I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Wednesday, October 31, 2007


ANCIENT ORIGIN - Halloween's origins date back to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain. (pronounced sow-in). The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the New Year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter. To commemorate the event, Druids built huge sacred bonfires, where the people gathered to burn crops and animals as sacrifices to the Celtic deities. During the celebration, the Celts wore costumes, typically consisting of animal heads and skins, and attempted to tell each other's fortunes. When the celebration was over, they re-lit their hearth fires, which they had extinguished earlier that evening, from the sacred bonfire to help protect them during the coming winter. By A.D. 43, Romans had conquered the majority of Celtic territory. In the course of the four hundred years that they ruled the Celtic lands, two festivals of Roman origin were combined with the traditional Celtic celebration of Samhain... The first was Feralia, a day in late October when the Romans traditionally commemorated the passing of the dead. The second was a day to honor Pomona, the Roman goddess of fruit and trees. The symbol of Pomona is the apple and the incorporation of this celebration into Samhain. probably explains the tradition of "bobbing" for apples that is practiced today on Halloween. By the 800s, the influence of Christianity had spread into Celtic lands. In the seventh century, Pope Boniface IV designated November 1 All Saints' Day, a time to honor saints and martyrs. It is widely believed today that the pope was attempting to replace the Celtic festival of the dead with a related, but church-sanctioned holiday. The celebration was also called All-hallows or All-hallowmas (from Middle English Alholowmesse meaning All Saints' Day) and the night before it, the night of Samhain, began to be called All-hallows Eve and, eventually, Halloween. Even later, in A.D. 1000, the church would make November 2 All Souls' Day, a day to honor the dead. It was celebrated similarly to Samhain, with big bonfires, parades, and dressing up in costumes as saints, angels, and devils. Together, the three celebrations, the eve of All Saints', All Saints', and All Souls', were called Hallowmas.

THE TRADITION - The tradition of "trick-or-treating" dates back to the early All Souls' Day parades in England. During the festivities, poor citizens would beg for food and families would give them pastries called "soul cakes" in return for their promise to pray for the family's dead relatives. The distribution of soul cakes was encouraged by the church as a way to replace the ancient practice of leaving food and wine for roaming spirits. The practice, which was referred to as "going a-souling" was eventually taken up by children who would visit the houses in their neighborhood and be given ale, food, and money. The tradition of dressing in costume for Halloween has both European and Celtic roots. Hundreds of years ago, winter was an uncertain and frightening time. Food supplies often ran low and, for the many people afraid of the dark, the short days of winter were full of constant worry. On Halloween, when it was believed that ghosts came back to the earthly world, people thought that they would encounter ghosts if they left their homes. To avoid being recognized by these ghosts, people would wear masks when they left their homes after dark so that the ghosts would mistake them for fellow spirits. On Halloween, to keep ghosts away from their houses, people would place bowls of food outside their homes to appease the ghosts and prevent them from attempting to enter.

THE EVOLUTION - As European immigrants came to America, they brought their varied Halloween customs with them. Because of the rigid Protestant belief systems that characterized early New England, celebration of Halloween in colonial times was extremely limited there. It was much more common in Maryland and the southern colonies. As the beliefs and customs of different European ethnic groups, as well as the American Indians, meshed, a distinctly American version of Halloween began to emerge. The first celebrations included "play parties," public events held to celebrate the harvest, where neighbors would share stories of the dead, tell each other's fortunes, dance, and sing. Colonial Halloween festivities also featured the telling of ghost stories and mischief-making of all kinds. By the middle of the nineteenth century, annual autumn festivities were common, but Halloween was not yet celebrated everywhere in the country. In the second half of the nineteenth century, America was flooded with new immigrants. These new immigrants, especially the millions of Irish fleeing Ireland's potato famine of 1846, helped to popularize the celebration of Halloween nationally. Taking from Irish and English traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today's "trick-or-treat" tradition. Young women believed that, on Halloween, they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings, or mirrors. In the late 1800s, there was a move in America to mold Halloween into a holiday more about community and neighborly get-togethers, than about ghosts, pranks, and witchcraft. At the turn of the century, Halloween parties for both children and adults became the most common way to celebrate the day. Parties focused on games, foods of the season, and festive costumes. Parents were encouraged by newspapers and community leaders to take anything "frightening" or "grotesque" out of Halloween celebrations. Because of their efforts, Halloween lost most of its superstitious and religious overtones by the beginning of the twentieth century. By the 1920s and 1930s, Halloween had become a secular, but community-centered holiday, with parades and town-wide parties as the featured entertainment. Despite the best efforts of many schools and communities, vandalism began to plague Halloween celebrations in many communities during this time. By the 1950s, town leaders had successfully limited vandalism and Halloween had evolved into a holiday directed mainly at the young. Due to the high numbers of young children during the fifties baby boom, parties moved from town civic centers into the classroom or home, where they could be more easily accommodated. Between 1920 and 1950, the centuries-old practice of trick-or-treating was also revived.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


If I love me the way I love U

I know I would be a better man.

I gave more of me,

And now it is too late to see.

For I stand blindly @ the edge,

With time in abundance;

And struggle and fight this fight.

Because I don’t love me,

My struggle is fruitless and cannot be sustained

Without grave loss in spirit.

I am living in hell for heaven?

I owe me more than I could every pay.

Love has stolen my senses,

Destroyed my courage;

And left me a broken man with only my name.

Now all I have are dreams,

That try to sustain me through the madness;
All I wish for is a goal to give a finish line to my race.
Because of U the rules change with every turn,

Around every wall…

And U remind remain elusive throughout the quest,

Mistakes are made;

And regret is my luggage.

I will drag them with me to slow me down!

Reminding me that love is bitter,

Yet it is the bread that keeps me.
Over and over it fills us up,

Only to starve me!
U have shaped my destiny…

Yet leave me cold and alone in the darkness.

Wishing to feel the brush of hope against my face,

Wrapped up in LOVES warm embrace.

I gave U what I denied myself,

Thought U were the one the stars fell for…

The one I loved without loving me.

© tgk

Monday, October 29, 2007


The hardest part of letting LOVE go is due to the fact that LOVE brings out the NARCISSIST in US. Think about it, part of being a NARCISSIST is being terribly insecure. If WE weren’t SO insecure about ourselves, WE wouldn’t work as hard as WE do; constantly seeking LOVE’S approval. Nonetheless, LOVE is a dual carriageway and comes for reasons unknown to man. Yet when it comes to LOVE, WE do it INJUSTICE and expect to find happiness but get sorrow in return. WE get SO caught up in the LOVE WE feel for someone that it consumes us. WE NEVER seem to take into consideration that LOVE is ABSOLUTE and anything else that comes OUR way would be mere SNIPPETS n’ COUNTERFEITS. Nonetheless, WE are ALL capable of the finding LOVE; however when the REPRESENTATIVES come OUR way we need to see them merely as love. Hence if WE bear in mind that If love happens for JUST one night OR a few years, it should NOT be confuse that with LOVE. Thus WE need to have an OPEN mind with everyone that WE meet because 99% of time they will NOT be what they seem to be. However, WE can work with what we have because RELATIONSHIPS n’ LOVE take on MANY different forms. Nevertheless, it is vitally important that we know how differentiate between LOVE and love. Hence if two persons have GREAT sex in common, and they are on LOAN to each for a bit how do they confuse LOVE with love? I am aware that GREAT sex would make anyone want to BOTTLE what they share and keep it, but HONESTLY does this make sense? I TOTALLY understand how easily CHEMISTRY can mislead US; it is just that I wonder how WE get LOST in love? I get the COMFORT zone thing and that the UNKNOWN is scary, but why put the HEART through such pain? We ALL have instincts but refuses to trust them, thus WE do NOT allow LOVE to come into OUR lives because WE are so fixated on the love WE have. Then reality hits and WE are NOT going to admit it to ourselves that WE should NOT have accept that which came in the name of love. Why struggle when it feels wrong? Why hold love in your heart that lasts for just a moment, but disguises itself with the mask of eternity? WE fight the fight that is NOT ours because WE know that DESTINY has other plans. I wonder what would happen if WE actually come across the LOVE that can hold OUR entire being? I imagine that having LOVE is like a childhood photograph that has US trapped in time, forever spellbound by the SOUL that recognizes OURS. Instead WE are @ the edge of OUR soul that crosses the line that separates US from LOVE. I PERSONALLY BELIEVE THAT IF ONE HAS TO FIGHT TOOTH n’ NAIL FOR love THEN IT IS NOT WORTH HAVING. HOW CAN IT BE? LOVE FILLS US WITH EXCITEMENT, EVERY VEIN IN OUR BODIES WILL BULGE WITH IT AS IF A DAM BROKE LOOSE INSIDE & WASH US CLEAN! WHEN WE ARE IN THE PRESENCE OF LOVE IT WILL NOT RADIATE FROM OUR MOUTHS, BUT POUND IN OUR HEARTS, FOR WE WILL FOLLOW OUR DESTINY…LOVE THE ONE FATED TO US.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


Everything in the universe, from the smallest molecules to the most complex living beings, has it within themselves to keep healthy. The FACT that we are NOT speaks VOLUME about OUR health and what role it plays in life. Human beings can consciously control WHAT they put in their bodies because WE know HOW it will affect us. We take our HEALTH for granted and just ACCEPT that HEART DISEASE, DIABETES and ALL the other diseases that come OUR way. HOW CAN WE JUST SIT & ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE CONSUMED BY THE FOOD WE PUT INTO OUR BODIES? HOW CAN WE LIVE THINKING IT IS FINE TO DESTROY OURSELVES WHEN IT IS NOT? However I am told by persons that do NOT ask themselves these questions that I feel that I am some FOOD CRITIC all because they just want to CONSUME whatever they feel and NOT want to live the consequences.

Let’s face it. Achieving boundless energy, the body of your dreams, glowing beauty, and optimal health is tough! There’s no doubt that it’s probably the most difficult thing for any person to achieve and experience on a consistent basis. Sadly, most persons I encounter on a daily basis LOOK and FEEL sick and tired. If one takes a moment and look at the people around them they would see that they do NOT exhibit the kind of radiant energy and glowing health that WE all want and deserve. WE shorten and destroy our lives by the way we prepare and cook the food we eat and the combinations of food on a typical would leave anyone unhealthy. I wonder how it is that the plate does NOT broke or split in two because of it being unbalanced. We are literally poisoning ourselves SLOWLY but SURELY. Food is our source of life, but ANYTHING done in EXCESS cannot AND is not good for us. Yet we toy around with death NOT thinking OR caring that it can take US out.

I feel that in order for US to reach OUR high vibration level, WE have to be WHOLE n’ HEALTHY. It is @ this time WE can sense that we are aligned with all that is. I personally feel that WE are capable of HEALING ourselves which can result in US resonating CLOSER and CLOSER to our ideal selves. WE need to get OUR THOUGHTS, EMOTIONS, INTENTIONS, CHOICES and ACTIONS under control so that WE can contribute to a HEALTHY state. Let us CULTIVATE good eating habits that contribute to our physical health and strength. But this can ONLY be achieved if OUR DESIRE for change is STRONG. As WE evolve, WE need to observe the creatures that we are dominant over and take stock of how PERFECT NATURE IS. WE never see animals in their natural environment suffering from obesity OR any other diseases that now plague humans. They are as they should be. HEALTHY, FIT and SUITED for survival. However, what is interesting and sad, is that animals taken from the wild, and domesticated, start exhibiting similar symptoms and diseases that effect many people in our world. Obviously, something we are doing and eating is creating disease instead of promoting health, vitality, and energy! It’s time to change all of that for GOOD!

Saturday, October 27, 2007



On this your day as you get older
And life comes @ you fast…
Can you tell me that you are happy?
You seem so still;
Moving @ a slow pace
R u moving @ all?
I sit here watching you walk on STONE all alone,
Bearing only that which is pure to you…
I wish I only knew what that was
As you walk the shore of the life you have been living.
Staring into breaking waves
Do you have memories of broken days?
…The times that went away?
Reflecting on your life,
Do you dream you are home?
R u in the company of the LOVE you know?
How can you separate life from dream?
As you lay alone,
Motionless without breath.
© tgk

Friday, October 26, 2007


I am a character in the play,

That has to wear red to cover up the stains…

The diversion;

That keeps me sane.

Wounding me,

Confusing pessimism with realism;

Preventing my reality.

Fucking me,

Asking me to smile;

Because ironically I enjoy it.

And I’ll be the be dessert,

@ Dinner;

Because I am soft n’ sweet.

I know I will feel the strike,

Because my defenses will be down.

Proving that my blessings equals their opposing curse,

No big deal,

It is jus the way of me.

So as the herd is racing north,

I am exploited as the hopeless n’ helpless;

As I step in their shit.

I will be generous n’ courageous,

It cost everything n’ nothing.

I will patient n’ tolerant,

There is opportunity in change;

And all roads lead to where I stand.

My nobility will be measured by my merciful cruelty,

I am the order that maintains deception;

Destroying the lie sandwich between two truths.

Forgiving the shit left on the floor;

And ignoring the pieces of my soul that fell through the cracks.

My equality exist outside of me,

It is the inheritance of this individual;

And I will see the REIGN for what it is…

For it is my ally.

© tgk

Thursday, October 25, 2007


I am sorry to speak out of turn, I know that it has been a while since I wrote you; but I could NOT help this. MY mind has been going since I last spoke with and as usual you went ALL silent and I figured that IF I was a GOOD boy and did NOT say a word YOU would NOT be LOST to me. Now it appears that YOU are; makes a MAN wonder if YOU are REAL or are YOU a figment of my imagination? I wish YOU were here LOVING, KISSING, HOLDING…ME! I have ALL these plans for OUR life and YOU are nowhere around. I wish that I could just hold YOU, for I am fading FAST and I know that I will NOT last much longer, the waters are RISING and I am DROWNING! I sometimes wonder if YOU are even possible because YOU are NO more real than PRINCE CHARMING in the fairy tale books and this is REAL life so YOU should know how I view fairy tales. I want the REAL deal and I know that it is YOU; YOU are MR. RIGHT because YOU are RIGHT for me and that is all that matters. I do NOT want another MR. RIGHT NOW or some SEAT FILLER. STOP forcing me to settle for a few Narrow Escapes and the BRUSHES with ONE or TWO that snuck up on me then slipped away. I want YOU and NO ONE else. YOU make me wonder if I am paying for some PAST transgressions that I have to atone for in this life. It is as if I know within my SOUL that I am to pay for the GREATEST that came my way and I TOTALLY destroyed it. By FATE I get know that YOU are out there, but WE cannot be because of ME! Is the UNIVERSE telling that the snippets of YOU in those that I meet are ALL I will ever get? I think I rather be ALONE because the BITS n’ PIECES does NOT sustain me. It is YOU that will make me whole and to ACCEPT any other substitute is jus CRAZY! Therefore, like a FOOL that misses YOU I have embraced the fragments of YOU because it is the closest I can get to you. Strange how settling leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, with LONG dark winters waiting on the power of the SUN that is YOU. My HEART cries for you ALL the time, my SOUL is empty and weak…I am the candle on the table that is unlit, the cold reminder of a life without romance. I foolishly wear my heart on sleeve when I think it is YOU, and then I slowly die because I know that I know better. Now as it stands, I put away my candle to hide my hurt; I wrapped it carefully in the HOPE that this retirement would be for a short period. Now my pain is OPEN for ALL to see, I think it is better this way because I will not feel ALONE, I cannot HIDE anymore. Only with YOU can my soul alight, I can have a REAL sense of self with some purpose in LOVE. I can burn the fire for the future and the ONE who I know is meant for me…UNTIL THEN I WILL GIVE MY SOUL HOPE & BELIEVE IN THE POSSIBILITY OF HE…

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


Imagine this scenario: During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00p m, Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
WHAT IS A STROKE? Doctors often call a STROKE a BRAIN ATTACK to underscore the need for immediate medial attention. By far, the most common type of STROKE is an ISCHEMIC STROKE. It occurs when a blood clot suddenly interrupts blood flow to the brain. This deprives brain cells of oxygen, and they begin to die. When brain cells die, they are lost forever. Symptoms are related to the part of the brain affected by the STROKE. Damage to one area of the brain may make it difficult to speak. Damage to another are may cause a different complication, such as paralysis. For every minute that treatment is delayed, someone having an ISCHEMIC STROKE loses nearly 2 million brain cells, which is why a STROKE is an emergency. Think TIME LOST IS BRAIN TISSUE LOST. The LONGER an untreated STROKE goes on, the GREATER the damage and risk of long-term disability.


  • Numbness or weakness of the face, arm or leg, especially on one side of the body.
  • Confusion, trouble talking or difficulty understanding speech.
  • Trouble seeing in one or both eyes.
  • Dizziness, difficulty walking, or loss of balance or coordination.
  • Severe headache with no known cause

Seek EMERGENCY help @ the first sign of sudden symptoms. Doctors can treat an ISCHEMIC STROKE with tissue PLASMINOGEN activator (TPA), a clot-busting drug that can minimize the risk of lasting disability. But TPA must be given within three hours after STROKE symptoms being, so there is just a SMALL window opportunity. So do NOT wait for possible STROKE symptoms to WORSEN or IMPROVE. Even if symptoms vanish in moments, you still need to get help @ once. Temporary symptoms may be a sign of a transient ISCHEMIC attack (TIA), or MINI-STROKE. A TIA is a warning from your body that a FULL-BLOWN STROKE may happen soon.


It is better to prevent a STROKE than to treat one. To lower your STROKE risk:

  • Know your blood pressure numbers. If your blood pressure is consistently above normal, work with your doctor to lower it.
  • Drop the extra pounds. If you are overweight, losing as little as 5 percent to 10 percent of your total weight may help prevent a STROKE.
  • Do not light up. Smoking doubles STROKE risk.
  • Eat wisely. A healthful diet can help you control three risk factors for STROKE – high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol and excess body weight. Eat plenty of fiber-rich fruits, vegetables and whole grains. Go easy on foods high in saturated fat, Trans fat, cholesterol and salt.
  • Move more. Walking briskly every day for as little as 30 minutes may lower risk.
  • Control diabetes. Keeping your blood sugar in the normal range helps lower your risk of STROKE.
  • Ask about aspirin. If you are older than 50, ask your doctor if taking aspirin will help protect you from STROKE.
  • Talk with your doctor if you have ATRIAL FIBRILLATION. A blood thinning medication may lower the increased risk of STROKE caused by this abnormal heart rhythm. Remember, a STROKE can change your life forever. Do everything you can to protect yourself.

Taking FAST action can save your brain. The most important thing to do @ the first sign of a STROKE is to get to a hospital quickly. Rapid medical treatment may limit damage to the brain and improve the chances of recovery. Use this simple FAST test to tell if medical attention is needed:

  • Face. Ask the person to smile. Does one side of the face droop?
  • Arms. Ask the person toe raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?
  • Speech. Ask the person to repeat a simple phrase. Does the speech sound slurred or strange?
  • Time. If you observe any of these signs, call 9-1-1 immediately. An ambulance is the quickest way to get medical care.

NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke. If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call 911 immediately!! And describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


I AM THE DESCENDED OF SLAVES THAT ARE ASHAMED OF WHO THEY ARE…I was NOT born and raised through extreme racial times in this country, but I am living with the remnants left behind by those that lived through such HARDSHIP. However I have PARENTS that have a DIRECT connection to such ADVERSITY. I know that neither MY mother OR father PICK cotton OR was some HOUSE slave to a WHITE man with a whip, but they did live through what is arguably the most SERIOUS time of SEGREGATION. I say this because I feel that they may have been FREED from being literally CHAIN n’ BOUND but there were BARRIERS and STIPULATIONS placed on where they were allowed. Hence I feel that they taught that showing GENTLENESS = WEAKNESS. Being HARD and TOUGH was the way to ensure SURVIVAL and NOT give up. And I cannot say that I blame them. For years my ancestors worked as DOMESTICS and LABORERS so their children could have a better life. In spite of their TAUGHT HATERED for THEIR skin color, the shape of THEIR noses, the texture of THEIR hair; they carried on and FOUGHT themselves out of the mud by which they were drug. For this reason, I CANNOT fathom why my ancestors survived being RAPED by their masters, WHIPPED and BEATEN to have their memory honored in this way. Our ancestors LOST the VERY knowledge of where they come from, they did NOT have the privilege to pass on the language their forebears spoke, yet we carry the PAIN and internalize it. This PAIN was NOT ours to bear yet WE wear it such PRIDE n’ CONFIDENCE. As a boy I did NOT recognize this PAIN or gave it much THOUGHT or CONSIDERATION until I became an adult. This is when I felt the STING of what my ancestors dealt with because it I now realize that it NEVER left OUR community. This is QUITE evident in the way WE treat each other, what WE do and how WE live OUR lives. It HURTS more than any lash OR beaten OUR ancestors endured and WE still allow the ghost of slavery past to so ELOQUENTLY filter itself through every fiber of the fabric of OUR community. I cannot help but wonder if my MOTHER hated combing my hair because she did with such ANGER and RESENTMENT. It is almost as if SHE and others like HER cannot seem to LET GO of something that made US strong HUMAN BEINGS. In fact I think it made US way TOO strong for OUR own good. OUR NAPPY ROOTS HURT US & I GET TO LIVE IN A TIME WHERE SOCIAL SEGREGATION IS COMMON PLACE. I GET THE ESTEEM PRIVILEGE TO LIVE & BREATHE AS OTHERS THINK BECAUSE OF THEIR LIGHTER SKIN n’ CURLY or STRAIGHT HAIR THAT THEY ARE BETTER. I FIND IT SAD THAT NO MATTER HOW FINANCIALLY SOUND A BLACK PERSON IS, HE WILL ALWAYS BE JUST A BLACK MAN. WHY DON’T WE HONOUR OUR NAPPY ROOTS BY NOT BEING LIKE THOSE THAT VIEWED US AS SUB-PAR? WHY NOT INSTEAD OF MASKING THE COLOR OF OUR SKIN TO BELONG, WHY NOT CELEBRATE n’ HONOUR IT? LET’S NOT ALLOW THE HARDSHIPS OF YEARS PAST HINDER OUR PROGRESS AS A COMMUNITY. I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THE SOONER WE ACCEPT EACH OTHER THE BETTER WE WILL BE.

Monday, October 22, 2007


I met HIM in the DEAD of night,

HIS heart lonely and SO withdrawn from life.

I knew that HE was weighed down with a HEAVY soul.

And it was @ this time that I knew,

Why HE came.

HIS life so EMPTY,
Seemingly without any REAL meaning;
But with all my reasoning I should have ran,
For HE had LOST the LOVE of HIS life.
So in HIS time of grief,
The universe spoke to me;
And it was then I knew what I am meant to do.
HIS grief is part of my human experience,
And I am to crack the outer shell of HIS scary world;
Leaving us both RAW n’ FRESH.
Showing HIM that I willing to walk thorough grief,
Revealing the LAST person HE expected to see;
Forcing the trust HE tried so hard not to feel.
Now in HIS time of grief,
In the wisdom of WE.
For HIS burden has been eased,
I help HIM carried it;
Now HE can process and release…
HIS thoughts n’ feelings,
Filtered via the beloved someone.
I know @ first HE felt guilt,
For allowing me inside;
But now HE understands.
I am the messenger,
Sent via the universe for HIS benefit;
In HIS time of grief.
© tgk

Sunday, October 21, 2007


Sunday is considered a HOLY DAY in most COUNTRIES, this is the day set aside to WORSHIP @ the CHURCH of YOUR choice in the name of GOD. However, this HOLY DAY is also a SEGREGATED one and this DETACHMENT makes me wonder WWJD? I LOVE SUNDAYS, this is the day of RELAXATION and PEACE strengthening one’s relationship with GOD. However a day such as this holds such SIGNIFICANCE that they do NOT see it is destroying them as they try to live up to it’s meaning. I WOULD BE THE FIRST TO STAND ON ANY ALTER & ADMIT THAT I DO NOT DO CHURCH or PARTICIPATE IN ORGANIZED RELIGION. You and I know that every single person with those four walls of that building would gasp and think of me as a HEATHEN and BLASPHEMER. Nonetheless, this is SO far from the truth, I DO believe in GOD and what he represents; I just do NOT go about it how the CHRISTIAN community expects me to. If the SOURCE of RELIGION is GOD, why does society look to RELIGION for ETERNAL SALVATION? One would think that comes from GOD and NOT the RITUALISTIC participation that is conducted EVERY Sunday. The OPIATE of the masses TOTALLY MYSTIFIES the MYSTICS and makes everyone feel GOOD. However, this mechanism of control is ABUSED and can ONLY EXPLOIT those that directly misusing it. I wish that the RELIGIOUS community would take notice of how the world is living in a state of peril because of over zealous RELIGIOUS beliefs. RELIGIOUS SEGREGATION runs deep, this has sparks many known wars and destroyed many lives. I can see how SEGREGATION works in the mind of those involved because they allow themselves to be MISLED into thinking that they are on the track that is ALL GOD. Now how can one think that any rational human would try to deter another from a RIGHTEOUS relationship with the maker? The TRUE purpose of RELIGION should mirror GOD’s teachings. I would ACCEPT SEGREGATION if I felt that GOD’s son did not come to this planet and kept his teachings to himself. As a matter of BIBLICAL fact, he spread the message everywhere. Which leads me to think that those that follow the teachings the BIBLE do NOT BELIEVE or can COMPREHEND what Jesus did because they seem to miss that IMPORTANT part? Therefore, this SEGREGATION makes no sense @ all because they are ALL lost and refuse to acknowledge their SHORT COMINGS. Rather these PRIMITIVE acting folks under LEADERSHIP of BISHOP, PASTOR, REVEREND, DECON & APOSTLE who ever have their own ideas about what kind of life GOD wants US to live. Therefore, they each in THEIR church SCREAM out sermons that makes the members feel as if HE is the TRUTH and LIGHT. The weird thing is that MOST of the congregation that craves this type of message is the ones being torn down. Nonetheless, what is even CRAZIER is that this supposingly OPERATIVE of GOD seems to feel that HIS RELIGION is the only that matters because he seems to believe the SH!T that he spews on such a HOLY DAY. I guess it is okay to step on the TOES connected to the body of the HOMOSEXUAL or LOOSE WOMAN who will COMPELLING become the ORIFICE for SEXUAL gratification in the name of the LORD. I find it FUNNY how they try so HARD to SEPARATE themselves that they STILL follow the same patterns. Every one of them seems to think that they have the SOLE pattern on GOD as if he is some PRODUCT or MERCHANDISE. It is as if GOD is for sale because HE is the reason for THEIR riches and OUR poverty. They have TOTAL autonomy in the MIRACLE department because WE are NOT HOLY enough to converse with GOD ourselves. This SEGREGATION TOTALLY F&CKS up our world and WE are made to believe that WITHOUT RELIGION, everything from families to whole societies will fall apart. In separation RELIGION is regarded as the key to social and personal survival ignoring, the fact that even though RELIGION may help at times, it can harm just as much. THIS IS WHY I DO NOT LOOK TO RELIGION FOR SALVATION or SOLUTIONS. There are many CORRUPT things in this world that originated from RELIGION and it prevents us from building a society. I KNOW THAT IT DOES NOT MATTER TO THE MASSES IF I WORSHIP or NOT, I AM JUST A MAN THAT IS NOT LOST IN THEIR WAY OF THINKING and WORSHIPING. I AM SINCERE and COMPASSIONATE, IT IS JUST THAT WILL NOT INSULT GOD BY CLAIMING TO BE A CHRIST~IAN instead OF BEING CHRISTIAN. HOW CAN WE TRULY SEE GOD’s FACE WHEN WE ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE IN WORSHIP? I AM VERY MUCH AWARE THAT WE CAN WORSHIP WHERE WE PLEASE, BUT WE MUST BE MINDFUL OF THE FACT THAT THERE IS JUST ONE TRUE GOD. HENCE IT DOES NOT MATTER THE BUILDING or THE BIG HATS THAT ARE BEING WORN and PASTOR’S COLLECTION; ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT @ THE END OF IT ALL WE CAN TRULY SAY WE ALL ARE ONE. IT IS VERY SAD THAT TOO MANY OF US ARE WRAPPED UP IN OUR OWN LITTLE CHURCHES TO PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE REST OF THE WORLD. IT IS VERY SAD WHEN WE HAVE LOST THE REAL MEANING OF WORSHIP & PRETEND THAT THE UNORGANIZATION OF ORGANIZED RELIGION IS OKAY.

Saturday, October 20, 2007


We are TARGETS for NEGATIVITY and ALL that is WRONG with the world. I sat and thought LONG and HARD about this entry, I wanted to include the ENTIRE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY but realized that I could not because WE MEN ARE THE MOST FEARED. LESBIANS ARE STILL TO SOME DEGREE ACCEPTED BY SOCIETY, WHERE WE GAY MEN ARE JUST SIMPLY DROWNING IN OUR OWN GREATNESS. Because of OUR struggle, I feel that we are beyond a shadow of doubt the next change in HUMAN EVOLUTION. OUR EVOLUTION is a MAJOR puzzle in modern world. Many of us just sit idly by and allow OUR TRUE PURPOSE to waste away. I FIRMLY believe that OUR SEXUAL CYCLE has been maintained because WE are the IMPROVE THE QUALITY of OUR PARENTS. I know that most, if not ALL would think that for SEX to be EVOLUTIONARY ADVANTAGEOUS, it must be associated with a significant increase in the fitness of offspring. However, I STRONGLY disagree because there are VAST amounts of hetero MEN and WOMEN out there that CANNOT produce an offspring. Nonetheless, society does NOT see them as something NEGATIVE or USELESS; they are given PITY and COMPASSION. Most scientists agree that WE are the result of a complex interaction of ENVIRONMENTAL, COGNITIVE and BIOLOGICAL factors. Although there is no adaptation from an EVOLUTIONARY standpoint, because WE do NOT produce children, there is evidence that WE have EXISTED and are KNOWN to ALL HUMAN CULTURES and CIVILIZATIONS. Despite the PROTEST and HOSTILITYWE have ADAPTED in NON-OBVIOUS WAYS and they know that we CANNOT be ignored. This took place because I feel that when MAN tries to EXPLAIN that which he has no TRUE knowledge of, it creates PROBLEMS. Thus, MISUNDERSTANDINGS and MAYHEM are the order of the day and their theory introduces the demon called GENDER IDENTITY. This arguable concept tries to confirm that WE are HOMOSEXUAL because of incline biological factors that are more than likely TRIGGERED in OUR upbringing, but this valid notion does NOT speak for us all. I for one do NOT believe that ADOPTING a GENDER IDENTITY forges the establishment of SEXUALITY. Most scientists agree that it is unlikely to find a single GAY GENE that determines something this complex. Nevertheless, I hope THIS ENTRY rid the GAY MALE COMMUNITY of those BITTER clichés that forces us to think WE CANNOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. OUR DIVINE retribution for being who WE are lies within and WE should NOT want to LIVE a LIFE of ABANDONMENT and DESERTION. WE know that every time WE CONNECT with another male on an intimate level, it feels RIGHT and COMFORTING; instead, we develop relationships that say WE are FUNDAMENTALLY WRONG for one another. WE ARE HAVING SEX & DECLARE OURSELVES UNFIT BASED ON HOW MANY TIMES WE CAN GET HORIZONTAL FOR THE F&CK OF IT. I HATE THIS & FEEL THAT OUR OPERATING UNDER THE FALSE PRETENSE OF LONELINESS AS A MOTIVATOR HAS ALTERED OUR DNA WHEN WE ARE OTHERWISE GENETICALLY CONFIGURED FOR A LIFE OF PROSPERITY. WE ARE MORE THAN JUST TWO or MORE BODIES COMING TOGETHER WITH PASSION & ECSTASY THAT DOES NOT PERPETUATE THE SPECIES. IT IS MY THOUGHT THAT WE WERE CREATED FOR THE POPULATION TO PROTECT ITSELF BY PRESERVING THE ENVIRONMENT & DECREASING OVERPOPULATION. WE BY NATURE ARE NON-REPRODUCTIVE & ARE THE NEXT PHASE OF EVOLUTION BECAUSE GOD PLACED IT IN THE THING THAT MAKES US WHO WE ARE, SO HOW CAN ANYONE ARGUE WITH THAT?

Friday, October 19, 2007


As a species, humans are notorious for being prejudice to others that are viewed as the ECCENTRIC~ODDBALL. We ALL live our lives as if we are elements within a pyramid structure, with those that are seen as the NONCONFORMIST @ the bottom and the CONVENTIONAL persons are @ the top. However, this perception of HUMANITY as a whole is very unbalanced. Hence, HOW CAN WE PAINT PEOPLE WITH A BROAD BRUSH, WHEN ALL OF US ARE THE SAME? I will be the first one to say that there are persons out there that seem to be a bit OFF the deep end, but how are they LESS for being EXTRAORDINARILY DIFFERENT? How can ONES commitment to who they are convinces them to embrace NOTHING other than what they perceive as NORMAL? How can their way of living be considered the RIGHT way? Who gives them ULTIMATE autonomy over those who live an ALTERED state of being? I find it funny because it is silly of them to believe that these people would be happier and more satisfied living a life that is considered NORMAL, mirroring theirs. So tell me, don’t we all have our OWN ABNORMAL things that makes US who WE are? With that said, I FEEL IT IS TIME FOR US TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL ARE BLESSED WITH OUR UNIQUE NATURE THAT CANNOT & SHOULD NOT BE ALTERED. So why judge another person who is DIFFERENT if WE ALL OBSESS about one or another? This is a classic case of you say this and I say that. Hence, what makes someone seem like a CRACK POT to another is PERFECTLY fine and okay. The sum total of how WE live will never compare to what WE are and our understanding of the CRACK POTS in ALL of US will forever be limited. The tings WE see in others will never be precisely the same as our own, so we do a disservice when we make assumptions about what is NORMAL and ABNORMAL. I SAY LEAVE IT ALONE, WHAT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU FIND OUT RATHER THAN PREJUDGE. WE ALREADY OPERATE ON A VERY LIMITED AMOUNT OF POWER, POWER THAT LIES IN OUR ABILITY TO ACCEPT OTHERS FOR ALL THEIR QUIRKS & DIFFERENCES. WE NEED TO LOVE EACH OTHER FOR WHO WE ARE, EMBRACE THE UNIQUENESS & SPEND LESS TIME & ENERGY GAZING INTO ANOTHER’S QUIRKNESS. LET US CELEBRATE IT EACH OTHER INSTEAD OF ALLOWING OUR DIFFERENCE TO SEGREGATE US EVEN FURTHER.

Thursday, October 18, 2007



LOVE is a WAR of the HEART n’ MIND.

So who is the “one” that meets on the battle ground?

Who is the “one” that carries your heart with the wind?

Who is the “one” that has you lost @ sea?

Who is the “one” that drowns you in LOVE?

…Now there is NO turning back,

And your HEART cries a little

Because you are NOT free.

And this GREATER than any fairytale reality,

Has you singing songs that falls on deaf ears,

Because the “one” is not physically attuned to the notes.

And here I am baring your soul,

Risking it all…

Making you fall,

Over and over and over

And I know you secretly cry,
Lord, God of hosts,
Be with me yet.
As you hold your breathe
Because you and the “one”
Were not written in heavens above.

No reason for pretending

The “one” is NOT true LOVE

So face destiny,

You know you have seen this before.

In your mind life for you didn’t being @ birth,

It was forged in the life of another…
Long before you were born,
The “one” entered you,
And you he…
Becoming flesh of flesh,
Bone of bone.
Your body can walk away;
But your heart remains.

Forcing you to that ACCEPT that the “one” was just a glimpsed,

A flash of what LOVE supposes to be.

And your heart begins to chase the room like a panther,

Pain and anxiety washes all over you.

Leaving you with an uncontained HEART.

…Because you LOVED the “one”

When the “ONE” has yet to appear.
© tgk

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


It seems that most people live their ENTIRE lives in ANGER and DESPAIR and they do not have a logical reason for such a state. I know that we were ALL born into the system and told to it ACCEPT it for what it is. However, as life goes on I feel HUMANITY will realize that there is something was terribly wrong with this notion. One like myself wonders why such a system is in existence in the first place? We all know that life has NO road maps; we just embark on this journey, with NO way of turning back once our paths have been revealed to us. Therefore, when we find a path that renders us HOPELESS we give up because we feel that once our feet is on the path, we undoubtedly have to cope with FAILURE that has come out way. I however, believe that each path that leads down the road of anguish can eventually takes us to where we ought to be. Why not see this optimism as DESTINY and the obstacles as FATE? We all know that obstacles appear to be inconveniences, which force us to take pause. We ought to remember that we draw to us that which we need to LEARN and LIFE positions us where we are need most. Obstacles are mere opportunities; how WE deal with them is important. We ought NOT to allow the SHADOWY control of FAILURE to take over. We need to try our hardest to see BEYOND our HANG UPS and NEGATIVITY. The SYSTEM is F&CKED up and we need rise above it. We need a sense of RESOLVE and that can only come from OUR collective STRENGTHS. This world is HOPELESS because so many of us do not have that and most of us are STILL searching for ourselves. Our world is HOPELESS because we do not care about others, hence they do NOT care about themselves. We are ALL so GUARDED and CAUTIOUS that we loose the BIGGER picture. I FEEL LIFE IS HOPELESS BECAUSE ADULTS ARE NATURALLY SELFISH! WE HAVE DEVELOPED A DEFENSE MECHANISM THAT IS NATURALLY DESTROYING US & THIS DOES NOT ENSURE THE COLLECTIVE SURVIVAL OF OUR PLANET? Therefore, I implore everyone on this planet to see HOPELESSNESS as MESSAGES that are in disguise and our task is to strip away the MASK and become the recipient of the blessings that they bear. IT IS ONLY THEN WE CAN MOVE FROM THIS PLACE OF LOSS & DEFEAT THE DARKNESS THAT HAS COVERED OUR REALITY. I HOPE WE ALL KNOW THAT WE HAVE HOPE, I CAN HEAR INNER CHILD, SO SWEET…SO INNOCENTLY WAILING &; RAGING AGAINST THE DYING LIGHT, CAN YOU HEAR YOURS?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


Anal sex can be a pleasurable experience for gay men, but there are a few things you should know before having anal sex and a few tips to help ease the pain.

Know how the anus works. Before having anal sex, let's talk about how the anus works. The anus is the opening at the end of the colon which controls the passage of waste. Waste passes through the small intestines to your colon, then your rectum and finally out the anus. The opening and closing of the anus is controlled by the internal and external sphincter muscles (the most important muscles when engaging in anal sex). The sphincter muscle is a sensitive membrane with many nerve endings and thus the source of pleasure or pain.

Reduce the pain. Any pain associated with anal sex is due to pressure or friction against the sphincter muscles. The best ways to reduce pain during anal sex is to get to know how your sphincter works and lubricate properly.

Get to know your body. The more familiar you are with your body, the more enjoyable anal sex can be. Each person's sphincter muscles react to penetration differently. Since the muscles control the opening and closing of the anus, you need to learn how yours works. Spend time safely exploring the sensitivity of your sphincter and how it reacts when you are relaxed or tense. Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing. Use a small sex toy, and then gradually increase the size. Exploring the sensitivity of your sphincter is an exercise both you and your partner can enjoy prior to penetration. Openly communicate how you feel in certain situations: What makes you tense? What are your limits? Stop if you feel uncomfortable, experience pain or bleeding. The more you both know about your bodies, the better your anal sex experience.

Practice good hygiene. Many gay men shy away from anal sex because of the possible hygiene problems. Maintaining proper hygiene is not only important for an enjoyable anal sex experience, but your health as well. Cleaning can be overdone, however. Be careful with over the counter internal cleansing products. They contain harsh ingredients not formulated for the anus. Also, avoid over wiping as this can cause irritation and bleeding. Baby wipes also contain perfumes that can irritate the skin. To properly clean, use premoistened adult wipes, like Charmin Fresh Mates or Kleenex Cottonelle Flushable Wipes.

Beware of the dangers of STD's. The anus is a thin membrane and therefore a hot bed for sexually transmitted diseases. HIV and other STD's can easily enter the bloodstream, especially when there are abrasions or tears in the anus. Having a thin membrane between your bloodstream and your partner's bodily fluids is what makes bareback sex so dangerous. Always use a condom and practice safer sex.

Dispel anal sex myths. Many gay men avoid seeking medical attention because they feel if they have had anal sex the doctor can immediately tell. Yes, the anus is stretched after anal sex, but it returns to normal soon after. If you think something may be wrong with your anus, see a gay-affirmative doctor.

Monday, October 15, 2007


It is a well known fact that ALL of us are connected to the inherent SPIRITUALITY of HUMANITY that sustains the world. However there are those few that do everything to block their inheritance and live a life that is way below what they are. I know of such a person and she has such a DYNAMIC spirit but SHE refuses to shine. Now I know that it is common to have reservations about PEOPLE, PLACES and THINGS, but it is virtually impossible to be unsure about ALL areas of your life; well she is and I want her to RISE above it ALL. She needs to RAISE above all the hang ups of her childhood; YES she is BLACK, BIG LIPS and ROUGH HAIR. YES she was made to feel LESS than because of what she represents. I thought that STRENGTH is born out of PAIN. I thought that when you are this LOW, it cannot get any worse. Guess I was wrong, DEAD wrong. Nonetheless, who the hell cares if the world likes you or not? You HATE on yourself and the world knows it, it is seen in your THINKING and the things you DO and SAY. Being in a dark is scary and she knows it, yet refuses to GET out. I know that in life, most of us want things to go the way we envisioned, but life has detours and they can either MAKE or BREAK us. We want to be HAPPY, SUCCESSFUL and HEALTHY, all of which are perfectly natural and perfectly human. So when life takes us to places we didn’t consciously want to go, we often feel as if something has gone wrong, or we must have made a mistake somewhere along the line, or any number of other disheartening possibilities. I sympathize with her and only wishes that SHE realize that this is just life’s way of taking her to a place SHE needs to go for reasons that go deeper than HER own ability to reason. I would think that HER HARD KNOCKS and TRIALS are designed to shed light on HER unconscious workings and deepen HER experience of reality. When I think about HER and how life is, I am remind that the key to the universe lies in what we do not know, and what we do know is a small fraction of the great mystery in which we live. Nonetheless, the truth is, the universe is there for HER. It is up to HER to make the connection, because I cannot do it for HER, I can only write this WAKE-UP call and HOPE it reaches her somehow. Until then I will continue to encourage her to RISE; breathe the air around YOU; that is surrounding YOU, moving through YOU. I HOPE she can step outside of herself and shift HER thoughts and change HER perception. How long can one be their UNUSUAL self? How much NEGATIVITY can one bathe? How does one feel good about NOT soaring? I HATE THAT WITH HER GOOD = BAD. I HATE THAT SHE HAS NO REAL HUMAN CONNECTION. I HATE THAT I SEE BEYOND HER & SHE DOES NOT. I WOULD LOVE FOR HER TO CHANGE HER THINKING BECAUSE HER BELIEFS WOULD TRANSFORM THEM. WHEN HER BELIEF IS CHANGED, HER EXPECTATIONS REVOLUTIONIZES. WHEN HER EXPECTATIONS CHANGES, HER ATTITUDE CAN BE ADJUSTED. WHEN HER ATTITUDE CHANGES, HER BEHAVIOR IS MODIFIED. WHEN HER BEHAVIOR IS CHANGED, HER PERFORMANCE IS EXULTED. WHEN HER PERFORMANCE IS CHANGED, HER LIFE IS WHERE IT SHOULD BE…& SHE CAN RISE!

Sunday, October 14, 2007


This guide focuses on the basics of safer sex, and on how to make whatever precautions you choose feel as pleasurable as possible. Safer sex precautions are obviously not necessary when neither you nor your partner(s) have anything you could transmit to each other (and will be completely safe in your interactions with anyone else during the course of your relationship, and when birth control is not an issue, etc.), but in all other cases your peace of mind can be enhanced by making your own choices about safer sex ahead of time and sticking to them. Please note that safer sex is about dramatic risk reduction against the most serious sexually-transmitted ailments, not complete risk elimination for every possible condition (for example: the virii for cold sores and warts can be spread through unbarriered contact with any infected area, including health-looking skin that a condom would not cover).

Intercourse - The single most effective thing you can do to stay healthy while being sexually active is to use latex condoms for intercourse. All condoms are not made alike; men should experiment with different brands until they find the one they like best (many men prefer Kimono Microthins, which also taste fine for fellatio if you get them without Nonoxynol-9). When you put on a condom, pinch its tip as you unroll it (all the way down!) to prevent an air bubble from forming in the reservoir tip. For intercourse, you should then put some water-based lube (such as Astroglide, I-D, Foreplay, Wet, or Probe) on the outside of the condom for comfort, mutual pleasure, and to keep the condom from tearing during sex (some men find that more sensation is transmitted to them if they put a small amount of water-based or silicone-based lube INSIDE the tip of their condom before putting it on). It's very important for men to hold onto the base of their condom as they withdraw (i.e. after becoming soft) so it doesn't slip off. For a while, health experts were recommending that people choose safer sex products with Nonoxynol-9 to protect against HIV transmission: recent scientific evidence is resulting in this advice being formally retracted, and unless you are using Nonoxynol-9 as a contraceptive rather than for HIV prevention, it may be wise to cease using it entirely. If a condom fails during anal intercourse, the receptive partner shouldn't douche; if any Nonoxynol-9 contraceptive foam is handy it MIGHT help for him or her to insert it and leave it in for about 15 minutes, and it would certainly help to immediately remove the condom from inside the anus if it was left there. Men can give themselves a little extra protection after potentially being exposed to an STD by immediately visiting the restroom, urinating, and then possibly washing their genitals with an anti-bacterial soap. Please remember that it one should use a new condom for each new partner if there are multiple partners and it should NEVER be reused.

Oral Sex - Opinions differ on the use of safer-sex barriers for oral sex. It's clear that herpes can be transmitted from genitals to mouth or mouth to genitals during unprotected oral sex, but some people feel the risk is acceptably low outside of the most infectious period (which starts with the tingling "prodrome" sensations that precede an outbreak, and continues until several weeks after the sores go away). It is possible to pick up a bacterial infection of the mouth or throat by going down on someone who currently has a bacterial STD (typically Gonorrhea, more rarely Syphillis or Chlamydia), but these can generally be cured with antibiotics once they're identified. It is clear that the risk of transmitting HIV is much, MUCH lower for unprotected oral sex than for unprotected anal intercourse, and that the risk is MUCH lower for the person being sucked or licked than for the person doing the sucking or licking. For the person doing the sucking or licking, the risk of transmission is lower if your gums (and lips/mouth/throat) are healthy, if you don't let men come in your mouth, and if you don't perform cunnilingus on a woman while she is menstruating. Some sex educators recommend NOT flossing or brushing your teeth for an hour before giving unprotected oral sex (use Cool Mint Listerine or some other anti-bacterial mouthwash if you're concerned about bad breath or just want to freshen up), and others recommend quickly looking over the genitals you're about to go down on for obvious signs of contagious STDs (including genital warts, which can on rare occasion be transmitted from genitals to mouth). If your policy for performing unprotected fellatio is to not let your partner come in your mouth and he does so anyway, it's better to immediately spit than to either wait or swallow, and it may help (especially for bacterial STDs) to then go use an anti-bacterial or peroxide mouthwash. Pre-cum can contain HIV, and although not letting men come in your mouth SIGNIFICANTLY reduces your already low risk to even lower levels, if you are concerned about becoming infected via pre-cum while performing fellatio you have two risk-reduction options: not taking the head of his penis in your mouth or using barriers for oral sex. If you decide that your personal safety standards include barriers for oral sex, then you'll need to use latex condoms (without Nonoxynol-9) for fellatio, and either saran wrap or one of those "Glyde" dams for cunnilingus (for cunnilingus, put a little water-based lube on your partner's side of the barrier to increase the sensation transmitted to her). The same barrier techniques used for cunnilingus can also be used for analingus (rimming), where they should be considered essential if the person doing the licking isn't immunized against hepatitis A or if the person being licked may have a bacterial infection.

Your Hands - If you've had your fingers in someone's anus, or had someone come on your hands, then it's a good idea to wash your hands with hot water and anti-bacterial soap before touching your eyes or anyone else's genitals (individually-packaged anti-bacterial towlettes might be useful if you're outdoors). If your skin is compromised in any way, if you want to avoid needing to leave the scene to wash your hands, if you're going to be engaging in anal fisting or exposing yourself to any blood, or if you just want to be extra-safe, then try using disposable latex "examination" gloves - they're available at most drug stores. Of course, if you've just had your ungloved fingers in somebody's ass, then you'll want to be sure to clean your hands particularly thoroughly (especially under your fingernails) before putting your them in or near anyone's mouth.

Safer Sex Kits & Vaccinations - It's helpful to get a little hip pack for your safer-sex supplies, your smaller bottle of water-based lube, and anything else you commonly use. You might also want to pack a portable toothbrush and a travel-sized toothpaste tube in case you end up staying overnight somewhere. There are two STDs for which permanent vaccines are available: hepatitis B and hepatitis A. Hepatitis B can be spread easily through intercourse and (less easily) through oral sex or rimming, and hepatitis A is easily spread through rimming. Getting these two vaccinations (which you can do at the same time) would be an excellent idea if you don't always use barriers for these activities. By contrast, there is currently NO vaccine against Hepatitis C (though Hep C is spread primarily through direct contact with human blood, e.g. through sharing needles, and only rarely through sexual contact - see more details). Researchers have recently discovered a possible vaccine against HPV subtype 16 (the strain of "genital warts" most likely to cause cervical disease, particularly for women who are not getting the annual Pap tests that might otherwise detect this problem in time to prevent it), but their vaccine is not available to the general public yet. Treatment, Testing, Supplies, and Additional Information - If you have additional questions about STDs or HIV, call the National STD Hotline at 1-800-227-8922 or visit Information about clinics in your area where testing is available can be obtained by calling the National STD Hotline or by visiting As the bacterial STDs are almost always curable with antibiotics and the incurable viral STDs (such as HIV, herpes, hepatitis, and HPV) are now more easily managed than ever, it's in your best interest to get tested if you think you might have been exposed to anything. Please keep in mind that, for standard HIV testing, a minimum of three months needs to go by since your last potential exposure for the test to be reliable: in other words, if you and your partner would like to drop safer sex precautions with each other and are primarily concerned about HIV, you'll need to go through a period of time where you're completely safe with each other and everyone else before you'll be able to get a meaningful test result (you'll also be advised on this matter when you go in for testing). If you require more detailed information on STD/HIV treatments, the best online document is the CDC's Guidelines for Treatment of Sexually Transmitted Disease at The only element lacking in this document is good pictures of herpes sores (and symptoms caused by other STDs) for those who want a better chance of being able to identify some of them by sight; for pictures, visit Latex allergies are an increasing area of concern, particularly for health care workers. Fortunately, if you or your partner have any sort of latex sensitivity, non-latex alternatives for safer sex are available: Avanti condoms, Saran Wrap for cunnilingus and analingus, and Nitrile gloves.


For more information on making safer sex fun and erotic, read The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans or watch the videotape Safe is Desire.