I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wednesday, September 29, 2010



Tuesday, September 28, 2010



Monday, September 27, 2010


It's no secret that a man's sexual function declines with age. As his testosterone level falls, it takes more to arouse him. Once aroused, he takes longer to get an erection and to achieve orgasm and, following orgasm, to become aroused again. Age brings marked declines in semen volume and sperm quality. Erectile dysfunction (ED), or impotence, is clearly linked to advancing years; between the ages of 40 and 70, the percentage of potent men falls from 60% to roughly 30%, studies show.
Men also experience a gradual decline in urinary function. Studies show that a man's urine stream weakens over time, the consequence of weakened bladdermuscles and, in many cases, prostate enlargement.
And that's not all. Recent research confirms what men have long suspected and, in some cases, feared: that the penis itself undergoes significant changes as a man moves from his sexual prime -- around age 30 for most guys -- into middle age and on to his dotage. These changes include:
Appearance. There are two major changes. The head of the penis (glans) gradually loses its purplish color, the result of reduced blood flow. And there is a slow loss of pubic hair. "As testosterone wanes, the penis gradually reverts to its prepubertal, mostly hairless, state," says Irwin Goldstein, MD, director of sexual medicine at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego and editor-in-chief of The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Penis Size.  Weight gain is common as men grow older. As fat accumulates on the lower abdomen, the apparent size of the penis changes. "A large prepubic fat pad makes the penile shaft look shorter," says Ira Sharlip, MD, clinical professor of urology at the University of California, San Francisco.
"In some cases, abdominal fat all but buries the penis," says Ronald Tamler, MD, PhD, co-director of the Men's Health Program at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. "One way I motivate my overweight patients is by telling them that they can appear to gain up to an inch in size simply by losing weight."
In addition to this apparent shrinkage (which is reversible) the penis tends to undergo an actual (and irreversible) reduction in size. The reduction -- in both length and thickness -- typically isn't dramatic but may be noticeable. "If a man's erect penis is 6 inches long when he is in his 30s, it might be 5 or 5-and-a-half inches when he reaches his 60s or 70s," says Goldstein.
What causes the penis to shrink? At least two mechanisms are involved, experts say. One is the slow deposition of fatty substances (plaques) inside tiny arteries in the penis, which impairs blood flow to the organ. This process, known asatherosclerosis, is the same one that contributes to blockages inside the coronary arteries -- a leading cause of heart attack.
Goldstein explains that another mechanism involves the gradual buildup of relatively inelastic collagen (scar tissue) within the stretchy fibrous sheath that surrounds the erection chambers. Erections occur when these chambers fill with blood. Blockages within the penile arteries -- and increasingly inelastic chambers -- mean smaller erections.
As penis size changes, so do the testicles. "Starting around age 40, the testicles definitely begin to shrink," says Goldstein. The testicles of a 30-year-old man might measure 3 centimeters in diameter, he says; those of a 60-year-old, perhaps only 2 centimeters.
Curvature. If penile scar tissue accumulates unevenly, the penis can become curved. This condition, known as Peyronie's disease, occurs most commonly in middle age. It can cause painful erections and make intercourse difficult. The condition may require surgery.
Sensitivity. Numerous studies have shown that the penis becomes less sensitive over time. This can make it hard to achieve an erection and to have an orgasm. Whether it renders orgasm less pleasurable remains an open question.
If there's a silver lining to these presumably unwelcome changes, it's this: Experts say these changes need not ruin your erotic life. One recent study involving 2,213 men in Olmstead County, Minn., showed significant declines in erectile function, libido, and ejaculatory function -- but only moderate decreases in sexual satisfaction. "Older men may be less likely to perceive these declines as a problem and be dissatisfied," concluded the study's authors.
As Goldstein puts it, "The most important ingredient for a satisfying sex life is the ability to satisfy your partner, and that doesn't require peak sexual performance or a big penis. As long as a man's partner enjoys sexual intercourse, he feels like a god."

Sunday, September 26, 2010


Hope you're ready for a showdown on Sunday, September 26 at 9|8c on ABC. Vanessa Williams is the new housewife in town and she means business...



Saturday, September 25, 2010




"Doo Wop (That Thing)" is the debut single from American Hip Hop artist Lauryn Hill. The song is taken from debut album, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. Written and Producer by Hill, the song was released as the album's lead single in October 1998. It was Hill's first Billboard Hot 100 number-one. The song won Best Female R&B Vocal Performance and Best R&B Song at the 1999 Grammy Awards on February 24, 1999.
Hill's first solo singles were two 1997 movie soundtracks : "The Sweetest Thing" from Love Jonesand a cover of Frankie Valli's 1967 song "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" for Conspiracy Theory.
That Thing--released in Spring 1998 as her first solo song from her debut album—was a major success. It became the 10th single to debut at number-one on the Billboard Hot 100, and stayed there for two weeks in the fall of 1998. It won two Grammy Awards the following February. The successes of "Doo Wop" and the Miseducation album established Hill as a success outside of her group, The Fugees.

That Thing--released in Spring 1998 as her first solo song from her debut album—was a major success. It became the 10th single to debut at number-one on the Billboard Hot 100, and stayed there for two weeks in the fall of 1998. It won two Grammy Awards the following February. The successes of "Doo Wop" and the Miseducation album established Hill as a success outside of her group, The Fugees.
The song is a warning from Hill to African-American men and women caught in "the struggle". Both the women who "try to be a hardrock when they really are a gem", and the men who are "more concerned with his rims, and his Timbs, than his women", are admonished by Hill, who warns them not to allow "that thing", whatever it may be, to ruin their lives.
"Doo Wop (That Thing)" is included as number 359 on the Songs of the Century list. At the Grammy Awards of 1999, the song won two awards: Best R&B Song and Best Female R&B Vocal Performance. The song's music video won four 1999 MTV Video Music Awards for:Best Female VideoBest R&B VideoBest Art Direction, and Video of the Year.
The music video for Doo Wop (That Thing) was filmed using a split screen technique, the video features Hill, who was six months pregnant at the time, performing "Doo Wop" at block parties in two different eras: the mid-1960s and the late-1990s. The video was directed by duo Big TV!. It was filmed in Washington HeightsManhattan.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Thursday, September 23, 2010



Wednesday, September 22, 2010



Monday, September 20, 2010


The outer world serves as a mirror and our inner world has a magnetic force that draws to us what we need to evolve. We spend a lot of our lives looking for ways to ensure our happiness and while there is nothing wrong with that, in fact, having the ‘right’ set of things in place @ the ‘right’ time can REALLY make one feel good. However, it is important to realize that in the absence of ‘right’ place and time, we need to know that know that happiness is NOT a destination, but a journey.

We carry within us everything we need to make ourselves happy to make progress on our paths. The outer world serves as a mirror. Or to use another metaphor, our inner world has a magnetic force that draws to us what we need to make ourselves happy. All we need to do to see that we already have everything we need is to let go of our belief that we need to seek in order to find. So many of us believe that the path to happiness is often defined as a journey with a goal such as the mythical pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. In this metaphor, a person begins a search for something they want but do not have and then they find it, and there is a happy ending. However, most of us know that getting what we want only makes us happy for a moment, and then the happiness passes until a new object of desire presents itself. Joy is a permanent aspect of our inner selves and is not separate from us at any point. We do not have to travel to find it or imagine that it resides only in the body of another. In fact, what the journey will do is point out that this very precious elixir is something we already possess.

So when we find ourselves on our path, not knowing which way to turn and wishing for guidance, we can turn to ourselves. We may not know the right answer rationally or intellectually, but if we simply ask, let go, and wait patiently, an answer will come. The more we practice this and trust this process, the less we will look outside ourselves for teachers and guides for we will have successfully become our own. I know taking what I say makes the ambitions we dream of realizing even MORE complex because pitfalls and setbacks deter and affect our progress and leeches away our passion. But we can imagine the joyful realization of our goals in our mind’s eye; we will gleefully bask in the little bouts of happiness along the way. Delays simply oblige us to rewrite our timetables and reassess our strategies. Which can ONLY keep our eagerness keen, regardless of how long we must wait to attain to achieve that one goal we feel will make us happy. 


Sunday, September 19, 2010


I often find that repeated bouts of adversity are an unavoidable aspect of my human existence. I sometimes battle against inner struggles or outer world forces, and in many cases, emerge on the opposite side of the struggle stronger and better equipped to cope with the challenges yet to come. However, more times that I care to count, I encounter a particular trial that seems utterly HOPELESS! I strike @ it with all of my strength AND perseverance, hoping desperately to find some sort of resolution, ONLY to meet with the same results as always. My first instinct in such situations is often to push harder against the seemingly immovable obstruction before me, assuming that this time it will be met with a different outcome. But what do I do when the struggle I have is my mother, her finances and her faith?

As I sit and write this entry knowing what decision I came to, it still puzzles me that I made it. You see I have NO problem giving my mother money to help her do what she needs to do, but when I know she is going to take it and put it the pastor’s bank account, I have a SERIOUS problem with that. I thought maybe I should get what she needs rather than giving her the money to get it, but then I realized she is a grown woman and if she decides to put her needs last, is that my problem? Do I wish she could get a change in perspective and behavior that would move her to a place where she can @ least have a meal everyday? HELL YES! But I had to understand that whether my intention is to change this element of HER world, I CANNOT punish her not seeing what I see. She HAS to come to realize that if her patterns of thought and behavior remain the same, her life’s WILL continue to unfold the exact same way day in and day out.

I know that folks would see my view of her fruitless faith as harsh or sacrilegious and that doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is that they refuse to see how her faithfulness to the pastor of the church takes SO much from her…even her gay son. Nonetheless I consider it necessary that I question her faith and the lack of mine. Asking myself this question allowed me to make a small adjustment to my thought processes and behaviors because @ the end of the day I have NO concern what a beggar on street does with the money I give, so why should I worry about what my mother does with hers? Breaking myself free from the conscious patterns that have long held sway over my actions and reactions wasn’t easy but @ the end of the day I would like to know that I did the best I can despite myself. Therefore if I wish to court the change I wish to see, I HAVE TO acknowledge that only change begets change and know that my beliefs with regard to cause and effect aren’t always going to be in accordance with I need or want.

Saturday, September 18, 2010


"What's Going On" is a song written by Renaldo "Obie" BensonAl Cleveland, and Marvin Gaye. It was the title track of Gaye's groundbreaking 1971 Motown album What's Going On, and it became a crossover hit single that reached #2 on the pop charts and #1 on the R&B charts.[1]. A meditation on the troubles and problems of the world, the song proved a timely and relatable release, and it marked Gaye's departure from the pop stylings of 1960s-era Motown towards more personal material. The song topped aMetro Times list of the 100 Greatest Detroit Songs Of All Time,[2] and in 2004, Rolling Stone magazine ranked it the fourth greatest song of all time.
The song has been covered by multiple artists, notably Cyndi Lauper, whose version reached #12 on the pop singles charts in 1987.

Song concept

In 1970, Renaldo "Obie" Benson was a member of Motown's popular male vocal group The Four Tops. While on the road in San Francisco, Benson saw several young anti-war protesters being arrested and pushed over by cops. Benson said he was deeply disturbed by the cops' actions and when he returned home, began writing a song initially about police brutality and "picket lines, picket signs". Benson presented the idea to his fellow Four Tops band mates though they each told him that they didn't want to record the song in fear of losing fans. At the time, records by The Temptations and Edwin Starr pointed to a rawer sound that discussed social affairs. Most of the Four Tops songs dealt with relationships. Earlier that year, the group had put out "Still Water", which was co-written by Smokey Robinson. Its parent album was a proto-concept album. After coming up with a few lyrics for the untitled song, Benson hired Al Cleveland to help him with more lyrics. The track, originally about civil rights and anti-war protests, was givenJoan Baez to record. However, Baez wasn't able to record the song, which still had no title and half the lyrics of which were unfinished.


At the same time, Marvin Gaye was going through a personal and professional crossroads. The 31-year-old singer was dealing with the tragedy of losing his best friend, singing partner Tammi Terrell, who died in March of that year after suffering from a brain tumor for three years. Gaye was thinking of quitting show business and joining the Detroit Lions football team, even training every morning to get in shape for his tryout. Though he didn't make the team, the Lions players said they were impressed by the singer's regimen. Gaye had also shot a movie earlier in the year titled Hot Chrome and Leather, which was held back from release for a year. Around the same time, he was offered the role as Sam Cooke in a film but turned it down because he found it odd to play a role of "a soul singer who gets shot to death". Gaye stopped performing onstage after Terrell's death and after a while soul-searching, decided to continue his music career but under his own terms, which implied wresting control from Motown and from his brother-in-lawBerry Gordy. He had seen great success as a songwriter and producer with The Originals' hits "Baby I'm for Real" and "The Bells" and wanted to produce more. It was while golfing with Benson and Cleveland that Gaye came up with the song title after asking them "what's going on, man?" Returning to Gaye's house, Benson and Cleveland presented Gaye the still-unfinished song. Motivated and inspired by horrific stories of the Vietnam War told to him by his brother Frankie, Gaye began adding his own lyrics and modified the "picket lines, picket signs" lyrics to the chorus with the repeats of "what's going on". He also added melody to his piano while Benson played parts of the song in his guitar. Putting the song together, Gaye received credit for co-composition. Gaye originally thought the song's moody feel was perfect for The Originals but Benson assured Gaye that he should record it himself, which he agreed to.
On June 10, 1970, Gaye returned to Hitsville USA with the song. The recording was looser than Gaye's previous recordings, in which Gaye free-styled two different vocal leads while Motown's session musicians The Funk Brothers played in a laid-back setting. At the intro, saxophonist Eli Fontaine's line was not originally intended. When Gaye heard playback though, he realized this was the bittersweet hook he had been groping for and let Fontaine go. When Fontaine tried telling Gaye that he was "just goofing", the singer told him "you goofed off exquisitely." Notable Motown bassist James Jamerson was pulled into the session after the singer located him drunk at a bar. Jamerson couldn't sit in his seat because of him flopping over, so according to the story told by one of his band mates, Jamerson lay on the floor playing the bass line. However, arranger Dave Van dePitte recalls that it was a track that Jamerson greatly respected: "On 'What's Going On' though, he just read the [bass] part down like I wrote it. He loved it because I had written Jamerson licks for Jamerson." Annie Jamerson recalls that when he returned home that night, he declared that the song they had been working on was a 'masterpiece', one of the few occasion where he had discussed his work so passionately with her. [3] Gaye also added to instrumentation playing piano and keyboards while also playing a loud effect on the drums to help accentuate Chet Forest's drumming. He also added his own background vocals singing the "what's going on" refrain to his own leads. To add a more personal touch, Marvin, his Detroit Lions friends Mel Farr and Lem Barney and several Funk Brothers members could be heard communicating as if they were at a party or a gathering. Alternate crowd gather can be heard in the Detroit mix of the song near the ending. While hearing playback, Gaye asked one of his engineers to give him his two vocal leads to compare which ones to use for the song. Accidentally the engineers mixed the two leads together. Gaye was impressed with the double-lead feel and decided to keep it, it influenced his later recordings where he mastered vocal multi-layering adding in three different vocal parts. The song was also notable for its use of major seventh and minor seventh chords, which was a fairly uncommon use at the time. [4]

Arguments with Berry Gordy

During the same session, Marvin added in the song "God is Love", with lyrics he wrote about his faith in God. The music was co-written by Marvin, first wife Anna Gordy, James Nyx and Elgie Stover, the foursome had originally used the music for the Monitors' original recording of Marvin's "Just to Keep You Satisfied", which was recorded in 1969. Like "What's Going On", Marvin added in a lead and an accompanying background while harmonizing together in parts of the bridge. With "What's Going On" as the leading A-side, Gaye presented the song to Motown CEO Berry Gordy but was dismayed when Gordy flatly turned it down calling it "too jazzy". Marvin protested by telling him he wouldn't record again until the song was released. Smokey Robinson, singer and Motown's vice president at the time, said that Gordy once asked him to get Gaye to change his mind about releasing "What's Going On", to which Robinson replied that telling Marvin to do anything different "is like a bear shitting in the woods, Marvin ain't budging." According to Harry Balk, Gordy told him the song had the "Dizzy Gillespie-styled scats", claiming it was "old". Undeterred, Gaye stood by his decision not to record while Gordy desperately tried to get the singer back to the recording studio.

Release and reaction

On January 20, 1971, seven months after recording the song, a prominent Los Angeles radio disk jockey leaked "What's Going On" to his station. Soon, the country was playing the record unbeknownst to Berry Gordy who still had not given anyone permission to release it. Gordy was astonished however when word came that the song was one of the fastest-rising and fastest-selling songs of the country. Within a month, it had reached the top ten on the Billboard Hot 100 and the Hot Selling Soul Singles charts and by March, the song had peaked at number-one R&B and number-two pop, eventually selling over 2.5 million records becoming the fastest-selling Motown single to date at that time and Gaye's best-selling release following "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" two and a half years before.
The song's success gave Gaye the freedom to produce his own album with songs of similar themes. Gaye would base the parent album, also titled What's Going On as the conceptual story of a returning Vietnam War veteran who comes back to a world he doesn't recognize. Gordy was unenthusiastic about the album, but on release it was an immediate critical and commercial success. "What's Going On" itself has since become one of Gaye's signature songs.

Thursday, September 16, 2010


Like glass, he is so…
Fragile, a whisper can strip
His VERY lost soul

A life upside down
NO escape but death life is
beyond his reach now

Where are his angels?
If only I could plead with
The universe as

As his life melts in
The darkness surrounding him
No sight just stillness

No choice but to be
Mad at the world praying that
It’ll be over soon

For his tomorrow’s
Sun will NEVER come for this
Very lost friend of…

If only I could
See him shine one last time see
His real essence such

Translucent words that
Drips between silent minutes,
His soul flinches and…

tgk ©

Tuesday, September 14, 2010


I am CONSTANTLY being told/shown that this world I perceive as real is actually an illusion, not unlike a film being projected. Lately I find myself in a state of unrest where my relationship with Noel is concerned. I feel SO blessed to have him and I am thankful for each day we share together, but there is apart of me that feels selfish for him being here. Lately I’ve been thinking if Noel and I hadn’t met he wouldn’t have to deal with issues like being unemployed and having to subject himself to the xenophobic ways of the Bahamas.

I try to lose myself in that thought of us as little boys singing that mesmerizing, wistful lullaby that ends with the words, “Life is but a dream.” This represents the classic example of my deep, complicated truth hiding, like an underground stream, in an unlikely place. And it winds its way through my mind like a riddle FORCING me to consider its meaning. I HATE that I get SO involved in the projection of what life is, that I forget to see it for what it REALLY is. How do I get SO caught up in the illusion of life? Why do I let myself believe the illusion that I am in a life and death struggle of my relationship?

I think because Noel is me and I am him, I take on the things that he would take on and it is SO funny because when he went home earlier this year, I made him promise me that he wouldn’t stress out his employment situation upon his return. I felt SO close to the light of awareness that I have NO idea how I got caught up in this passing fancy…wondering how do I get back to the place where I live my life with detachment, compassion, and wisdom, without struggling on the “stage” play of life? Yesterday I couldn’t bring myself to understand that knowing that life is but a dream does not mean that I ignore it or don’t do my best with the twists and turns of our fate. Rather, I need to become that actor who plays his role FULLY even as I know it is ONLY a role, I MUST engage in the unfolding drama, but with a little more freedom because I know that this is not the totality of who Noel and I are.

Our relationship is more of an ad-libbing than it is like a play whose lines have already been written, whose end is already known. Like improvisers, we have choices to make and the more we embrace the illusionary quality of the performance, the lighter we can be on the planet, on others, and MORE importantly ourselves. We can truly play with the shadows cast by the light of the projector, fully engaging without getting bogged down. And I will do my best to remember that…

“Through struggle and diligence, we learn to extend ourselves past the arbitrary limits we once set and boldly accept challenges that will test our skills, abilities, and perseverance. As you strive to do your best today regardless of what duty you’re addressing, you’ll invite achievement and distinction into your existence.”

Monday, September 13, 2010


The Season 3 finale of True Blood was kind of an understated affair and/or a mess — you choose! As in past seasons, a big-bad villain was dispatched (R.I.P., Russell), but instead of providing any semblance of satisfying closure, his death was a mere side dish to several other incremental developments that appear to be setting up Season 4. In the meantime, we're left with quite a few burning questions:
Is Russell actually dead? We see Eric silver and bury Russell in concrete, but certainly vampires have escaped from greater peril. Will Denis O'Hare be back for Season 4? My gut says no, but wouldn't it be something? His is the one story I'd like to see more of.

Where's Tara going? Her parking-lot flashback — to the macabre deaths of Miss Jeannette, Eggs and Franklin Mott — remind us that Tara has had it pretty tough of late. So who can blame her for wanting to leave town? I hope she finds some fun next season — she certainly has the right hairdo for it now.
What's up with Lafayette? That V trip isn't all that's ailing Lala. When he finally tells Jesus about all the freaky things he's been seeing (blood on Sam's hands, Rene choking Arlene), Jesus has some news of his own: he's a brujo, a male witch.

Did Sam shoot Tommy? After discovering that his brother has crossed him yet again, this time by breaking into his safe, Sam kind of loses it and goes after the little thief with a gun. We watch as Sam pulls the trigger, but clearly it's just a tranquilizer gun, right? There's no way that Sam is killing the only family he knows. He'll have no Season 4 story line!

Is Jason going to save Hotshot? Two things have made Jason's story remotely watchable this season: 1) his budding romance with Crystal and 2) his attempts at becoming a cop. In one fell swoop, the writers have, it appears, eliminated both, instead saddling him with what is sure to be the most leaden part of every episode next season: watching Jason save Hotshot. Ugh.

Is Hoyt and Jessica's new house haunted? Let's put aside for a moment that lame intervention that Maxine, Summer and Hoyt's old guidance counselor staged. When we last saw Maxine, she was buying a shotgun, presumably with wooden bullets, so I sure hope that Hoyt didn't send his ma a change of address card, because he and Jessica are moving in together! Their new place has but one flaw: a creepy babydoll left behind in the living room, sure to indicate impending doom.

Is Bill going to kill the Queen? Wait, I thought Sookie already knew that the Queen sent Bill? At any rate, she does now, and she ain't happy about it. Bill might redeem himself by killing Sophie-Anne Matrix-style, but wouldn't it be more interesting to see Bill on the outs for a little while?

Where did Sookie go? Sookie makes it clear that she has had enough of vampires, which, well, wouldn't you have by now? In response, she disinvites both Bill and Eric from her home and seeks solace at Gram's grave. Claudine, Sookie's fairy godmother (like, really), finds her there and sweeps her off to Fairyland. Now if we had seen a bit more of that during this hour, I might have less to complain about. But we didn't.

I'm a very forgiving True Blood viewer, but looking back over Season 3, I have to say, it's been kind of a letdown. There were satisfying moments here and there (most of them came courtesy of Denis O'Hare), but I had high hopes that Alan Ball & Co. would take the big pile of characters and plot strands they presented us with back in June and weave them together into a tight, logical narrative fabric.
But here we are in September and just one of those 34 story lines found closure — if Russell is indeed dead. On the flip side, Lafayette, Arlene and Jason — three characters of whom I'm quite fond — will all be saddled with the same story lines next season, and I'm already as sick of them as Sookie is of vampires. Let's hope the next nine months makes me miss Bon Temps.

What did you think of "Evil Is Going On"? Did you hanker for more closure? Are you excited to see how the pending stories play out next season?