WHAT DOES IT COST ME?

I’ve been living this life for 9 years now and I have taken the time to reflect on where I am, where I headed and where I where I want to be. As of late I’ve been happy with life and the things that come along with it…BUT IN FIND PEACE FOR MY SOUL; WHAT HAS IT COST ME? I know that I’ve lost FAMILY & FRIENDS, getting to this point in life isn’t easy and I know that there are sacrifices that have to be made…I WONDER IF THE RIGHT ONES WERE MADE? DID I HAVE TO GET A ‘NEW’ FAMILY? DID I HAVE TO LOVE IN ORDER TO GET LOST? DID I HAVE TO ACCEPT THIS AS MY LIFE? In my soul the answer is YES without a doubt, but still I wonder…So here I AM IN THE THICK OF IT…When I first came on the scene I was merely playing a supporting role in the lives of others. Meaning I didn’t provoke them in the right direction, I was just there to please their traditions and made up standards. I didn’t see myself as a factor in their reality. WHICH PROMPTS AN IMPORTANT QUESTION: HOW MUCH DID IT COST ME? I’ve come to realize that I was in DIVISION and I was WITHOUT, getting the LEFT OVERS…I ALLOWED LUST TO TAKE BODY & IT ALMOST KILLED IT! I had to bring myself to the point where I had to face the fact that I HAD NOTHING AND NO ONE…I PUT MYSELF OUT OF MY OWN LIFE, THINKING THAT HAPPINESS WOULD FIND ME. I PRACTICALLY SOLD MY HEART AND RAPED MY SOUL. I LIVED IN SPIRITUAL POVERTY, FEEDING OF SELF-HATE…I cost myself so many tears and felt abandon, funny how I had so many people around me and yet I still felt lonely. I was young and innocent then (IMAGINE THAT) and I was INGNORANT TO THE DEATH THAT AWAITED ME… (DYING IS SO MUCH FUN) I lacked the KNOWLEDGE and allowed myself to be LUSTED instead of being LOVED! Why did I pay such a high price? How many more TEARS I am going to manufacture from my HEART? How much more DIVISION CAN IT BE before the sale of UNITY comes my way? WHEN WILL I FINALLY PAY THE PRICE?