TREVANTE RHODES SHINES IN MOONLIGHT, THIS FALL'S ESSENTIAL QUEER BLACK FILM

Trevante Rhodes doesn’t have much time to make an impression in the new film Moonlight. Along with child actors Alex Hibbert and Ashton Sanders, he’s one of three players embodying lead character Chiron at different stages of his life, and he doesn’t even appear until the final act. By then, Rhodes’s peers have done most of the legwork in giving shape to Chiron, a lonely Miami boy who’s quietly — and very slowly — coming to grips with being gay. But Rhodes doesn’t need a whole lot of time to tear your heart in half, and Moonlight’s finest scene rests on his sculpted shoulders. As a grown Chiron who’s adopted hypermasculinity for survival, the jacked Rhodes makes an achingly vulnerable confession to his childhood crush, Kevin (André Holland), who loo      ks on in the same way the audience does — as if he just watched a brick house implode.  

“One way I connected with Chiron is that, like him, I didn’t grow up with a father,” says Rhodes. “I think his lack of a male influence increased his need for love. But I’m also a hopeless romantic. I believe you find that one person who you’re supposed to be with, and I felt Chiron found that person early on.”

When Rhodes’s parents split, he was 4 and still living in his native New Orleans. At 10, he moved with his mother to Dallas, where a skill — but not a passion — for track and field would win him an athletic scholarship to the University of Texas at Austin. “Even then, I despised running,” says the 26-year-old, who these days prefers boxing. “But it was a means to pay for school.” According to Rhodes, his fit body was also his ticket into the industry. College sparked the actor’s interest in theater, but he was simply taking it as an elective while pursuing a degree in “petroleum land management.” And then he wound up topless in front of the right person.

“In my last year of college, I was jogging on campus with my shirt off,” Rhodes says. “A casting director saw me, waved me down, and said, ‘You have to be in my movie.’ That was the start.”

The movie in question, a Nicolas Cage vehicle, didn’t work out for Rhodes, but he did soon land a part in the 2014 short film Open Windows with Elijah Wood, followed by a stint on the Fox seriesGang Related, a gig on the yet-to-be-released HBO show Westworld, and a recurring role on Tyler Perry’s OWN comedy If Loving You Is Wrong. But none of that would compare to Moonlight, which opened Rhodes up to the world of gay playwright Tarell McCraney, whose semi-autobiographical work In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue was adapted for the screen by writer-director Barry Jenkins (Medicine for Melancholy). 

“It was the best thing I’d ever read,” says Rhodes, who initially read for the role of Kevin before Jenkins offered him the lead. “I don't know how or why I got the opportunity to read it, but I was determined to book [the project].”

Rhodes is straight, but his close relationships with gay men and adjacencies to queer environments helped him sympathize with Chiron and connect with Moonlight’s emotional texture. One of Rhodes’s first friends in Dallas came out two years ago, and the pair remain best friends. “I knew what he went through, and I knew how hard it was for him to find himself,” Rhodes says. “We all have our insecurities.” A frequenter of clubs of all sorts, Rhodes says he was at West Hollywood’s gay hot spot the Abbey on the night before Orlando’s Pulse nightclub shooting. (Some believe the Abbey was a target of James Howell, the armed man who was nabbed by police while allegedly en route to Los Angeles Pride.)

“Our country is shit right now,” Rhodes says, pointedly. “Being a black person in America right now is shit, being a homosexual in America right now is shit, and being a black homosexual is the bottom for certain people. That’s why I’m so excited for people to see Moonlight. I don’t feel like there’s a solution for our problems, but this movie might change people. That’s why you do it — because you feel like you’re doing something that matters. This is someone’s story.”

Indeed, Moonlight feels like a movie of the moment. For all the effortless ebbs and flows of its nuanced progression, it offers forthright, unapologetic depictions of blackness and queerness, at a time when the visibility of both is vital. It features an all-black cast, takes place in an unequivocally black world (specifically, a small pocket of Miami at the height of the War on Drugs), and portrays Chiron’s experience with gay sex as healthy and formative (rarely has a movie made such elegant yet unabashed acknowledgments of ejaculation). It’s meaningful, too, that, barring a final shot, Rhodes is the last version of Chiron we see. He’s ostensibly strong yet terribly fragile, and, as Rhodes can attest, there’s a timeliness to that.

“I was in Virginia filming a movie recently, and while walking down the street, I was being followed by a police car,” the actor says. “I was just walking to the gym. I knew I was being followed, I looked back, and they made eye contact. They didn’t pretend to not be following me. I turned back and continued to walk. Being in that situation was the most frightening thing in the world to me.” 

True to his self-described romanticism, Rhodes speaks often of love. It doesn’t sound corny or “Kumbaya”-esque — it seems like a desperate plea on repeat. “Is there no way to make anything better?” he asks. “The only thing people need to do is love one another — for who they are and who they love.” However fleeting, there are rapturous moments in Moonlight that make you believe it could be that simple.

SOURCE: OUT DOT COM

¿WHY ARE CLOSETED MEN SO HARD TO DATE?

Typically men who are not out are open with those they date about being in the closet to family and friends. They can often lead a life that from the outside appears in double: One with their gay friends and lovers and another with family, friends and coworkers. 

How can a man be out with some people, especially their romantic partners, but not with others they care for? Despite the confusion the paradox is necessary to explore their same sex feelings and attractions.

To understand, we need to first debunk the myth that coming out happens all at once, as if it's a one time event. In most cases, men curious about sex and relationships with other men do not disclose their feelings all at once. It happens in stages, based most often on the circumstances of the guy's life.

Another myth is that once he comes out, he's out for good. In some instances, just the opposite happens, especially if he's outed or is feeling an immense amount of pressure to be open. Unfortunately, these circumstances make it frustratingly difficult, or nearly impossible, to date them. Literally, one minute they're in and the next their out.

Closeted men are in constant conflict with themselves and their surroundings. They understand that they are attracted to other men, but cannot reconcile these feelings with how to live life. For this reason, it's not unusual for a guy who is not out to play out the immense conflict they experience in their relationships with lovers and others.

They are being pulled in two different directions that can often be in conflict: a life lived based on their true desires or one that fits with tradition or the most dominant view in society. 

Ultimately, what a closeted gay man lacks is complete confidence. Full, unwavering, confidence comes in the belief that they will not be truly happy until they begin to live their authentic lives despite the difficulties they might encounter for being who they really are. Many closeted men rest in the fear that their support systems, such as family or friends or coworkers, will reject or treat them differently if they disclose that they are gay or bisexual. While these fear may not be unfounded, they are neither a guarantee nor a way to live. Denying our true attractions to mitigate uncomfortable situations elsewhere will not make us happy. In fact, it will only intensify the turmoil and tensions experienced on a daily basis.

To live as you really are is true freedom. To deny this is to live for others and not ourselves. Of course this easier said than done, which is why the path to coming out and being absolutely free takes absolute courage. How can this courage be achieved? And how can their partners support them?

The first step to living with courage as a gay man is embracing your sexuality in whatever way it expresses itself and trusting that no matter what difficulties arise, we possess the ability to overcome them by maintaining an absolute belief that a happy and open life is worth fighting for through the hardship.

For the lovers and partners of closeted men, support comes in awareness. You cannot control the turmoil of another's emotions anymore than a tornado can be controlled by a wish. This awareness dictates that you as his partner or lover must remain centered in your own courage and convictions to live your life authentically as well. This does not mean that you are obliged to put up with the storm or that you must take the tensions he may play out without complaint. You must be as clear about your limits and boundaries as he is about his.

And if the wind hits the windows and he pushes you away to maintain his previous life, you must be a brick and know when to hold strong and when to walk away. The wisdom to act doesn't ease the pain this situation may cause, but part of an awareness (and risk) of dating someone in the closet is understanding that this potential pain is part of the journey that both you and he agreed to. At any time this can change, which makes it clear that every moment with him must be lived fully and that if those moments should end, it's most likely for the best.

SOURCE: GAY LIFE {ABOUT DOT COM}

BEFORE YOU & YOUR PARTNER CONSIDER THAT OPEN RELATIONSHIP

Not all relationships are one-on-one standards. Some couples choose to open their arms to other partners through open relationships, cuckolding or polyamory. Follow these precautions before you increase the numbers:

BRING IN 2K15 WITH THESE HELPFUL TIPS

It's a new year, which means it's also resolution time. I have to say, I'm not completely on board with making life changes once a year and all at once, for that matter. Change is hard, particularly big life changes. Saving the opportunity to do something different for yourself or those around you during the holiday hangover lessens the chance of success. Once the buzz of motivation wears off in the grey months of February and March, keeping pace with a load of goals is difficult at best. 

I find greater success happens when every day is treated as a potential new start and new year. When you begin each day as an opportunity for growth, goals become a part of life and not just a novelty in the beginning of the new year. Spacing out goals, such as losing weight or tanking the cigarettes, gives the opportunity to adjust to the change and enjoy the success. Then the little victories can become motivation for new to-do's on the list.

More than likely you already have a few goals in mind. Just in case, here's a list that can help you get started.