QUITTING WORK @ 45

Forty five years is an arbitrary ‘menopause time’ for men. Life has more meaning than making money. It’s been said it’s harder for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to go to heaven. In other words, serving two masters at the same time is like having two wives who ask you who you love most when the answer, ‘the same’, doesn’t work! Or, to be a master at two sports at any time in life is not only unlikely, but will there be time for knowing yourself, and for another to know you, and you them?

Life to have fullness in meaning only happens with the passion to seek it’s meaning along with knowing who you really are ‘without the attachments’. Knowing life means taking a ‘break’ from the chase of the material pearls. To continue in life making more money than is needed is a form of gluttony, and ‘pride chasing’, as in the seven deadly sins. There comes a time in life, when the inner quality of you needs to have the care and nurturing that serving too many ‘masters’ will never allow. Not possible!

It is better to begin valuing, and with action, the inner aspects of life and love as early as possible rather than plunging into a life that has no breaks until it’s no longer easily possible to stop, and push the ‘reset’ button to an innocent open heart and mind. Life almost always continues as it started from early on, but the first few years as an adult is the time to reset or correct habits, misconceptions, etc., and move into one of love and inner blossoming be it through love of another, meditation, or both.

Life has ‘open windows’. To be an athlete of note, one isn’t likely to become that starting at 30. There are seasons and times for everything. Wisdom can have an open window throughout one’s life, but what’s been done in the past is a good indicator of that possibility. Have a passion for gardening, the window is always open. One, who is a smoker, may avoid Alzheimer’s disease, but it’s because death comes first in that open window.

Find a passion or two as early as possible, keeping focused on it, and one that you would do for perhaps years while having nothing to do with money. Let it be from the heart. Mine is around this with meditation and love, along with fun at ‘free speech activism’ as a social giving back for the privilege of being alive at this incredible moment in time. Seek your passion, and by forty five be ready to consume yourself in it with positivity, awareness, love, and compassion for all. The gold in life is in the ‘inner qualities’. Life isn’t just a masquerade to let what doesn’t really matter get in the way. Be the gardener of who you really are deep within!

WHATEVER IT TAKES...

Negotiations were breaking down, the only thing anyone could agree on is a break was needed. As you left the meeting the boss puts his hand on your shoulder, I have just one question, “Are you willing to do what ever it takes to seal this deal?” 

“Yes”, you blurted out not even thinking. “Good Mr. Williams is waiting in my office and he fancies you. I need you to get in there and do what it takes to make this deal happen.” 

You knew there were perks at the top for a young executive, and you have worked hard to get to the top. Would you have problem doing something sexual with client to get his business? 

¿DO YOU KNOW THE SMELL OF SPERM?

I ask this question because the other day I was indulging myself @ work and getting my daily jerk session on. Okay don't frown or clutch your pearls, have you seen your blogs? THANK YOU! 

So after reaching that wonderful place of excitement, I got some on my pants and after cleaning myself up, a minute later my VP came back to the office from one of his MANY daily trips. He had a strange look on his and asked, 'what is that smell?' To which I replied oh must be my fart because I was cutting them all day and just let one loose a few seconds before he walked in the door.

Now as I think about that day, I wonder did he ask what because he recognize the scent or did he really NOT know?

What are your thoughts?

Do you jerk one out @ work?

If you do, how many times a week to you indulge your desires?

If you don't why is that the case?

"YOU ARE A GOOD WORKER"

‘I just want you to know who I am’, is the theme for a popular song. Few are able to express see who they really are let alone others, so imagine my surprise when my VP said to me "you are a good worker" the other day. 

I had written about him before and while I've learnt to work with over the past 3 years to hear him say something like that to me surprised the heck out of me and I must admit that it is nice to be recognize for the good that you.

I want to share these words to encourage you and myself to NEVER allow the world and outside forces to stop us from being human and doing good.

Even though

Even though your morning may not have been productive, there is still much you can accomplish in the afternoon.

Even though you've suffered some setbacks, there are still plenty of options for moving forward.

Even though you may disagree with what someone has to say, you can benefit greatly from understanding that person's point of view.

Even though you find yourself in difficult and challenging circumstances, there is much value for you to create.

Even though you may feel like quitting, you have what it takes to keep going.

Even though the goal seems far away, every step brings you closer.

Even though there are plenty of reasons for you to feel sorry for yourself, you can choose instead to renew your determination and enthusiasm.

Even though your path is filled with obstacles, you can truly enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes from successfully moving beyond each one.

Even though darkness may at times surround you, your light can shine more brightly than ever.

Even though you may occasionally grow weary, there's always a way to renew and re-energize yourself.

Even though the road has its twists and turns, the journey is worth the effort. Keep going, keep growing, keep learning and loving and living with all the richness your precious life deserves.

— Ralph Marston

I KNOW I AM NOT MY EGO BUT...{WORK EDITION}

At the risk of coming off as petty, ungrateful or heaven forbid, human, I have to admit to feeling a wave of anger and depression when I think about what my colleagues got as a year-end bonus. After doing ALL the work and my boss constantly telling me how he knows that and to end up with little more than 10% of what they got hurts me.

Now I know in this economy I should be happy that I have a job, but when you work and go above and beyond to keep the work environment going it HURTS! My manager or is it supervisor? {Heck I don’t know what to call him as he leans on me for EVERYTHING @ work} tells me that e-mailed our boss telling him that he feels I should get a better bonus and raise for the new year. I guess he is trying to ease his guilt {if he has any} over the fact that he REALLY got paid.

I guess @ the end of it all there is a lesson to be learned here; I just wish I could fast forward to that part. But for now I will revel in the sad fact that my supervisor went to the bank to get his loan payment waived and he was turned down. You might see my happiness as something that is not nice and you might be right. What can I say? I am a flawed human being and the ego is a tough mother. 

Put the ego aside, and feel a deep gratitude of being given an opportunity to work in a place that doesn't value your worth is a hard thing to do. I LOVE my job and all it does for my life and others I come in contact with, but every time I think about what I got, it is hard for me to let my sense of gratitude arise! I know that hanging on to my ego creates a path to miseries. I know I am not my ego, and I only hope that I can get back to the notion that in as much as I am ‘body’ with all its entitlements, I MUST remember that I am first a spirit of loving consciousness and worth. 

¡LET'S HAVE SEX! {OFFICE EDITION}

About two weeks ago my manager (and use that term loosely) got a
visit from his ‘friend.’  This visit started like the ones before but went to a
place that left me with a WTF feeling when she left.

You she came to the door I let her in and she said hello with a
smile and walked to my manager’s office, she said excuse me and I was like okay
because I wasn't really paying attention. There was silence in the office
because my manager and I were listening to the local talk radio show that was
on in his office.

Then came the first sound that interrupted the silence, the sound
of two people kissing and them trying to be as quiet as they can be. There was
slurping and other noises that they couldn't control. I felt like a deer caught
in the headlights as I didn't want to turn on the TV because they would realize
I know what was going on and I wanted to hear (sue me).

After a while I thought I should leave, go for a walk or something,
but some reason my feet wouldn't move as I couldn't believe that my married
manager would be having sex with someone that is NOT his wife in the office
with paper thin walls. Now don’t get me wrong I pleasure myself @ work quite
often and I am not a prude, but when I do my ‘handy’ work I am here alone, I don’t
bring anyone else in on my pleasure. 

¿SO DO YOU THINK HE WAS OUT OF LINE?

¿DO YOU THINK I SHOULD TELL HIS WIFE?

¿SHOULD I HAVE LEFT THE OFFICE WHILE THEY GOT IT ON?

¿WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WE ARE CO-WORKERS, NOT FRIENDS...

How many of you have
encountered that colleague at work who, for whatever reason, thinks that
working together entitles them to information about your personal life. These
people are the ones who have to be quickly reminded that you two are co-workers
and not friends.

It is true
that we spend the majority of our time with the people that we work with, but
it doesn’t mean we have to be the best of friends. Any job I start I maintain
this approach to keep work and my social life separate. Some people get upset
because when they ask me about how my weekend was I simply say, “It was fine,”
and leave it at that. That is all the information I feel needs to be given and
I shouldn’t be made to feel like an outcast because I don’t want to discuss
every aspect of my life.

People usually
will find someone they become friends with at work or a click that they hang
out with during lunch, but it is not mandatory. Being polite, keeping to
yourself and doing your work is all that matters. All the friendship stuff can
be a waste of time and end up with you being in the middle of office politics
or drama. It amazes me how many work places are more like high school
cafeterias with the amount of gossip and back biting that goes around. I rather
be seen as anti-social and keep to myself then trying to be the cool person at
work.

Business and
pleasure usually don’t mix well and this is especially true in the work place.
You should never feel pressured to share more information about your life than
you have to with people that you work with. If they want to call you boring
that is fine because your REAL friends know the truth.

A DEAR JOHN LETTER TO YOUR BOSS

By now presumably most of you are familiar with the letter
penned by Greg Smith, a former Goldman Sachs employee, about his departure from
the firm. 

My question to you is this: have you ever penned such a letter to a
former boss? 

Would you? 

Why or why not?

HOW TO SUCCEED @ WORK & IN CAREER...

1.    
Don’t talk negatively about
people behind their backs. If you gossip, people won’t confide in you. Mind
your own business. 

2. Try to work for someone who’ll challenge your powers. You’ll
learn more in a year than 4 years of college.

3. Successful bosses have good communication skills. They learn
from people, including their employees.

4. Work in such a way that makes your boss
look good. It’s not flattery.

5. On downsizing, the first to go are those
with few friends. Bosses prefer competent people whom they respect.

6. Dress for the job you want, not the one
you have. Let your dress reflect professionalism.

7. Workout to get in good physical shape.
Unless exceptionally skilled, the unhealthy are at a comparative disadvantage.

8. Personal integrity is crucial. Tell
nothing but the truth. Bosses can forgive mistakes but if you lie, you’re gone.

9. Be on time. Try to arrive few minutes
early. It saves you from stress. You’ll be much relaxed & work better.

10. Strive your best to keep a deadline. If
you cannot meet it, then apologize & ask for an extension

11. Don’t take things personally. If some
people are unhappy with you, it’s their problem. But always strive to give your
best.

12. If you must correct someone, don’t get
personal about it. Do it never in front of others.

13. Spend some time alone every day. What’s
the mission of my life? What do I want to be? And how to go about it.

14. As you move along Plan A of your career,
maintain a Plan B as well — an alternative course to rely

15. Always remember that the secret of
success is passion. Always think big. Spread love & joy. You’ll have
blissful years ahead.

TOP 10 REASON TO GO TO WORK NAKED...

I PERSONALLY DEDICATE THIS ENTRY TO ROGER A
FRIEND, NATURIST/NUDIST, A HIV/AIDS PREVENTION EDUCATION INSTRUCTOR &
FELLOW BLOGGER

1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in
here by 8:00!"

2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on
your tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my
pants."

4. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your
blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. So that with a little help from Muzak you can add
"Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you
keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work
drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10. No one steals your chair.

¡HAPPY ONE YEAR JOB ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

Forgive me if I've been through this before, but I feel it needs repeating: my mind is not my friend. Its ability to look into the environment, perceive "what is" and relate it back to me is cheerfully inadequate (is that possible?) As a result, I find myself listening to this sort of interior dialogue: "Hmm, the manager I work with for a year now, will tell me that he doesn't like it here (for the millionth time)." I guess he does that because he is lazy and if he liked it here he wouldn't be. Maybe I should just tell him I'm sick and tired of the endless belly aching and leave him holding the bag (to be a fly on the wall…) Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll quit and write blogs... that will never reach anyone and I'll wind up one of those bitter, old guys who sits on the beach selling coconuts complaining about how bad the workforce is and how much better it was in my day. So, no, I guess I won't quit, but I won't take any of his comments seriously. Besides, I am not much of a coconut tree climber. Maybe I can be a prima donna, insanely difficult; better yet, I'll simply roll over and keep the company from falling off the face of the earth. Covert apathy, that's the ticket! But alas he gets me because I care. HAPPY ONE YEAR JOB ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

THE 6 CRAPPIEST INTERVIEW QUESTIONS

SOURCE: THE OATMEAL

¿WHAT WOULD YOU DO?...IT GOES DEEPER!

SO I GOT TO WORK, GOT A CALL THIS MORNING FROM CO-WORKER'S MISTRESS & SHE TOLD ME TO LET HIM KNOW SHE WOULDN'T BE @ HER PLACE OF WORK TODAY IF HE TRIES TO REACH HER. NOW I DECIDED THAT TO TELL HER WHAT TYPE OF BB HE WANTS BECAUSE I DID ASK HIM & HE TOLD ME. NOW THINGS TOOK AN INTERESTING TURN AS SHE ASKED ME TO GET IT FOR HER {CRICKETS} I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD THINK ABOUT IT & LET HER KNOW. NOW THERE IS ONE CRUCIAL PIECE OF INFORMATION I DIDN'T MENTION IN MY PREVIOUS ENTRY, & THAT IS MY CO-WORKER IS ACTUALLY MY MANAGER...SO DO I TELL HER I WON'T DO IT & HAVE HER TELL HIM THAT OR SHOULD I DO IT & TRY TO PRETEND AS IF IT NEVER HAPPENED? 

¿WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR CO-WORKER'S SWEETHEART, MISTRESS, JUMP~OFF ASKED YOU TO FIND OUT WHAT FOR HER WHAT HE WANTS AS A GIFT? I DON'T INVOLVE MYSELF IN OTHER PEOPLE'S 'AFFAIRS' & HAVE NO PROBLEM FINDING OUT THAT TASK FOR HER, BUT I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF I AM HYPOCRITE FOR DOING SO SINCE I MET HIS WIFE & SHE IS VERY COOL. NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TYPE OF MARRIAGE THEY HAVE & HE HASN'T HIDDEN THE FACT THAT MARRIAGE IS SOMETHING THAT IS KEEPING HIM BACK...SO BACK TO MY QUESTION, I BELIEVE IN KARMA & CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER IF DOING THIS SEEMINGLY SIMPLE TASK FOR,  MEANS I AM AIDING THEIR AFFAIR?

¡LOVE MYSELF FOR HATING YOU!

I am sure we all know the feeling of being repeatedly haunted by the same issue, no matter how much we wish for it go away. The more we push away, the more we get pushed back. There are laws of physics and metaphysics that explain this phenomenon, which is often summed up in this brief phrase: That which you resist persists. And this phrase is SO very true for folks that I work with. They give the ‘office poli~tricks of everyday living’ the merit to support a way of living that follows what one has learned from childhood and the general culture around them. They smile with each other, but tear the other down when he is not around. They make good money, yet it never seems to be enough and to top all this off, they HATE the boss with a passion!

Our  boss pays a visit to the Bahamas for 2/3 weeks every quarter, so that means we have free reign to do whatever, whenever. However when he comes to town, my co-workers loose all sense and become mere little boys because they wait on this man hand and foot! Of course when I first started working here, they warned me not to allow him to treat me the way he treats them. From the two trips that he made, all I’ve seen is him taking them us out to lunch and dinner on the company’s dime. They sit eat, laugh and enjoy themselves while hating him for being here. He gives them HUGE ass bonuses and raises yet…I sit in amazement because they seem to think that their behaviors is acceptable not needing to be changed.

I try to imagine them being told as little boys growing up that it is important to be yourself and live in truth and honesty. Now I see them here hating themselves for upholding the boss’s idea of a ‘family working environment.’ I get that we need to work and we can no more be separate from that world than a fish can be separate from the water in which it swims; and I get that they can only see so much from where they sit in their particular bodies, but how could they allow the false notion of what they think they need to survive to take them over like this? From birth we are blessed with wisdom that cannot be learned or unlearned. It exists whether or not we acknowledge it because it is a gift given to us by a loving universe before we chose to experience existence on the earthly plane.

The men that I work show me that we all ‘act out’ on different levels of awareness; and being fake is @ best a mirror image of their reality; and their user/abuser mentality is just knowledge unproven from their experience. Water seeks its lowest level as do most who ‘follow the crowd’ without deep consideration that it’s not in the direction of knowing the conscious self. Do you think they’ll ever get to know that thinking that leads to actualization of thoughts can remove one from being the ‘Humpty Dumpty on the wall’ promoting love of hating the boss without having both feet on the ground?

¡ASS IN YO FACE!

THE OTHER DAY @ WORK, I ACCIDENTALLY  WALK IN ON MY MANAGER WIPING HIS ASS ON THE TOILET. MY FRIENDS SAID THAT I SHOULD HAVE KNOCKED BEFORE I ENTER THE BATHROOM THAT WASN'T LOCK, BUT I SAY HE SHOULD HAVE LOCKED THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS? DOES THE BLAME LIE ON ME OR SHOULD HE HAVE MADE SURE THAT HE LOCKED THE DOOR BEHIND SO THAT I DIDN'T SEE HIS UNATTRACTIVE ASS?

¿WHAT WAS YOUR WORST JOB EVER?

At some point in most careers, you will have had a job that you hated. No matter whether your worst job offered you lousy or distasteful work, a boss you hated, or coworkers who constantly undermined you or complained, you remember the job as your worst job - ever. Perhaps the company was archaic or the company's mission just did't appeal to you as important or exciting. Whatever your reason, the job has stuck in your memory as your worst job EVER! LAWD knows I’ve had my share of bad jobs, so how about you share your worst job experience with me? Let it all out and recount the WORST job you’ve ever had.

TWO BALLS N’ A BAT…

The six months temporary job program that I am currently employed under is set to end sometime in June. There are twelve of us that started this program in December last year and out of that number they are keeping about 5 persons to fill positions that are available. Now it has been rumored that 3 out of the positions will go to the 3 males that are employed under the program and the other two will go to two females in the program and the remaining 7 ladies would be left out in the cold. As I sat and thought about the prospect of being employed again, I couldn’t help but feel ashamed that I am a man. You see working for the Government in the Treasury Department; the women here seem to NOT get along with each other. They back bite and do all sort of things to each other…it is almost as if they want the other to grovel and beg for some sort of human kindness.

I’ve worked in 3 different areas in my short time @ the Treasury and no matter where I went there were females that didn’t like each other. It could be one supervisor to the other; it did NOT matter because as long as two vaginas occupy the same office space there will be tension! One of the areas I worked in, I had to deal with a supervisor that was petty… (Though not as petty as the supervisor in another area I worked), she still got on my nerves. One day she gave me an assignment to complete I did and I did more than she asked for and she was upset. Now before I took on the project, I asked her 3 times what she wanted and I even repeated to her what she said and she replied, ‘okay you got it.’ So imagine my surprise when I came back from lunch and she told me that I didn’t do the work she wanted and then asked me if I have a communication problem. I explained to her what she wanted and that was that…or so I thought. She kept going on and on about it and asked if I agreed with her that I have a communication problem? I looked her dead in the eyes and said, NO I DON’T! Of course this FRUSTRATED her to NO end, but she did ask me the question…

So the next day we came to work and she tells me how she couldn’t sleep all night because the work place was on her mind. She went on to tell me that her not wanting to take bread out of anyone’s mouth was keeping her up because @ the same time she HAD to be honest when it came time for them to review our performance over the past few months. I told her, ‘not to worry and do what she must and make sure she is honest in her reports.’ That was that and we went on with our working day…The next day the other temp person that worked in the same area with me told me that she was told by the same supervisor that she was NOT IMPRESSED WITH HER @ ALL! Now imagine my surprise when I heard this because this young lady works VERY hard and does things the supervisor CANNOT! I thought well if she thinks this about her what would she say about me? Well I soon found out…we were in the office all alone and she told me that she was impressed with me and apart from our misunderstanding the other day, she has NO problems with me and my work ethic. You could have knocked me out with a feather because I could NOT believe she was saying this to me.

After taking in what was said to me, I soon realized why she felt the way she did. She told me that there are TOO many females in the service and they are NOT adding anything to the process and she finds that men tend to work a whole lot better. I was SO stunned that I just sat there and took it all in. A few minutes later one of the deputy treasurers came into her office and she saw me there. She asked why I was in this department and after being told she said that I make it a point to remember the names of the males in the program because we need more men in this place. I just stood there looked @ her in amazement and I realized that this “men over women sentiment’’ comes from the top. I find this SO crazy because ALL of the top positions in this place are held by WOMEN! How do I sit @ a desk in this place when I know that the females in this program worked just as hard as I did to secure a job? Isn’t it sad that because I happen to be a man, that I have TWO BALLS N’ A BAT that I am one of the chosen few?

WOMEN’S WORK…

The term ‘women’s work’ has come to have a derogatory connotation in recent years. Women’s work used to encompass ONLY domestic chores like cooking, cleaning, and raising children. However when a person is limited to only certain kinds of work in a society, there is a need to break free from that work in order to inhabit a place of choice. So with MOST women's decision to take a place in the working world, they pretty much made it a battle ground.

Even though most offices today are dominated in number by female employees I have yet to work in one where the women actually get along with each other, have each other’s best interest @ heart or even refrains from making some snide remark about a fellow female employee. Hence this battle is what I would like to call THE BIGGEST TITS N’ TIGHTEST PUSSY GAME! So when pussy walks in a pair of high heels onto ANY job, it seems as if it brings CONSTANT drama that could cause us that witness it to declare a state of emergency. From where I am standing, it seems like women ONLY exist to make each other miserable by pulling each other down! How does one deal with women that undermine each other? Moreover, why do women treat each other this way? Whatever happened to a woman feeling happy for another woman who looks INCREDIBLE after getting herself fix up? Why they underlying tension and the need to do away with a woman that is perceived as better than you? Is it the perceived shortage of men that is make them act like this? Are they SO busy competing for eligible male attention that they immediately feel hostile in some way toward another if they feel she may have the upper hand?

Most women will look at another woman and say, 'I can't stand her, she thinks she's all that.' When I hear such statements, they prove to me that they are merely emotional creatures. Meaning most logic and reason goes out the window…How logically is it carry hatred for another woman you don’t know OR you’ve never seen before? Everywhere I go, I see the same behavior in women; and @ my current job you have the “social butterflies” and the rest are basically the followers. On the surface, you would think that they must look up to the leaders. But when you pass by, if you look close, you'll see signs of dissension in the ranks.

Secretly, ALL women have their idea of what a complete woman is. I think they believe that the ultimate woman is someone who is appealing to men, has a great sense of style, is classy and has a devoted group of female admirers. So when they see one another possibly attaining even one of these attributes, we see the claws. The scheming and sabotaging PROVES what a former boss told me…His wish was that he could have an ALL MALE staff, but he knows that he would be seen as sexist so he couldn’t do it. I never gave his words that much thought, but as I progressed in my career, I started to wonder how can women break through the glass ceiling if they are ducking verbal blows from other women in cubicles, hallways and conference rooms?

I know it is a dog eat dog world out there, but women REALLY need to learn how to truly appreciate themselves for who they are and what makes them truly beautiful and feminine. Sabotaging each other because they feel that helping their female co-workers could jeopardize their own careers ONLY creates a chaotic working environment. I know that breaking this vicious cycle will be difficult when SO many have been competing with their sisters for their dad’s attention, but if a woman is going to run a company and be seen as an equal to a man, she has to prove that she can get her peers to support her COMPLETELY! Don’t they have enough obstacles already?

GAINFUL UNEMPLOYED...

 

August 7, 2009

Dear Mr. Carey:

We regret to inform you that after carefully consideration Gibraltar Global Securities, Inc. has chosen to terminate your services effective August 7, 2009. Since you have not completed your three month probation period, your termination is without severance pay. Enclosed is check number 353 in the amount of $483.00 for services rendered for the week ending August 7, 2009.

Please be advised the decision to terminate your services is based on our present need for an employee with a solid financial services background to perform the daily correspondent reconciliations. This is a very critical time in our business and due the expected increase in trading activity volume it is in the best interest of the company to employ an individual with a strong skill set to weather the challenges ahead.

We wish you the best with all your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

 

So the above letter came to on the last day of my 3rd week on new job. I knew that things weren’t things from week one, but I wanted to give it my all and really work on keeping my job. I guess good intensions don’t mean a thing because when you need others to give you a thumb’s up OR down, that can leave a man like me in a strange situation…So let’s start from the beginning…

WEEK 1 – I got there about 20 minutes before everyone else and waited outside for someone to open the door which happened @ about 10 minutes later than it should, but I am not the time keeper so…Anyways I met my manager again she was kinda pleasant and in a rush. So when we got settled in @ 11:30 I was given the work that I was hired for…Now that didn’t bother me even though I am used to the first day being about introductions and what not…So I did the reports which had a few errors that made her none too please and I quickly realized that I was working with someone that had NO idea how to manage and train others. So as she pointed out my errors like I’ve been working there for years, I just sat there and took it all in…after all I am there to learn. So when 5:00 rolled in I was happy and left. The next day she had all cylinders blasting and I didn’t know what to say to her and her many questions, I mean I don’t even remember where the bathroom is so how can I tell her what a trader did on the job the day before? That was my FIRST day of working late and I got home about 7:45. I was tired as hell, but I saw the challenges as something I could conquer. So on my 3rd day I went to her and said, “I know you are frustrated with me, but…” and before I could complete my sentence she cut me off and said, “let’s see what happens by Friday.” Now I am puzzled and I am thinking what the hell does that mean? I called Noel and spoke to him about it and he told me not over think things because I would just burrow trouble. So I didn’t even though it NEVER left my mind. So by the 4th day I was doing much better (@ least in my mind) though I was still leaving work late, not taking lunch and taking work home with me…So by Friday she had mentioned that she was working that Sunday and I volunteered to come in as well to learn more about the company, she didn’t seem pleased, but I came despite her and things were good…so I could breathe a sigh of relief and look forward to week 2…

WEEK 2 – Monday went by and even though I stayed behind a bit and missed lunch, I still got a chance to complete my work and got my FIRST compliment from her which TOTALLY shocked me. And it was @ that time she said to me that “please note that I don’t HATE you or have a problem with you, but I just get frustrated when someone makes an error no matter how small it is” I was like a deer caught in the headlights because NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that she hated me…And it is when those words came to me that I realized I had a problem and that my thoughts about the comment she made to me the week before had some validity to it. So after work I spoke with Noel and told him what she said, he finally saw what I saw so I spoke with my old boss and both she and Noel told me to talk to my boss about the situation. I didn’t want to because I felt that would cause more harm than good, and normally I would let things take the direction it wanted, but I REALLY wanted this job. So after careful consideration and the mere fact that I faced this type of behavior before I decided that I can’t allow others to hurt me in this way anymore. So I spoke with the boss…He listened and was VERY attentive, he told me that he knows that I haven’t done this type of accounting before, but he feels that everyone deserves a chance and Rome wasn’t built in a day. After our talk he shook my hand and said, “if she comes to me with anything and this being your first week, I will block it” he also said, “if there’s anything you think we need to make things move along faster or make the working environment better let me and I will look into it.” So we shook hands and I went back to my desk…About 30 minutes later she came to me and let me know that she spoke with the boss and she felt that I was two-faced. She felt that I did it hoping that he didn’t say anything to her, but that wasn’t my goal. My goal was that I was concerned about my job and me being judged based on 1 week’s performance when I have a 3 month’s probation so I can learn all I need to learn about the company and how it works. She said that I could talk to her and I know that isn’t true because she shoots me down before I could get a word in and she said that they offered me 3 months and I will get it. She also said that if things weren’t working out she would have told me before hand because he is that kind of person. But when I told her what she said to me about not hating me and the other stuff I was like well your attitude towards me didn’t make things easier and you were judging me base on one week…She couldn’t defend herself and she didn’t even try, she just told me to “relax” and I did which took that huge ass monkey off my back. And as I sat @ my desk, I realized that I was judging her as well, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice…Moreover, I felt SO horrible when she said that “I see your efforts and I like things like that”…Even though I sensed she was plotting my down fall from that moment, I hoped for the best…So the rest of the week went by okay and I left @ a reasonable time and my work was done and completed and I got more compliments…So that Friday I decided that I was coming to work that Monday which was a holiday here and get a jump start on things…I over heard her saying she was coming in so I thought it would have been nice to surprise her…SO MUCH FOR THAT! Because she NEVER showed up…

WEEK 3 – So the next day I asked her about the work and stuff she told me she did it herself I was puzzled because I did it as well…So I said to her, “guess it was a waste of time coming in then?” She said, “NO ONE ASKED YOU TO COME INTO WORK” I was like okay cool, I only did it because I know the traders work on holidays and that would mean that I would have 2 days of work to complete. She didn’t respond and that was that. However I did find it interesting how pleased she was to hear that another co-worker of mine came to work during the holiday. I was like WOW, but it didn’t surprise me @ all. My other co-worker came to me that afternoon saying that she heard I worked over the holiday she was like WOW! I asked her how she knew she said your boss told me and she also told her that she felt bad that I came to work when she did it herself on the weekend @ home. My thoughts were she couldn’t tell me that herself? She was STILL NOT communicating with me like that and I left it alone, I didn’t tell anyone about it, because I didn’t want to seem like I was complaining…AGAIN! So I did my work gave the results she wanted and I thought things were fine because she even complimented and all that good stuff. So when Friday came and she got back from lunch I noticed her typing the above letter to me I was like huh? I told myself that I wasn’t going to fight it and I will accept her decision. So from 4:30 until quitting time, I just cleaned up my pc and prepared myself for my letter. And as I sat there watching the clock I started wondering if something is wrong with me because here I am again going to be unemployed. I went through the things that were said to me by her and my boss and I soon realized that they weren’t honest. They told me things to silence me and that guy I saw her meeting with earlier in the week was there to take my job. My boss even stopped acknowledging me so I knew something was off, just didn’t what it was…But all in all I can’t say that I am surprised, I saw this coming from a mile away. Makes me wonder if I gave this life OR…? I wonder if she gave my boss an ultimatum either it is him or me? I wonder if my talking to boss cost me my job? I wonder if she felt that threatened by me? I wonder if they wanted to change their minds from the beginning when they kept changing their minds about my start date? I wonder…Anyways no matter now I guess because I am gonna hit the ground running and get back out there…The good thing is that I know I am not where I was before I started this job and this won’t stand in my way…The horoscope below AFFIRMS THAT FOR ME…

August 8, 2009 – Affirmations For The Future: Taurus Daily Horoscope

Today you may notice a sense of anxiety arise when you think about the future, which could be due to your uncertainty about the outcome of your expectations. While concern about your plans is healthy, you might want to keep your worry in check. Should you begin to feel apprehension about your future, you could consider using affirmations, short sentences or phrases you repeat to yourself, to help you cope with your fear. You might remind yourself, for example, that nothing in life is certain or that even though things may not turn out the way you expect them to, they always work out for the best. Creating short phrases to keep these points in mind can enable your mind to focus today on the positive aspects of the future rather than on your anxiety. You could find that this gives you more confidence about things yet to come.

Affirmations are effective mental tools we can use when we feel concerned about issues that arise in our lives. They keep us grounded in the present moment by allowing us to concentrate on what is happening in the present rather than projecting into the future and prevent us from spending too much time worrying about things over which we have no control. Instead, these tools help us monitor the only thing over which we have true control—our minds. By using affirmations today, your thoughts about the future will remain in the present and will give you greater peace of mind.