I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Saturday, January 31, 2009


So I watched the THE NOTORIOUS B. I. G. movie yesterday and I have to say that it isn’t bad @ all. It was nice reliving the tale of man that rose from poverty to stardom. The movie showed us how the women in BIGGIE’S life saw him and what he meant to them. I would like to say that though FAITH EVANS married BIGGIE rather quickly, I think that there REAL genuine love between them…the sad thing is that other women lurked in the shadows…Which brings me to LIL KIM, I know there are persons out there that would feel that her character was portrayed as some gold digger but I think the movie showed her as a woman that wanted a man that couldn’t commit to her. In the end the movie showed us how BIGGIE must have known his end was near as he made phone calls to his mother, faith and lil kim. So I hope you enjoy the THROW BACK VIDEOS I posted today and go see the movie or in my case watch the bootleg…this is recession people…

Friday, January 30, 2009


Out of all the entries in this series, I’ve been concerned about the sex aspect of the community more than anything else. It is a KNOWN fact that a little sex just isn't enough for GAY men anymore. We are drifting into anonymous encounters AND losing ourselves in various sex partners completely obliterate our identities. We are no longer ourselves AND it makes me wonder: If this is our goal, how much do we really hate ourselves? However playing my role in this game, I’ve come to realize that the body doesn’t lie, and it has much wisdom to share with us. Nonetheless, we are NOT listening…We allow the CONSTANT bombardment of hard edged muscle boy image to transform us into the SEX-CRAZED men we are today. If only we were hard-wired differently…wait we are…The part of our subconscious that makes our bodies react to SEX need NOT be THE mystery of our sexuality. So with HOMOSEXUALITY being a complex interaction of SOCIAL EDUCATION, CULTURAL INTERACTION, UNDERSTANDING OF SELF, DESIRE and FEAR, shouldn’t we SEEK to do more than just FUCK each other? When are we going to REALIZE that SEX isn’t about getting off, it’s about being man enough to make HIS pleasure your own for a lifetime. It breaks my heart to see that OUR worth is tied to the act of sex itself; and we NEED to STOP using each other like this. We MUST STOP dehumanizing each other AND STOP trying to link our souls to another through a few minutes of pleasure…How can we TRULY embrace ourselves if we ONLY know how to get another man off, but don’t know anything about him? Moreover, does it even matter? This sex thing is such a CELEBRATORY CONQUEST that INEVITABLY takes us right back to who AND what we were…A BUNCH OF GAY MEN THAT ARE LOST & ARE DOING EVERYTHING POSSIBLE NOT TO FIND THEIR WAY…Why work SO hard to prove the world RIGHT? Why the obsession with slaying some ass OR bouncing on some dick @ the expense of the community? ANAL SEX ISN’T THE BE ALL & END ALL OF OUR IDENTITY…& THIS IS MY CALL FOR MY FELLOW GAY MEN TO STOP FUCKING EACH OTHER BY FUCKING EACH OTHER. IF THE WORLD IS GOING TO ACCEPT US IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM, WE NEED TO ACCEPT OURSELVES, & SEX IS NOT THE WAYI CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER IF WHEN WE BRUSH UP AGAINST EACH OTHER’S PROSTATE IF WE ARE MOANING & GROANING DUE TO PLEASURE OR INNATE SHAME? FROM THE OTHER ENTRIES IN THIS SERIES, I SEE THAT WE GOT THE BALL ROLLING. THE THINGS THAT NEEDED OUR ATTENTION ARE OUT THERE, IT IS UP TO US SEE THEM IF WE ARE EVER GOING TO BE READY TO MALE…

Thursday, January 29, 2009


Each living being is dependent upon other living things for its survival. When we look at the world, we see that this is not a place where different beings survive independently of one another. Earth is home to a web of living things that are connected to each other through a spinning kaleidoscope of relationships. We need each other to survive and thrive; yet we DESTROY each other with no reservation. So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that we GAY men have this HATE program going on with each other. We carry this DESTRUCTIVE baggage from boyhood all the way into manhood. When are we going to learn that it is HARD to BUILD a community when we are TOO busy separating ourselves? Demean the men among us who are the salt of this earth because we SUPERFICIALLY allow the world to force us to DEFINE what a GAY man is…And so we all have this sort of FUCKED up idea of what masculinity really is. But isn’t it our DIVERSITY that makes us the most powerful and feared people on this planet? We are constantly bombarded with images of the TYPICAL HOMOSEXUAL…The lavish uncaring frivolous queen with 6” pumps, bag, wig AND makeup to match has the community running scared…I wonder who are the sissies now? YES there is a difference between masculine AND feminine traits; however aren’t they all just learnt behavior? Because of this muddled notion, we have a line drawn in the sand of the community that seemingly says, IT US VS. THEM! How ridiculous is that? NO matter how hard we try to separate ourselves, the world @ large STILL sees all of us as a COMPLETE waste of men who need to get their acts together. I for one agree with this notion half of the way because this has spilled over into our bedrooms furthering the divide…LET ME NOT GET STARTED ON THE ASININE SEX-ROLE SUPREMACY/POSITIONING FAD…ON SECOND THOUGHT I THINK I SHOULD…When I think about my sexual past, there is a rainbow tribe of diverse lovers smiling back. Some would be deemed feminine, others masculine AND some in between. I can say that I’ve had some surprising times with persons from each spectrum of the GAY community. I know that we all  have PREFERENCES when it comes to choosing a male for relationships OR sex, but do we have to act as if we are accused of molestation when propositioned OR questioned about someone that isn’t our cup of tea? Why do we treat this person as if he has the plague? OBVIOUSLY there is something DEEPER going on here. Discrimination, particularly INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA is a loaded word and NO matter what side of the line you are on, the SCARS last for a long time. This has been THRIVING in OUR community DESTROYING us one male @ a time and I feel that it is time that we STOP this performance…If we are to change the game, we have to change how we play it…We NEED to cleanse out the old programming AND become that centered GAY man GOD intended us to be. I know that it’ll take SACRIFICE beyond what most are willing to put forth, but what do we have to lose? Things can’t possible get any worse than they are now…

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Can someone tell me why SO many GAY men B!TCH about this thing call LOVE? GAY MEN…Aren’t you TIRED of saying; I AM NOT USE TO BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO TRULY WANTS TO BE WITH ME? Or THIS LOVE THING IS NOT FAMILIAR TO ME? LORD KNOWS I AM TIRED OF HEARING IT! And until the GAY man heals himself, there is NO LOVE to be had…SO many of us say we want LOVE, but we don’t want to take the risk of actually FEELING something for another man. Funny how our lips say it, yet our hearts AND brains REFUSE to accept it. Then we do EVERYTHING possible to mess things up because we don’t know HOW TO MALE. When does the cycle stop? When will we get it? When will we learn HOW TO MALE? Isn’t time we STOP the pity-party and do away with those feelings of inadequacy and STOP playing around with this thing called LOVE? I’ve found that for me to LOVE a man and have him LOVE me in return, I MUST take a stand AND know that I am worthy of being LOVED. But in order for us to be able to MALE, we have to live as if there are GOOD men out there starting with the one you see in the mirror…So this means that we have to get past the six pack OR the dick size of a man to even THINK about finding a loving relationship. I understand sex is GOOD and all that, but does it not get old and tired patrolling for ass? Moreover, when the moment arises to assist the GAY man in getting LOVE, the FIRST thing he wants to know is…HOW DOES HE LOOK? Looks are LOVELY but as Judge Judy so eloquently puts it BEAUTY FADES & DUMB IS FOREVER…Relationships are NOT easy and just wanting to LOVE someone is NOT enough! The DISNEY fairytale we’ve created won’t drop in our laps and just bloom; WE HAVE TO WORK @ IT! For far too long we’ve told ourselves that ENDLESS parade of men that we’ve LOVED and LOST were the problem and NOT ourselves. While others of us obtained a higher degree, a good job, a big house, a fine car, a fit body, and all the other things we seem to hold dear and near to our hearts…but they’ll NEVER bring us closer to the COMMITTED relationship LOVE provides. It goes back to the false-truths of who we are as men AND how we should LOVE each other. Our LOVE is NO more DISTRUSTFUL, ABUSIVE or PROMISCUOUS than our hetero counterparts. So if we continue to LOVE like we do, we will continue to get what we have. In other words, we attract the characteristic that we manifest within ourselves…HOW EASY WE FAIL @ LOVE WHEN WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO MALE…

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE…HOW PROFOUND! Isn’t it AMAZING how regal AND majestic these words are, yet we have a HARD time being TRUE to ourselves? There are those of us who have given our lives to another SO willingly which resulted in us LOSING ourselves in the process. We don’t know WHO we are AND we’ve allowed others to DEFINE us, which has caused us to lose the ability to discover AND grow ourselves inwardly. We NO longer are able to discern a truth from a lie. For many of us, we have accepted lies for so long, that finding out what is true takes time. Having done this very thing, I know how difficult the journey to self-discovery can be. However, I found out that TRUTH is TRUTH and we GAY men are mostly living the NEGATIVE reactions that this shows the world about us. TRUTH is an ACTION word and it CANNOT be ACCEPTED without change. Accepting truth about ourselves is difficult, especially since we’ve been told from birth that the men we become are wired wrong. Despite all of that, TRUTH does set one free if it is allowed to; AND it is a CRUCIAL part of OUR healing. It is a MUST that we give ourselves the FREEDOM to be who we are…It is @ this time when we can come to terms with our weakness without condemnation AND appreciate our strength. So it is imperative that we LIVE OUR TRUTH! It is HONESTY @ the risk of being that VULNERABLE baby all over again…Recently I’ve come to realize that I wasn’t LIVING MY TRUTH. I’ve been putting off this writing this READY TO MALE series because I felt that there wasn’t any hope left for us. However watching Oprah’s LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE SEGMENT the other day and I changed my mind. On this show Oprah was discussing SPIRITUALITY with her guest and it was BEYOND interesting. So imagine my surprise when a GAY man skyped into the show and asked how he can live his best life ever? And it was @ this time that her guest Rev. Ed Bacon said to him that he needs to realize that BEING GAY IS A GIFT FROM GOD. With that said, is it any wonder we don’t know who we are? We have NOT, do NOT, will NOT acknowledge the GIFT that we were given as GAY men on this planet by God…What we have are a bunch of BOYS that are wearing shoes that are WAY TOO big for them. And these BOYS lack the INTELLIGENCE, FOCUS and UNDERSTANDING of what it means to be a male. So is it any wonder that we are then defined by EVERYTHING other than who OR what we TRULY are? CRAZY HUH? We live in an era where we have a VARIETY of semi-achievements; yet we’ve FORGOTTEN how to be vocal AND honest about them (a byproduct of a lost community or the result of deliberate delusion?). Whatever the answers are we need to STOP the DE-EVOLUTION of who are and NOT allow ourselves to swept along by the tide of society like jellyfish get swept to the shore. It is high time that we STOP cradling false HOPE and dwell into REALITY…BEING READY TO MALE IS ALL BEING TRUTHFUL & ACCEPTING ONE’S SEXUALITY…ARE YOU READY NOW?

Monday, January 26, 2009


As of late I’ve been bombarded by gay men seeking my help in finding themselves a man. While this request is flattering, I can’t help but feel deflated because these various men seem to think OR feel that because I am in a relationship, that I’ve somehow…someway found the answers when all I’ve done is taken the steps so that I can be READY TO MALE when Noel came into my life. A few years ago, life saw it fit that I tend MY field AND fill myself from the inside out if I am to find secure the LOVE of just one man for the rest of my life. Over years, I’ve found that finding a good man is good BUT finding a GREAT man is even BETTER! ESPECIALLY if he is worth @ least an ounce of time AND energy, has himself together AND wants a life with another male. However if you AND he are to become we, you need to ensure that you are indeed READY TO MALE…From working on the things we don’t like about ourselves, to the lies we live with EVERYDAY, to shunning of the TRUE concept of LOVE…I feel that we need to create a FIRM foundation AND build a house on solid ground. I would HATE for you to wake up one day and wonder why you're still single AND don’t have any friends or REAL connections? I FIND THAT WE’VE LOST SO MUCH BECAUSE WE DON’T KNOW HOW TO MALE…I suppose that is why the clothes, monies AND parties take center stage, but what about the things you can’t see? Aren’t you tired of being a victim of your own doing? We all know that NO one will reward you for the life you live…ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT! SO AS I WRITE THIS, IT IS MY HOPE THAT THIS BLOG ENTRY & THE OTHERS THAT WILL FOLLOW WILL GIVE US SOME INSIGHT SO WE CAN BEGIN TO TURN THE TABLES & RECOGNIZE THAT THE LITTLE GAY BOY IS INDEED A MAN…A MAN THAT NEEDS TO ACCEPT HIMSELF AS HE IS & MAKE THE BEST OUT OF LIFE

Sunday, January 25, 2009


During each of our journey on this planet, we often have to confront AND deal with deeds AND actions that @ the time they were born, made our lives a LIVING hell. However, I am of the opinion that those person(s) are NOTHING more than human angels, individuals designated by the universe to show us that we have choices and if their actions affect us in a negative manner then we can ONLY grow from it. As I reflect on my past I see how frustrated AND confusing, not to mention maddening my life was due to those that were a part of it. MANY days I was angry because I felt like I had NO one in my corner; but as I think about things I am GLAD that the first man that I dated was SO crazy and possessive. Though he NEVER hurt or intimidate me, I can say that he kept me from dating OR experiencing life with the scores of GAY men that came sniffing my way. From a deeper divine perspective, dealing with the things he did were an important teacher AND indicator that I am making progress on my path. Being able to remain centered and awake even when he made my life uncomfortable is much more impressive and made me the man I am today. I could very EASILY sit here and fume about the past, but that would mean that I haven’t grown. However behaving is such a manner diminishes the blessings that are bestowed upon life today. Hence I find that the more we try to eliminate annoyances, instead of being THANKFUL for them, the further we get from developing the qualities that come with spiritual growth, such as patience, tolerance AND acceptance. It is often in the presence of people and experiences we find annoying that we have an opportunity to develop these qualities. Fortunately for most of us, our lives offer an abundance of opportunities to practice and cultivate these traits. I find that it is SO easy for us to take the curse AND leave the blessings behind. It is VITALLY important for us to acknowledge their input be it good OR bad and do away with that cosmic void that exists in our lives. The journey of life is a spiritual event that mostly finds us trying to figure out the whats AND whys. And we live thinking that NO one is coming to the rescue, when in fact someone indeed has. If only we could STOP panicking and realize that the bad things happened because we needed to see that life is SO much more than we live…AND IT IS ONLY THEN WE CAN BE ABLE TO FLOAT WITH A KIND OF SLOW-MOTION KNOWING THAT WE ARE MEANT FOR SO MUCH MORE. THIS SLOW BLUE KIND OF BALLET LIFE HAS US DANCING TO, FEELS LIKE A BETRAYAL AS THE GOOD TIMES ARE SNATCHED AWAY FROM US. & NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE TRY TO CONTROL OUR CIRCUMSTANCES, THE FACTORS & PEOPLE CANNOT BE MANAGED. EVEN THOUGH WE CANNOT SEE THE GIFT IN SOMEONE/SOMETHING INTERRUPTING OUR LIVES, IT PAYS TO BE THANKFUL THAT THEY DID…

Saturday, January 24, 2009


KISS FROM A ROSE is a song from Seal's second eponymous album Seal (aka Seal II). The song was first released as a single in July 1994. Re-released in 1995, it was included on the Batman Forever film soundtrack, helping it top the charts in the U.S. and Australia. Mere words cannot begin to describe how much I LOVE this song. This man has such grace and he knows how to deliver a ballad like no other can. This song maybe a few years old but it resonates with my soul like I am hearing it for the first time…

Friday, January 23, 2009


Please, find a comfy spot and pay attention…this may be a long one…Who among us finds it strange that we ACCEPT the legitimacy of the CORPORATE world AND don't question their right to exist? I live in a country that has operated on a daily basis with NO real direction, NO real plans in place and NO feeling or compassion when it comes to the workers they step on. Thomas Paine puts it this way, ‘a long habit of not thinking a thing wrong, gives it a superficial appearance of being right, and raises at first formidable outcry in defense of custom.’ CORPORATIONS are like ROYALTY in that they demand and receive tribute from their subjects in the form of corporate welfare. Like royalty, corporations get to pass on their titles, thereby attaining a degree of immortality. As time passes, wealth becomes more and more concentrated in corporate hands to the point where eventually they will have it all and the rest us will have NOTHING! KINDA MAKES ONE WONDER WHO ACTUALLY LIVES IN A DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY? Moreover, I wonder what are the alternatives? The fact that I have to ask such a rhetorical question means that we MUST transform our own conditioned thinking from that of PROGRAMMED WORKER into LIBERATED CITIZEN. I feel that we need to take a page from the play book of corporations who have spent way too much time consolidating their power AND filling themselves with meaningful democratic control AND turn it on them. We need to remove the myth that because they wrote the rules, we need to accept things as they are simply as our harsh reality. We KNOW that the struggle for equality is difficult because of the apparent overwhelming power of those who think they have it; but it is US who give it to them. And by his yardstick, man is an abject failure; he is a divider, NOT a uniter. Hence is there ANY reason for me to think that I am ignorant for believing that DAUNTING array of economic failures confronting the world today TRULY exists because of CORPORATE greed? Is it crazy of me to think that this particular cancer which has been GROWING EXPONENTIALLY for as long as I’ve been alive is @ the core of many of our nation's economic ills? Is it sad that we as the worker bees just go along with the flow? From the dawn of time, we’ve lived in a world where the privileged few took advantage of the many AND earned roughly 20 times as much as the average employee. And it is time that this narrow single-mindedness that has taken the world down a very bad path comes to an end. The disparity in compensation today is an ethical embarrassment, and I am sure that most of the kings AND queens are NOT feeling much of a pinch. Isn’t it weird how they created this dilemma but now sit back and say they were preparing for a rainy day such as this? My heart cries out as the ills of such a broken system ripple through so many of our lives. Isn’t it UNTHINKABLE that a company that's earning money cutbacks just so they can earn another $12 million or $20 million or $40 million in profit? Mean while the petty workers are surrounded by cubicle walls and don't know how to get out…FUCK THE CORPORATE ROYALTY!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


As of late I can’t but feel that my life would somehow be better living in this country if I were a man that is TYPICAL & DUMB. I wouldn’t have anything to worry about; I could just be another below average male living in a society that strives hard to keep him down while I just let it happen. Who cares about being able to live while they are alive? What is the purpose? For as long as I can remember life has urged me to seek more because the small changes that are available to me cannot alleviate the stagnancy OR frustration I feel. They say that EVERYTHING I WOULD NEED FOR SUCCESS LIES WITHIN ME BUT…For me way too many times that I care to count life’s debris has accumulated, building layers around me making it difficult to breathe. And all I can do is be still, don’t move, keep the faith AND hold onto the belief that all this is but a test AND I will come out feeling like a stronger AND better man. Every molecule in my body is telling me that I am on the path; yet life feels like it has betrayed me. Constantly I being told if you were a TYPICAL & DUMB man you would somehow…someway get by…I feel like no matter what choices I make I am committing self-sabotage, being placed between a rock AND a hard place. If only forgetting about my dreams meant that I wouldn’t risk failureAH WELL….Pity I am someone who seeks to satisfy his soul by expanding himself beyond the furthest borders of what my life has been so farMAYBE I SHOULD LOOK INTO BECOMING A TYPICAL & DUMB MAN

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


…Living this life, taking chances to make me count for something so that I can make a difference in the lives of others; yet I can’t help but wonder if my deeds were pointless…wasteful because I am here fighting this battle with NO aid from those that I knew before. I suppose it is MY fault really, because I chose to respond to the deficiencies I saw around me in the lives of persons that needed me. Wonder why I am ALWAYS left holding the bag, dealing with the mess they left while they carry on with life? I don’t hate being the one that chose to help, but sometimes I can’t help but think how easy it is to look @ their circumstances AND decide it is better not to get involved. It is sad to realize that I was embraced for what I could give, but when it comes time to return the gesture…Serves me right I suppose. I mean who OR what told me to be this go-to-guy, the one that will help because you are in need? I’ve come to realize that I belong to a particular soul group that’s born knowing their purpose in life. I feel like an animal that spent his day foraging for food, taking care of myself and pack while creating a home. I get that we are flawed, but I can’t help but wonder if this just an excuse to be selfish? They say PURPOSE GIVES OUR LIFE MEANING; and as UNIQUE as I am, I can’t help feel that I am here for all the wrong the reasons trying NOT to scrape by in this game called life…Would life have me assume that since you didn’t call to see if I am okay, I can take to mean that you have @ least thought about me? Do you even wish that you could share the ups AND downs in my life with me? Do you remember the man I am? The way I feel about life? IF YOU KNOW COME FIND ME…HERE I AM…

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Have you ever noticed how things in life play out? We are born, then we die AND in between we live while allowing the mysteries of HOW and WHEN to consume us. I, like the next man HATE when BAD things happen in this world, but I constantly remind myself that such things are a part of GOD’S PLAN. Though we feel tired AND overwhelmed by the pressures of life, we must try our hardest to remain HOPEFUL that things will play themselves out in a POSITIVE manner. For me to keep my HOPE IN GOD’S PLAN, I ANCHOR myself to the belief that God knows my needs AND wants and it is just a matter of HIS time when I will come to a better place in my journey. It is all about NOT trying to figure out the next moment as it will come AND know that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. It is when we do NOT anchor ourselves to GOD’S PLAN that we end up feeling disappointed. So many of us end up giving up on our dreams and just settle where we are when we are meant for so much more. When we purposefully cut ourselves off from this flow and from the embrace of GOD’S PLAN, we avoid dealing with life AND shun the necessary steps for growth AND thus prevent good things from happening to us. So why live as a SLEEPWALKER who is NOT fully awake to life? Isn’t it time that we REAFFIRM OUR HOPE IN GOD’S PLAN FOR THAT IS THE ONLY THING THAT’LL GROUND & KEEP US? I AM TIRED OF LIVING AMONG MEN & WOMEN WHOSE SENSE OF PURPOSE & THE ABILITY TO COPE DOES NOT EXIST. ISN’T IT TIRING FEELING EMPTY WITH A DEEP SENSE OF LONGING WHILE FEELING UNWORTHY OF LOVE? WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO ADAPT & THRIVE IN LIFE AS LONG AS WE KEEP BELIEVING…I KNOW THAT I WAS CREATED TO LIVE IN VICTORY & RISE ABOVE THE ILLS OF THIS WORLD, IS THERE ANYONE ELSE OUT THAT HAS THE FAITH TO KEEP THE HOPE IN GOD’S PLAN?

Saturday, January 17, 2009


FROZEN was a radical change for Madonna. The darker electronic undertones, eastern strings arranged by Craig Armstrong, a touch of Middle Eastern percussion in the opening and her new vocal range were all previously unexplored territory for her. The song was a huge success and is praised as being one of her best songs. Its success worldwide also marks it as one of Madonna's biggest hits ever. FROZEN also marked the beginning of the Ray of Light era and once again displayed why Madonna is still in the music business today

Friday, January 16, 2009


 Isn’t it sad how we allow our lives to become infected by FEAR? Fear has spread to the VERY existence of life and it has taken over; but how does one pick up the pieces? YESTERDAY, I took a difficult stand to define, name, create for AND speak for myself. YESTERDAY, I chose to exist AND fill the hole of my existence. YESTERDAY, I filled the missing role in this world and laid my eyes on my boss (the B!TCH) for the last AND final time…I was presented with an ultimatum, a choice AND like one of my favorite movies tells, THE CHOICES IN LIFE HAVE ALREADY BEEN MADE, WE ARE ONLY HERE TO UNDERSTAND IT. So I write this blog entry with clarity AND confidence for I have faced the most difficult situation of my life and I decided to take the path that offered life OVER certain death. The B!TCH decided that I wasn’t working out, I am not doing what I should AND she wanted to place me back on probation…I signed the letter after much debate where I realized that she has a PERSONAL problem with me and NO matter  what I do/say I will FOREVER be wrong. So when I returned from lunch I typed up my resignation letter and handed it to her, it was interesting to see her almost come to tears as she try to explain to me that she did this for my own good, but I thought to myself…if this is for my own good and I am SO incapable of performing on the job, HOW IS THAT I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THE COMPANY THAT IS WORKING ON THE NEW SYSTEM THAT WAS JUST PURCHASED? If I am SO dumb why keep me on? It is obvious to me that she knows NOTHING about the system since I was the one that created EVERY single bit of information that’s in it (light bulb) that ONLY could  mean that she wanted me to finish what she can’t and when I am done with that then what? As I reflect on our meeting I can’t help but hear her say how TEDIOUS THE TASK WAS & THAT SHE WON’T HOLD THAT AGAINST ME…yet you are basically firing me? I wasn’t born this size AND I maybe a black man, but I am NOT a dumb black man. She is much like the others that came to do battle by trying to hold me hostage AND I did NOT give her my soul…I don’t know what lies ahead AND I know the problems that are going on in the world right now, but I cannot allow that to keep me prisoner in a place that seems to think that I am begging for money when I am putting up with their shit AND performing @ a company that has NO structure OR vision. When I think of the times I closed my eyes on many occasions AND just took whatever because I needed the money. Leaving me only to wonder, what does this cost my soul? Isn’t there a time when enough is enough AND too much becomes too much? I have worked long enough for me to realize that it doesn’t pay to sell yourself so that others can rape AND steal your future. That’s why the world is in the state it is @ the moment AND though many will keep this energy in motion, I’ve decided that MY LIFE…MY FUTURE…MY UNIQUENESS is a gift given to me AND it is my responsibility to see that I play a role in my life rather than have persons like her constantly calling the shots…YESTERDAY I…

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Lost in my private world of thought
Can you accept my contemplative mood?
I am merely experiencing the world
Through inner thoughts N’ choices…
Interpreting what the senses are telling me.

Doing my part for creation and manifestation,
Never realizing how much power I have.
If only I could trace myself back to life,
A life once simple.
Can you save me?


Who can give me permission to linger in this world?
This is the birthplace of my future
Where I’ve built myself upon past experiences,
Is that foolish of me?
I need to take the time to reflect upon what I’ve taught the world…

Did I germinate?
Did I take root and manifest myself in life?
Did I nurture LOVE with attention?
Did I make choices that bring me to reality?
Did he manifest himself through me?
The shared energy that passes between…
Sustains N’ uplifts my spirits,
Allowing us to maintain a firm mindset
That goes beyond this world and the next.
If only you could see you JUST LIKE ME…
tgk ©

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Do you know what kind of lesbian you are? Did you know there were different varieties of lesbian? Some people take these labels pretty seriously. Others like to joke about them. Here are the three most common lesbian terms:

A BUTCH – is a woman who is strongly masculine in character and dress, who tops her partners sexually (and sometimes emotionally), and who does not wish to be touched genitally. Not all stone butches identify in female terms, some are known to identify with male pronouns, and many stone butches do not identify themselves with lesbian or within the lesbian community. A common partner for a stone butch is a Femme. Butches are very diverse in emotion and sexual expression.


is a woman who exhibits some stereotypical butch lesbian traits without fitting the masculine stereotype associated with butch lesbians. These traits may or may not include short hair, clothing that was designed for men, and masculine mannerisms and behaviors. Soft butches generally appear androgynous, rather than adhering to strictly feminine or masculine norms. In the spectrum of gender expression among lesbians, a soft butch lies closer to a butch lesbian than to a lipstick lesbian.

A FEMME – is a woman that society considers to be a TYPICAL woman—a feminine woman in appearance and behavior. Though @ times she can be seen as AGGRESSIVE, she is still LADYLIKE in persona. She is normally the one that bottoms sexually and does not wish to touch the genitals of her BUTCH partner.

Monday, January 12, 2009


Today @ work I accidently walk in on my boss on the bathroom...I think she was doing No. 3 (a piss and dropping the kids off @ the pool)...anyways you should have seen the look of HORROR on her face...serves her right for being such a B!TCH.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


As most of strive for GROWTH in the New Year, we will come to find that it is NOT easy. Indeed, many of life’s lessons can be painful OR difficult. Yet, such challenges are often the ones that present the most opportunity for SPIRITUAL growth. This initiation for growth will come in many forms. A job we don’t want to spend another day at, a broken heart that feels as if it will never heal, or a long and painful illness. How about the challenges that can be just as scary because we are being called to step up to the plate in ways that we may think we are not yet ready for…overcoming our fears in order to realize a lifelong dream, leaving behind a situation OR people in our life that we may have outgrown, or moving across the world for our dream job OR life partner. This year will test us unlike any other we’ve encountered in our past. Undoubtedly most of us will feel UNCOMFORTABLE, FRIGHTENED and UNSURE of what to do. However, I believe that God does NOT give us more than we can bear AND he is ONLY seeking to encourage us to grow. As we experience our share of GROWING PAINS this year, all we need to do is put one foot in front of the other, as we work through the challenges of life. This year we maybe asked to let go of OLD safety measures, shift OLD patterns of behavior, OR step into the abyss of the unknown. When we do rise to the occasion, we end up better off for having made that journey. Not only do we end up learning and growing, but we inevitably become more compassionate to the challenges of others and wiser in the ways of the world. Our faith in the universe also grows because, ultimately, we can’t help but realize how much we are supported and taken care of at all times. When we are in the midst of a growing period, it is not easy to see our reward, but it is there, waiting for us to grow big enough to reach it.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


I BELIEVE I CAN FLY is a 1996 song by R&B singer R. Kelly. The song was written, produced and performed by R. Kelly. It was the theme song of the movie Space Jam. The song was #2 on the Billboard Hot 100, #1 on the R&B Singles chart, and number #1 on the UK charts. This song won 3 Grammys and ranked #406 on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. This is R. Kelly @ his finest as he show cases his talents. This song will forever be popular because of its positive message and I hope it takes you places beyond your eyes…

Friday, January 9, 2009


So it’s been a week since the darkness came into the light, and it came with such a vengeance that it seems that its purpose is to divide N’ conquer…seek N’ destroy. The honeymoon is DEFINITELY over because my B!TCH of a boss has returned! The person that reminds me that I am LIVING paycheck TO paycheck, as she takes PRIDE in EVERY opportunity to try and make me look bad… Obviously, she doesn’t want my success to come @ her expense. No matter because my eye is STILL on the prize and she will NOT deter me. No man is an island but this B!TCH surely thinks that she is because her focus is HER and HER alone. I guess it REAL lonely @ the top and she likes it that way, but why shit on me AND tries to take advantage of me @ EVERY turn? I mean damn she and she ALONE controls the books, she and she ALONE know what the company has…she and she ALONE is responsible for the financial health of the company…I am but a mere squirrel just trying to get a nut and I would bet the farm that sooner rather than later this company will feel the ripple effect of her ways. So she can give me all the impossible task and try to take advantage of me, I know why I am in this world and she cannot alter OR change my path in any shape OR form. I am the key to my wealth and what I can contribute for company supersedes what I am doing @ this one. The company that I will give my all to is the kind of company that listens to ideas and treat their employees as a great human beings…UNTIL SUCH TIME I WILL WORK @ THIS COMPANY AS LONG AS THE UNIVERSE ALLOWS…TALK ABOUT AN HONEST DAY’S WORK…BEING A PROFESSIONAL ANAL SEX PRACTITIONER IS LOOKING REAL GOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW

Thursday, January 8, 2009





Wednesday, January 7, 2009


GIVING HEAD:  massages the jaw....while burning 32 calories. (SWALLOWING BODY JUICES is actually like taking vitamins and it whitens your teeth, so suck a dick and save a smile).

NICE SEX:  Having nice sex burns 358 calories.                    
ROUGH SEX:  Having rough sex [make it hurt], burns 543 calories.              
With consent – 12 cal
Without consent – 187 cal

With two hands – 8 cal
With one hand – 12 cal
With mouth – 85 cal
With a hard-on – 6 cal
With soft dick – 315 cal
Looking for target – 8 cal
Finding the spot – 92 cal
I don't F&CKING care attitude – 0 cal
Missionary – 358 cal
Doggy – 316 cal
69 lying – 286 cal
69 standing – 512 cal
Real – 112 cal
Faking – 315 cal
Lying in Bed – 18 cal
Hop off the bed – 36 cal
Wondering why you are the only one smiling – 816 cal
Quiet and calm – 32 cal
Rushing – 98 cal
Heard spouse opening the door – 1218 cal
Heard parents & little sibling @ the door – 1942 cal

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


…So he makes you feel good when you are with him, does things that are NOT in line with a relationship and you ONLY see him when it is fitting for him…YET SOMEWHERE IN ALL OF THIS YOU’VE CONVINCED YOURSELF THAT HE MUST LOVE YOU. Isn’t it funny how life works? We live life deluded because SO many of us CANNOT differentiate when IT IS LOVE or A SCRIPT…TALK ABOUT BEING TERMINALLY SINGLE FOR THE REST OF ONE’S LIFEI am of the notion that the way we choose to love is as unique as the way we choose to make a living, maintain our health OR entertain ourselves. It is all about making the right choices. Therefore when we are choosing to ACCEPT LOVE into our lives, there needs to be NO exceptions. After all This isn’t a play OR movie role, this is REAL life and this type of drama should be left for the soap operas. And we live as if we do NOT have COMPLETE creative control over it. Within us lies the power to examine what works OR isn’t working in our lives and make EDITS to our lives. Choosing to actively live your life as a script where you are the ONLY actor is INCREDIBLY lifeless. And carrying around the thoughts of LOVE that does NOT exist can ONLY lead to heartache AND pain. I understand that feeling of emptiness, BUT that loss can become a gain…This space can be filled with the hope AND the joy of something REAL, something we can in turn call OUR own. Isn’t it NICE to know that there are MANY ways to weave the threads of LOVE into a blessing? So why do we allow ourselves to mistreated, used AND abused in this foolish manner? If seeking the good in what is a BAD situation makes you feel comfortable, then remember you are devaluing what is RIGHTFULLY yours in the first place…SO STOP SURRENDERING & LIVING LIKE HAVING LOVE ON THE GO IS OUR PURPOSE; & IT IS TIME THAT WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE PHANTOM OF LOVE THAT WE LIVE WITH. ISN’T IT ABOUT TIME WE STOP THINKING N’ BELIEVING THAT BECAUSE HE HAD SEX WITH US THAT HE MUST BE IN LOVE. ISN’T TIME THAT WE STOP ACCUSING LOVE OF DOING US WRONG WHEN WE ARE THE ONES THAT DOING IT ALL ALONG? ISN’T IT TIME THAT WE ELECT THE TRUTH INTO OUR LIVES & NOT PLAY THE LOVE OR SCRIPT GAME FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES?

Monday, January 5, 2009


As the New Year swirls around us, I find myself pondering all the things that comes along with it; NEW RESOLUTIONS, GOOD CHEER, STARTING ANEW…HIV/AIDS. Now before you starting playing three of these belong together and the other one doesn’t, how about we think about the odd ball in this scenario? Of all the people living with HIV/AIDS in this world, how many of them will transmit the virus to somebody new in 2009? How many infected persons will begin the NEW YEAR saying HIV ends with me? On the flip side of this coin, how many uninfected persons are going to take PROPER precautions AND take the right steps in HIV/AIDS prevention? As it stands way too many of us have the HIV/AIDS conversation when a positive status is confirmed and by that time it is already too late. I know that this disease is ugly AND scary but as the old adage goes, PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE and speaking of cure we all know that one does NOT exist. Despite the fact that treatment for HIV has improved, it is important for us to recognize that sex is TOO beautiful to be ruin by the threat of HIV. So why increase the statistics by NOT being responsible AND allow this killer to ROB us of our lives by spreading it? We all HAVE to make PROPER risk assessment when it comes to sex and NOT base it on some uneducated guess OR some stab in the dark. I GET THE STRUGGLE ON BOTH SIDES OF THIS DISEASE & I AM PROUD TO READ OF STORIES OR HEAR OF SOMEONE THAT HAS ASKED THE RIGHT QUESTIONS & TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEMSELVES & THEIR SEXUAL PARTNERS. THOUGH IT IS VERY EASY TO JUST HAVE SEX, I THINK RAMIFICATIONS OF NOT PROTECTING OURSELVES AGAINST DISEASES SUCH HIV/AIDS HAS BEEN GOING LONG ENOUGH & IT IS TIME THAT WE SAY THAT THERE HAS BEEN REDUCTION IN THE INFECTION RATE OF HIV/AIDS & IT STARTED IN 2009.

Sunday, January 4, 2009


As we gather for TRUTH @ the various spiritual places on this the first Sunday of the New Year; how about we do ourselves a favor AND seek the REAL TRUTH? So often WE allow some GURU, PASTOR or SPIRITUAL MENTOR to fill us with WORDS, TEACHINGS and ENERGY that does NOT bring us to the REAL awareness of this life. This world is filled with noise that is cloaked in lies AND most of it starts in a place where so many of us gather each AND EVERY Sunday. The TRUTH that we are seeking to find won’t come from a false prophet robed in holiness AND self-importance…After all he is merely a man that is NO more OR less than any other man. Hence by performing this ritual that is CONFINED behind the walls that gives it strength ONLY hurts us because we are NUMBING ourselves to what is internally bubbling up to the surface. Allowing this distraction will ONLY prevent us from finding closure to issues that haunt us…FUNNY HOW WE DROWN OUT THE THOUGHTS and EMOTIONS WHILE THERE BUT AS SOON WE LEAVE…I get why so many of flock to churches in herds because SO many of us can’t function beyond what PASTOR is feeding us. Talk about staring down the FRIGHTENING issues of the world…I guess it is EASIER to live someone else’s TRUTH and let him deal with the ailments that are present in this world. How sad that we do NOT see that he is only but a veil of noise that is shielding you from YOUR truth…SO WHY LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE WE ALL ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ONE WHEN THE CHURCH IS TELLING YOU TO DEMONIZE CERTAIN PERSONS BECAUSE RACE, CREED or SEXUALITY? IF ONLY WE COULD START THIS SUNDAY BY REALIZING THAT WE DON’T NEED A PLACE TO WORSHIP or BE SUPERVISED BY APPOINTED LEADERS TO EXPERIENCE THE TRUTH…THE TRUTH CAN BE FOUND IN EVERY MOMENT & IT CAN BE EXPERIENCED WITH ANYONE @ ANYTIME; & IT IS ALL ABOUT SPENDING TIME WITH THOSE THAT ENLIGHTENS US, THOSE THAT LIFT US UP & TAKE US TO THE NEXT LEVEL…IF WE WERE TO ASK OURSELVES WHAT WE DID ON THE FIRST SUNDAY OF 2008 WHAT WOULD YOU FIND OUT? HAS ANYTHING CHANGED IN YOUR LIFE? HAS SOMEONE ELSE’S TRUTH BROUGHT YOU CLOSER TO GOD? HAS IT FORCED YOU TO FORGET YOUR BROTHERS N’ SISTERS THAT ARE DEEMED UNWORTHY? WHATEVER YOUR RESPONSE, LET’S MAKE THIS YEAR, THIS DAY, THIS TIME TO SEEK THE REAL TRUTH AS WE GATHER IN ONE ACCORD…

Saturday, January 3, 2009


STEP BY STEP is a song written and recorded by singer Annie Lennox. The song first appeared just as the B-side to her 1992 single "Precious", from her debut solo album Diva. The song was later recorded and pushed as a single by R&B/Pop singer Whitney Houston and became a hit as the second single from her 1996 soundtrack album, The Preacher's Wife. Annie Lennox provided background vocals for Houston's version, and Houston's single reached #15 on Billboard's Hot 100 Singles Chart in the US. Houston's single showed very strong chart performance across the globe, reaching at least the Top 20 in more than 45 countries. I chose this particular song as the first video for the year because of its message and theme. We have a LONG road ahead of us and sometimes the way shut making it impossible to pass. But I believe that as long as we take life STEP BY STEP, DAY BY DAY, we’ll get to our destinations…