACE WHERE GOD TRULY EXISTS…& THAT’S A FACT!

Saturday, November 22, 2008


SWV, also known as SISTERS WITH VOICES, is an American Grammy-award nominated female R&B/Pop trio from New York. Formed in 1990, SWV had a series of hits. WEAK is an R&B ballad recorded for their debut album, It's About Time (1992). It was written and produced by Brian Alexander Morgan, who composed the lyrics based upon his feelings towards R&B singer Chanté Moore. The song was released as the third single from SWV 's album, following the top ten success of I'M SO INTO YOU. WEAK hit number one on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 in July 1993 for two weeks, and is one of SWV's biggest U.S. chart-toppers. It also topped the Hot R&B Songs for two weeks. THIS SONG IS SWEET & TOUCHING THAT I COULDN’T PASS UP THE CHANCE OF POSTING IT ON MY BLOG…HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY AS MUCH I DO.

Friday, November 21, 2008


As an intelligent light skinned man I am so embarrassed to even think of the ignorance of comparing our skin color. Call it a GROSS ignorance on my part, but it seems like discussions of race often focus on how life differs for people who aren't white from those who are. I guess you can say that I was COLORBLIND because I have this weird notion that we as people were JUDGED on merit INSTEAD of skin color. However my current place of employment proves that I am DEAD wrong. Last week proved that I couldn’t ignore the 10,000 pound elephant sitting in the room because I saw first hand what racism is. The managers @ my current place of employment are white…THEY HAVE THE BEST OF EVERYTHING…INSURANCE COVERAGE, BETTER PAY…PERKS, you name they have it. I guess it is NO surprise that my co-workers and I are living from paycheck to paycheck trying to make a dime out of a nickel while being slaves @ this modern day plantation. So I guess with that said I shouldn’t be surprised that management feels that either my co-worker or I stole THIRTY dollars from the company’s deposit. She wrote it up, I checked it over and it was fine. However the bank called saying that it was not and of course we were practically grilled about that for about a week. I mean THIRTY dollars cannot put gas in our cars, THIRTY dollars cannot buy anything of substance from the grocery store…THIRTY dollars can’t do much of anything. Yet there is this thing in the air that we must taken the money because it isn’t there. I know if it were one of their white counterparts they wouldn’t even discuss this to this extent (no wonder they steal millions from each other). But whatever, if I were to steal I am going down for REAL dough. My name AND reputation means more to me than anything else. I know that they feel threatened by the likes of my co-worker and me because we know our REAL history; we know what was taught to us from the white man and how he feels that because he smiles @ us and pretend to care about how we spend time after working hours that we buy his bullshit. SORRY HE HAS TO TRY SOME OTHER NEGRO! I JUST WONDER IF IT TOO LATE TO HELP THE ONES THAT WORKED THERE FOR SO MANY YEARS ON END? THEY’VE WORKED WITHOUT RAISES OR BONUSES…I GUESS IT LIKE MY EX-BOSS USE TO SAY, I DON’T SEE WHY MY STAFF MAKES NOISE ABOUT NOT GETTING RAISES WHEN HE HAS TO PAY THE EXACT AMOUNT THEY PAY FOR THE PRICE OF BREAD. I ALWAYS FIND THAT FUNNY BECAUSE HE LEAVES THE STORE WITH CHANGE & LOADS OF BUTTER FOR THAT BREAD WHILE WE BARELY AFFORDED THE DAMN BREAD…BUT WHAT DO I KNOW? I KNOW THAT THE GAP AS FAR AS EDUCATION IS CONCERNED IS SLOWLY BUT SURELY CLOSING. THE PRIVILEGE WITH THEIR FAKE SMILES & SEPARATISTS ATTITUDE ARE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD; & THOUGH I MAYBE CONSIDER A LOWER CLASS BY DEFAULT DUE TO THE COLOR OF MY SKIN; BUT TO ENTERTAIN THE NOTION THAT MY CO-WORKER OR COULD/WOULD STEAL THIRTY DOLLARS FROM A COMPANY THAT HAS NO SYSTEM IN PLACE IS CRAZY. I MEAN WHY STEAL THIRTY DOLLARS WHEN THE PRODUCT IS RIPE FOR THE TAKING? I GUESS IT JUST GOES TO SHOW THAT WHEN BLACK N’ WHITE MIX THE GREY AREAS GET ALL F&CKED UP!

Thursday, November 20, 2008


So yesterday I was wondering what makes someone become a B!TCH? I am thinking that we were all born with a certain set of compassion AND understand for each other; yet somewhere along the way we somehow loose that. How does this happen? These questions brings me to the INTERESTING DAY I HAD @ WORK YESTERDAY. I’ve been working for a month now and I am trying to grasp the ANTIQUATED, NON-PRODUCTIVE and F&CKED UP system the company has going on. First and foremost there is NO job description so EVERYONE is pretty much just doing whatever and I get that there is NO real sense of direction in this place (sadly this is the state of 99% of the businesses here in the Bahamas). So after getting the tasks done that my boss kept piling on me (whose job I can do with relative ease by the way), I noticed this fax on my desk. I took it to her knowing full well that she was going to have a Chinese baby right in front of me (she had two by the way) and they were both breached. So there was a problem with a shipment and the company was letting us know that we were past our credit line and that though the items weren’t due for payment we needed to make a payment. Now me in my INFINITE wisdom, I asked her well how do you handle this stuff? She looked me dead in the eye (which later she explained that she looked @ me funny because she had a stiff neck) and told me that this is my problem and that I need to take care of it. Now I am the kind of man that wears what he is thinking on his face (especially when shit is first spewed in my direction) so I know she saw that. The thing about this situation is that the general manager and director orders stuff like there is a fire sale and don’t inform us in accounts of what they are doing. However, I am supposed to know what they are doing even when they don’t know? So as my boss was carrying on I tried my hardest to choose words that were diplomatic while getting my point across (and she got the message loud and clear). I kept thinking if I didn’t need this job LORD KNOWS! I couldn’t wait for my lunch to come and when it did I came home to get a change of scenery and clear my head. It was then I remembered that my horoscope had said that there will be conflict for the first half of my day, I don’t pay attention to that stuff but I thought to myself that they maybe onto something…Nonetheless, after my lunch my boss called me into her office and told me that she just wants me to understand how important things are and if something goes wrong heads will roll. I just stared @ her and said that I DON’T NEED YOU TO SPEAK TO ME IN THE WAY YOU DID BECAUSE I AM LEARNING HOW DO THINGS HERE (WHICH IS SO F&CKED UP!) OF COURSE YOU KNOW I DIDN’T WORK FOR THE REST OF THE DAY & ANY FEELING OF GOODWILL THAT I FELT TOWARDS THE COMPANY HAS BEEN KILLED. SHE LOVES STAYING BEHIND WORKING LATE, TRYING TO GET ME TO STAY…BUT YESTERDAY MY ASS WAS GONE BY 5:30 WHICH THE TIME I LEAVE THAT PLACE…BUT I AM GLAD THAT SHE WAS A B!TCH BECAUSE IT MADE ME SEE THAT I DON’T WANT TO MAKE A LIFE HERE WITH NOEL IN THE BAHAMAS & I REALIZED THAT I HAVE JUST HAVE A JOB THAT DOESN’T OFFER ANY BENEFITS, NO MEDICAL, THAT MAKES ME WORK 8 HOURS A DAY THAT INCLUDES A LUNCH HOUR WHICH THEY DON’T PAY ME FOR…YEAH @ $400.00 A WEEK I LOVE DEALING WITH A B!TCH THAT MAKES $1,200.00 A WEEK THAT CAN MORE THAN MAKE MY ENDS MEET…AIN’T WORKING WITH A B!TCH JUST A JOY?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


About a week ago I saw an ex manager of mine; this particular manager I wrote about in a previous blog entry. So imagine my surprise when I heard a voice call my name and say IF I AM OKAY & HOW COME I DIDN’T ACKNOWLEDGE MY BOY (his lingo NOT mine). Now I let that pass because I thought HEY, HE MUST HAVE BEEN PLAYING A JOKE OR SOMETHING because he had seen me before and we didn’t say ONE word to each other. So now yesterday I am on my way to work, I hear this car horn trying to get my attention and can you guess who it was? YEP HIM! I am like WTF? So I started looking around for the cameras because I know I am about to get PUNKED! With no luck finding the cameras I made my way to work trying to figure out what the hell was up with him. Was he trying to make amends for the way he treated me more than 10 years ago? Was he sorry for firing my ass because I am gay? All I know is that let go that shit years ago (LORD knows it took me a while) but I did it AND here I am…Yet I wonder what series of events lead him to exchange pleasantries with me? Is because his son is gay? Could it be that he has seen the error of his ways? Or could he himself be gay? Whatever his modus operandi I know that I must stay afloat amidst the spin…I am all about forgiveness and stuff like that but I can’t help but sense the NEGATIVITY in his words AND actions. I guess it’s like they say WE ALL RADIATE ENERGY & I DON’T NEED HIS TO BE MESSED UP WITH MINE and though I will wrap myself up in a cocoon of loving AND protective light; I will face the dark when it comes my way. @ the end of it all, I know that he ONLY be who he is and I have to ACCEPT that each of us is allowed to have different perspectives AND opinions…even if it is about MY sexuality…SO WHILE I REAP THE BENEFITS OF WALKING THIS PATH, I HAVE A FEELING THAT HE CAN SEE THAT HOW HE ACTED TOWARDS ME IN THE PAST DID NOT BREAK ME. I FREED MYSELF FROM TRYING TO TWIST INTO SHAPES THAT’LL FIT THE SPACES HE NEEDS FILLED & I KNOW THAT I AM A BETTER MAN FOR IT.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


When I am close friends with someone, I intuitively know when they need a hug, a helping hand, or a sympathetic ear. Likewise, when I am going through bleak periods in my life, I count on friends to support me through LOSS, HEART ACHE and OTHER SETBACKS, both big AND small. And while part of being a good friend means being there when the other person needs me, I find that is JUST as important for them to be there for me. After all, who else would my friends want to celebrate their PROMOTIONS, GRADUATIONS, MARRIAGES and GOOD NEWS with? As of late I have found myself NOT wanting to be there for my friends because our relationship is NOT equal. They’ve become SO busy with their own lives that they can’t simply make the time to pick a phone to call and say, I AM JUST CALLING BECAUSE…How can people get SO fixated on their happiness that they forget who was there when they were sad? I know that being a GOOD friend is more than me being there for my friends during the bad times, I know that there is SO much more…@ least I am on the right track…LIFE IS EMPTY WITHOUT SOMEONE TO SHARE IT WITH, & I AM OF THE OPINION THAT IF YOU CAN’T COUNT ON FRIENDS THEN WHO CAN YOU COUNT ON? AFTER ALL, IT IS THE PEOPLE WE CHERISH THAT WE WANT AROUND US TO SING @ OUR EARTH~DAYS, VISIT OUR NEWBORN BABIES & RAISE A GLASS TO TOAST EACH MILESTONE. I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT IS THE FIRST CHRISTMAS THAT I WON’T BE HOSTING ANY EVENTS FOR MY FRIENDS. FOR SOME ODD REASON I DON’T THINK THEY HONOR THE ENERGY THAT IS BEING CREATED DURING SUCH A JOYOUS TIME OF THE YEAR. WE ARE SUPPOSED TO CELEBRATE EACH OTHER, RELISH IN OUR HAPPINESS & ENRICH OUR FRIENDSHIPS…I GUESS THAT IS ALL WISHFUL THINKING…TOO BAD I AM JUST A FAIR WEATHER FRIEND…

Monday, November 17, 2008


MAYBE…we were supposed to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that, when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

MAYBE…when the door of happiness closes, another opens; but, often times, we look so long at the closed door that we don't even see the new one which has been opened for us.

MAYBE…it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

MAYBE…the happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

MAYBE…the brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; after all, you can't go on successfully in life until you let go of your past mistakes, failures and heartaches.

MAYBE…you should dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go, be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you dream of, and want to do.

MAYBE…there are moments in life when you miss someone -- a parent, a spouse, a friend, a child -- so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real, so that once they are around you appreciate them more.

MAYBE…the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

MAYBE…you should always try to put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that something could hurt you, it probably will hurt the other person, too.

MAYBE…you should do something nice for someone every single day, even if it is simply to leave them alone.

MAYBE…giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but, if it doesn't, be
content that it grew in yours.

MAYBE…happiness waits for all those who cry, all those who hurt, all those who have searched, and all those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of all the
people who have touched their lives.

MAYBE…you shouldn't go for looks; they can deceive; don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark
day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

MAYBE…you should hope for enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy

MAYBE…you should try to live your life to the fullest because when you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling but when you die, you can be the one who
is smiling and everyone around you crying.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


Wasn’t there a time when the world was a safe place? Can you remember what it was like to have day that is SUNNY and CLEAN WITHOUT A CLOUD IN SIGHT? EVERYDAY you turn on the news you hear of bad things happening to someone out there. So many of us aren’t BOUNCING ALONG, LIGHT IN SPIRIT, FREE FROM WORRIES and ENJOYING THE MOMENTS AS THEY PASS BY. Dear Lord I know that the DARK days are just as much a part of life as are the days you GRACED with sunshine; and I don’t mean to put questions towards you but I can’t help myself. See my FAMILY, FRIENDS, BROTHERS and SISTERS are HURTING. Things are getting worst by the second, our faith is waning and I know that you are just showing us a DIFFERENT perspective of our world but…They say a rainy day helps to clear the air, washing away stagnation; but what do we do when stagnation bleed our hearts N’ souls? It is SO hard to NOT to feel doom N’ gloom OR feel afraid when the dark clouds are hovering over us. As of late the roller coaster ride of life has been filled with a lot LOWS, TWISTS and TURNS. Even for someone like myself who enjoy the occasional thrill find it a bit frightening to suddenly find the world heading for a deep plunge…I guess all we can do is EMBRACE the unpredictability that is due to come our way AND pray for the best. I know that the KEY is accept what is happening AND let go of our ORIGINAL expectations but times are HARD…I GET THAT WE FEEL ASLEEP @ THE WHEEL & GOT IT STUCK IN OUR HEADS THAT LIFE SHOULD GO ACCORDING TO OUR PLANS BUT…I CAN’T HELP BUT THINK ABOUT ALL THE MEN, WOMEN & CHILDREN THAT WILL BE HURT BECAUSE OF THE STATE OF THE WORLD…I GET THAT THE CHAOS IN THE WORLD IS A GIFT IN & OF ITSELF & I AM SURE THAT THE NEXT TIME A CURVE BALL COMES OUR WAY, WE’LL TAKE A DEEP BREATHE, SAY THANK YOU & OPEN MIND N’ HEART TO THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO BACK TO THE BASIC WAY OF LIVING…BUT UNTIL THAT TIME COMES, CAN YOU LET ME KNOW WHEN?

Saturday, November 15, 2008



TOMORROW (A BETTER YOU, A BETTER ME) is the title of a number-one R&B single by Quincy Jones featuring Tevin Campbell. The hit song spent one week at number-one on the US R&B chart, oddly the song only peaked at number 75 on the US pop chart. It was Campbell's first #1 R&B single and first single to enter the Billboard Hot 100. I LOVE THIS SONG!!! This is Mr. Campbell @ his finest, this song tugs @ the heart strings of the listener and doesn’t let go until it is done. I chose this song today because I feel that the world needs to be reminded that there is a tomorrow…however, it started YESTERDAY so we have catching up to do…

Friday, November 14, 2008


WHERE DID YOU CLUBBING? WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED? WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY KIDS?! These are but a few of the questions that were put forth to me since I’ve started my employment @ my job a little over a month ago….I GUESS I AM A CELEBRITY AFTER ALL…Maybe NOT, but I always find it amazing how celebrities can fake a smile and wave @ the cameras while their lives are being invaded. They stand there while they are being grilled and hope that they put a positive spin on things…So when the cameras are on a NON- like me and the paparazzi are trying to get the scoop, it would be laughable if it weren’t SO irritating. I wonder if I should blame myself considering when asked if I am married I said that I will be in matter of time. I guess my saying that was the ONLY thing preventing them from concluding their suspicions. SERVES THE NOSEY F&CKERS RIGHT?! Why are they THAT interested in what I do with MY dick N’ ass? It ain’t going near you so…In overall scheme of things I don’t care to give them information about MY sexuality because I am sure they’ll try to reduce me to another gay man that wants to be a woman. Which I find quite funny since my co-worker thinks that a PRETTY BOY is someone NOT to date because she may come home and find him in HER undies…Mis-education is but a sad thing and I HATE to think this let alone write it, but living on a small will cause some persons to have small minds. So I’ve decided that when I asked WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED? I am simply going to say DO YOU HAVE SOME RICH WOMAN FOR ME TO TAKE ON THAT EXPENSE? And when I get the WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY KIDS? I will smile AND say, THAT REQUIRES A LOT OF PATIENCE & AM I RUNNING OF IT DEALING WITH YOU. BUT ALL IN ALL I FIND IT INTERESTING TO SAY THE LEAST THAT THE PERSONS MOSTLY CONCERNED ABOUT MY SEXUALITY ARE THE WOMEN!!! THIS IS SAD BECAUSE I AM IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM IN COMPETITION WITH THEM. I DON’T DESIRE TO BE THEM OR DATE THEIR PARTNERS. LORD KNOWS WE HAVE A LOT GAY MEN RUNNING AROUND THIS ISLAND…I GUESS ONE DAY I’LL OPEN THE DOOR FOR THEM, SHOW THEM HOW A MAN SHOULD TREAT A LADY…LORD KNOWS THAT THE CULTURE THEY SET FOR US GAY MEN IS SO LEFT OF THE MIDDLE THAT IT MAKES ME PITY THEM BECAUSE IT SEEMS IF A MAN ISN’T BEATING, CHEATING OR LYING TO THEM SOMETHING HAS TO BE WRONG…

Thursday, November 13, 2008


A few weeks ago I was @ one of our local banks and while sitting and waiting to served, I couldn’t help but overhear a group women enjoy themselves a GREAT laugh. It was SO funny that they kept on repeating the conversation and laughing uncontrollably and when the laughing stopped I came to realize that they were actually mimicking a co-worker of theirs who is actually gay. What amazed me is that that they kept calling his name, imitating him in such a feminine fashion not knowing that I know of the gentleman that was the butt of their jokes. This made me see how AND why SO many GAY have such an ambivalent attitude towards their sexuality. Situations like this shows how gay men privately worry they are somehow deficient in the manliness department, no matter how unfeminine they appear to be. So what is homosexuality anyway? Is it the mere mockery of a group of persons due to a set behavioral characteristic? Is it simply reduced to the sexual activities of the persons involved? Or is it a group of persons that has a one-way ticket to hell? Whatever you choose, it pays to note that NONE of these could ever paint fair picture of who we are. So when I think about how much FUN they were having @ their co-workers expense, I couldn’t help but feel that they are ASSUMING that we SECRETLY want to be women. I wonder if we somehow encourage this type of behavior when we call one another GIRL or SHE? Or is this OUR way of DEFUSING the hate directed toward us? I remember growing up and being taunted with words like SISSY, which imply that I am deficient in the masculinity department. Which brings me to another point; do the images of gay men in the media create this joke where we are the punch line? It is SO easy to over-generalize when it comes to us that I think that people FORGET that we are indeed human. It is SO sad that they wound us AND themselves when they act in this manner. How can society think of masculinity as something that resides outside of they gay man? THIS SITUATION SHOWED ME THAT SOCIETY’S VIEW HAS BECOME TOO NARROW & TOO FOCUSED ON THE PHYSICAL AS WELL THE BEHAVIORAL ASPECTS OF MOST GAY MEN. IT IS MY BELIEF THAT A BROADER SENSE OF WHAT IT MEANT TO BE GAY CAN CULTIVATE WHAT IT MEANS TO BE JUST A MAN…IF ONLY WE COULD STOP LAUGHING LONG TO RECOGNIZE THIS…

Wednesday, November 12, 2008


Lord knows that being GAY is both an anomaly AND comparable to those hungry for every colorful detail they could uncover about who AND what we are. Isn’t it INTERESTING that from the dawn of time to this very day little has changed when it comes HOMOSEXUALS, except the coarseness with which we are discussed? These are some TOUGH times and taking on the job of HOMOSEXUAL can be seen as something suicidal AND deadly. But if we are to survive I feel that there some things WE need to work on before seeking employment in this area of life.
THE OUTRAGEOUS FACTOR…Many of us in seeking to understand ourselves do so in part by seeing who are when it comes to relating to one another. With this device we analyze where we came, where we are AND where we are going. I find that SO many of us spend WAY too much time trying establish the RIGHT base for a relationship that we get all caught up in who is going to be the GIRL in the relationship. Gender roles shouldn’t play any major role if any in the relationship module. Yes there are things that women do differently from men, but that does NOT mean that we should define AND confine ourselves to a set of standards that does NOT suit the core of OUR relationships. So I guess if the core of who are is NOT defined then EVERYTHING else will undoubtedly fall apart…RIGHT? I suppose it is NO surprise that SEX is one if not THE most important thing in most of the lives of HOMOSEXUALS. I get that it is IMPORTANT to have A POSITIVE BODY IMAGE; but what is THE POSITIVE BODY IMAGE FOR US? We rate ourselves so harshly when it comes to our weight that we force each other to stay within the two-pound weight range that will not reveal us as either anorexic OR a pig in the name of having A KILLER BODY; BUT FOR WHAT REASON? So that we can lust @ each other, throw ourselves about, sharing our sexual energy AND leave with NOTHING? I find it interesting how SO many of us want to age GRACEFULLY, but NEVER get older…I guess being FOREVER young means that you have MORE chances to live life in a continuous time block that is ALL ABOUT GETTING IN, GETTING OFF & GETTING OUT…If only we took OUR jobs SERIOUSLY and make a REAL connection with each other AND make the community what it ought to be.
SURVIVING THE TOUGH TIMES…We all face difficult times. When the storms of life hit, how will they affect YOUR sexuality? What can you do to make sure YOU survive? Sooner OR later most homosexuals will face THE test of their lives: HOMOPHOBIA, UNACCEPTANCE, HATRED & MISUNDERSTANDINGS. Going through tough times can leave an individual feeling closer to being whole, OR it can destroy them COMPLETELY. The key to helping you survive through tough times is to make sure that you are strong AND firm within yourself before hard times strike. I find that during tough times we OFTEN do things that tend to undermine who we are SPIRITUALLY, MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY; and it is in these times when who we are matters most. I find that it if we keep life in perspective AND distinguish our fact from fiction things would be quite fine. So many of TALK about LIVING a NORMAL life while EVERY aspect of it is being scrutinized AND downgraded. It is SO sad how most of us try to maintain this DEEP GRATITUDE for everything while EXPRESSING OPINIONS ABOUT NOTHING. KINDA SAD DON’T CHA THINK? IN ORDER FOR US SURVIVE TOUGH TIMES, WE NEED TO FEEL APPRECIATIVE FOR THE EXTRA~ORDINARY LIFE THAT GOD HAS GIVEN US. IT IS MY HOPE N’ BELIEF THAT IF WE ADHERE TO THIS NOTION WE WILL BE EXTREMELY SUCCESSFUL @ THE JOB OF BEING A HOMOSEXUAL.












Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Heterosexual couples do not grapple with issues about roles, finances, ownerships, and social obligations in the same way as gay men do. The heterosexual couple that was concerned about acceptance by their mutual families was exceptional, whereas this was the rule for homosexual couples.... Heterosexual couples lived with some expectation that their relationships were to last UNTIL DEATH DO US PART, whereas gay couples wondered if their relationships could survive. Heterosexual couples have a wide variety of models for their partnerships -- Adam and Eve, Romeo and Juliet, just to name a few. Gay men have only the same heterosexual models, including their own families, which they may try to emulate but find unsuitable…SO HERE ARE 6 STAGES OF A GAY RELATIONSHIP FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE…

BLENDING – STAGE 1 – YEAR 1 – This first stage in a couple's development entails the UNIFICATION of the couple into a single unit. Each is very happy to have the other and to no longer feel isolated and alone. The couple spends most all their time together, experiences high limerence (romantic love), show high sexual activity, and attempt to equalize the relationship. This equalization process serves to help the couple negotiate responsibilities, rules, mutual goals, individual strengths and weaknesses.... It can be a very difficult time for couples, in that the two members of the couple are socialized in very similar ways. Males are supposed to be decision makers, bread winners, and dominant. Two men may have a hard time giving up control, negotiating responsibilities, learning to rely on and support each other, and being able to show each other their strengths as well as weaknesses.
NESTING – STAGE 2 – YEARS 2 & 3 – This second stage is characterized by homemaking, finding compatibility, declining limerence, and ambivalence. Homemaking serves to represent their commitment to each other. Finding compatibility requires accepting and learning to live with each other's differences, personality styles, needs, and goals. Issues of control, power, autonomy etc. can play an especially important role at this point. The loss of limerence (or the "end of the honeymoon") can result in a more realistic view of the relationship and can cause a weakening of the relationship or of the members' commitment to the relationship. This may result in some ambivalence, depression, or jealousy. Internalized homophobia, models about how relationships develop, isolation from role models, ideas about how couples act, what couples should do and not do... all come into play here.
MAINTAINING – STAGE 3 – YEARS 4 & 5 – This stage is characterized by the re-emergence of the individual, establishing traditions and customs, dealing with conflict, and taking risks. The members of the couple may re-assert their individual needs and deal with the conflicts that will result. The couple does not have the traditions provided by dating, engagement, marriage, and religion, and has to develop their own. They may settle into traditions around holidays, may wear rings, may deal with the issue of monogamy ... and increase the stability of the couple. Each member may express interest in new activities or hobbies that do not include the other, make friends outside the couple without the other, and make career changes or development. Each member may take risks by expressing something that they dislike about the other. This involves the risk of hurting the other, losing the relationship, and of admitting that one is not everything to one's spouse. The couple learns also to deal with disagreement, conflict, problems, and "standing differences of opinion."
BUILDING – STAGE 4 – YEARS 6 THROUGH 10 – This stage is characterized by the settling of the last stage and the feeling of DEPENDABILITY. The couple establishes the independence of the individual partners, but also reaches a new balance of dependence/ independence. They are now able to collaborate towards newer goals and desires, such as career building or pooled financial ventures. One partner who did the cooking for several years may turn the job over to the other partner and go back to school. This stage may also be marked by a comfortable complementarity, a decreased need to process every issue and discuss every decision, and the ability to "know what the other is thinking" in a conversation. This may also be detrimental if the communication process breaks down or if members make unwarranted assumptions about the relationship.
RELEASING – STAGE 5 – YEARS 10 THROUGH 20 – In this stage the couple trust each other completely, after realizing who they are and who the other person is. There is no desire to CHANGE the other one. Close friendship and companionship are the main characteristics of this stage, as well as higher relationship quality. Money and resources are no longer shared so much as they are simply owned by both. Each member gives themselves freely to the other. The couple may however, begin to find life with each other as boring. They may begin to take each other for granted, may sleep apart, may find little pleasure in their accomplishments, and the individual members may experience the "mid-life crisis." However, after resolving this stage, the couple may move into the next stage.
RENEWING – STAGE 6 – This could be called THE RETIREMENT stage of the relationship. The couple has achieved adequate financial security and now has time for each other. As they move toward OLD AGE together issues of health may become important. Each individual may be concerned with his own health as well as the health of the other. Old friends may die at this stage as well. Issues of productivity, accomplishment, and meaning in life may become important.