I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Friday, August 31, 2012



One’s race, ethnicity and
sexual orientation are not usually topics that are discussed together as an
inclusive and dynamic entity. We are accustomed to focusing on minority groups
in distinct and separate terms. It is not often that we visualize a perspective
in which sexual orientation is considered as a separate inherent trait and part
of the whole being within the context of race and ethnic background.

A way to personalize this visualization is to understand how we see
ourselves and how we interact with others. Some people very rarely visualize
themselves in a good way; enjoying life and being truly happy. For the white
population, envisioning this condition is much easier than the visualizations
of various queer individuals of varying ethnic and racial backgrounds. Not only
do internal feelings of self-doubt due to race and ethnic background have to be
overcome, the self-doubt related to inherent sexual orientation must also be
dealt with. This further delays one’s ability to visualize themselves as a truly
happy person, living the life they were meant to live, in an open, meaningful
and recognized way without prejudice or discrimination.

complete minority equality can be achieved if we visualize ourselves as a
unified and complete community working toward the same goals and objectives
that will benefit all racial, ethnic and queer minority groups encompassed
within. We need to begin to change our thought patterns away from the more
focused attention we seek to achieve for our own individual constituencies. Our
detractors seek to exploit that fracture amongst and between minority groups to
further exploit their own narrow focused tunnel vision view of how society
should be. They prey on ones’ feelings of insecurity and self-doubt in an
attempt to further entrench their narrow view of society on the rest of us.

ourselves as being equal to everyone else in society entitled to all the
benefits that are bestowed on the rest of society empowered by a unified
minority vision will begin to foster feelings of self-worth and self-respect.
This will ultimately create an environment where true personal happiness may be
found. The visualization of oneself will be based upon the true self, not
influenced by racial, ethnic and queer prejudice and discrimination. Visualize
yourself as believing that you can be the ideal person that you want to become.
Visualize yourself!


Thursday, August 30, 2012


He felt dead inside.

No matter how hard he partied, he could never escape that simple fact - inside, dead.

And that was his life.

Running from a feeling.

At least until he could run no more.

Exhausted, spent and beaten, when the end finally came, he welcomed it.

With life ebbing from his wasted body, he was suddenly swept up in a transcendent state of joy that was pure and complete.

Moments later he felt dead inside.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012


I hear the phrase "it is what it is" a lot these
days. I like it. The words strike me as an attempt to express a minor epiphany.
The speaker is announcing in a casual way that they accurately perceive an
unchangeable reality and have accepted it as such. There's no defeat implied,
it's just an articulation of consciousness doing its thing.

To me, this represents the injustices
of this planet. An evolutionary step forward from "c'est la vie,"
which implied a weary, apathetic resignation. The ‘please bend me over and
f*&k me again’, if you will. Another phrase I've been hearing quite often
is, "it's all good." This
one really bothers me. A quick look around would indicate that "it" is not even remotely "all good." This in my mind
represents the state of world we live in.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


Sadness, Grief, The blues,
Self-pity, Melancholy, Regret, Remorse, Low, Down-trodden and Morose. These are
but a few of the words that come to mind when trying to describe my mood for
past two weeks. Now before you call a suicide prevention number on my behalf,
please know that I am aware that the condition these words describe will pass (and they have).

The problem as I see it is not
the condition but the
feeling implied by my gloomy list of words (I can't believe I forgot to put
'gloomy' on the list).
The feeling is so bad that my tendency in the past
has been to feel anger whenever sadness threatened, for the simple reason that
sadness feels worse than anger. Anger at least can flow outwards. Sadness flows
in. On the other hand, anger generates road rage and getting your head caved in
by a guy in a pickup truck with a tire iron, while sadness inspires you to
watch unbelievably bad TV to distract you from feeling sadness.

And, of course, both sadness
and anger stem from fear, fear of losing what you have or fear of not getting
what you want. And fear stems from the tightly-held belief that what you have
and/or want is even remotely important. To be fearless is to be free from
desire, even desire for one's own life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not even close
to that consciousness. Heck, as soon as I done with this entry I'll probably go
watch TLC and hope to see some show that exploits little girls. 

Monday, August 27, 2012


When I was a child I was taught the
saying, "Sticks and stones may break
my bones, but words can never hurt me."
At the time, I saw the sense
of it. Words, being intangible, have no ability to inflict physical harm.
Whenever another child said something mean to me, I would loudly recite the
saying at them, using it like a magical incantation that would protect me from
getting my feelings hurt. I usually said it with tears running down my cheeks.

As an adult I've come to see that the
saying is, like many things taught to children, a lie. The truth is that bones
heal, while the damage done by words can last a lifetime. I bring it up here
only to remind those who go behind the backs of bloggers and report various
violations WITHOUT making contact
with the blogger they have issues with. Please be mindful of the ‘power’ you wield. And that is the power
to wound with words {claims}. You may
have the ‘power’ to shut blogs down, but
DEEP down we all know that you will forever
be poking, but never really penetrating.

But I should tread carefully here. I
don't want to now become the very thing I decry. So I want to reiterate that if
anyone sees an image here and would like to get their deserved recognition
please do NOT hesitate in letting me
know how you’d like to be given acknowledgment, THANK YOU


Was sitting through this hit-and-miss
season of True Bloodworth it to see Bill go bad, Andy turn
officially hot, Jason become full of hate (again), Tara kiss Pam, and Alcide
finally become pack master? In the spirit of a loaded Lafayette, Arlene, and
Jane Bodehouse, I'd say yes. It wasn't perfect (the Ifrit was voted the Single
Weakest Twist in our Summer TV Awards and like us, the writers are now
pretending Terry doesn't exist), but it certainly sets us up for an interesting
season six. Let's dig in.

showed up in the field and staked Russell, putting a surprisingly swift end to
the slight tickling sensation Russell was feeling as the faeries collectively
zapped him. “Well... f---,” Russell had time to say before he burst into goo.
“Well, that felt even better than I thought it would,” Eric said. It's so good
to have Eric back. Eric made Nora swear on Godric that she wouldn’t eat Sookie.
Jason, who'd been knocked out, was okay, though he thought Sookie was his mother.
At this point, I was already thinking epidural hematoma.

the Authority compound, naked Sam finally made his way to Bill as breakfast.
Bill probably would have killed him for knowing too much, but Sam turned into a
fly that Bill couldn’t catch -- though he tried, darting around the room like
Nightcrawler. That had to be a great, dignified day for Stephen Moyer on set.
Fly Sam escaped through the ventilation duct.

and Nora were back to their usual sibling banter, arguing over who Godric liked
better when they arrived at Fangtasia. Tara told Eric “they” got Pam. Against
Nora’s wishes, Eric was making them go rescue Pam -- right after they stashed
the money hidden behind the basement wall in Fangtasia some place safe. I guess
he’s not planning on coming back there? That makes me sad. So many good
Pam is family, as is Tara, Eric told Nora. Loyal Eric = hot Eric.

Nora, and Tara showed up at Sookie’s house just as she was offering to take
Jason to the hospital because he wasn’t acting like himself. Now, he saw their
parents sitting beside Sookie, and they were much more vocal and anti-vampire than
they were earlier in the season. Eric asked Sookie to come to the Authority
with them because she was the only one who could get through to Bill and give
them time to save Jessica and Pam. “You owe Pam,” Tara kept reminding Sookie.
Hearing Bill was behind the Tru Blood factory bombings, Sookie had no choice
but to go. Jason and Eric exchanged insults, but Jason’s ghost dad told Jason
to think of how many vampires he could kill from inside. He’s going to, Jason
announced. “Oh sweetie, don’t be a fool,” Eric cooed. "If I want to be a
fool, then I will be a fool,” Jason said. “That is my
God-given right as an American." Those T-shirts are already being printed,
I'm sure.

Back at the Authority, Bill
instructed his guards to search for any fly, mouse, cockroach, or termite and
kill it. If it doesn’t shift back into human form when it dies, keep hunting. I
was thinking Bill had bigger problems than Sam, who really did just want to
save his girlfriend’s daughter at that point. For a moment, I thought maybe Bill
was keeping them all busy looking for Sam on purpose, so they wouldn't see Eric
coming. Maybe he and Eric had orchestrated a long con after all. (So wrong!)
Salome asked if Bill had seen Kibwe, and he admitted he’d killed him because
he'd said Lilith had told him he was the Chosen One. Now I thought we were
going to get a standoff between Bill and Salome, but Bill again did something
surprising: He lied and said Lilith had told him Salome was the Profit, and he
was chosen to protect and serve her. Salome was practically orgasmic from the
power rush. Please let her die, I thought.

to the “human livestock” naked, shaking, and sobbing in their cells. Sam flew
in, shifted back to human form, and told Luna that Bill had lost his mind, so
he was going to case the place for another exit. If the guards come for her,
Sam wanted her to shift because she’d be no good to Emma dead, and Emma is safe
as long as she’s in whimpering wolf puppy form.

in the vampire cells, Jessica talked Pam’s ear off, which I was surprised Pam
tolerated even though she was a captive audience. Jessica told her about Bill
and Eric being religious fanatics now, and Pam refused to believe it about
Eric. The only bright spot, in Pam’s mind, is that their religion considers
Sookie an abomination.

we went to Alcide and his father, Jackson, who had a man-to-man talk while
grilling the buck they took down together. Ah, bonding. Jackson gave an
apologetic speech that Alcide had heard before. Deeds mean more than words,
Alcide said. So clearly Jackson is going to die doing something to save pack
members, I thought. (Wrong again!) Cue Martha pulling up with Rikki, who was in
the back of her car tripping on V that JD had force-fed her and the pack to get
them ready for the holy war that was coming. Rikki wanted the V out of her, but
she also wanted to feed on everything and have rough sex with Alcide. He
carried her into the trailer as Martha yelled that she’s afraid Rikki might die
of an overdose.

Sam continued to buzz around the Authority, pausing to spy on Bill and Salome
postcoital, Sookie and Jason were at the anti-vamp store loading up on weapons.
It was daytime, so Eric, Nora, and Tara were in AVL-issued coffins in the back
of the truck. (The Authority compound is like a Vegas casino. You lose all
track of time.) Jason was still in full-on Rambo mode, and Sookie tried to tell
him they'd get to Bill before things got worse. “That train has already
sailed,” he said. Classic Jason. He told Sookie he’d kill Bill that night, if
he had to. “The time for tolerance is over,” he said. Okay, why didn’t she just
knock Jason out there and then?

Back to Rikki. Jackson had some kind
of liquid silver that would make the vampire blood want to leave her body
through sweat. She looked like she had a real bad sunburn as she writhed in
pain, then calmed down enough to ask Alcide why he never picked up a phone to
tell her where he went. The night they’d spent together had meant something to
him, she knew it. (Translation: We shouldn't hate Rikki for deserting Alcide
because she hadn't.) Then, she told Alcide what had happened: JD called an
emergency meeting. The pack showed up, and they were all held down as vampire
blood was poured into their mouths. That’s all that happened to her, but not to
some of the other younger girls. Okay, now JD really needs to die. Alcide
wanted to kill him, but he knew he’d be the one to fall since JD’s still on V.
Jackson repeated what Rikki told Alcide long ago (which has sorta been the
problem with this season, really, things could've happened much quicker): The
only way to win is to fight JD's way. The V that Rikki’s on is some “inferior
s---,” Jackson said. He had better quality. (People wanted him dead over the
years, so he apparently always has some V on hand.)

Sam was busy struggling to see things in Steve Newlin’s room with his fly eyes,
Lafayette was taking full advantage of Sam’s absence at Merlotte’s to play
music that, frankly, could’ve been better if he intended to lead Holly and
Arlene in a dance party with some Cajun margaritas in hand. Part of me wondered
if Lafayette had put some vampire blood in there to keep the “bitches” safe. I
assumed they'd be in danger before night's end because everyone else was in
danger this hour and they made a point of saying it was almost sundown. (I was
even thinking Arlene might die for choosing margaritas over getting home safely
before dark.) But there was no time to connect them to what's going on in New
Orleans, and, the truth is, some people doget to drink their
troubles away while others do the fighting.

walked in with Maurella. Before he talked to Holly, Maurella asked him to hand
her some salt, which she proceeded to down in a steady stream. Something’s up
with her, I thought. Like Jane Bodehouse, the woman seated at the bar, said,
“When did Andy Bellefleur get to be so f---in’ hot?” That is the best he’s ever
looked, wearing that dress shirt and jeans. Holly knew what Andy was about to
say, so he came right out and told her about the two times he slept with Maurella
-- right as Maurella’s “light broke.” That also sounded fairly orgasmic.

and Salome awoke and again, we got another fake-out as Bill pinned her to the
bed when she made a move to get up. Could he finally be offing her? No, he just
wanted to have sex with her again. There’s a chance he could be distracting
her, I thought, knowing Eric was on his way. It would’ve been so much easier to
kill her already, if that was his plan. He must be for real, I decided.

and Jason were driving now and having their own heart-to-cold heart. He told
her that they both go for people who are unavailable because they don’t think
they deserve more -- and maybe they're right, they don’t. His ghost mother said
it’s not a question of deserving, it’s a question of thinking life owes you
something. It doesn’t, ghost mom said. Jason’s new theory: Maybe they wouldn’t
keep getting hurt, if they just expected the worst. Ghost dad agreed --
vampires made them orphans, learn from it. Sookie and Jason agreed to disagree.
Sookie asked Jason how his head was and felt that he had a bump as big as a
walnut. I suddenly thought of Natasha Richardson.

was nighttime, so Eric peeked his head into the driver’s window and said, “Pull
over... please.” What is it about Jason that makes Eric act cartoonish, like
he’s in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie?

Back at Merlotte’s, Holly played
midwife for Maurella, who enjoyed her labor pains a little too much on the pool
table. Arlene assumed she was an alien giving birth. Seriously, Lafayette’s cocktails
are hella strong because he, Arlene, and Jane had no problem sitting there and
watching Maurella cry out in delight as she gave birth to her seventy something
child. It was a girl. And wait, there was another one...

the Authority, Newlin, who we'd seen flee the field after Russell's death,
wanted to get Emma and run. He took her out of her cage, and begged her not to
shift. I thought it was strange the way Emma licked his face, but I still
wasn't thinking it was Luna skinwalking -- not even when Newlin lost his
Southern accent talking to receptionist Chelsea (I thought maybe he'd been
faking the accent this whole time because people like Southern pastors, and he
was too scared to focus on keeping it up now). Not when he was afraid to prick
his finger for access to the elevator (I thought he was worried it'd sound an
alarm because he and Russell were wanted men). And not when he kept looking at
the fly in the elevator after Roslyn caught up with him and told him she needed
him on damage control now. I thought that was strange -- how did he hear about
the shifter security breach?

for Maurella, she gave birth to what I assume was Andy'sfourth daughter,
and she still enjoyed labor so much, Lafayette said she made him want to do it.
Ha! (Maurella’s audience had moved on to shots by this point.) She told Andy it
was up to him to make sure at least half of the babies survive into adulthood,
and she left -- leaving her babies swaddled in Merlotte’s T-shirts. “You’re a
dick,” Holly told him.

the woods, JD had a vampire hanging by a silver noose, slit his wrist, and told
the pack drinks were on him. I wish Toby Keith’s “Red Solo Cup” would have been
playing from a boombox at that moment. Alcide showed up, wearing a sleeveless
shirt to show off his guns, and began kicking JD’s ass. Jackson and Martha
stopped others from joining in the fight, and Alcide broke JD’s neck. The pack
knelt before Alcide, and he told them the V would stop that night. They respect
themselves, their pack, and nature; they don’t take advantage of those who are
younger or weaker than they are. “Tonight, we choose pack,” he said, giving his
father a nod. So those Comic-Con stickers are worth something after all! 'Til
season six, Alcide!

to the real battle at hand: Eric and Nora drove the truck into the Authority,
with Tara, Jason, and Sookie gagged in the back as “cargo.” Bill approved Eric
and Nora entering the grounds before he caught a glimpse of Sookie on the
surveillance camera he had linked up to his MacBook Air. Roslyn had Newlin
going on live TV to refute the mass murder charges against him for the frat
spree and claim the video showing him and Russell entering the house was
fabricated. He sucked at reading the teleprompter, but again, I just thought he
was scared. It didn’t occur to me he was Luna skinwalking until he puked blood
on national TV, and she shifted back to herself. “I did not see that s---
comin’,” Lafayette told Jane, both watching the TV while continuing to drink at
the bar. Luna was able to get out that vampires were keeping humans captive and
feeding on them in an underground compound somewhere in New Orleans before
Roslyn kicked the camera over. Roslyn’s fangs were out, but Sam flew into her
mouth in fly form and shifted back to human, exploding Roslyn in the process.
He was covered in bloody goo as Luna fainted with puppy Emma in her arms.

his computer, Bill watched as Salome, wearing a purple prom gown, walked into
the Room O’ Lilith and prepared to drink more of her blood, promising that vampires
would rule. Sookie and Co. were in the elevator, and when the door opened,
Jason shot and killed Chelsea. Great splatter. She’d had time to push the
warning button to initiate Level 2 protocol, so Salome darted off not having
taken a sip. Team Eric had taken out the surveillance cams. As Jason stayed
behind the reception desk to keep watch and kill more vamps, the others went

Eric and Nora launched an aerial
stake assault against a room of vamp guards. The look of Nora flying and
speed-tossing stakes was a little on the cheesy side, but forgivable. Sookie
and Tara went to Pam and Jessica, and Pam and Tara traded barbs while Nora and
Eric argued over how to open the cell doors. How sick is it that hearing Eric
and Nora banter like that I totally wanted to see them have sex again? (And I
can't believe Nora lived!)

opened Jessica’s door, and Tara risked the silver burn to open Pam’s. Tara
rushed in, and she and Pam kissed -- slow and passionate. “Oh, okay,” Sookie
said. “I knew it!” Jessica squealed. How do I feel about this: I’m happy that
it will give Tara more of a story line, but I don’t want a relationship
changing Pam...

of then, I was officially over Salome and her speeches. She told Bill again she
was the Chosen One, and she drank all of the blood of Lilith. The way Bill had
suggested it could have an adverse effect on her, and then smirked after she
drank it, made me think perhaps he had laced it with something...

meanwhile, had killed a crapload of vamps judging by the blood in the reception
area. Sookie warned him that it was them coming out, and Jessica ran to him and
told him she loved him. He told her he could never love a vampire. Of course
not, no one can be happy on this show. (Except Terry: WHERE THE EFF HAS TERRY
BEEN?) Eric and Nora showed up, and Eric loaded them all into the elevator and
told them to reload their weapons. “Hello,” Eric said as Pam passed him and
touched him gently. SWOON. Sookie and Eric stayed behind to get Bill. (What
happened to the others in the elevator? Check out the bonus scene here.)

cut back to Bill and Salome, and she was crawling on the ground and puking
blood. Bill HAD laced the blood with silver, but not because he was conning her
for the good of humankind. He was competing with her to be the Chosen One. He
knew she’d be too impatient for the Rapture to smell the silver in the blood.
Fool. Bill straddled her, stake in hand, and after Salome admitted “Lilith
chose wisely,” he staked her.

had switched out the blood, so he had Lilith’s in another vial. As he
prepared to pop the top off of it and drink, Eric and Sookie arrived. Eric told
him Lilith was a mad god, nothing but destruction, and begged him to pour the
blood in the fire. Sookie tried to tell Bill this wasn’t him, and Bill told her
she didn’t know him at all. What if everything he’d done when he was with her
was calculated? What if the light she bears is a handicap that blinds her to
the fact that she is an abomination? Sookie walked closer to Bill, and I don’t
think Eric should have let her get so far away from him. If Bill wanted to kill
her, he could do it before Eric got there. Sookie told Bill he was unique among
all the vampires she’d met -- he was capable of sympathy, kindness, and
generosity. (Sorry, Eric.) Bill said he lived in fear that he was damned, and
Lilith granted him freedom from that fear. When he started quoting vampire
scripture, Eric knew he was a lost cause, I think. “If I ever meant anything to
you at all...,” Sookie said, tearfully. “I told you the first night we met,”
Bill said, stoic as ever. “Vampires often turn on those they love the most.” He
drank the blood and started bleeding from his eyes and puking blood until he
exploded in goo. If we hadn’t seen Lilith rise from piles of blood throughout
the season, I might have thought we wouldn't see Stephen Moyer again -- which
would've been shocking. As Sookie cried in Eric’s arms, a naked Bill rose from
that blood, and the camera cut to a rear view just in time (a woman can go full
frontal, a man can’t). “F---,” Sookie said. Bill screech-hissed like Lilith
always had. “Runnnnnnnnn!” Eric said. Awesome. I'm suddenly looking forward to
seeing Bill again.

Your turn. What's your theory for how
Warlow will fit in to all this? Does Jason being anti-vamp affect how much
you like the character? And who will Sookie sleep with next season: Assuming
Alcide gets back with Rikki, will it be Eric, who'll presumably protect her, or
Sam, who might have lost Luna?



Morissette Guardian lyrics
 is the first single from the Alanis's
seventh studio album "Havoc and Bright Lights", in stores on August
28th, 2012.

You, you who has smiled when
you’re in pain
You who has soldiered through the profane
They were distracted and shut down

So why, why would you talk to me at all
Such words were dishonorable and in vain
Their promise as solid as a fog

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

You, you in the chaos feigning sane
You who has pushed beyond what’s humane
Them as the ghostly tumbleweed

And where was your watchman then

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

Now no more smiling mid crestfall
No more managing unmanageables
No more holding still in the hailstorm

Now enter your watchwoman

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian
I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden
I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand
The greatest honor of all, as your guardian

Alanis Morissette Guardian lyrics found on DIRECT LYRICS 

Sunday, August 26, 2012


Many of us can attest to being teased growing up. As a child, such
taunting may have elicited tears and embarrassment, but as most of us grow
older, we learn to make peace with the body part that caused so much strife
when we were younger.

I’ve been teased constantly about my
big lips, but found that gay men find them all the rage. Not that I need
validation from them, but because of their interest it caused me to take a
second look @ myself.

Is there a body part you
were previously teased for that you now accept with open arms?


First, it is against the interest of
the mental slave master to adequately educate GAY people because he
would deplete his ability to siphon off GAY skills.

Second, the mental slave master
profoundly fears GAY revenge, for years of abominable treatment.

Third, the mental slave maser is
extremely afraid of the power of the GAY mind and GAY genius that can produced
highly advanced communities.

Fourth, the mental slave master does not know
how to educate the GAY mind. The advanced psychology required for training the GAY
mind, despite being stolen, is seldom understood