I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Monday, June 30, 2008


Is there a switch that turns you gay? That's the startling question raised again by a recent experiment in which scientists said they were able to turn on and off homosexual behavior in fruit flies. Researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago said they discovered what they call a "gender blind gene," or GB, in male fruit flies. A mutation in this GB gene spurred the male’s flies to start courting other males, as well as females. When researchers strengthened neural synapses in the brain, the male flies were attracted, rather than repulsed, by the smell of other male flies. "We put the males together, and they did to each other what they do when they're interested in a female: They approach her, sing her a song, and lick her. They treated other males exactly the way they would treat other females. We put male flies in a chamber with males and females, and they were attracted to both with equal frequency.” In another recent study, researchers showed how they could alter the way female mice smell the sexual secretions, or pheromones, of other mice, and turn them into "lesbian mice.” Both studies seem certain to bolster the growing scientific consensus that homosexuality is biological rather than learned. And they point to an answer to the lingering question of whether sexual orientation is hard-wired into the brain or whether it can be altered. But both sides of the debate agree that just because fruit flies and mice can easily switch from straight to gay doesn't mean that it's that easy for humans to make the same transition. "This shows that latent homosexual tendencies are there in all of us -- it's a matter of suppressing this synapse in the brain," said Axelrod. "Mice, flies it wouldn't surprise me in humans.” But smells are only one stimulus in the complicated dynamics of human sexuality. "Humans use a variety of things: pornography, phone sex and cologne," said Axelrod. "And smell is not that strong a factor as it for fruit flies. If you took a guy and made him smell like a woman and even gave him a sexy high voice, it's not going to work."Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, a controversial psychiatrist known for treating homosexuals who want to change their orientation, doubted that these results had implications for human sexuality.” The truth is that a single gene in an animal as primitive as a fruit fly really says nothing at all about human beings," he said. "But in the current political environment, it gets translated by gay activists as 'voila, there must be the same gene in humans.' Satinover said that the genetic influence on homosexuality in human beings is weak. "Human sexuality is incredibly plastic," he said. "Under the right circumstances, people can be turned on by almost anything. You find temporary homosexuals in jail.” John Corvino, professor of philosophy at Wayne State University and the author of "Same Sex: Debating the Ethics, Science, and Culture of Homosexuality, “is more interested in the study's moral implications. "While science can tell us something about why we exhibit certain feelings and behaviors, it can't answer the moral question of what to do with them," Corvino told in an e-mail. "Should we embrace them? Tolerate them? Change them? Because even if we could change people's sexual orientation, it doesn't follow that we should." Peterson Toscano, a gay Connecticut- based performance artist and comic, certainly wouldn't make the switch, and he has plenty of experience in trying to change his orientation. Toscano, 42, spent 17 years in therapy to undo his homosexuality. "I was so ashamed of being gay that I tried everything -- it didn't matter who had the 'cure,' I tried it," he said. "I even went to a Jamaican exorcist woman in Brooklyn who was ranting and raving and trying to get me to vomit into a bucket." Toscano also married a woman and spent two years at Love in Action, a Christian ministry for ex-gays in Memphis, Tenn. At one session, they were told that it was forbidden to use after-shave and cologne because those smells might remind you of your former gay lovers. Another time, Toscano had to talk about his most embarrassing sexual experience in front of his parents and the group. In the end, he realized that he was gay and that no amount of therapy would change that fact. As a result, he would never contemplate a switch and compares switching to society's obsession with plastic surgery and body sculpting. "I know so many people who did not want to be gay, and if they could have taken a pill, they would have in a minute," he said. Now they look back and think, 'Thank God, I didn't change."

Sunday, June 29, 2008


They say that the devil can’t understand you when you TALK IN TONGUE; and today I am asking that as you read the words that I speak, so that you would use this to build up, influence and provoke yourself out of bondage…WHATEVER THAT MAYBE… How much longer will you allow the chains of this world to hold you down? So many of us life a life held back, a life without understanding that is without love AND compassion. As I speak these words against HOMOPHOBIA, CRIME, INJUSTICE & IGNORANCE (just to name a few); I ask that this word bring strength AND awareness to the nation that this word is design to deliver AND set free. Hence I speak to those of us that feel that some OR all of us somehow just want to be GAY. Can anyone tell me how is it that, you can be born one way and your life turns out to be another? Moreover, can anyone tell me how this became the ideal situation for HOMOSEXUALS? I guess the BIGGER issue goes deeper than that because I often wonder how is it that WE are looking like men, and WE have the parts of a MAN; but somewhere, some how OUR TRUE IDENTITY does not match a standard of what the TRUE IDENTITY OF WHAT A MAN REALLY IS? TALKING IN TONGUE permits me to say that the TRUE identity of man comes from the impartation of another. Hence, if there are no MEN that are operating in the maintenance and the covering of MANHOOD, how do WE find out where we belong OR who to be? WE have to make sure that the ability to know who we are as men is PROTECTED, HONORED & GUARDED! It is OUR duty to make sure that the TRUE identity is reproduced AND deposited so that WE secure OUR place on this planet. So many of us GAY & STRAIGHT alike title ourselves MEN when we are so far from it. I have seen that TOO many have crept in the room say they are man…they have the LOOK, the SOUND and the FEATURES but…The TRUE identity of what a man is merely living in a way that brings joy to the lives of others. A man CANNOT get what rightfully belongs to him asserting himself AND doing things that he feels a man should. A man CANNOT become a man by just exploring the SEXUAL side of him; he has to display his entire being. THE TRUE IDENTITY OF MANY COMES WITH STANDARDS; IT COMES WITH STABILTY & RESPONSIBILITY. I DECLARE THAT WHAT I WROTE HERE WILL ENCOURGE US TO HOLD UP OUR HEADS SO THAT IT WILL BE FILLED WITH KNOWLEDGE & ACCEPTANCE OF SELF. I HOPE THAT SOMEONE FINALLY GETS IT BECAUSE THE INNER MAN NEEDS THIS TO STRENGTHEN HIMSELF & THUS THE WORLD. I AM MERELY TEACHING YOU HOW TO DIE SO THAT YOU MAY LIVE…COME OUT & KNOW YOUR TRUE IDENTITY. FOR I TALK IN TONGUES FOR THE DAMAGED, THE SHAMED & FORGOTTEN…THE ONES THAT ARE IN NEED OF A REBIRTH…AS I TALK IN TONGUE…

Saturday, June 28, 2008


How important is it for some men to have a man inside of them without a condom, and to experience receiving OR giving of semen as an intimate and possibly sacred act? Most of us spend hours on the internet looking, cruising the club and attending house parties for the right man for a HOOK UP. All that matters is if he is short OR tall enough, fat OR skinny…ugly OR not. I find it interesting that the one thing that should matter is what his status is; no NOT his economic status…but his health status. Psychologically if we look @ these behaviors; one should take note of two things – conscious and unconscious intentions. My generation of gay men has not been as much affected by grief and losses because of HIV as the older generation has but the pain is just the same. Right? Well for ME it is. There exists this part of me that feels guilt for the fact that I don’t have HIV. Now before you go, THIS BOY IS CRAZY let me explain. Though I am NOT a BUG CHASER, I still feel a sense of connection to those that are fighting this disease on a personal level. When I look @ the number of GAY men who have lost most of their friends and loved ones to HIV, how can I NOT feel their depression, feeling of helplessness, and a bit of survival guilt? I like many other gay men more than likely had sex with a person OR two that is effected by the HIV virus. I even had sex with a man that I thought had the virus and it didn’t frighten me because I felt that on some level I was merely expressing sex from one human to another. It is not as if I played Russian roulette with life OR had committed suicide for sex. Very rarely do things occur in life that has an immediate AND extreme relevance that causes one to really think about his mortality. I think that my making this conscious decision has the potential to become one of the most important things in a person’s life that is dealing with this disease. I have often wondered who is responsible for the sexual energy many gay men forged during the years prior to AIDS. With an outlook firmly rooted in GAY liberation, the GAY man’s sexual revolution has become his downfall. The impact AND mass catastrophe that AIDS has on the GAY man’s psyche is more than any human should have to bear. And I guess that my SURVIVAL’S GUILT exists because of the many failed attempts to halt new HIV infections among WE GAY men. In making this statement, I am know that there are MANY out that would consider what I say to be heresy and I find that VERY sad. How can we NOT review AND interpret the statistics when it comes to HIV? Isn’t it obvious that the SEXUAL revolution was NOT as sweeping as we were led to believe? What took place then is happening now; and the second coming of this plague is going to wipe out almost all of us if we don’t take heed…IT IS ALREADY TOO LATE! I OFTEN WONDER IF GAY MEN BOTH HIV + AND – SHARE THE THOUGHTS THAT I HAVE? Doesn’t it make sense for GAY men on both sides of this disease to face a future that will be filled with suffering AND loss to embrace each other above all else? I think it makes a lot of sense for us to hold onto each other in whatever ways we can. HOW MUCH LONGER ARE WE GOING TO CREATE A SYSTEM OF GAY MALE HIV PREVENTION & MENTAL HEALTH WITHOUT STRONG COMPONENTS DESIGNED TO SUPPORT A COMMUNITY THAT IS IN NEED OF TRAUMA RECOVERY? In the midst of a continuing epidemic, what possibilities exist for the resurrection of gay men's psyches? What resources are available to us and what kinds of programs need to be developed? HIV IS NOT A FANTASY. IT IS REAL. IT IS SERIOUS. YET WE REFUSE TO CHANGE THE WAY WE HAVE SEX, & HEREIN LIES PART OF THE EXPLANATION FOR THE CONTINOUS SPREAD OF HIV. I GET THAT IN A LIBERAL SOCIETY, WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO, WITH COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THE RAMIFICATIONS OF OUR ACTIONS TO ENGAGE IN RISKY BEHAVIOUR. QUOTING NORA KIZER BELL, HE STATES, BY ITS VERY NATURE DEMOCRATIC EDUCATION THAT IS, EDUCATION THAT OCCURS IN THE CONTEXT OF A LIBERAL DEMOCRACY WILL EVENTUATE IN SOMETHING LESS THAN COMPLETE COMPLIANCE WITH, OR COMPLETE ASSIMILATION TO ITS INSTRUCTIONAL MESSAGE. IN MY OPINION, WHAT HAS BEEN LACKING IN SO MANY OF THE AIDS PREVENTION EFFORTS HAS BEEN THE EXPLORATION OF THE MEANING OF VARIOUS SEXUAL ACTIVITIES AMONG GAY MEN. I FEEL THAT EMPHASIS NEEDS TO BE PLACED ON THE QUALITY OF LIFE, RATHER THAN THE LENGTH OF IT. SO, HOW ABOUT FINDING WAYS FOR THE GAY MAN TO CREATE A LIFE WORTH LIVING? RETHINKING STRATEGIES WILL NO DOUBT CONTRIBUTE TO REGENERATION OF THE MALE SEXUALITY AS WE SEE THE FUTURE DAY BY DAY. I GUESS IF WE WERE TO DO THAT, WE WOULD HAVE TO ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THE GAY MAN IS NOT CAUSE OF HIM CONTRACTING THIS DISEASE, IT GOES WAY BEYOND WHAT HE DOES AS INDIVIDUAL. THIS PROBLEM IS OURS TO BEAR & I HOPE THAT YOU FIND WHAT IS NEEDED TO GET THIS DISEASE UNDER CONTROL…UNTIL THEN I WILL HOLD ONTO MY SURVIVAL’S GUILT & IN TH E MIDST OF THIS ONGOING EPIDEMIC, I HOPE THAT I CAN BALANCE THE PRATICAL ACCEPTANCE THAT HIV/AIDS WILL MOST LIKELY BE WITH US FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

Friday, June 27, 2008


Friday, June 27th is recognized as National HIV Testing Day around the world. Experts agree that the best way to slow or stop the HIV epidemic is to know your status. Knowing your status allows you to protect yourself and your loved ones. I urge everyone to get tested if you don't know your status. Urge your friends to get tested....take your partner, lover, husband or wife and get tested together. Everyone should know their HIV status.

BAREBACK THIS…The number of young HOMOSEXUAL men being newly diagnosed with HIV infection is rising by 12 percent a year, with the steepest upward trend we need to do what ever it takes to curb this statistic. This double-digit increase in young gay men is about 10 times higher than in the homosexual community overall, where the number of new infections is going up about 1.5 percent a year. This report suggests that a SECOND WAVE of the AIDS epidemic is underway in gay community. @ This stage we should be the gay men that represent a NEW generation that has not been personally affected by AIDS as those we came before us; however, we are racking up numbers faster than we can put our clothing back on. I only wish that when we see that HIV is on the rise by 15 percent yearly, we need to realize that EPIDEMIC is TOTALLY out of control. There was this study published online last month in the American Journal of Public Health showed that prevention messages tailored for gay black men can work. Researchers recruited "opinion leaders" in the gay communities of three cities in North Carolina. The people were trained to talk to their peers not only about ways to protect themselves from HIV but also about other issues, such as homophobia in some black churches and racism. A year later, the frequency of unprotected high-risk intercourse was down 30 percent in the three gay communities, and the number or people who said they always used condoms were up a similar amount. Though these trends can help with the fight against HIV I feel that we need to show HIV for what it really is; a disease that is hurting this planet. I feel that we need unearth the underbellies of our society and face the REAL truth. We need to get in the trenches and face this enemy head on before it completely invades our lives. The sad thing is that MOST gay men no longer fear HIV and there is an INCREASED apathy over the transmission of the disease. It is as if we believe the virus is unavoidable or that the virus has been controlled, resulting in longer lives for those infected. However, HIV is STILL alive AND well. And this LIVE FOR THE MOMENT thing that GAY men have adopted is fool hearted. SURE, SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM MAY INCREASE YOUR PLEASURE, BUT THE RISKS FAR OUTWEIGH ANY MOMENT OF ECSTASY…A MOMENT OF PLEASURE CAN LEAD TO A LIFETIME OF ILLNESS.

WOMEN & HIV…While there are many unanswered questions about HIV's ongoing spread, one thing is clear: THE HIV VIRUS DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE BETWEEN MEN & WOMEN! Either can be infected, and both can infect others. But there are considerable differences between men living with HIV and women living with HIV. Infection rates and infection prevalence are not the same across the sexes, and there are needs and concerns unique to women living with the disease. Let’s take a look at women and HIV. What are those differences and how do they impact women who live with this disease? Here are some facts:

  • Today, roughly 40 million people worldwide are living with HIV.
  • It’s estimated that 50 percent of those people living with the disease are women.
  • While men still make up the majority of HIV cases in the United States, about 300,000 women are living with HIV.
  • The proportion of HIV cases that are women has tripled from about eight percent to 27 percent since 1985.
  • From 2000 to 2004, the number of men living with HIV has increased by seven percent while the number of women infected has increased 10 percent.

There are some disturbing trends emerging in the world with regard to HIV and women. In this time of increasing HIV infection among women, young women and women of color have been the hardest hit. It’s obvious that women are being impacted by HIV at an alarming rate. But why is this? If HIV does not discriminate, how can this be explained? The sad truth is that women are more vulnerable to HIV infection in many ways. There are vulnerabilities to HIV that are unique to women. These help to account for the differences in infection rates between men and women worldwide. Some of those vulnerabilities include:

  • Physical Differences - Women are especially susceptible to heterosexual transmission physically because the mucosal lining of the vagina offers a large surface area to be exposed to HIV-infected seminal fluid.
  • Easier to Transmit from Men to Women than Women to Men – Again, anatomical differences between men and women mean transmission from men to women is easier than the other way around. Much like the rectal mucosa makes transmission during anal intercourse easier; the mucosal lining of the vagina offers a large surface area to be exposed to infected seminal fluid. Plus, the vagina is more susceptible to small tears and irritation during intercourse than is the penis. These properties offer a portal for HIV to enter the body and infect the woman.
  • Gender Inequities – Especially in developing countries, prevailing gender inequities leads to higher-risk behaviors. For instance, in many cultures women are not free to refuse sex or to insist on safer sex using condoms. Men assume a position of power and control over women, minimizing the amount of input and consent from women. In addition, women have less access to employment and education in these developing countries. Often, the sex trade is one of the few options for women trying to earn money and support themselves and their children. Finally, sexual violence against women is very high in some areas, again exposing them to high-risk behaviors without their consent.

What Challenges Do Women Face? Obviously, HIV impacts anyone who has the disease, whether male or female. An HIV diagnosis, while not a death sentence, will most certainly be a life-changing event. However, there are some challenges that are unique to women:

  • There is an increased risk of reproductive illnesses including vaginal yeast infections, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), Human Papillomavirus (HPV) and cervical cancer.
  • Because women often have lower incomes than men or work lower paying jobs with minimal benefits, women have less access to HIV care and affordable medical insurance.
  • Women are more likely to postpone health care due to illness or lack of transportation than are men.
  • Women assume more family care responsibilities and are more likely to sacrifice their own health care in order to care for their family, especially their children.

Is Anything Being Done? The disparities between men and women who live with HIV have not gone unnoticed. In fact, the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) have placed a new emphasis in women-focused HIV research, funding and sponsoring studies around the world. Once such example is the research being done in hopes of developing a microbicide gel or cream that would provide an inexpensive and easy-to-use product that would allow women to assume more control over safer sex. While work is being done to close the gap between men and women, the fact remains that a disparity does exist. Until that gap is closed, we will see infection rates among women continue to climb, something none of us can really afford to let happen.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


How often do you hear of or meet persons that they split from their significant other because of this or that? The first thing that is said goes like this, "I guess I didn't really know my partner after all." You might ask, "How could that be?" How could you have an intimate relationship with someone only to wake up one day to find out that the person you fell in love with is not the person they turned out to be? I believe there are at least a dozen ways to know who someone really is -- indicators -- and if we do an inventory early on, we might stand a better chance of getting to know the real person before we fully commit. The following "observance" suggestions are important ones to make in the early stages of any relationship because each offers insight into habits, patterns, and behaviors. As you ponder these observations, know that there is no right or wrong; it's a matter of acceptance. Sometimes we have to accept quirks and differences as part of the give-and-take process. As you do your assessment, however, the goal is to decide whether or not you can live with or without your real partner. Here are the dozen indicators:

  1. PROTOCOL: FIRST OR SECOND? Whether it's walking through a door, ordering dinner, or taking a bite out of the freshly baked cookies you have made together, if your partner always have to go first this could indicate self- centeredness. Are you willing to always be the giver?
  2. POLITICS: LIBERAL OR CONSERVATIVE? How your partner views what is right or wrong in a political sense tells you a lot about his deep inner beliefs about society, and ultimately, the way he will approach your relationship issues. Will his views cause a rift in your relationship?
  3. TELEVISION: SITCOMS OR NEWS? If his tendency is to watch "escape" TV programs versus "newsy/event" oriented ones, you can learn a lot about one's intellect. Do you want a mate who can keep up with your every day interest in what is going on in the world or a person you can run away with to avoid the world we live in?
  4. MONEY: FLASH OR STASH? If your partner throws money around while dating, he might well be reckless with your joint finances when you move in together. Do you want to hook up with a tightwad or splurger?
  5. STRESS: FREAK OR PEAK? Under Pressure, does he go to pieces or rise to the top of his game? If the answer is the former, every minor incident in your relationship might become a crisis. Do you like a lot of drama?
  6. CONVERSATION: ABOUT YOU OR HIM? As you first get to know each other does he always talk about himself first or you? If he is usually the topic priority do not expect that to change. Can you subordinate yourself to the world revolving around him?
  7. PETS: WARM OR ALOOF? Believe it or not, the way in which he treats animals will not be dissimilar to how he treats your children. How do you want him to treat your loved ones?
  8. COMMUNICATION: LISTENS OR IGNORES? If you have something you want to talk about and he tunes you out as a general rule, can you cope?
  9. STRANGERS: KIND OR RUDE? How he treats those they do not know (waiters, grocery clerks) often reflects on how he will treat people in general, including you, shortly after the glow wears off.
  10. PRIORITIES: FAMILY OR WORK? You can tell almost immediately where a person's preferences lie in terms of what comes first (a family member's illness or a business trip) by the choices he makes when faced with an "either/or" situation. Do you care if he leaves on the next plane to present the such-and-such report if you or the kids have pneumonia?
  11. APPEARANCE: FAR OF FIT? How he regards his appearance screams loudly about his sense of self-esteem. Those who eat sensibly, workout reasonably, and who take pride in their appearance are the ones who have a great sense of self. Does he really have self-confidence or might it be a front?
  12. FAITH: STRONG OR WEAK? If you want a peak at his soul, learn more about his spirituality, or lack of it. What a person believes deep down is often what shapes the way in which they conduct their day-to-day affairs. What is your mate's "words to live by?"

Tuesday, June 24, 2008


We human beings have many ways of knowing what we need to know in order to get through our lives. One way of knowing things is to engage in a course of study in an academic environment. Another way of knowing things is simply to go through the experiences that come our way, making a conscious effort to learn from them. A third way in which people gain knowledge is through the vehicle of intuition, a gift some have more than others, but which can be developed in anyone. No one way of knowing things is better than another way, and they can all be useful at different points in our lives. Most of us naturally gravitate toward one way of knowing over others, and this tends to be clear early in our lives. For the most part, we live in a culture that values a logical, mental approach to knowing things, so those with intuitive gifts may have been shamed, undervalued, or misunderstood in our ways. Many of us are working our way out of this incorrect value judgment, recognizing that our intuition, far from being wrong or untrustworthy, is a great gift. For those of us who conduct our learning in the thick of our life experiences, we may also have to make an extra effort to remind ourselves that our particular intelligence—often called common sense--while not always officially rewarded, has its own special genius. Even though, in a given time or place, certain types of intelligence tend to be valued more than others, no way of knowing is inherently better than another. Once we understand this, we can value our own intelligence, as well as the different intelligences of the people we encounter. Sometimes, just understanding that we are coming at the same issue in different ways helps us to avoid an unnecessary conflict. When we value all ways of knowing equally, we benefit not only from what we have learned, and how we have learned it, but from all the other forms of intelligence we are open to honoring.

Monday, June 23, 2008


Love us or hate us, however, you can't leave us,

Once you are gay, you will always be gay, tough

You may marry, have a girl, use a female to date

It's your right to like yourself or us, just don't hate

We have some intelligent & common-sense men

And we have some fools, find a way to love them

We're very opinionated and have our preferences

"Who's right? Who's wrong?" Got references?

Gay or straight, men will cheat, lie & steal from U

There are those of us who don't & those who do

Train yourself to see the difference between the 2

We have no one but us to protect us, think it thru

Yes, calling yourself same gender loving is a label

You have to talk it & walk it and bring it to the table

And at the end of the day when all is said and done

We want to love someone and we want to be loved

We know that this lifestyle can be very troublesome

Some brothas say that it's really a lifestyle for one

Too painful, too destructive, just too much to endure

If this is all you find this life to be about, too immature

Do something rather than not, cause we're all we got?

Sunday, June 22, 2008


Has this week been challenging for you? GOD CAN & GOD WILL! Have you dealt with more this week than ever before? GOD CAN & GOD WILL! So often in our lives, we find ourselves in uncomfortable places. We are surrounded by people who will do or say anything to get ahead. As you sit back and observe their behavior you wonder how someone could do those things and/or why would someone do those things. Because you will not go to the extent they will, others ridicule you. Because you will not back stab others consider you crazy. When you hold close your morals and will not break or compromise your for others… GOD CAN & GOD WILL! Today, I have been commissioned to come and write to you. Do you feel sometimes like you are in a “bucket” full of crabs? People are always clawing at you. The more you do, the more they attack. Your ideas have been stolen. The promotion you sought after has been awarded to someone else. My friend, during that time in your life, understand GOD CAN & GOD WILL! He can and He will take care of you. No matter what man says, does or attempts to do, God will still take care of you. When they attempt to destroy you, stand still and know, GOD CAN & GOD WILL! When foolishness arises @ the alter and the pastor comes @ you in Jesus name be comforted in knowing, GOD CAN & GOD WILL! When your relationship is under attack, be encouraged, GOD CAN & GOD WILL! When money is low and bills are stacked high, rest assure, GOD CAN & GOD WILL! No matter how awful things appear, you can find comfort in knowing God has never lost a case. ALWAYS Remember: GOD CAN & GOD WILL be whatever you need Him to be!

Saturday, June 21, 2008


I followed the script, took my time and waited for him…now that he is here I have to learn to LOVE him in THE IN BETWEEN… I am safe and secure with who I am and my relationship with him. I feel that we are beyond the anxieties of wondering if we want to be with each other OR spend the rest of lives together…and I am NOT trying to make him into someone else to suit my purpose. I ALWAYS knew that a life without challenge would be like going to school without lessons to learn; and that surely is what I am going on in our relationship right now. However, I feel that challenges come not to depress or get one down, but to master and to grow and to unfold our abilities. It takes a lot of work to hold 2 people together. I'm the straight-to-the-point, honest lover, while he is the stubborn and emotional one; and when we argue it gets really intense. One would think that after the day I had that I would be VERY afraid of getting married to him this fall, but I am NOT! YES, we are different, but as long as he knows I LOVE him and he LOVES me there is NOTHING we can say OR do to each other to change how feel about each other. I AM THAT TOUGH ASS MAN THAT LIKES A STRONG ASS MAN THAT CAN TOLERATE MY SHIT! Though he makes me so mad I know that I am LUCKY as hell AND I wouldn’t trade his LOVING, STRONG, SHORT, WILLFUL ASS IN FOR ANYONE ELSE. I know he LOVES the fact that I challenge and promote our relationship…YOU KNOW THAT’S HARD FOR US GAY MEN TO DO IN THESE TRYING TIMES. It has been said that, “one does not discover the heart of a man if one has not sent him on a mission;” and he is my mission. He is the ONE that I have been waiting for all my life and I just have to remember that I LOVE him in THE IN BETWEEN…I HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT WE HAVE TO WORK @ KEEPING OUR RELATIONSHIP ON TRACK…WE ARE DIFFERENT & THAT’S WHAT BROUGHT US TO EACH OTHER & THE TRUE COMMITMENT THAT WE SEEK IS SO DOABLE, BUT WE HAVE TO WANT IT. FOR ME LOVE MEANS THAT WE BRING OUT THE BEST & WORST QUALITIES WITHIN EACH OTHER & THAT IS FINE. I FIND THAT IF WE ARE WILLING TO WORK THINGS OUT, IT DOES NOT SHOW A SIGN OF MATURITY, IT SHOWS THAT LOVE KEEPS US.

Friday, June 20, 2008


In the dating community today, we know that there are a number of GAY MEN that have trust issues, insecurities, poor self-body image, low self-esteem. These problems are a result of unhealthy relationships and not dealing with their internal struggles of being hurt as a child and not being truly loved and appreciated by adults then and now. Now if this is a true picture of what's going on with the men in our community, which I believe it is, can we really expect anyone to be of sound mind, body, and soul to be strong enough to sustain a relationship? I have met them all that fit the subject of my entry today AND it is NOT pretty. Moreover, the interesting thing is that they complain about not being in monogamous relationships and they somehow feel trapped OR afraid to leave. We all have defense mechanisms that we’ve developed over time, often without being aware of it; and in trouble times such as these our behavior tend show us @ our worst. The weird thing for me is that most of us somehow feel that this behavior is a natural response from the mental AND emotional aspects. But if one were to closely examine this theory, one would notice that most of our defense mechanisms were developed in childhood; from the moment that we realized crying would get us the attention we craved. And to some extent we do that in relationships with each other. The passive aggressive ways of communicating may have allowed us to get what we needed without being scolded, punished or laughed at, so we learned to avoid being direct and honest. Hence most of us take refuge in the lives of others, discovering ways to direct attention away from ourselves entirely. All so that we don’t deal with the real issues…OURSELVES! HOWEVER, WHEN GET TO THE PLACE WHERE WE ARE HONEST WITH OURSELVES ABOUT WHO ARE & THE KIND OF RELATIONSHIPS WE INVOLVE OURSELVES IN, WE CAN CONNECT OURSELVES TO A GREATER POWER WITHIN US.

Thursday, June 19, 2008


There comes a time when a man emerges out of the carcass of boyhood and takes that ever important first step into adulthood. This rite of passage is VERY significant in his life because that is the moment he takes responsibility for his THOUGHTS, WORDS & DEEDS. Now what happens when this young mans grows up AND regret the things he did on the road to manhood? This life that we lead is filled with the so many things that are unexplained AND when it comes to SEXUALITY most of us take the time to find out what those things are all about. I write this entry and ponder this topic because I was chatting with a young man today and he was VERY upset over the fact that HIS friends won’t let him shed what he calls his pass and go on anew. I say what he calls his pass because he still makes advances towards me, though I don’t hold it against him, this just proves that he STILL has some ground to cover. I must admit that when I met him I allowed him to give me a blow job and I played some part in the person who he is today (I GUESS THAT’S WHY I TALK TO HIM STILL) but I digress…I can’t imagine how he must feel being stuck in a place that he doesn’t want to be while trying to change. From my conversation with him I gathered that he is concerned about what he did, but even more so about those that know what he did. Before I met him, I heard stories about him and the things he did. So when I did he lived up to his reputation…he even wanted me to F&CK him on the beach without a condom OR lube. Of course I refused, I am NO ASS! So I am sure he does not know what do OR who to trust. And it is difficult for him to understand, even with hindsight, how the choices he has made have placed him in his current situation. He and he alone have the power to change the story he tells himself by acknowledging that in the past, he did his best, and he exhibited many positive qualities. He needs to recognize that he has to learn from this and NOT go down this again. I know that he feels that he has exhausted himself trying to figure out how to make change, and I am sure he gave up. However, each day offers an opportunity to renew his resolve and to declare to the universe that he is indeed ready for change. It is ONLY when he does this he will make it possible for the future to be based on a positive self-assessment. The inner shift will allow him to get out of the cycle he is stuck in. Allow today to be the day to end cycles and enter into a new way of being. WHEN EVER HE READS THIS, I HOPE HE UNDERSTANDS THAT JUST BECAUSE HE CAN’T SEE CHANGE THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT IS HAPPENING. IT IS JUST A MATTER OF PERSPECTIVE, LIKE A LADYBUG WHO SEES THE LEAF BUT NOT THE TREE THE LEAF GROWS ON. BUT WHATEVER HE CHOOSES TO DO, HE MUST REMEMBER THAT CULTIVATING A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT WHICH HE CAN’T SEE IS A TIME-HONORED HUMAN PRACTICE THAT CAN GREATLY ENHANCE HIS LIFE…COME ON BOY GROW UP!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


As I sit and write this entry, I realize that what I am going to say will bring up suppressed emotions. However, that is not my intention, nor am I being insensitive to what others have been through in life. Moreover, I know that what I am about to say exists in both the over-all gay community as well as with the heterosexual community; however, I am focusing specifically on GAY community. I was recently talking to a friend of mine about going to therapy as he was naturally struggling with the fact that he was shot by two men who he or not know. He told me how wonderful it is to have someone like myself to talk and he wished that he could get more of that from other persons in his life. He further went on to say that, it is nice to have a real opportunity to talk about himself AND working through his internal issues with someone without the fear of being judged is very therapeutic. After our conversation, I thought about all the men that I have dated, and I realized that practically all of them needed some form of therapy. So many of us are dealing things such as rape AND OR molestation when we were children and those things were NEVER dealt with. In addition, there are psychological issues of dealing with an unaccepting father or father figure, or mother of their homosexuality, depression, internalize homophobia, as well as society's homophobia, and issues with the church and anxiety about the bible. So many of us have experienced unhealthy relationships to the extend that we are withdrawn from friends, love ones and ourselves. When we have been hurt N’ abuse we have to take care of ourselves by going to see a therapist. I know that SO many of us feel that only crazy folks do that, but it is quite the opposite. One goes to therapy so they do not end going crazy. This simply means that you have decided to STOP LETTING PEOPLE PUT TRASH IN YOU! Tell me this, when you went to bad last night do you remember what you were thinking about? When you woke up this morning, do you remember the first thoughts to enter your mind? As you were getting dressed this morning, do you remember what you were thinking about? I have learned that often times we spend much of our awakening moments thinking about things we cannot change. We worry ourselves to sleep and wake up the next day still worrying. Whether you realize it or not, your worrying has not brought you any closer to resolving the matter. Moreover, this is where therapy can help. IT AMAZES ME TO SEE HOW WE SPEND OUR LIVES. WE DO SO MANY THINGS TRYING TO IMPRESS THOSE WE DO NOT LIKE OR WHO DON’T LIKE US & INVEST THINGS THAT BREAK US DOWN. HOWEVER, IF WE REALLY WANT TO PROSPER WE NEED TO TAKE A HOLD OF OURSELVES & PLACE OURSELVES ON THAT ROAD.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


There's a phenomenon sweeping
 GAY community: men
having sex with each @ rapid pace; and @ the heart of this issue are many
contributing factors. Homophobia against
 GAY men is just one of the culprits. Moreover, there are
some lingering self-esteem issues that simply prove that
As little
boys most if
 NOT all of
us did our fair share of sexual exploration with the same
 AND opposite sex. Back then it was done out of curiosity AND innocence; what is OUR excuse today? How do we still have sex as if we are
still kids
 AND somehow
never manage to never get pass our childhood way of thinking when it comes to

So many of we GAY men see sex as a testing phase that requires us to
find as many partners as we can; it’s as if there is an open season on sex and
AND prey is on a
collision course that will produce dire consequences. The
 GAY man is playing Russian roulette with his essence AND destroying the beautiful thing we
call sex. It has always been my assumption that sex represents
, instead WE have this PHYSICAL, EMOTIONLESS &
 thing that takes us away
from the
 REAL meaning of
sex. I often wonder how things got this bad so fast. I guess in a broader
sense, this question is rooted in the social facts that we are all aware of the
decline of the
 GAY community
AND how HIV/AIDS has taken a STRONG hold there; yet we do NOTHING to bring ourselves out this bondage that WE have created.

Hence it if one was to examine
the complexities
 AND contradictions
of the
 GAY man; one
would see that
 HIS sexual
behavior is the root of the problem. Can anyone tell me what is it about the
thrill that drives us to indulge in this activity with so many? This insatiable
hopping from one man to the next is
 NOT a duty. How is it that we can’t seem be anything to
each other beyond the physical? We are
 NOTHING more than laboratory rat that are gathering evidence
proving that
 GAY men are
all about anal sex. I get that to some extent that this level of physical
AND sexual intimacy is in its own right some form of
sexual healing.

Hence what we ultimately end up
with is an access to an elite male experience, and intercourse with a set of
beliefs and ideas about
 HOMOSEXUALITY that WE somehow created. This dilemma is that part of what
they feel like they are not getting from themselves
 AND it is also connected to what they feel they are not
getting from society as well. In the long run the things that are going on
today will
 NO doubt have
grave affects for us tomorrow. Overall, I believe this phenomenon is affecting
us because it provides somewhat of a safety valve for us to hide this issue.
Deep down inside I believe that the
GAY man wants to nurture and be nurtured; however that can
only happen in a relationship.


Monday, June 16, 2008


GAY PRIDE/LGBT PRIDE refers to a world wide movement and philosophy asserting that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals should be proud of their sexual orientation and gender identity. Gay pride advocates work for equal "rights and benefits" for LGBT people.[1][2][3] The movement has three main premises: that people should be proud of their sexual orientation and gender identity, that sexual diversity is a gift, and that sexual orientation and gender identity are inherent and cannot be intentionally altered.[4] Marches celebrating Pride (pride parades) are celebrated worldwide. Symbols of LGBT pride include the rainbow flag, the Greek lambda symbol, and the pink as well as black triangles reclaimed from their past use.[5]Question: Why do gays and lesbians need a pride day?

HISTORY advocates of gay pride have used history to point to oppression as well as differing levels of acceptance of homosexuality throughout history.[6][7] The ancient Greeks did not conceive of sexual orientation as a social identifier, as Western societies have done for the past century. Greek society did not distinguish sexual desire or behavior by the gender of the participants, but by the extent to which such desire or behavior conformed to social norms. These norms were based on gender, age and social status.[8] "Lesbian" derives from the name of the island of Lesbos,[9][10] which was famous for the poet Sappho, who wrote love poetry to female lovers.[11] Homosexuality in the ancient Roman Empire is considered to have been widespread but was tempered by the complex social systems of the society. During Medieval times all forms of sexuality began to be repressed by the church as the idea of heaven and hell gained popularity.[12] As technology fell behind simple luxuries such as clean running water and proper sewage became a thing of the past. This caused horrible conditions and disease. People began to believe that they were suffering from the wrath of God, blaming immorality.[13] Any and all forms of homosexuality became not only shameful but punishable by death.

THE RAINBOW FLAG & ITS HISTORY the Rainbow (or Gay Pride) Flag was created by artist and vexillographer Gilbert Baker, a friend of the late Harvey Milk, in 1978. The flag debuted at the San Francisco Gay and Lesbian Freedom Day Parade. It has since been used around the world as a symbol of LGBT unity in many variations, including adaptations such as bumper stickers and decals. The Rainbow Flag is recognized by the International Congress of Flag Makers. The Rainbow (Pride) Flag lives in the public domain. THE COLORS OF THE FLAG the original flag had eight stripes from top to bottom: pink (sexuality), red (life), orange (healing), yellow (sunlight), green (nature), turquoise (magic), indigo/blue (serenity), and violet (spirit). Within a year, the flag had shed two of its stripes—pink and violet. According to Gilbert, they "ran out of pink dye." The violet stripe was later taken out to create an even number of stripes on the flag. Since, many variations of the flag have been created. For instance, a black stripe is added to some symbolizing those lost to AIDS. There are also variations to represent bisexual people, bears and others.

Sunday, June 15, 2008


A man once asked me what makes me think I am so special that my genes have to be passed on OR left on this planet? I NEVER gave any credence to his question but it did make me think about becoming a father; and as of late that thought has been growing more AND more. I have only heard folks talk about MATERNAL INSTINCTS and how sometimes physically AND emotionally she bonds with a child that may OR may not be her own. For me every time I see a baby OR a toddler I can’t help but to want a child of my own, it has even gotten to the point where I am asking my significant other about when we are going to have kids when we get married. Of course he makes me see that I am getting ahead of myself and we should plan AND prepare ourselves for this LIFE ALTERING EVENT. Nonetheless, until such time I will dream about the sons OR daughters that will honor my life one day. I endeavor to give my children the best a father can give a child, I find it SO amazing that I feel that I can do since I did NOT have a father in my life; I guess this is one instance where I need to be led by another’s example. I will shower my children with LOVE & AFFECTION while being the foundation that is needed in their lives. I feel that I am on my way into turning my home into a castle when I SAY I DO this fall; but having children would turn my castle into a palace. It has been said, THAT WORDS CARRY A LOT WEIGHT, but it is MY belief that it is through action that I can bring things into being. The human imagination is a powerful tool, and we can use it to do so many things. Because of this, I can sit here as a GAY man put this energy out there for me. THERE ARE SO MANY MEN THAT BRING KIDS INTO THIS WORLD & DON’T TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM. IS THIS HOW IT SUPPOSED TO BE? I THINK NOT! AS I KNOW ONE DAY THAT I WILL BECOME A FATHER, I HOPE THAT ON THIS DAY WE ALL REMIND OURSELVES ON WHAT A FATHER’S PURPOSE IS. I FIND IT SO SAD THAT WE ARE TEACHING OUR YOUNG MEN HOW TO MAKE THE BABIES & NOT BE A FATHER TO THEIR OFFSPRING. WE ARE TOLD TO BE FRUITFUL & MULTIPLY & BY GOD’S WILL I WILL DO JUST THAT! IT IS ONE OF MY CALLINGS, IT IS ONE OF THE REASONS I AM HERE…IT JUST A MATTER OF PATERNAL INSTINCTS…

Saturday, June 14, 2008


I never knew what it truly meant when people say that DEATH IS HARDER ON THE LIVING THAN IT IS ON THE DEAD until I went to went to a close friend of mine mother’s funeral today. The sadness AND pain she felt could NOT be describe by words. I tired SO hard NOT to think about her anguish because I know that it was something I myself will experience one day. This DEATH thing is SO hard AND no matter how prepared for it we are; we aren’t. It is as if the VERY facet of OUR being is captured by something that offers NO relief. I guess this is all apart of the transition of LIFE; with DEATH as OUR REBIRTH. DEATH means that sometimes a part of us must die before another part can simply LIVE! Even though this is a natural and necessary part of our growth, it is often painful AND can take a lot of time to heal. I wonder if in all of OUR confusion AND pain we can see the messengers that are telling us that the shift is taking place AND things will get better? Saying goodbye when we are not ready is devastating AND I don’t have a rhyme OR reason why things happen in the manner in which they do…they just do. I CAN ONLY SAY THAT AS THE STRANGE MIXTURE OF JOY N’ SADNESS COMES AS YOU SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES I HOPE THAT YOU CAN REST ASSURED THAT YOU WILL MEET YOUR MOTHER AGAIN…I HOPE THAT YOU THAT THE DEPARTED IS NOT GONE FOREVER BECAUSE DEATH IS CERTAINLY NOT THE END. LIFE EVOLVES IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES EVERYDAY & NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS, YOU HAVE TO SURRENDER TO IT. LETTING GO OF THE PAIN & SORROW COMES IN TIME, I JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU MEET IT WITH AN OPEN HEART & MIND…FOR THIS IS THE NEXT PHASE OF YOUR LIFE…I WILL PRAY FOR YOU & SEND YOU POSITIVE VIBRATIONS EVERYDAY…

Friday, June 13, 2008


This entry is for those GAY men out there that feels deep within themselves that LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS don’t exist when it comes to the HOMOSEXAUL crowd. Nonetheless, I am of the opinion that NO matter how hard we try, there is NO escaping the need to be with someone special for the long haul. For some reason there seems to be this device that thwarts us from achieving this goal and we NO one to blame but ourselves. I say this because the other day I am on the internet chatting with various persons that I contact daily and of course somehow, someway the conversation always gets to a place where there is this need to know if I am still in my relationship. And I ALWAYS find this part funny because if I am not that means that there is chance for the inquiring mind that says they want to be with me…If only that amused for a second…But I digress. After shutting down his advances he went on to say that he would like it if I F&CKED him just once. Now I am like WTF? Because this is sad because I can’t believe that this is where we’ve come, this is our progress thus far. Then he goes on to say that relationships are dumb AND they don’t work out anyways. Isn’t it funny how GAY men would find EVERY excuse in the book why our relationships cannot work AND NOT realize that they are largely the reason for this occurrence? How can we expect for our relationships to go anywhere if we are constantly trying to destroy the ones that are in existence? How does a single GAY man feel when he tries to put himself in a relationship that has been going on before he came? Do we not know that interrupting a vibration will only come back to harm us? I guess that’s why they are the way they are…But then again if they can be F&CKED or F&CK someone else it proves that they are NOT ready for a relationship. I guess if one were to get to root of the problem, one would have to ask how realistic we are when it comes to find ourselves a mate? So many of us say we want a decent guy, one who respects us, someone who wants us AND vice-versa. My question is how can we say we want that if we can’t be that for ourselves let alone someone else? Relationships take work AND LOVE calls for honesty; and putting out the bait for being ready for one when you are not does more damage than good. LONG TERM RELATIONSHIPS CALLS FOR US TO BE READY TO GIVE OURSELVES TO ANOTHER PERSON FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES, HOW MANY ARE READY? I KNOW THAT I AM & 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 YEARS & MORE DOWN THE ROAD I WILL THERE. HOW ABOUT WE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING & SEE IF WE ARE TRULY READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP:



Thursday, June 12, 2008


So the other day I read in the local newspaper how society felt about the murders that took place over the past 8 months. A discussion about the recent spate of GAY murders in Bahamas gave rise to comments from callers to a morning talk show that GAY people deserved to die. The callers tried to justify their horrifying comments with quotes that the beloved book THE BIBLE. It is believed that people who live IN SIN, such as HOMOSEXUALS should expect to come to a bitter end. These people certainly believe that they have their collective fingers on the pulse of GOD’S law, I wonder if GOD himself would feel that these GAY men deserved to die in the ways they were killed. This wide spread ignorance just brings one thing to the forefront and that is HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT THE PROBLEM, HOMOPHOBIA IS!!! IF IT WASN’T EVIDENT BEFORE, IT SURELY IS BECOMING EVER MORE SO NOW. Can anyone tell how is that it was because these were gay that they were killed? If that’s the case are me and friends next? Surely GOD is going to punish us for our sexual identity AND NOT punish those that seek to destroy AND eradicate us. In my book they are worst than the person(s) that are committing these atrocious crimes. Anyone with half a brain that heard such non-sense should realize that this way of thinking is IGNORANT & UNHEALTHY. For a nation that is supposedly Christian, this type of belief is VERY UN-CHRISTIAN & there needs to be some recourse for the rampant HOMOPHOBIA in this country. They would LOVE for us to internalize this HOMOPHOBIC NON-SENSE and call it our own but NOT today, IT STOPS HERE! For this very reason we have all these GAY men being taken out as if their lives don’t mean a thing. This HOMOPHOBIC way of thinking can only lend itself to MISANDRY AND eventually MISANTHROPY if we do not curtail this phenomenon. I FIND IT VERY INTERESTING THAT ONE TAKES ALL OF THIS & ANALYZE IT & TURN UP WITH THE SAME CONCLUSION. HOW DOES SOCIETY EXPECT FOR THINGS TO CHANGE IF IT DOES NOT START WITH THEM. EVERYDAY ALL OF US ARE GIVEN MOMENTS TO TURN THINGS AROUND YET WE DO NOTHING. IN THE CASE OF HOMOSEXUAL MEN HOW CAN SOCIETY SIMPLY SAY OR BELIEVE THAT IF ORDER FOR ME A GAY NOT TO BE KILL THAT I SHOULD SIMPLY ACT LIKE A MAN? A GAY MAN IS STILL & ALWAYS WILL BE A MAN NOT MATTER WHAT THE PEANUT GALLERY SAYS. THIS ASSUMED MINORITY STATUS THAT SILENCES US IS BUT A MYTH & IT IS UP TO US TO SHOW THEM OTHERWISE. I AM NOT ASKING THAT WE START A PARADE (THOUGH NOT A BAD IDEA), I SIMPLY WANT US TO SPEAK UP & MAKE SURE OUR VOICES CREATE A LOUD & DEAFENING SOUND WHEN THIS CRAP SPILLS ITSELF INTO THE EARS OF SOCIETY. IT IS TIME FOR US TO STOP ENJOYING THE LIFE OF A HOMOSEXUAL IN THE DARK & COME INTO THE LIGHT OF LOVE & OUR OWN PERSONAL ACCEPTANCE.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I found this interesting article online that talked about this new study that is casting doubts on whether TRUE bisexuality exists when it comes to men. The study, by a team of psychologists in Chicago and Toronto, lends support to those who have long been skeptical that bisexuality is a distinct and stable sexual orientation. Men who claim that they are bisexuality, according to these critics, are usually homosexual, but are ambivalent about their homosexuality OR simply closeted. This study begged me question whether a man is either GAY, STRAIGHT or LYING? In the new study, the team of psychologists directly measured genital arousal patterns in response to images of men AND women. The psychologists found that men who identified themselves as bisexual were in fact exclusively aroused by either one sex or the other, usually by other men. The study went on to say that, “an estimated 1.7 percent of men who identify themselves as bisexual show physical attraction patterns that differ substantially from their professed desires.” This proves that there is a discrepancy between what is happening in his mind and what is going on in his bodies. I am aware that research on sexual orientation has been based almost entirely on self-reports, and this is one of the few good studies using physiological measures; however I have come to find that GAY or STRAIGHT, a man is JUST a man…& WE COULD SPEND ALL OF ETERNTIY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HIS SEXUAL ORIENTATION. I THINK THE PROBLEM IS BORN WHEN YOU THROW A GAY RELATIONSHIP IN THE MIX & IT UNRAVELS THINGS. I GUESS THE THOUGHT ABOUT THE BI-SEXUAL MAN IS THAT HE IS NOT SURE OR THERE IS SOMETHING LACKING FROM EACH GENDER SO HE HAS TO COMBINE BOTH TO SUIT HIS PURPOSE. I FIND IT INTERESTING THAT THERE HAVE BEEN A COUNTLESS NUMBER OF BOOKS WRITTEN ABOUT THIS TOPIC & IT STILL REMAINS A MYSTERY. AS WE CONTINUE TO SCRATCH OUR PRIMITIVE HEADS WHEN IT COMES TO THE MALE PSYCHE, THE ONLY WAY WE CAN UNDERSTAND THIS IS TO TAKE ALL OUR MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT THE MALE & DEFINE WHAT A MAN REAL IS & NOT WHAT WE THINK HE SHOULD BE. THERE IS NO MAGIC FORMULA OR BEHAVIOR THAT WE CAN USE TO PEG A MAN WHEN IT COMES TO HIS SEXULAITY, @ LEAST DEFINITIVELY. YES THERE ARE SIGNS THAT LEAN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, BUT THERE IS SOMETHING INHERENT IN THE MALE GENETIC CODE THAT CREATES MORE EXCEPTIONS TO THE GENERALIZATIONS THAT WE MAKE OF HIM. ALL IN ALL, SEXUALITY IS AS VAGUE AS THE MEN WHO IDENTIFY WITH EITHER SIDE OF THE FENCE. WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT SEXUALITY IS MORE COMPLEX THAN A SIMPLE ADMISSION. THEREFORE BEFORE WE DECIDE WHETHER A MANY GAY, STRAIGHT OR LYING WE NEED TO ASK OURSELVES IS HE REALLY WEARING HIS SEXUALITY ON THE OUTSIDE OR IS JUST ANOTHER MALE ENIGMA?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


For a while now I have been feeling like there was a gap between my friends and I; and I wanted to write about it for sometime but chose not to because I did NOT want to write anything that would be offensive to them. However, I have come to understand that sometimes in life one has to say AND do things that are NOT pleasant OR good for others no matter what the circumstances. I for the most part think of myself as one of the simplest person I know; but they for some reason seem not to know that about me. There are things that I care about, things that are near AND dear to my soul and it seems as if they don’t know this fact. One of the things that are of the utmost importance to me is the fight against HIV/AIDS and as things in life progress; it was brought to my attention that I should apply for a job working in that area. Now anyone that knows me would be able to say to themselves that this something that I would do HANDS DOWN…I guess my perception of what I am to my friends was TOTALLY left of the middle. YES I am an accountant by profession but more than anything I have this desire to make the world a better place one human @ a time. For a while now I have been craving AND looking for something different and far more comforting to MY soul AND sensual nature. The hustle-bustle and neurotic aura surrounding the working world NO longer moves me…it hasn’t for a long time. I felt that this was my time to do something sweet AND pastoral, something that emphasizes inner peace instead of rank competition. In my life thus far I felt that I have competed more times than I care to remember that I am ready for a TOTAL change of pace…And guess what? MY SOUL NEEDS THE BALANCE! Even though I knew what my friends were going to say to me, there was a small part of me that hoped that one would surprise me and prove me wrong. It makes me sad that I have to be careful about who I allow in my space when I am trying to attract something. All around is STUCK ENERGY and I am SO much more than that. HOWEVER THE EVENTS OF TODAY TAUGHT ME THAT I AM A BEAUTIFUL COMPLICATED MELODY & AS A FRIEND TOLD ME THAT IN LIFE ONE HAS TO REMEMBER THE ARTICHOKES AS I PEEL AWAY THE LAYERS…NONETHELESS, I WANT GOOD THINGS FOR THEM, HOW COULD I NOT? I AM MY BROTHER’S KEEPER…IT IS MY MANDATE! I JUST WANT HEAL & PROVIDE LIGHT TO THOSE THAT CAN’T SEEM TO FIND THEIR WAY OUT OF THE DARK. I BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING IS FOR A REASON & THIS CAME MY WAY TO SHOW ME THAT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR AS I FELT EMPTY DOING OTHER THINGS THAT WERE GOING NO WHERE. I WANT TO DO THINGS THAT IS GOOD FOR HUMANITY…THIS IS MY LIFE’S WORK & AS I EVOLVE I FEEL THAT I MUST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THOSE AROUND ME MAY NOT SEE THAT…

Monday, June 9, 2008


DEATH is something that belongs to LIFE

LIFE is something that belongs to DEATH…

All I know is that LIFE is something that eludes us

As we SO desperately try to save us from ourselves

I guess this is why they say LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!


Though I am in awe

I am VERY much mystified

For how do you prepare for DEATH?

Is it fair that we are merely a SILENT witnesses,

Quietly watching as DEATH takes over us?

Why are we here only to disappear

With feelings that inside out watching life unfold?

Am I supposed to believe that is LIFE’S incomplete completeness?

But if I were to confess

I would have to say NO

For this is certainly is NOT the end…

But then again…

My imagination gets the best of me

And thoughts that seem unsound go around AND around AND

Now I try to find the LIFE in the dark pit of DEATH

But don’t pay me any mind,

I am just being me

And next time I will keep the thoughts of LIFE N’ DEATH to myself

How do I achieve such a thing,

When you keep taking people away?

Leaving me with ideas that reflect ideas

Is my intellect or a combination of man too much too soon?

I know I will figure it out one day,

I will know why the idea of LIFE N’ DEATH seems so far away…

All we can do is die to find out why we got the call

As we bounce back N’ forth like a ball…

But once and for all

When all was all

And time ran out of time

You left me walking a fine line
© tgk