I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Sunday, May 31, 2009


Almost everyone has at least one situation or relationship in which they try to exert control and when this happens it is because our lives tend to makes us feel uncomfortable; and NO one is more uncomfortable in his/her skin like a homosexual. Now couple that with the fact SO many of them try to rationalize their sexuality by seeking answers in the church…How many of you know of a few gay persons that practically live in that place? These men and women spend SO much time a week giving God his time that it almost makes being gay seem easier. But what startles me is the fact that they are going to a place that condemns them for retribution. It is almost as if they don’t consider themselves gay, but men and women that are fulfilling a desire OR a need, that doesn’t constitute an identity of any kind. I guess GOD still wants you as long as you attend man’s version of his house? This place gives these persons a FALSE sense of freedom because they are merely a society that is trying to thrive below the surface…I suppose a closet doesn’t feel as lonely when so many others, gay and straight, are in it, but a double life can AND will lead to conflict sooner OR later NO matter how hard they work on keeping private any deviance from the church’s laws. This way of living is WILD to me because there is NOTHING in the bible that calls out homosexuality. Though it is said that the homosexuals cannot have a healthy psychosexual or social life, I can’t help but disagree with this thought because I know that homosexuals can be just as happy as heterosexuals if we simply don’t pretend to be what others know we are not…So they live and worship by this unwritten code that as long as I come to church and repent each and every time, I will be saved…But if they would take the bible that they use in worship SERIOUSLY, they see AND understand that God emphasized inclusivity, love AND compassion…it is OUR basic HUMAN RIGHTS despite the fact that we are NOT afforded this luxury. I don’t know about you, but I know that there are certain things in this world that cannot change AND homosexuality is one of them. Therefore, the homosexual man OR woman that remains in THE KINGDOM’S CLOSET who SO easily assimilates into the worship community, please know that there are psychological trauma awaiting you as you continue to pull the wool over your eyes…I GET THAT THE DENIAL OF WHO WE ARE SEXUALLY IS NOTHING MORE THAN A SURVIVAL INSTINCT, BUT WE ARE TRYING TO SURVIVE IN THIS WORLD THAT IS DESTROYING US BECAUSE? ISN’T THAT A SIN WITHIN ITSELF TO BAPTIZE YOURSELF & WASH AWAY YOUR IDENTITY TO BE ACCEPTED BY MAN? ALL OF MANKIND IS ONE AUTHOR & THERE ARE VARIOUS VOLUMES TO THE BOOK OF LIFE, SO WHY ALLOW THE SELF APPOINTED FEW THE LUXURY OF REWRITING THE CHAPTERS & TRANSLATING THE BOOK INTO SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T REPRESENT WHO YOU ARE?

Saturday, May 30, 2009


JUST FEEL BETTER was the second international single to be released from Santana's 2005 album All That I Am. The song features lead vocals by Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler. The song is produced by John Shanks and written by Jamie Houston, Buck Johnson and Damon Johnson. The single achieved reasonable success in Australia, debuting at Number 8 on the ARIA chart and receiving significant airplay. I LOVE this song and every time I hear it, I am reminded of how impossible it is to meet the expectations we hold ourselves to. This life is tough and if we are not patient with ourselves, we can get lost in the shuffle. So it is up to us to be mindful that what we are experiencing is only temporary and all we need is that helpful hand that is willing to aid us in regaining our internal balance. So as you listen to the words of this song, I HOPE that you ACCEPT that difficult situations will arise from time to time and I want you to treat them as if they are passing events rather than make them apart of who you are.

Friday, May 29, 2009




So today Noel leaves for his 3 month internship which is the last leg of getting his degree. Of course I am EXTREMELY happy for him; I can’t help but miss him and no how hard I tried over the last month to imagine him not being here, I couldn’t. Noel says that I should see it as just 12 weeks, but it hard to do that when you’ve spent everyday with each other for almost 2 years…So we’ll be LIVING APART TWOGETHER. Though LIVING APART TOGETHER simply is a term for couples who, whilst committed to each other, decide to have separate homes rather than one shared residence, I feel that Noel going to Antigua and my living in the Bahamas qualifies to an extent even though it falls into the long distance relationship category. I know that something like this is a test for a relationship, but feel that our chances are GREAT! Besides we get the IMMENSE pleasure of playing with each other’s minds until our bodies return to each other…I know that TRUE LOVE can overcome any odds thrown in its path and I look forward to the months ahead…I know that I couldn’t do this if Noel and I didn’t VALUE TRUST, understood that HONEST is the BEST policy and PATIENCE wasn’t a VIRTUE…SO AS I COUNT THE SUNRISES N’ SUNSETS, I WILL HOLD POOCHIE (OUR STUFF DOG/CHILD) TIGHT AS HE COMFORTS ME IN THE BED THAT NOEL & I SHARE EVERY NIGHT UNTIL HIS RETURN TO US…

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Most people are familiar with the term "coming out," where an individual begins disclosing his/her sexual identity and gender expression to others. But what does it mean to COME IN? COMING IN is the process of discovering ones self-identity and gender expression. Like coming out, coming in is an ongoing process and not a singular event. Discovering ones self-identity and gender expression can take time. According to medical site WebMD, "There is about a two-year period of time for many youth during which they self identify as non-heterosexual––but they tend to keep this information to themselves."

Many people discover their same-sex attractions, bisexuality and gender expression during the coming in process; however, coming in doesn't always begin during adolescence. A person can come in later in life (high school, college, and post-education) depending on a number of factors such as an individual's level of self-acceptance, family life and other environments.

Many LGBT-identified people are/were just like I was when I began coming in. Once I discovered that I had same-sex feelings, the floodgates opened and I became preoccupied with discovering what my feelings really meant. Were they just sexual–a fantasy? Emotional? I didn't know at first. All I knew was that I was attracted to other men. And though I didn’t get a chance to come out (I was thrown out) it took me a few years to properly COME IN and discover myself.

However, I’ve found out that exploring attractions on a physical, emotional and spiritual level is the best way to COME IN and in turn come out. And even still, the coming out and coming in process continues as life experiences and environments change. I must say, I've had same-sex relationships for all of my adult life and can only imagine building a life with another man and my COMING IN is ongoing processes…HAVE YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF TO COME IN? ARE YOU OPEN TO THE CONTINUAL DISCOVERY OF YOUR LGBT-IDENTIFIED CONNECTIONS?

Sunday, May 24, 2009


I feel that EARTH~DAYS are reminders that who and what we are changes as we journey through life a little everyday. And I hope that as time marches on you’d see that your worth is not a product of your intelligence, your talent, your looks, your good works, or how much you have accomplished. Rather it is immeasurable and unchanging manifestation of your eternal and infinite oneness with the universe (and me). I hope that this day represents the cornerstone of the dual foundations of optimism and self-belief, for they are the things that will aid you on life’s journey…So as each EARTH~DAY comes, I hope you endeavor to appreciate yourself, treat yourself kindly, define your personal boundaries, be proactive in seeing that your needs are met AND broaden your horizons…¡HAPPY EARTH~DAY NOEL…I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Saturday, May 23, 2009


BRING ME TO LIFE is the first single from Evanescence's multi-platinum debut album Fallen. At the 2004 Grammy Awards the song was honored with the award for Best Hard Rock Performance. When I hear this song I think about open-mindedness and how we need to wake up to all the things you've been missing for so long. And this song is all about how life can elude us as we struggle to move past the distractions that are keeping us from examining the deepest reaches of our soul. However, I don’t believe that all is lost because I feel that this song is encouraging us to turn inward so we can focus our attention on that which is truly important.

Friday, May 22, 2009


Have you ever decided to take on an above-average size penis and the carrier didn’t know how to work it? Well a friend and I were chatting the other day and he was telling about this guy he met whose penis was more than enough for two persons…Picture it, he is all ready to go on the ride of his life, so he hops on and a minute or two later he hears the words I AM CUMMING! Talk about selfish right? I mean my friend was just about to kick things into second gear only to left wondering if he should have used a toy instead…But he isn’t the only person that came across this situation, I heard of a few others took on the anaconda and it’s pounding only to find that the person it is attached to doesn’t know how to work it. What’s the point of taking a dick that seems to measure from the crack of his to the top of his knee if he isn’t going to give you one the best sex stories of your life? Nothing is more aggravating than a sexual ADD top and from my experiences showing up with a HUGE dick isn’t enough…SO HOW MANY YOU HAVE STORIES WHERE YOU HAD TO CANCEL HIS MEMBERSHIP TO YOUR SEX CLUB BECAUSE HE CAME WITH A WHOLE HEAP OF NOTHING?

Thursday, May 21, 2009


Among numbers, I am zero.
I am without value
But I add value to everything else.
I remain an enigma, a singularity.
You can approach me by many paths,
Getting closer every day,
But you can never reach me.
I am the only example
Of non-existence.
I am the Sun.
You see because of me,
But you cannot see me.
I do not twinkle,
But the air moved by me makes stars do so.
I am beyond life and living
I am nothing till you stand before me.
You think you see yourself in me.
It is an illusion, a distorted illusion.
You still come to me
As there is no other way
Of knowing your face!
Among desires I am the probability.
I am the cause of all effort.
I determine hope and despair.
I am the mind.
I do not travel.
I just reach.
I can be everywhere,
I can be nowhere.
I am not matter,
I am not energy,
I am not thought.
I am from where
Matter, energy, thought
All emanate…
As I quietly watch the world
Alone inside out watching life unfurl
To life’s incomplete completeness
Oh the pains of a silent witness…

© tgk

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Isn't it strange how most of us take life for granted when we hear the words THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU? Be it a warning against a deadly disease, in impending natural disaster OR an act of crime, we humans don’t take interest in safeguarding ourselves until these elements come knocking @ our door. Why is that? Are we just too carried away with the details of our PERFECT lives to notice that as long as we aren’t dead, life can and will happen to us? It is as if we are NOT who we, but what we do instead…And as a result of this we STRONGLY identify with a perception that will ultimately destroy us. However, life isn’t defined by the things we avoid, it is defined by how we anticipate AND react to unforeseeable. Isn’t it foolhardy to take a message that meant for each and every one of us and assumed that it meant for you and NOT for me? What do you think?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

That when you're in love, it shows.

That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

That being kind is more important than being right.

That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

That money doesn't buy class.

That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

That love, not time, heals all wounds.

That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her, one more time, before she passed away.

That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.

That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.


Words by Andy Rooney

Monday, May 18, 2009


There are times in life when certain things happen that just makes life seem so much better; and when such events take place, I find myself wanting to savor the moment and put it somewhere I can always find it. So I’ve decided to post that I will post the messages that are sent via e-mails on my blog…Of course I will keep the persons identification to myself but I feel that their nice thoughts should be immortalized…

I'm sitting here doing work and I'm thinking of you and thinking how I miss talking to you. Sometimes I feel like you don't like me as much as I like you. And because of that I would want to close comments on my blog. I'm laughing when I write this because of how silly it sounds! The craziest of ideas enter my mind and I react irrationally.

I know I'm being stupid, and I don't know what I want you to do about it. Anyway, I know the source of my feelings. I'm just not at a good place, but things will be fine soon.

I just wanted to tell you that I miss talking to you.

Keep well...S. K.


Sunday, May 17, 2009



Since its first edition in 2003, the International Day Against Homophobia has grown larger year by year. With this, May 17 has become the prime moment to remember that homophobia still exists and that we must combat it.

The proposed goal for the 2009 Campaign is to make the general population and, more specifically, ethno-cultural communities of all backgrounds more aware of gay and lesbian issues, and sexual diversity. Ethno-cultural communities occupy an increasingly significant place in our societies. What’s more, contributions by these communities are invaluable to our country.

Not all of the world’s citizens are able to enjoy the privilege of living in an egalitarian society. In several countries, rights, such as the right to love a person of the same sex and have sexual relations with that person, are limited or violated.

In other countries, sexual orientation is recognised, for the same reasons as practising a religion, as a basic freedom, and discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is illegal.

People from countries in which homosexuality is legally banned may have some of their own values challenged: what was prohibited in their country is allowed and legally protected in their host country.

Keeping in mind how homosexuality is a universal fact and that borders cannot be forced on it; the 2009 Campaign is aimed towards helping these people to become integrated within their host society and to make ethno-cultural communities aware of sexual diversity issues. In addition, LGBT people and their communities will benefit from their own community’s improved openness toward their issues.


Saturday, May 16, 2009


ON & ON is the title of a

Grammy-winning number-one

R&B single by singer

Erykah Badu. The hit song spent two weeks at number-one on the US R&B chart and went to #12 on the Billboard Hot 100. The song is from the Badu's platinum 1997 album

Baduizm. . It has become her signature song. And in keeping with my theme REBUILDING, RECOVERING & BECOMING MUCH STRONGER...I felt that this song furthers this month’s agenda. When I think about the times in life when it seems like we keep having the same kinds of experiences, this song shows you that you can be like Cinderella and life can compel you from strife to tranquility. I believe that there is great value to be had in experiencing life’s strife because it makes us appreciate the good times even more…So hold onto this song and know that the world keeps spinning even it feels like it hasn’t…

Friday, May 15, 2009


In many ways, this blog is a Journal of my Journey into the world of images. I like to show saints as carnal creatures, and I like tweaked versions of ancient Greek myths. I like modern gay leather men mixed in with traditional Christian myth. I like ambiguous subjects, such as martyrs who may or may not be saints, and S/M situations which may or may not be Christian. So today as I talk about THE MALE FORM, I wan to highlighting those blogs that that bring me my MAN~CANDY on a daily. So with this two part series I hope that you get to enjoy the blogs I’ve traveled so far…
  1. BEAUTIFUL – The human form is one of the most appreciated yet feared forms of art we as a society have ever encountered. We all claim to love it and want to embrace it yet most of us gawk @ the mere sight of the naked form. The nature of people always amazes me. However, this is where this MAGNIFICENT work of art leads the charge. They have burned into our minds the images of bare skin by molding it with various techniques such as body painting, photography and digital art. They’ve shaped the naked form into more than it is, and the readers find themselves being apart of a world most can't imagine…

  2. HOODSWORLD – A connoisseur of men of color. This blog doesn’t have to ask twice for the readers to taste the product served…The moment this site loads up, it seems as if a light emerges along with it. Because the beauty that is man is something more, something complex, something sensual and exciting and it is all here @ hoodsworld. But don’t take my word for it, look closely @ the masterpieces he displays and notice the slick N’ powerful elements within…Let them take you places you’ve only seen in your dreams. Allow the use of color, rich, intense, and sometimes shocking images, bring his blog to life with energy, conflict and emotion…

  3. DARKTOMAHAWK – This blog is best described as innovative, trendsetting, and pioneering in the conceptualization of man’s, exotic, and intriguing images. With bodies and faces sculpted, molded, and magnificently framed for on its pages, we are able read each man’s personal story through powerful imagery. This blog has an uncanny ability to give us men in their natural state and environment, undisturbed and delightfully pure. The men who are captured here give viewers an erotically charged glimpse into the essence of their souls.

  4. CHOCOLATESALSA – This website celebrates the glories of the adult nude male. This blog shows one that there are SO many visual feasts out there that it is a shame that so many are reluctant to admire them. This blogger not only uses them for visual pleasure, but he teases the reader with an unexpected context without even saying a word most of the time. He is passionate about capturing the many facets of his subject's personality, their essence. He has an intimate understanding of what it takes to give powerful images that can reveal what's inside…

  5. DAVID DUST – On this blog I see the men as the earth, the emotional ocean, those sensuous exotic creatures…the tempting forbidden fruit. Here is where we get THE true and outstanding beauty of man, the fullness of his body, the texture of his skin and the grace of his smile. This blogger’s LOVE for the male form is a testament to the philosophy that EVERY PHOTO SHOULD TELL A STORY…And boy do they ever…

  6. MECHADUDE – The dynamics of the images on this blog are SO powerful that makes the viewer stop and take a second look. This blog evokes an erotic reaction necessary to create the desired response needed to get one going. This blog gives us images others have, but there’s something different about seeing them here. He displays the broadness in the man’s back, the signs of struggle in his shoulders and the determination in his eyes. In the photos, one may witness the essence, sensuality, strong structure and power of the man without the use of excessive sexuality. I hope that with this blog, people would be able to further extend their appreciation of the body of man.

  7. POINT & SHOOT – This blog produces pure poetic pictures of sensuality in the male form. The boundaries are pushed as the images of men reveal that hidden side that gets most of us going. This blog manipulates and strips away everything until we get lost between color light and darkness. Men aren’t men anymore; they become disguised creatures that are sexually charged as they express both the interior and exterior side of man. Each photo tells a story where nothing is what it seems…So start with the eyes and try to capture the joy within and don’t forget to look for that third eye…

  8. MASCULINECURVES – This blog gives us the boys next door and he’s the artist who takes their picture. Think of it as an urban twist on a Midwestern cliché. Welcome to the MasculineCurves photo blog where you’ll experience the world as he sees it through the lens of his camera…These are the days and nights of a desperate artist.  This blog restores the male nude to its rightful place in the world of fine art photography by recapturing the purity and formality of man. His images are stylish, classic with a sense of timeless beauty often lacking in contemporary male nude photography.

  9. BLACK – This blogger dares to shine the light that reflects off the skin, intricately created masterpieces, one by one, with much detail like fingers to touch, eyes to see and lips to kiss. He shines the light gave him feet to walk the land and a tongue to taste the fruit that dangle from the branches that sway to the breeze from his breath. This blogger knows that our bodies are the testimony of the first creation of art and his blog wears the beauty of man like a robe for all to see. And the results are ours to treasure…

  10. AGB – This blogger CELEBRATES the hot black man…And what strikes me about his blog is the fact that his images are above and beyond the obvious images of the black male. Though he is relatively new to the blogosphere his determination and drive to make a classy and sexy blog will undoubtedly lead him in the path of the many wonderful ones that came before him.

  11. FLABRUH05 – This blog was created to show the diversity of the black man. From the blue to the white collar working man, this blogger LOVES the sexiness, strength and confidence that the black man exudes. He appreciates the masculine, intelligent brutha that has some size on his frame but carries it well and works hard to display the rock hard muscles that come from dedication and hard work. There is plenty of candy on this site, so check it out and see this blogger’s version of what is man…

  12. CONN3CTION – This blogger lets you know from the onset that there is NO shame in his subject matter, there is nothing to be timid about, for these images are thought out long before the viewer is lucky enough to see the moment of truth where the conflict is at its height, or sometimes, the second after it's discovery. I must say that the details are sometimes immediately noticeable and other times you have look again and again to see the tiniest piece of information that was missed in the first several glances, but they are the details that pull this blog together and bring the world of male sexuality full circle…Though we live in a world where the act of homosexuality is a taboo, this blog somehow shows the sacredness of it…

  13. URBANSHOTZ – I consider this blogger to be an outside the box thinker, because he doesn’t express man in just one manner.  He strikes me as a blogger who challenges himself and let his imagination prevail in the struggle between creativity and sensuality. I find his images to be distinctive and kinetic. Although his focus is on the male body, I hope that you enjoy all of his interpretations and see what I see when I visit this blog…


Thursday, May 14, 2009


Cell phones are awesome, right? Communicating with friends, loved ones, bosses, disgruntled employees, jilted lovers, and the electric company has never been easier. However, cell phones have a dark side. They make you do things…Naughty things. Things normally reserved for bedrooms and supply closets and airplane toilets. And the latest trend in cell phone use is the swapping of sexually suggestive photos which is known as SEXTING. SEXTING is the hottest trend that is making headlines around the world. Some teens are even being arrested for sending revealing photos of themselves. I guess they are following celebrities such as Miley Cirus, Vanessa Hudgens, and Cheeta Girl Adrienne who have all had compromising pictures of themselves surface and get passed around online, and in many cases, via cell phone. So tell me has the advent of the camera phone, coupled with exuberant, humane curiosity led you to participate in this trend? What role do you play in this high-tech version of sexual flirting? Or are you boring like me and practice SAFE SEXTING?

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


An inquisitive mood prompted me to take a philosophical journey of the mind today, which led me to probe DEEPLY into yours. A question was posed to me the other day by a young man the other day that inspired curiosity within me and compelled me to seek answers outside of myself. WHAT DO YOU WANT @ THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE? Was posed to me and I found that my search for an answer to this question had me pondering what I really needed vs. what I really wanted. Life is SO fascinating and I know that in order for each and everyone of us to get where we want to be, we need to take certain steps to get as close as we possibly can to our goals. I remember reading somewhere that it said, ‘one has to change what isn’t working in order to get things working for us.’ So with life being made up of parts that belong to an interconnected whole, changing one thing can change everything. From our relationships, to work and play a question such as this would ask that we examine the elements that takes up our lives and see if they can be tweaked in someway…So as you ponder this question, it is important to remember that our lives are living, breathing entities that reflect our dynamic selves…SO WITH THAT SAID, WHAT DO YOU WANT@ THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE?

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


I have to IDENTIFY the problems I’ve hearing about from men that seek men. It seems that NICE GAY MEN are catching something that they are unaware of, which is merely a case of getting a man that isn’t worth a damn. But don’t be alarmed as they only attach themselves to persons that don’t know to detect who they are before it is too late. So depending on the kind of man you have, you have determine the cure you need to take. So to help combat this pandemic, here is a list of the ten most common men to watch out for…

THE MARRIED MAN (THE MM): These secretly non-single men are the most common and the most deadly. They are very hard to spot and blend in with their surroundings. Symptoms are reflecting any questions about them back to you. Not going into details about their lives. They are VERY aloof and are FAMOUS for NOT being able to be reached when needed. The only cure known for type of man is to get rid of him ASAP. Cut contact as soon as you know as no matter how hard you try, they will never end their marriage for you. 

THE HOGGER: This type of man keeps you from your friends. He is paranoia and asks a lot of questions as apposed to the MM. this man is a serial dater, but has to know where you’ve been and with whom. They want to spend all their time with you and when you don’t he gets very defensive and lays the guilt on. To help combat the hugger, reassure him by taking him out with your friends to ease his mind. Remind him time apart is healthy. Otherwise you have to heave ho the HOGGER

THE SPENDER: He buys your love to keep you which shows a man that has a fear of losing your interest so he showers you with gifts. It may start with a bottle of wine on the first date @ a fancy restaurant. Flowers delivered to your job or home and after a while your bank balance hasn’t moved and yet your wardrobe is full of the latest styles. I know this sound like a dream man, but do you want someone to buy your love? Tell them to allow you to pay for things once in a while as balance is important to staying a couple. Otherwise ask them to be returned. Keeping the gifts is up to you…

THE FRESHMAN: Watch out for this newly out gay guy because it is his eagerness AND excitement that attracts you. He is brand new, hasn’t been used, isn’t tainted with cynicism by the scene…yet and all this can be QUITE refreshing. However I say you treat him like a butterfly, you capture, admire, play with and then set them free. This man won’t want to settle down so soon and it’s not fair to ask him too. He has to learn and to be given the chance to be cynical and tainted just like the rest of us.

THE HANDBAG: This is the incredibly vain man that doesn’t commit. He is just someone to hang off your arm, look good and get attention from the rest of the community that wish for a HANDBAG of their own. To foolishly try to make this accessory something permanent is simply madness because we all know that bags go out style with the seasons…So when contemplating a man such as this remember shallowness is only so deep….so if you want a man with a brain and a soul you don’t want this one…

THE LIAR: This truth extender knows just how to stretch the truth right before it pops into a lie. Straightforward symptoms are stores being blended from truth to fiction constantly, the bending of truth OR omitting parts of their story is their specialty. Honesty is the best policy and if you are open with yourself you’d stay far away from such a man. Note that their lies usually stem from a lack of confidence. Boost theirs by making a fuss over the real stories. If your ears keeping bleeding from fiction let them go and tell their tales elsewhere. 

THE GOSSIPER: He is the social butterfly that everyone knows. His scent hits the room long before he does and he seen as someone not to keep as a friend, but he doesn’t care about that. So if you go on a date with such a man please tell him know that it is nice to fill the silence with conversation, but you don’t need to hear about this N’ that about other people’s lives. So if he can’t keep a lid on it simply swat his ass and leave him for someone else to pick up.

THE LIFE SUCKER: This negative man complains about EVERYTHING! He’s the guy that when you first meet on a date will be complaining about the drinks being to expensive, the music’s too loud, it’s too crowded or he’s tried. He find faults in basically EVERYTHING! Surrounding yourself with a man like this will rub off on you and this is a VERY bad thing. Just listen to him speak when you have chance to meet him and if you hear more complaints than compliments, leave that half empty glass there and look for a man who has a glass that is half full so you can get a full drink.

THE HISTORIAN: This man pretty much lives in the land before time or seems like he does because he is only looking for a NEW relationship that is EXACTLY like his OLD one. Reminiscing on dates and comparing time with you to their exes is not the ingredients for fireworks. It is not right or fair on you and let us not talk about his mental health…Looking back with a man such as this will only will give them neck spasm AND poison what future you may have with each other. Tell him to keep the exes name to a minimum, start afresh with you, otherwise the next part of their past will be you…

THE WHITE KNIGHT: You know him MR. PERFECT! He is THE hardest one to catch as symptoms can vary from person to person and sadly we go through all the other only to find that he is covering up the fact that he is all of the other men on the list roll into one. There is no known cure, nor do we want one because he comes under the guise of being PRINCE CHARMING, MISTER WONDERFUL and FUTURE HUSBAND. Keep your eyes open for this one and if symptoms persist please see your local law enforcement and seek out their witness protection program.

Sunday, May 10, 2009


You give us a place of refuge…a sanctuary that stands between us, the elements of nature and the rest of the world. You are that an unselfish giver of life and the steward of our physical and spiritual needs. That bountiful plant life that nourishes us, gives us air, and offers us cooling shade. Your waters quench our thirst, and your beauty stirs our souls. Yet we so easily take your blessings for granted by worshiping you on just this day. So I want to say THAT EVERY TIME I BREATHE, I’LL BE REMINDED OF THE IMPORTANCE YOU PLAYED IN MY LIFE…I THANK YOU for allowing me to live within your walls. THANK YOU for giving me shelter, warmth AND security. THANK YOU for allowing me to live my life in your womb, for staying strong and sturdy, for supporting me, and for your beauty. THANK YOU for allowing me to steward life with you. THANK YOU for allowing me to walk this soil AND I will HONOR the part of you that’s in me for the rest of my life…¡HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Saturday, May 9, 2009


KING OF SORROW is the second single from the English group Sade's fifth studio album, Lovers Rock (2000). The music video, directed by Sophie Muller, was filmed at and around Normandie Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, one of the world's most famous examples of Art Deco architecture. It follows the dilemma of a single mother struggling to conciliate her children's needs with her dream of becoming a singer. And though the video is good, I feel that the words of the song are even better. This song makes me think of one the Dalai Lama’s quote that goes, ‘love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.’ So I hope this song inspires you to think of life on a grander scale because we are all connected. And I hope that when we share each other’s pain, we see that we are a part of a general philosophy that makes us more apt to regard humanity as the rewarding and enjoyable part of being alive. I believe that this song encompasses EVERY element of humanity and it can be felt beyond our individuality because it guides our hearts into action.

Friday, May 8, 2009


In assessing the issues at play in compulsive sexuality in gay men, it is important first to understand that the gay community is a highly sexualized one. As the stereotype goes, straight men want sex all the time, while gay men actually have sex all the time and women seem not to want it…But all in all there are persons out there that beg the question, can sex become compulsive? Like most behaviors, can sex be taken to its obsessive and compulsive extremes? Sexual obsessions and compulsions are recurrent, distressing and interfere with daily functioning. Many people suffer with this problem but don’t know it. HERE ARE A FEW QUESTIONS THAT CAN HELP YOU DETERMINE IF YOU A SEX ADDICT OR NOT:
  1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?

  2. Have you subscribed or regularly purchased/rental sexually explicit magazines or videos?

  3. Did your parents have trouble with their sexual or romantic behaviors?

  4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts?

  5. Has your use of phone sex lines, computer sex lines, etc, exceeded your ability to pay for these services?

  6. Does your significant other(s), friends or family ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior? (Not related to sexual orientation.)

  7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate and/or dangerous to your health?

  8. Has your involvement with pornography, phone sex, computer board sex become greater than your intimate contacts with romantic partners?

  9. Do you keep the extent or nature of your sexual activities hidden from your friends and/or partners?

  10. Do you look forward to events with friends or family being over so that you can go out to have sex?

  11. Do you visit sexual bathhouses, sex clubs and/or video bookstores as a regular part of your sexual activity?

  12. Do you believe that anonymous or casual sex kept you from having more long-term intimate relationships or from reaching other personal goals?

  13. Do you have trouble maintaining intimate relationships once the "sexual newness" of the person has worn off?

  14. Do your sexual encounters place you in danger of arrest for lewd conduct or public indecency?

  15. Have you spent time worrying about being HIV positive & continue to engage in risky or unsafe sexual behavior anyway?

  16. Has anyone ever been hurt emotionally by events related to your sexual behavior, e.g., lying to partner or friends, not showing up for event/appointment due to sexual liaisons, etc.,? (not related to sexual orientation)

  17. Have you ever been approached, charged, arrested by the police, security, etc., due to sexual activity in a public place?

  18. Has sex been a way for you to escape your problems?

  19. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?

  20. Have you made repeated promises to yourself to change some form of your sexual activity only to break them later? (Not related to sexual orientation.)

  21. Have your sexual activities interfered with some aspect of your professional or personal life, e.g. unable to perform at work, loss of relationship? (Not related to sexual orientation.)

  22. Have you engaged in unsafe or "risky" sexual practices even though you knew it could cause you harm?

  23. Have you ever been paid for sex?

  24. Have you ever had sex with someone just because you were feeling aroused and later felt ashamed or regretted it?

  25. Have you ever cruised public restrooms, rest areas and/or parks looking for sexual encounters with strangers?

Thursday, May 7, 2009


We men and women are multidimensional creatures. Our identity is made up of the sum total of our many traits and values and our character. Each of us possesses within us many different selves. There is the adult part of ourselves and the childlike spirit that resides in each one of us. There is our masculine side and our feminine side. There is the hard worker in us, the artist, the parent, and the caretaker. All of these selves combined, form a well-rounded, complex person. But can someone tell me what happens when the hard worker, the artist, the parent AND the caretaker can’t provide us with the basic things to survive on this planet? I ask this question because yesterday my former favorite boss and I went to get our unemployment cheques provided to us by the government. And after going through a relatively smooth process she had to take that very same cheque and give it to the bank so her car doesn’t get repossessed. It BROKE my heart and after I dropped her home, it took so much for me to focus on the road ahead looking forward to a comfortable resting place. Words cannot express how much she has given me from working with her…I mean she is VERY experienced in the accounting arena, but her set-back is that she is a BIG fish living in a small pond called the Bahamas. And in her living here with such limited means it makes her life feel all the more out of control. I can only wonder what becomes of the soldiers like her who went to college, have tons of experience and are good human beings no matter where they go? Can someone tell me how she is supposed to REMEMBER THE SUN when the darkness makes it SO hard to see? How does she explain to her child that you can’t have this or that because there is NO money? If only she knew that this is just life’s way of preparing her for the next phase, but how can one want to feel something that seems to not be there? How can she tell herself that that the clouds that block her view are only filtering the sun’s light temporarily? If only I could show her that life won’t always be like this but…Most days I find myself pleading with her recently deceased mother to guide her path AND keep her focus…I remember when she told me that her mom came to her in a dream and told her that EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE FINE…My soul smiled because she got some hope but as time moves on…well things tend to change and strengths turns into weaknesses…I SUPPOSE I AM A FOOL-HEARTED MAN WHOSE GLASS IS ALWAYS HALF FULL…I REMEMBER THE SUN EVEN WHEN IT DOESN’T WANT ME TO…I HOLD ONTO THE POSSIBILITIES OF TOMORROW KNOWING THAT LIFE HAS CYCLES & IT IS UP TO ME TO CREATE LIFE FROM WITHIN…I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT THE POSITIVE RIPPLES I ECHO INTO THE WORLD ALONG WITH HER MOTHER’S TOUCH CAN COME TOGETHER & HELP HER REMEMBER THE SUN…

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Beginning a relationship is generally the easy part; it's maintaining the connection that gets a little tricky. That's why a growing number of twosomes (whether or not they've tied the knot) are going into couples therapy as a preemptive strike against the tough times that will inevitably hit... and to learn how to keep the good times flowing. To give you a leg up in your love life, we asked the country's top relationship experts to share the most crucial things they've uncovered over the years -- from big-picture philosophies to little gestures that go a long way. These practices will help keep your union in a happy, healthy place. 
  1. ACT OUT OF CHARACTER. Couples develop a particular dynamic: the way they relate to each other that repeats itself over and over. If you break that pattern and act against type -- in a positive way -- you inject new life into the relationship. For example, if you always get angry at your guy when he doesn't follow through on some chore, try addressing him in a nicer, friendlier tone, then thank him when he does a good job. It works every time. -- Toni Coleman, psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia.

  2. GET IN TOUCH A LOT. No doubt you hug and kiss each other. But simple acts like stroking his arm while you're watching TV and taking his hand when you're walking down the street are also ways to bond. Touching your partner throughout the day triggers your feel-good hormones, which reinforces your affection and makes you feel closer on an instinctive level. -- Psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, PhD, author of "Emotional Fitness for Couples"

  3. TAKE TURNS TALKING. To make sure you both get a chance to state what's on your mind during a disagreement -- and get your points across -- alternate playing reflective therapist, where one listens while the other talks. -- Psychologist Diana Kirschner, PhD, author of "Opening Love's Door" 

  4. FIND THE INTERSECTION. When making decisions together, try to find common ground. You each should write down exactly what you want. Let's say you're angling for a vacay in San Francisco to see the sights and hit up the cool shops and restaurants, while he wants a tropical getaway where he can veg out by the pool and sip drinks with umbrellas in the glass. Now that your desires are clearly laid out on paper, you can pick a place that will satisfy both your needs. A cool city, a little sun... how about Miami? -- Paul Dobransky, MD, author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love" 

  5. BE MORE POSITIVE THAN NEGATIVE. There's a more effective way to air grievances than to file an angry complaint. Sandwich your negative comment between two positives. If you want to complain about how he's always late, for example, try something like "You know, I love that you're so laid-back and easygoing, but it really bothers me when you show up so late. I'm sure you can still be the fun guy I adore and also be on time." -- Los Angeles psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD 

  6. ECHO EACH OTHER. When you and your man are having a serious relationship talk, it's easy to get so caught up in how you want to respond that you're not really listening to what's being said. That's why it's important for both of you to repeat each other: so you know you've been heard and you feel understood. -- Yvonne Thomas 

  7. TAKE A TIME-OUT. Neither of you is perfect, and the quirks you both have are here to stay. So rather than let those annoying traits work your last nerve, try to get in touch with the upside of those particular flaws, even if it's not immediately recognizable. Instead of getting annoyed when he starts screaming at the TV, for example, remind yourself how much you love his passion. Or if his shyness with new people bugs you, think about how refreshing it is to be with a chill, genuine guy rather than a blowhard who needs to chat with everyone in the room. -- Denver psychologist Jennifer Oikle, PhD, dating coach for Coupling Connection 

  8. HAVE HIS BACK. You might not agree with your guy when he's had a riff with a friend or he thinks his boss is being unfair, but you should always be on his side... and vice versa. Otherwise, you'll both feel like you can't count on each other. That doesn't mean you have to take the "you're so right" route all the time. Just hear him out, and let him know that you'll support him no matter what. -- New York City psychotherapist JoAnn Magdoff, PhD 

  9. SPEND A LITTLE MONEY ON EACH OTHER. You don't have to wait for a special occasion to give small presents to show your love. In fact, gifts are more fun -- and meaningful -- when they're not expected. Try to get into the habit of exchanging sweet tokens of appreciation for no particular reason. Don't go and blow your paycheck though. It's not about being extravagant; it's just a way of showing that you really get -- and think about -- each other. Maybe you buy him a tee of his favorite band that you saw on sale or he gets you a pair of pajamas in your favorite color. -- Barton Goldsmith 

  10. BE A GOOD DATE. Face it; no one can stay fascinating forever. After being together for a while, the initial excitement fades, and your guy can start to get kind of boring sometimes. Hey, don't think you're off the hook -- if you're feeling a little ho-hum about him, the feeling is likely mutual! To combat the blahs, take turns coming up with an interesting date idea every month. Keep the time and details to yourself, and try to think outside the box -- dinner and a movie is not exactly innovative. An awesome concert or a snowboarding lesson, for example, is a much less predictable treat. -- Jennifer Oikle

A good relationship is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen. Daily habits are extremely helpful in forging solid bonds and if you're really interested in making your relationship work, little rituals are a great way to do it. So here are few things you can do to save your relationship…