I KNOW I AM NOT MY EGO BUT...{WORK EDITION}

At the risk of coming off as petty, ungrateful or heaven forbid, human, I have to admit to feeling a wave of anger and depression when I think about what my colleagues got as a year-end bonus. After doing ALL the work and my boss constantly telling me how he knows that and to end up with little more than 10% of what they got hurts me.

Now I know in this economy I should be happy that I have a job, but when you work and go above and beyond to keep the work environment going it HURTS! My manager or is it supervisor? {Heck I don’t know what to call him as he leans on me for EVERYTHING @ work} tells me that e-mailed our boss telling him that he feels I should get a better bonus and raise for the new year. I guess he is trying to ease his guilt {if he has any} over the fact that he REALLY got paid.

I guess @ the end of it all there is a lesson to be learned here; I just wish I could fast forward to that part. But for now I will revel in the sad fact that my supervisor went to the bank to get his loan payment waived and he was turned down. You might see my happiness as something that is not nice and you might be right. What can I say? I am a flawed human being and the ego is a tough mother. 

Put the ego aside, and feel a deep gratitude of being given an opportunity to work in a place that doesn't value your worth is a hard thing to do. I LOVE my job and all it does for my life and others I come in contact with, but every time I think about what I got, it is hard for me to let my sense of gratitude arise! I know that hanging on to my ego creates a path to miseries. I know I am not my ego, and I only hope that I can get back to the notion that in as much as I am ‘body’ with all its entitlements, I MUST remember that I am first a spirit of loving consciousness and worth.