I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Friday, August 31, 2007

Thursday, August 30, 2007


Have you ever had a conversation with someone that you have not seen in about a month or so and they assume that you are ATTACHED or COMMITTED to someone since you last spoke? The strange thing for me is that when asked this question, it is said with such earnestness and sincerity that it leaves me feeling as if I am in the TWILIGHT ZONE. Nonetheless, my curiosity is how would the time span be adequately sufficient for one to be in a relationship? Nevertheless, that is not strange; the strange is that this is very much a common occurrence within the GAY community. Now I wonder how anyone can think that you can meet someone with that short time span and give him the title of SIGNIFICANT OTHER. IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME or AM I JUST INSANE? 

WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR PERSONS WITH THIS WAY OF THINKING TO ALLOW THEMSELVES TO FALL IN SUCH A PREDICAMENT? HOW IS IT PLAUSIBLE THAT A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP IS ACTUALLY THE GOAL? WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR INDIVIDUAL TO REALIZE THAT A RELATIONSHIP OF THIS SORT IS DOOMED? I am of the opinion that a relationship have to blossom from a FRIENSHIP, onto a RELATIONSHIP then PARTNERSHIP. However, we have the total opposite of my notion and I feel that is why the relationships do not work or last. We get into them without giving any REAL thought and consideration to what we are doing. We know that we always meet the REPRESENTATIVE before we meet the person and no matter how long this is the case, no individual can keep up such a façade for an extended period. It is my belief that such a person can mislead another for so long then things will fall apart @ the seams and then the TRUTH will unravel. Therefore, I say date for 3 months keeping things above board enabling the fostering of HEALTHY & MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP. If it does not go to the next level then there will be @ least a FRIENDSHIP between two persons that is based on mutual RESPECT. 

Alternatively, individuals chose to take route adverse to the one I suggest and I do not understand how they haphazardly live life by chance. I think that we are too quick and in such a rush to become someone’s love that we do not think clearly. We set ourselves up for failure and the only SIGNIFICANT OTHER we will have is ourselves. We fail we allow SEX to decide if another is going to be that SPECIAL ONE; the bottom line is that if longevity is the goal then there needs to REALISTIC things in place to guarantee such an outcome. 


Wednesday, August 29, 2007


When you meet a dude face-to-face, you can quickly determine whether he's worthy of your heart. There's the way he expresses himself, as well as how he carries himself (not to mention the chemistry). You can tell immediately whether his body language is shifty or open. With online dating, however, it's much harder to judge. There are many smooth typists in cyberspace.

  1. Something to Hide – “If he doesn't have a photo posted, or his photo is so fuzzy or far away even his mother can't recognize it, or he's wearing big sunglasses that show off his body but hide his identity, chances are he doesn't look like the picture.”

  2. One-Track Profile – You know the type. His profile describes -- and requests -- the perfect man. He must have everything from a six pack to 9 inches of dick to being a thug and ultra masculine. In other words, none of his words are about whether his Mr. Right is well read, well mannered or cares about the homeless. Character isn't a factor as long as he resembles Tupac or LL Cool J . And what sort of activities does he enjoy doing with his homey? Movies? No, no and no. He's looking for sex. Buyer beware.

  3. Busy Signal – He leads such a full, happy life it's too much bother to complete the online questionnaire. Question after question is followed with the answer "Will Discuss Later."If he's too lazy to be thoughtful for a few minutes, it gets my antenna up. Again, remember that this is the courtship phase. If he can't muster the energy to type complete sentences, his inaction might spell P-A-S-S.

  4. Just looking for some Friends – That is, the dude you like and who claims to like you too, but they still spend much of their free time online on dating sites trying to meet new people. I have had that in the past and it's always the same, they say they are just being friendly and making "friends" to get to know.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007


The first thing you need to remember is that a penis is not indestructible. It’s super sensitive, especially in the aroused state, and while it can take a lot of action the penis (or man) is not going to take kindly to too much harsh handling. The second thing you need to know is that teeth are a penis’ biggest enemy. The fear of having ’their penis bitten ’and hurt is always ’lingering in the back of a man’s mind during oral sex. And who can blame us? So be kind and considerate of the male hood. The best way to explain a good blowjob is to break it down into steps. You get yourself to the scenario and I’ll walk you through it.

  1. YOUR HAND IS A FABULOUS TOOL DURING SEX. A hand job is a great lead in to oral sex. You never want to make a tight, clenched fist when holding and stroking the penis. Instead, you want to make an “O” shape with your hand around the penis. Again, never grabbing tightly, but loosely grasping. Slowly began stroking the penis, moving your hand from the shaft of the penis to the tip. Tighten your grip as your hand slides up to the penis tip.

  2. USING YOUR HAND IS HELPFUL FOR TWO REASONS: it is a good start to a blow job and if for some reason you are unable to fully accept a penis in your mouth, you can “fake” the acceptation by using your mouth on the tip of the penis and using your hand along the rest.

  3. WHEN YOU ARE FINALLY READY TO TAKE THE PENIS IN YOUR MOUTH REMEMBER NOT TO USE YOUR TEETH. Pretend you are imitating a person without teeth, hence “gumming”. By doing this you can avoid using your teeth.

  4. DO NOT TRY AND TAKE THE ENTIRE PENIS IN YOUR MOUTH @ ONCE – that is unless you know you do not have any sort of gag reflex. Take a little at a time, sucking and massaging the penis with your tongue. When you are ready, go down a bit further. Once you have perfected your blow job techniques you will be able to suck on the penis while massaging and caressing the penis with your tongue. It really can be a mouthful a first.

  5. LICKING THE BOTTOM SIDE OF THE PENIS, CLOSE TO TESTICLES WITH JUST A TIP OF THE TONGUE IS HIGHLY EFFECTIVE. Flicking that area with the tongue is highly stimulating for the male. Gently suck on your partner’s balls. (THIS IS NOT RECOMMENDED FOR EVERYONE).

I find that a combination of all of these techniques results in a fabulous oral romp with my partner. A bit of #1, then #5, back to #1…#5, #5, #5….it’s your decision. Good Head oral gel comes in different flavors and can make performing fellatio a bit tastier.

Monday, August 27, 2007


WHY WOULD MAN CARE ABOUT WHAT ANOTHER MAN DOES WITH HIS D!CK N' ASS? I find it quite STRANGE and INTERESTING how MEN get upset when they find out or realize that another MAN isn't interested in PUSSY or WOMEN. One would ASSUME that they would or should be overjoyed with MEN like myself because that means more PUSSY for him. HOW DOES THIS CRUSH HIS CONQUERING IMAGE? HOW DOES THIS MAKE HIM FEEL LESS OF A MAN BECAUSE OF WHAT I DO WITH MY D!CK N' ASS? DOES THIS MEAN I AM MORE POWERFUL THAN HE & HE KNOWS IT? Funny how this is a NO BRAINER, people in general are always afraid of things that they don't want to see. Hence when someone like ME shows up in the mirror the rules change and they have to look unable to take their eyes away. I have CAPTURED their SOUL and they no longer will be able to live a life that is CAGED, I am where REAL freedom is @. Nonetheless, what makes MEN so concern about where I sling my D!CK or how I back my ASS up? IS IT BECAUSE THEY ARE CONCERN ABOUT MY SOUL & ME GOING TO HELL or IS IT BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST DOING WHAT THE WORLD SAYS THEY SHOULD? What ever the reason I don’t think they themselves comprehend their illogical way of thinking. Instead of just seeking and accepting religious logic, maybe they should have INTELLECTUAL logic to draw a better conclusion. Seeking intellectual logic gives one more to go on and they can OPEN their minds to the REAL issue. It will be like the tail wagging the dog instead of dog wagging the tail; the issue should be explored followed by a conclusion. In this regard one can do away with subservient emotional and religious logic get to the human aspect of homosexuality. I know deep in the heart of man lies the truth about homosexuality and religion just harshly support HOMOPHOBIA. But what is so strange is that most of these MEN are not particularly religious in any sense of the word; I guess this is how MAN repents for HIS SINS by DENOUNCING another...AND WHAT SIN IS GREATER THAN BEING A HOMOSEXUAL? Man’s logic is WITHOUT logic because there is no CLEAR bashing of homosexuality in the GREAT BOOK OF FAIRY TALES (i. e. THE BIBLE). Theoretically, I believe all humans, and most animals, have both heterosexual and homosexual aspects to both their nature. This further proves that SEXUALITY is an INNATE thing and it isn’t something that is made up or done for the F&CK of it. I AM MOVE BY RHYTHM & MY D!CK N’ ASS MOVES TO A DIFFERENT BEAT…WHEN MAN SPITS IN THE WIND MORE THAN LIKELY HE IS SPITTING IN HIS OWN FACE. LOGIC & REASON STANDS THAT THE ONES THAT MAKE THE MOST NOISE ARE THE ONES THAT ARE LIVING THAT BOTTOMS UP, TOPS DOWN LIFE STYLE…THEY KNOW ALL TOO WELL ABOUT D!CK N’ ASS.

Sunday, August 26, 2007


The other day I was out with a female and we were both enjoying our conversation and each other’s company. In the distance, I saw what looked like four young men walking directly towards us and my first thought was, ARE THEY GOING TO SAY or TRY TO TOUCH THE FEMALE THAT WAS WITH ME? I was not afraid or anything, but something tells me that she was and as we got close to the group of males she did something that was not a surprise. Realizing that she was walking on the section of the sidewalk of these men, she decided to switch over from my left to my right before we crossed paths. I smiled to myself, not because I was pleased but because I was not surprised that she did that. I found it rather SAD how WOMEN live in FEAR of MEN and we just accept it as the NORM. The way men respond and relate to women leaves a lot to be desired, women are treated as OBJECTS and mere TOYS that are here solely for the pleasure of men. This says a lot about WHO, WHAT and the type of CHARACTER TRAITS these so-called MEN possess that live within OUR SOCIETY. We are all supposed to live and relate civilly with each other within a civilized society or setting. There are certain behavioral patterns that we are expected to be observe, like COURTESY, GOOD MANNERS, PRIVACY, RESPECT FOR A PERSON’S SPACE, PERSONAL PRIVACY and PROPERTY. When these MEN fail to observe or respect these values, they come across to WOMEN as SAVAGES, BARBARIANS and CRUDISH. NONETHELESS, IT IS TIME FOR MEN TO STOP WAGING WAR AGAINST WOMEN! I have one time too many witness MEN operating in, or be a part of social settings where it seemed as if they couldn’t or rather refuse to behave themselves socially when a WOMAN is dressed a certain way. Of course, most if not ALL women ignore their advances and this is where the trouble starts because a woman should feel that she is lucky or blessed to have men act that way. The SAVAGE REBUFF, FOUL LANGUAGE and RUDENESS endlessly highlight their embarrassment and highlight a woman’s vulnerability. I find this crazy because why would a WOMAN want MEN that are behaving this way? Why do most men that behave in this fashion feel because they are PHYSICALLY STRONGER, they the RIGHTS to display this POWER? If most men take the time and energy to get pass themselves they find that most if not all women might take the time to acknowledge or date them. I guess it is easier for MEN to display their LACK of INTELLIGENCE and DISRESPECT, I WONDER HOW THEY WOULD FEEL IT THE ROLES WERE REVERSED and THE SHOE WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT?

Saturday, August 25, 2007


A Woman I Am
By Deborah

When I'm feeling blue,

I cry...afterwards glad to be alive.

Hoping to share my life with you,

Free to express my feelings...of wanting happiness.

A Woman, even when you pat my head; also likes roses red..

I have fears ­ but never afraid to shed the tears.

Loving beautiful things: I listen to birds sing.

Not wanting pain - joy comes with a gentle rain.

A Woman cuddled next to you,

But yes, a little girl too.

Enough strength sometimes to ring churchbell chimes...

But needing comfort by her side;

Your power like a roaring tide.

With a morning sunrise - awake with a sparkle in the eye.

A bit shy I am - afraid to die.

I'm the one who likes to play, waiting to be swept away.

I like to take bubble baths...

And to walk the garden path.

A Woman trying to cope,

Holding onto threads of hope.

Who loves the band?

I, who holds your hand.

A Woman I am by candlelight,

While we share warm delight.

I'm making wishes on stars - trying - without any bars; ice-cream;

And building a dream.

I, who enjoys the train: reliving lifes' joy ­ has all to gain.

A Woman.

Not a toy in this gown of lace; not competing in a race.

Kissing as we walk the county fair...

Lots of love I hold - and want to share.

A Woman

I am:Butterfly free;

Just simply me.

As a Woman, I stand up to cheer - me...

Woman of the Year!

I - a Woman ­ and proud to be...

The WOMAN I am

Friday, August 24, 2007


Far too many times, I come across or hear of other persons that are SAME-SEX prone and lament their state wishing this were not their path. This year I will be celebrating my 10 YEARS of being GAY and I would not change my journey for ANYTHING or ANYONE, I LOVE WHO I AM and I have come to ACCEPT that GOD gave me this LIFE for a reason. I LOVE what I stand for and what I represent; I live a life guided by a NATURAL RHYTHM that will NOT be ALTERED or DIVERTED. MY PRIDEFUL JOURNEY is made up of processes and events that manifested itself before I was swept away with time. I am in a place in my life where I can see beyond MY SEXUALITY and I have learned to LOVE myself because of who I am instinctively I understand what my life is about. Because of MY SEXUALITY, I am harmoniously coordinated with time and space, the passage of MY destiny is no longer blocked. The past presented uncomfortable and tedious challenges, but in my present I see that those things existed to make me, PRIDEFUL of who I am. I only wish that those that doubt their existence would wake up and see into my SOUL and get glimpse of my PRIDE and make it their own. DO YOU THINK THEY KKNOW THAT HOW WE LOOK @ OURSELVES WILL DETERMINE, TO A LARGE PART, THE WAY WE LET OTHERS TREAT US? They view us as nothing more than patterns of conditional responses that can be CHANGED or CONVERTED into what THEY feel WE should be. Nonetheless, our task as HOMOSEXUALS is to enable others as well as ourselves, to come to WHOLENESS and to grow to full potential. This WHOLENESS is the function of not only the rational self or the conscious self, but the emotional self as well, having all parts come and work together creates a HARMONIOUS BEING. In the depth of me, there is the bright and beautiful soul and I am proud to be GAY! Not feeling PROUD and HAPPY about who you are as a HOMOSEXUAL means that you LOVE yourself less because others do and this means that ALL of MANKIND does not live in WHOLENESS and EQUALITY. I am prideful because I LOVE myself despite those that HATE and wish I did not exist; I HAVE FREEDOM OF SELF! I do not question WHY I AM, that is bigger than the world and ME. I DO NOT CONCERN MYSELF WITH THINGS THAT I HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF, I DO NOT GIVE POWER TO THE NEGATIVE THINGS THAT THE WORLD WANTS ME TO HAVE, I SIMPLY LIVE DAY-BY-DAY. LIFE IS SO PERPLEXING AND DIFFICULT @ TIMES & WE GROW UP IN A SOCIETY THAT IS FILLED WITH AN OVERWHELMING AMOUNT OF PROBLEMS THAT CONSUMES US, SO WHY PUT MY SEXUALITY ON THAT LIST? MY SELF-ESTEEM IS A DIRECT CONNECTION BETWEEN MY CHOICE OF WHAT I DO WITH MY LIFE. HENCE, FOR THE SAKE OF MY PRIDE I DO NOT SURROUND MYSELF WITH PERSONS THAT IS NOT THE KIND OF PERSON I WANT TO BE. I CANNOT & WILL WALK THIS LIFE WITH ANYONE THAT CANNOT CELEBRATE ME WITH ME!

Thursday, August 23, 2007


  1. ¿is your sky cloudy?
  2. ¿do you feel left out in the rain?
  3. ¿are you searching for a rainbow?
  4. ¿do the colors bring you pain?
  5. ¿is your world is not revolving?
  6. ¿do you look for the sunshine?
  7. ¿are you tired of all this living?
  8. ¿you find it hard to carry on everyday?
  9. ¿do you see the good within?
  10. ¿do you think about what life owes you?
  11. ¿is you heart torn leaving broken forever?
  12. ¿are your wings useless?
  13. ¿do you wish you touch and feel something?
  14. ¿do you wish you can find one place where it all stays and never leaves?
  15. ¿do you have many questions but no answers?
  16. ¿do you wish to be free?
  17. ¿did you wish you had a choice?
  18. ¿did you turn your back on the world?
  19. ¿are you worthless?
  20. ¿are you cold and numb?
  21. ¿are you losing your grip?
  22. ¿did someone kill your eternal bliss?
  23. ¿have you fallen asleep waiting for death to come?
  24. ¿are you trying to scream and shout?
  25. ¿have you slipped into the unknown?
  26. ¿are you a ghost?
  27. ¿do you know how to love?
  28. ¿do you know how to feel?
  29. ¿is there a hole in your being?
  30. ¿do you wish you had comfort?
  31. ¿do you wish you had peace?
  32. ¿do you live for others?
  33. ¿are you naïve?
  34. ¿are you falling off?
  35. ¿are you inconsiderate?
  36. ¿are you self-absorb?
  37. ¿are you uncompassionate?
  38. ¿do you know who you are?
  39. ¿do you what you have become?
  40. ¿do you bleed to feel pain?
  41. ¿are you haunted by the hidden meaning?
  42. ¿do you know what it means anymore?
  43. ¿do you want intimacy?
  44. ¿do you believe in God?
  45. ¿do you regret the past, present and future?
  46. ¿do you know to be an adult?
  47. ¿are you what you hate?
  48. ¿do you wish you could be what they want you to be?
  49. ¿are trying to be great in your eyes?
  50. ¿do you have a life struggle?

Wednesday, August 22, 2007


OUR LIVES ARE DETERMINED BY KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT OUR PURPOSE IS & THE EVENTS THAT SHAPE OUR ENTIRE BEING. Human beings, by their very nature, are made for a purpose. Much like the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, the rain falling to the earth and air that we breathe; we ALL have a purpose. We all have similar interests, ideals, or aspirations and together we build our communities and societies. As much as the world would LOVE to think or believe, WE THE HOMOSEXUALLY INCLINED, serve a PURPOSE and have a LEGITIMATE reason for our being here on this earth. We are BLESSED with a LIFE less ORDINARY, we give HETEROSEXUALITY its TRUE meaning; much like how GOOD cannot exist without EVIL we go hand-in-hand. Our PURPOSE may not be acknowledged by society but we all know that it cannot be denied. OUR PURPOSE is filled with pivotal events that define us as UNIQUE and SPECIAL BEINGS; we REDEFINE the entire landscape of SEXUALITY. AS A HOMOSEXUAL, I KNOW THAT I WAS MADE FOR MAN BECAUSE I AM TOO STRONG FOR A WOMAN. I recognize my GREATNESS and PURPOSE and because of this, we stand apart from the rest of the world. OUR GREATNESS moves the world and this is why they HATE and DESPISE us. When they encounter us, something in them is SHAKEN and STIRRED because WE represent the part of their whole that is missing. It is such a pity that they cannot seem to understand that by ACCEPTING OUR GREATNESS, they can accept their own. We cannot survive without each other and it crazy that they believe that they can…I AM GAY WITH PURPOSE…ARE YOU?

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


…Wasn’t HATED for who I am instead of being LOVED for who I am not…then I would not be TRUTH and my LIGHT would not GLOW for all to see. If I was not who I am I would not be a MAN that LOVES the same thing that I am. I would be living a LIE and not facing my destiny that GOD has laid out in front of me. My NATURAL feelings, thoughts and emotions would be someone else; and my life would be that of someone that is not HAPPY or SELF-ASSURED. I AM WHO I AM because YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE; I bring balance to MAN because of my SEXUALITY. When you see me you do not see what you think should because I can only be seen within; I am human just like you and my world orbits the same sun. Why does the world think they know what is best for me? Why do you think that I have to take your test? Who are you to tell me that the MAN I am is wrong? Why do I need you to say it is okay to be ME? Who are you to tell me that I have to wait for another lifetime to be accepted? Who are you to say that my feelings are not right? How do you decide that you should win the fight for MY rights? ONLY THE LORD KNOWS…¿WHAT IF I? If I wasn’t ME then you would control MY life and make me suffer because you feel that is what I am meant for. Your actions today tells me that you think you know what is best because you do not try to see what really the TRUTH is. Your way would be forced down upon my shoulders because I have lost the way. ¿WHAT IF I? ONLY GOD KNOWS…Why I have decided that I need to be REAL with ME and not allow you to control me anymore; you and I both know you do not have the right to tear MY ass up and beat me down to nothing. GOD had me on LOAN for a certain length of time and it has expired years ago; I am my own MAN…AND now I have decided that I don’t like how you try treat me because you have no idea about WHO I AM, WHAT I NEED & WHY I NEED TO BE ME…¿WHAT IF I? WAS NOT WHO I AM, then I would…

Monday, August 20, 2007


As life speeds ahead we slow down and when this happens we go through changes that can tell another where you are in your life. In the HOMOSEXUAL community we are a bunch of BODY conscious WHORES that base OUR entire being on how we look in another’s eyes. I find it interesting how little we think of ourselves by seeking someone else’s view of what they feel is ATTRACTIVE and SEXY. I find this demon somewhat liberating because it forces US to go within and seek what is important. It is bad enough that we are CRITICAL of bodies, but it’s even worse when we allow someone else to make us feel worst because they feel that our body isn’t up to THEIR standards. But in the REAL world no one has a perfect body, we may look at others and desire their bodies, but even the most perfect looking person that oozes sex appeal is not completely what he appears to be. It ultimately boils down to confidence, self-perception and self-esteem, which makes US happy or unhappy. We need to understand that a large part of feeling good about our bodies has to start with a healthy mind. This is where our confidence first shows us that we are okay with who are and what we look like; especially when others are watching. I am confident and happy with myself and I hate when others don’t share that sentiment about themselves and try to show up someone else. So beyond possibly producing the PERFECT BODY to which others expect us to have, we have to know exactly why we want to take on a false persona. This world requires confidence and self-belief because the more aware an individual is of themselves, the more they understand themselves. As a result they are able to change the behavior and attitudes of themselves and others. It is vitally important that one recognize their strengths and the weakness of others. Don’t allow others to hold you back because they feel that you are not up to their standard because anyone can get a BODY, they just have to work HARD for it. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU ARE SOMEWHERE & SOMEONE SAYS YOU HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT or YOU ARE TOO SKINNY JUST SMILE, BECAUSE @ THAT MOMENT YOU CAN TAKE THE NEGATIVE ENERGY & REPLACE IT WITH GOOD, HEALTH & POSITIVE THOUGHTS.

Sunday, August 19, 2007























Saturday, August 18, 2007


There are times when our whole world seems to be falling apart around us, and we are not sure what to hold onto anymore. Sometimes our relationships crumble and sometimes it’s our physical environment. At other times, we can’t put our finger on it, but we feel as if all the walls have fallen down around us and we are standing with nothing to lean on, exposed and vulnerable. These are the times in our lives when we are given an opportunity to see where we have established our sense of identity, safety, and well-being. And while it is perfectly natural and part of our process to locate our sense of self in externals, any time those external factors shift, we have an opportunity to rediscover and move closer to our core, which is the only truly safe place to call home. The core of our being is not affected by the shifting winds of circumstance or subject to the cycles of change that govern physical reality. It is as steady and consistent as the sun, which is why the great mystics and mystical poets often reference the sun in their odes to the self. Like the sun, there are times when our core seems to be inaccessible to us, but this is just a misperception. We know that when the sun goes behind a cloud or sets for the night, it has not disappeared but is simply temporarily out of sight. In the same way, we can trust that our inner core is always shining brightly, even when we cannot quite see it. We can cling to this core when things around us are falling apart, knowing that an inexhaustible light shines from within ourselves. Times of external darkness can be a great gift in that they provide an opportunity to remember this inner light that shines regardless of the circumstances of our lives. When our external lives begin to come back together, we are able to lean a bit more lightly on the structures we used to call home, knowing more clearly than ever that our true home is that bright sun shining in our core.

Friday, August 17, 2007


In spite of HIV/AIDS existing for 20 plus years there is still a depth of ignorance, discrimination and bigotry within the community towards persons that fell prey to this disease. No one ever considers the range of emotions that these persons have to deal with; confusion, guilt and denial are some of things that turn these individuals’ lives upside down. Nonetheless, there are no REAL survival strategies in place for such individuals, everyone has their own opinion and who needs information coming from those that cannot be bother anyways? The medical society’s approach is keep a positive attitude and try not to let this life altering event take control. Where that is fine advice that is no way near enough to ensure the survival of persons infected by this disease. There is so much that medicine can do and if individuals do not have a HEALTHY support system, medicine will indeed fail.

Persons infected are living a life STANDING ON SHIFTED SAND and it is just a matter of time before they are engulfed with no signs of relief. If we that are on the outside looking in decide to lend a helping hand one person @ a time we can defeat this predator. It angers me to realize that WE are WARRIORS that can fight from ALL angles because we do not have the burden of facing this foe; instead, we take on the role of WORRIERS and let this disease attack us. This only proves that the UNEDUCATED needs to be EDUCATED; how can one live not showing concern for their fellow man? The prejudice shown by society needs to STOP and we need to band together to save those that are still in the fight for their lives.

BRING ON THE FUTURE; WE ARE THE NOW! We are the WARRIORS that will do away with the years of limbo past. We WARRIORS will longer live in the twilight zone; staring at empty pages of book that has no answers. This H. I. V. /A. I. D. S. just tumble and jumble throughout the community without a care, destroying lives before they get a chance to fade. This disease gives US a chance to UNDERSTAND and APPRECIATE each other past the FEAR and IGNORANCE. It is so sad that we do not take advantage of that. ALL WE HAVE IS LOSS…OF FAMILY…FRIENDS & LOVE ONES. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP ACCEPTING DEATH & PAIN DUE TO THIS DISEASE?

Thursday, August 16, 2007


I think,

Therefore, I am…

I am because God is.

Do not assume anything about…

My attitude,

My demeanor

Or energy!

You need love for self

To see pass yourself

To recognize that I am not what you say.

Before you step to me

Know who you are.

Before you step to me

Feel who you are.

Makes sure that you can

TOUCH the SPIRIT that roars within,

Be the man that drinks from the fountain of life.

Then you will realize that I am not…


Do you think that your blinders are preventing your seeing me?

I know YOUR pain

It is obvious that it is pigeonholing ME

Release me,

I have survived REPEATED blows to MY manhood



I possess A HEART

That is available for your display

But you have to OPEN YOUR EYES!

I am you and LOVE is my TRUE nature;

My active energy.

I am the vessel that LIFE flows through

The divine spirit knows itself

And I listen to its voice

Guiding and leading me through life

Thus, I am sustained and fulfilled.
© tgk

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


WHAT ARE YOU HIDING? Is it that you
like anal sex? That you like to have sex with women and men alike? That you are
dominant? That you like to be tied-up?

It is a fact that WE all have a SECRET
 that is kept hidden from others and sometimes ourselves.
Nonetheless, occasionally that other persona creeps out and we find ourselves
with an itch that has to be scratched no matter what we do or say. Wouldn’t it be nice if WE could
really exercise 
OUR sexual
desires in 
OUR way?
Wouldn’t it be easy if
 OUR life were just for US to live and not anyone else’s?

We are forced to live a life seeking OUR sex
in the dark and it is such a shame that the world cares about with whom I get
horizontal. There are so many blocks and dark turns on the road to SEXUALITY that
it makes us live a double life. It seems to me that sex and sexual matters are
the last taboo in our society. It is one of those things that pushed down,
aside AND is covered up. Often times, people REACT vs. ACT and
they never realize it at the time. Hence, the moment we decide not to give into OUR
 that is when we need to. No matter what others think
about SEX and the things that come along with it, this side of
us has a life of its own and there is no stopping it. SO WHY NOT OWN

We human beings are covering the parts of ourselves that we
have in common, but do not know it because we are too busy hiding from it. We
are all a part of the
of the SEXUAL REALM, whatever GUILT comes
be honored and not seen as something horrible. Therefore, those that EXPRESS
 really wants to find out what really is going on but are
too afraid to find out. But resisting a part of who you are or think you could
be will only continue to haunt and taunt you. I read somewhere that ‘Both traditional masculine socialization
and patriarchal historical arrangements suppress 
OUR need for emotional connectedness and
self-disclosure and limit the sexual and intimate scripts available to
US in society.’ I immediately thought
about how I was told as a child that if I TURNED GAY that I
would be KILLED. I knew that this is a factor in why so many
of OUR SEXUALITY does not develop past the infancy stage, we
just cradle it and when it is released, it causes a world of harm.

just that, so when we ALIENATE it we abandon ourselves. Thus,
the concept of SEXUALITY is a term that used to describe the
troublesome feelings and faulty ideas that is experienced because of a lifelong
limit on SEXUALITY. Hence, this affects ALL of
us in both direct and indirect ways having adverse effects on the social
structure of society. This is why we have the deviation of common sense when it
comes to HOMOSEXUALITY. Sex is OUR fundamental
right to express ourselves in ways we would not ordinarily be able to. We feel
restless from the constant sexual fantasizing and sexual thoughts due to US not
being able to exercise
OUR purpose. Hence, most resort to MASTURBATION,
or MANIPULATIVE SEX. This is the
reason why happily married or single, powerful or ordinary folk risk personal,
marital, and occupational stability and happiness. 

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


IT IS OUR DIVERSITY THAT MAKES US THE MOST POWERFUL & FEARED PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET. Nonetheless, I wonder why is that MEN that are seen as EFFEMINATE are treated as RECEPTACLES for MASCULINE MEN that deem them UNWORTHY for any other SEXUAL position. Sex is an activity that should be done with a purposeful pleasure and satisfaction. This pleasure can and should exalt ALL involve to a HIGH PLACE OF CONSCIOUSNESS. SO WHY DOES OUR COMMUNITY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH AN EFFEMINATE INDIVIDUAL USE HIS D!CK DURING SEX INSTEAD OF HIS ASS?

MEN WHO CAN TOLERATE THE SENSATION OF TAKING A HARD D!CK UP THE ASS & STILL RETAIN THEIR MASCULINITY IN THE HEAT OF F&CK SESSION ARE NO LESS A MAN THAN THE ONE PROVIDING THE D!CK. so why does this ACT force US to INDULGE in our own SEXAUL DESIRE by ignoring those that SOCIETY says is not worthy to THRUST his D!CK in an ASS? This way of thinking is destructive, and those that are singled out are paying the price. When SEX is on EQUAL footing the SOUL is charged with a UNIQUE SPIRITUAL ENERGY that fills those involve with such SENSATION and AWARENESS. When in the ignorance of SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, FEMININE MEN are depleted and they fade away.

My belief is that ignoring the FEMS by the MEN that seek SELF-SATISFACTION is as simple as relieving oneself on the toilet. If we look at the animal kingdom, they don’t’ just haphazardly have sex, they only get with the best, brightest and strongest male. Hence, why think so HIGHLY about oneself to believe that, you are the best and some FEM guy is not? SEX IS AN ACT PERFORMED WITH A PURPOSE THAT IS UPLIFTING. THIS ACTIVITY DRAINS THE BODY OF ENERGY THAT REVITALIZES BOTH PARTIES. SEX IS LIKE A GOOD MEAL; THAT REQUIRES EVERYTHING ON THE PLATE TO BE EATEN. WHEN WE ONLY EAT HALF OF THE MEAL WE DEMINISH THE PHYSICAL CONNECTION THAT MEN MAKE WITH EACH OTHER.

Monday, August 13, 2007


As we move forward in the quest to understand our universe, our sexuality and ourselves, we walk the fine line of PERCEPTION and REALITY. We have trouble comprehending what the people we come across and LIFE is all about. For this very reason there exist a fundamental difficulty in comprehending one’s sexual identity much less someone else’s. Therefore, when it comes to SAME-SEX individuals like me the world is left to wonder and scratch their heads because we do not fit the mold of what they is meant to be, especially when it comes to WOMEN. It is comforting to know that our world has a fixed understanding of SEXUALITY that forces them to rethink their position. When I cross paths with a FEMALE that express some interest in me, I immediately have a strange a look on my face and in my mind I am thinking…BUT I AM GAY. I wonder how she cannot tell. What is it about me that tell her otherwise? It is obvious that that her PERCEIVED REALITY of what this HOMOSEXUAL MALE is about is not on point. I find this COMFORTING and DISHEARTENING to know that she is naturally only able to perceive a small portion of MY REALITY. Somewhere in her brain, she has formed notions about the basic concepts of MY SEXUALITY and did not stop to think what it actually meant. It is obvious that HER greatest fallacy of SEXUALITY is that ALL GAY MEN ARE EFFEMINATE and that the PERCEIVED MACHO ones are not. Since I fit neither category she should realize that SEXUALITY does not prescribe the nature of MY BEING, it is merely a reasonable description of it. But how can I blame her when she tells me that I am all the things she would need in a man? SENSITIVE, GENTLE, COMPLETELY HONEST, VERY UNSELFISH, INTELLIGENT, WELL-EDUCATED, ARTICULATE, SEXUALLY DYNAMIC and HIGHLY SPIRITUAL. Nonetheless, I need her to understand that I am this MAN because of the mere fact that I had to go DEEP within. BECAUSE I AM GAY, she has to now question herself and open up her mind to who I am. She cannot limit me to just MY SEXUALITY because of SOCIETY’S thoughts about what I am. I DO NOT live MY LIFE through MY SEXUALITY. I AM GAY and MY SEXUALITY is apart of MY LIFE and myself. There is more to me than what can be seen…I AM MADE FOR MAN BECAUSE I AM WAY TOO STRONG FOR A WOMAN…

Sunday, August 12, 2007


I AM...EYES: that will always see you for your true self. EARS: that will always be open, listening to hear what you are saying. MOUTH: that will always tell you the truth, give you my thoughts. SHOULDERS: that will be your strength when you can't carry yourself. ARMS: that will always be wide open, embracing, comforting you. HANDS: that will always hold yours, giving you a little guidance. FEET: that will always walk with you throughout life. HEART: To love you for whom you are...SO WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE?

I REMEMBER...We had such a powerful bond that was much deeper than you or I could have possibly imagined. I love how MY BODY could walk away from YOU and MY HEART would always remain. The connection we had is one that I will never forget; from the moment I knew that I LOVED YOU. I know that I had glimpsed YOU before, I always had flashes but I couldn't seem to make out what they were. Then there YOU were; making me do the last thing I thought I would ever do. MY HEART began to give chase like a panther and excitement and joy was all over me. From that moment on I knew that I could not contain MY HEART…WILL YOU RETURN?

JUS' LQQKIN'...I MISS the sweetness of a kiss that ignites the passion between me and you. I MISS the warmth of your touch that always knows how to make me feel good. I MISS the scent of you that always gets me going. I MISS your voice, whispering softly my name. I MISS the taste of your body that is so sweet from head to toe. I MISS looking into your eyes that are so captivating I can’t look away. I MISS feeling close to you, touching the beat of your heart. I MISS the delight of knowing you are satisfied. I MISS that overwhelming feeling, of tensions being eased and released. But most of all; LOVE…I MISS…

Saturday, August 11, 2007


If one was open the door to the other side of the HOMOSEXUAL LIFE, one would come across the REAL persons that are standing in the gap for the community. From the start of the SEXUAL REVOLUTION LESBIANS has been the back-bone of the community; they are the ones that take on the DOUBLE STANDARDS that the world places on women. The things that NON-LESBIAN women cannot do, LESBIAN women can; they are accepted and a desire too many. They can take the GAY message out through the world seeking EQUALITY and JUSTICE for us all. They are the stereotypes that have not faded; they have slipped into something conventional and accepted. The subtle incorporation of butch and femme dualities are now the traditional poles of LESBIAN IDENTITY and this is how OUR COMMUNITY will become MAINSTREAM. We MUST celebrate these WOMEN that play with gender and are accepted. The HOMOSEXUAL IDENTITY is about to cross over in a big way and the day seems not far off when HOMOPHOBIA will get lost in the ABYSS of LIFE.

Friday, August 10, 2007


We spend a lot of time attempting to put the feelings in our hearts into words, to communicate to others our passions, our emotions, and our love. Often we are so busy trying to translate our heart’s roar into language that we miss the most profound experience the heart has to offer, which is silence. Every poem arises from this silence and returns to it. When all the songs have been sung, the soliloquies delivered, the emotions expressed, silence is what remains. As each wave of feeling rises and falls back into the silence, we have an opportunity to connect with the vast, open, powerfully healing wisdom at the soundless center of our hearts. Our hearts may seem noisy and tumultuous so much of the time that we do not even associate them with silence. It takes a sensitive ear to tune in to the silence of the heart, but it is there in each one of us, so close and so large that we do not even notice it. We can begin to become aware of it in the same way we become aware of the negative space in a still life, the background of a photograph, or the open sky that contains the sun, clouds, moon, and stars. We are accustomed to tuning in to objects and sounds that are one-pointed, solid, and three-dimensional. Seeing and hearing the apparently empty space that contains these sounds and objects takes a little practice. We can bring our awareness into our hearts by simply breathing into the general area of our heart. The first thing we may notice is feelings like joy or sadness and physical sensations like tightness or tenderness. We acknowledge these as we continue to breathe and focus, listening attentively. We surround these feelings and sensations with breath and recognize that they are contained and held in an immeasurable substance like water or air, intangible, ineffable, but utterly real. This is the silence of the heart, and the more we listen for it, return to it, and accept it, the more we bathe and purify ourselves in the soundless center of our being.

Thursday, August 9, 2007


As relationships evolve, lives gradually become entwined. We tend to have a great deal in common with the people who attract us, and our regard for them compels us to trust their judgment. While our lives may seem to run together so smoothly that the line dividing them cannot be seen, we remain separate beings. To disregard these barriers is to sacrifice independence. It is our respect for the fact that our lives exist independently of the lives of others that allows us to set emotional and physical boundaries, to explore our interests and capabilities even when people close to us do not understand our partialities, and to agree to disagree. Maintaining healthy barriers is a matter of recognizing the point at which our principles and those of our loved ones and peers no longer overlap. Human beings must relentlessly fight the temptation to follow the crowd. Naturally, we want to be liked, accepted, and admired, and it often seems that the easiest way to win approval is to ally ourselves with others. When we assume that our standards are the same as those of the people close to us without first examining our own intentions, we do ourselves a disservice. The barriers that exist between us are a reminder that our paths in life will be unique, and we must each accept that "I" and "we" can coexist peacefully. Our reactions, our likes and dislikes, our loves, our goals, and our dreams may or may not align with those of others, but we should neither ask others to embrace what we hold dear nor feel compelled to embrace what they hold dear. As you learn to define yourself as an emotionally and intellectually distinct individual, you will grow to appreciate your autonomy. However much you enjoy the associations that bind you to others and provide you with a sense of identity, your concept of self will ultimately originate in your own soul. The healthy barriers that tell you where you end and the people around you begin will give you the freedom to pursue your development apart from those whose approval you might otherwise be tempted to seek out. Others will continue to play a role in your existence, but their values will not direct its course, and the relationships you share will remain marvelously balanced and harmonious as a result.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007


Talk about SEX giving me permission to express myself…I use to think that having the RIGHT SEX with the WRONG MAN was myth and I never wanted the opportunity to find out. This is until I met HIM. Now we started out with the idea that we were going to be friends because that is what was safe and easy. He was a snake laying in wait for a prey and I was his target meal. Sex with was so GOOD that I almost passed out from the thrill, our sexual organs had such a STRONG connection and I know that I could not get better than that. SEX with him was RIGHT it had to be WRONG; this wonderful event made us wish that we could occupy each OTHER’s PERMANENTLY. SEX with him was so RIGHT that I live in every breath as we made our home in each other. Our SEX was so RIGHT that it bestowed upon us the things that made us less of each other. This SEX was so RIGHT we SHINE and GLOW in GOD’S light, never doubting…never satisfy. I know this man was so wrong for me because he proved he could work his ASS no matter what ROLE he is playing. He knows every nook, cranny, and leave no stone unturned; he is the master @ what he does and he does it very well. He knows my body and I know his, we are familiar territory that dispels ALL anal sex myths. He is great to be with, very affectionate and handles me with extreme CARE and ATTENTION. Sadly SEX is the only thing we can do RIGHT for I had him HIGHER than he had me. His hesitation to put me on the same pedestal emotionally as he would sexually told me all. I WONDER IF HE KNOWS THAT I CRIED BECAUSE OF THAT? I wish so hard that his EMOTIONAL side will sneak out like sensual side when he let us his guard down. I wonder if he ever gets his fill of me? I guess he does because if it were LOVE he would not or could not deny me. I often ask the LAWD why this MAN out all the MEN in the world? If he is the MAN of my dreams, the one for me why are we not together forever? LAWD knows that I LOVE him so…Do you think he could somehow morph into THIS MAN instead of THAT MAN? I so wish he could the one for me and to be honest he is wearing me down. All I have are memories of PLEASURE and a PAIN in my HEART. I guess I should have seen it coming though, I know now that I am #3 because you put yourself first, followed by the others then me. You are so wrong for me that you the EPITOME of what a MAN is not, now I have to face the DARK TRUTH and face that the fact that I LOVED ALL BY MYSELF. HE WAS ANOTHER MEMORY THAT CAME TO MY LIFE…HMMM, I WONDER IF HE AFFECTED ME? I THINK HE scarred MY SOUL JUST A LITTLE…BUT I HOPE HE DOES KNOW THAT I AM NOT ANGRY @ HIM, IF I FEEL ANGER its ALL ME & NO ONE ELSE. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU GAVE ME GOOD SEX, YOU DID NOT ASK FOR THE KEYS TO MY HEART & THE LOCK THAT CAME WITH IT. I WISH I KNEW WHY LIFE HAS TO BE THIS WAY. I WONDER IF THE I WILL EVERY HAVE THE RIGHT SEX WITH THE RIGHT MAN?

Tuesday, August 7, 2007


There is this song on Sesame Street that goes WHAT COMES FIRST THE CHICKEN or THE EGG? In addition, this concept has made me wondered what came first where SEXUALITY is concerned, WAS IT THE FEELINGS or THE ACTION THAT MAKES ME GAY? AM I GAY BECAUSE I HAD THE FEELINGS or AM I GAY BECAUSE I ACTED ON THE FEELINGS? There is a constant argument about NATURE or NURTURE but those of us that live the life know exactly what the results are. I PERSONALLY FEEL THAT WE WERE BORN THIS WAY & THERE IS NO ONE THING or PERSON THAT ENCOURAGE or MADE US OTHERWISE. Nonetheless, if that was the case and we are still living a life of HOMOSEXUALITY then it still means that we are GAY. I think that SEXUALITY has been determined LONG before it got to the sexual stage; it is all about ACCEPTANCE of the journey that life takes us on. SEX is the final stage of an individual that explores his/her SEXUAL PREFERENCE the naturalness of sex was established from birth. Hence, we dealt a crushing blow to the soul and spirit by others that cannot see the truth. The sad fact is that there are so many VARIATIONS and DIFFERENCES that do more harm than good and it does not help us @ all. When we begin to explore sex and we eventually accept where we are with our sexuality, life would be easier and we will not subscribe to anyone’s idea of us. OUR SEX IS INNATE, and ORIENTATION is ORIENTATION; apples and oranges are considered fruits so why the question about when HOMOSEXUALITY takes hold? This NEGATIVE phenomenon of MISCONCEPTIONS against homosexuals creates fear. It is not surprising that some ask this question of when HOMOSEXUALITY takes place. I WISH THAT WE COULD DO AWAY WITH THE NEGATIVE THINGS OF THIS WORLD, I WISH WE DO AWAY WITH INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA, And I WISH WE COULD DISTANCE OURSELVES FROM THIS SORT OF THINKING & STAR LIVING THE LIFE GOD INTENDED FOR US.

Monday, August 6, 2007


There are many generalizations about being SAME-SEX-PRONE. For us who has chosen to accept that this is our path in life, get everything but a cakewalk. Various stereotypes spread negative notions, thoughts and feelings spawning INSECURITIES, HATRED and REJECTION all around us. From childhood, many if not all of us had to deal with being called OR labeled GAY or HOMOSEXUAL because of things others think they see. Therefore, when the time comes for us to recognize what the name-calling really means we are in no shape OR form to handle OUR SEXUALITY. Nonetheless, we give it our best dealing with things like IT’S JUST A PHASE…ALL GAY MEN WILL DIE OF AIDS…SOMEONE MADE HIM/HER GAY. 

Therefore, we WALK the WALK and TALK the TALK living in a world that deems UNFIT and UNNECESSARY. When this takes place @ that exact moment we SAME-GENDER-LOVING-PEOPLE loose our very foundation that brought us thus far; maybe we never had it to begin with. I FIND IT SAD HOW WE LIVE A LIFE THAT IS HALF OF A WHOLE BECAUSE OF REJECTION BY OUR FAMILY & FRIENDS BECAUSE OF WHO WE ARE SEXUALLY. We have to become a new version of ourselves and accept the choice that came long before we knew about it. In time, we will come to understand why but the world does not make the journey easy and which breaks us @ EVERY twist and turn we make. I really wish that they would understand that SEXUAL ORIENTATION IS NOT DEFINED by BEHAVIOR, the way someone DRESSES or by what they LOOK like. I believe when you are still in the womb your chemistry, the make of your being is already being oriented and it is a SAD fact that the world cannot accept that, especially those that were there with us from the very beginning.

The moment we begin to explore sex that is when we learn and eventually accept who we are. We have accepted the fact that we have more than likely chosen a path that will forever leave us HALF OF OURSELVES. This is such a RISKY STATE OF BEING and is not a pleasant experience, especially when rejected by family or friends. We have to RETREAT and find ourselves a SAFE HARBOUR among those that are just like us. We desperately try to make up for something that was lost to us never being able to feel complete. With part of ourselves missing, we take so much time to heal and need a lot of forgiveness for others and ourselves. I know that it is hard but I feel that the LIBERATION is well worth it. We feel as if we are an island unto ourselves with no chance of escape longing for help and understanding. So many GAY persons are HOMELESS because of this and WE are open to many things that can and will harm us. These things do not take it easy on us and when one feel that there is no LOVE in the world, HE/SHE goes out in search of it.