I AM...

I am whatever YOU think I am until YOU get to KNOW me. This is true for everyone else too, of course.. so don't make assumptions about anyone or pass judgment; ask questions. You might just make a new friend.


Tuesday, March 31, 2009


I’ve come to realize that just because I am NOT everyone’s standard mold of a man, that it doesn't mean I need to cram myself into the wrong fit to suit their purpose. For as long as I remember, I have given myself PERMISSION to be me and I am not about to stop now…The man that I am isn’t representative of the GAY community, heck I don’t even represent the majority anywhere. And that’s fine by me because I do represent the few who push N’ claw their way to light when darkness finds me. The ones that are NOT yes men OR women, who want only the best for each and every person living on this planet. When I breathe, love OR speak…I speak with a truth that is NOT my own…I don’t exist by anyone’s standards and I don’t expect anyone to live by mine. Isn’t it AMAZING how so many us have this belief that fitting into a mold may seem easy? I don’t know about you, but as long as I’ve been on this planet I’ve come to realize that there will always be something more OR less I could do to fit it better and unfortunately, it will never be enough. Being part of this minority naturally sets me up to feel alienated from the majority. But if I am to be fair to myself, I OWE it to myself to relish the benefits. I get to see life distinctly different from the majority; and it is men AND women such as me that get to be trailblazers because we can think out of the proverbial box AND forge into uncharted territory. Though we are often seen as cynics on the sidelines that don’t offer much, I find that we tend to be the best allies a person can have. So the next time you find yourself in the presence of one of us, remember that yin CANNOT exist without the yang; and if we can remember that, then we actually have a lot in common…AFTER ALL, AREN’T WE ALL SWIMMING IN AN OCEAN OF DIVERSITY; SO HOW DOES MY UNIQUENESS SHINE IF I AM TRYING TO BE YOU? YOU CAN CALL ME CRAZY, YOU CAN EVEN CALL ME STUPID…BUT THE ONE THING YOU WON’T EVER CALL ME IS AN ORDINARY MAN…THAT’S BECAUSE I HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE THINGS I’VE DONE IN THIS LIFE…I STOPPED WAITING ON PERFECT & REALIZED THAT I HAVE CREATE IT IN MY WORLD & COMMUNITY…& I’VE PROMISED MYSELF THAT I WILL ALWAYS BE HONEST NO MATTER WHAT THE CAUSE EVEN THOUGH I WISH I CAN SAY I AM SORRY, I CAN’T BECAUSE…I DON’T NEED PERMISSION TO BE ME & NO ONE EVER SHOULD…

Monday, March 30, 2009


Have you ever wondered why some of us gay men seem to worship N’ encourage the “DL” man? I mean these are men who have sex with other men, then TRY to appear STRAIGHT while having relationships with women; and don't acknowledge being gay OR bisexual. On top of that, they don't identify with the GAY community @ all. Guess this means that they share NO part in the HIV/AIDS epidemic? All fine qualities don’t you think? Nonetheless, these men are seen as THE equivalent to Clark Kent and Superman in my book. By day they are like Clark Kent going about their day, but @ night they turn into Superman…THE SAVIORS N’ PROTECTORS OF THE GAY COMMUNITY! RIGHT? After all isn’t it these men that talk straight men out of being violent toward gay men? Never mind the FACT they have NO problem calling a gay man a faggot around their friends OR deny their gay lover to prevent himself from being outed. Better yet, can you see him using his so-called STRAIGHT IMAGE as leverage to talk homophobes out of being physically violent toward gay men? Imagine him telling his friends that YOU DON’T NEED TO KILL THIS FAGGOT, HE ISN’T WORTH GOING TO JAIL OVER…It is SO nice to have a homophobe that can rationalize with another homophobe in such a manner; isn’t it? I mean they make it SO much easier for us to breathe on this planet that we use them as scapegoats, when it is WE that’s the problem with HOMOSEXUALITY. THANK GOD they exist because without them, women would not have gay friends; and fewer of them would be single. I mean HOMOSEXUALITY is all about a man having a woman AND a GAY man on the side…right? It is they who like Superman fly out to rescue a GAY man in need. The ““DL” ” man rescues that SEX-STARVED HOMOSEXUAL that is simply DYING for the wood that he thinks is STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE A WOMAN…After all we are familiar with each other in some shape, form OR fashion, so this would be a way for some gay men to get their rocks off…Without “DL” men, most of us would be sexually unsatisfied; and why should we live without THE reason we exist? Sex with a ““DL” ” man means that we are trading up AND NO longer have to settle for the bathhouses OR sex parties. More over we don’t have to try to CONVERT STRAIGHT men because they have done that for us, isn’t that just special? They just warm the carcass of my ass…AND ALL THEY GIVE IS AN UNBALANCED VIEW OF OURSELVES THAT FURTHERS THE BELIEF THAT WE ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. SO INSTEAD OF US BEING HONEST WITH OURSELVES, WE LOOK IN THE MIRROR, SEE EVERYONE ELSE’S TRUTH BUT OUR OWN. HENCE MY WEIRD & STRANGE BELIEF THAT THERE ISN’T ENOUGH ASSESSMENT OF THE GAY MAN’S PERSPECTIVE WITHIN THE COMMUNITY. NO ONE IS SEARCHING FOR SOME SORT OF RESOLUTION HERE; & THIS INAPPROPRIATE FORM OF IDENTITY WE RELY ON TO EXIST IS A TWISTED WAY OF MAINTAINING ONE’S MANHOOD…BUT IT IS FUNNY ACTUALLY HOW THE ““DL” ” MAN ALMOST ALWAYS MEANS THAT YOU ARE SOME WHAT NORMAL?

Sunday, March 29, 2009


¿WHAT DO YOU FEAR? Is it TRUTH, CHANGE or JUSTIFICATION? How about LOVE, ACCEPTANCE or HUMANITY? Or is it LIFE, PURPOSE or FREEDOM? I find that so many of us asked ourselves these questions yet no one has tried OR cared to find the answers while the scales of life are tipping from LOVE to FEAR. I once read somewhere that FEAR is the thought that we are not going to have something we think we need. After reading this it dawned on me that if a person that does not need anything OR anyone he or she is seen as living a life without FEAR. So in essence FEAR is need announced. So as I pondered FEAR, I wondered what are the reasons we have FEAR in the first place? It is blatantly obvious that we live in a world where life is inevitable AND disaster not impossible; yet we allow FEAR to heighten our deep preoccupation with failure AND disappointment. This brings us to THE ULTIMATE FEAR, the FEAR of being responsible; responsible for all that WE are creating. But isn’t it up to us to accept the responsibility and fully understand the implications of this FEAR so we can take the right steps in conquering the things that we’ve created? Crazy how the ritual of life that I call FEAR has caused us to lose so much because we FEARED not living a life that is based on what others think OR feel? I know first hand that FEAR is such a HARMFUL device because it is the single thing that STANDS in the way of responsiveness and the ability to consider what we need in this life. So how can one overcome their FEAR? Better yet is that even possible? Of course I am not going to answer that question because I think you know where I stand. Even though FEAR is IMMENSELY the most POWERFUL element on this planet, I think it can be controlled. From paying attention to human behavior (though I am NO expert), I say that OUR THOUGHTS are the things that TRIGGER the things we FEAR most. Think about it…Every step, every action, every creation, every experience starts with a thought. And that thought triggers another thought and so on. And when our thoughts are largely influenced by FEAR it is very difficult to choose a positive outlook on life. Especially when they influence OUR EMOTIONS; after all isn’t it OUR EMOTIONS that guide us throughout life? So then it would make sense that we operate out of LOVE so that the FEARS that exist won’t control us? Hence my thought that WHEN IT COMES TO FEAR WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE EXPERIENCE CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES BECAUSE OF OUR EMOTIONS & THOUGHTS…Not the other way round. The Universe sends us whatever matches our thoughts and feelings so we need to ensure that we do our best to remain in the light no matter the cause…SO TELL ME HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH OF LIVING A LIFE IN FEAR? ARE YOU READ TO STEP OUTSIDE THE BOX & CONQUER YOUR FEARS? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY FEAR IS THE THING YOU NEED IN ORDER TO BE & DO THAT WHICH IS INTRINSICALLY RIGHT? WHEN ARE WE GOING TO REALIZE THAT IF WE SIMPLY TAKE AWAY OUR NEED FOR THIS N’ THAT, WE WON’T FEAR ANYTHING? FEAR WILL ALWAYS BE A PROBLEM BECAUSE IT AFFECTS EVERYTHING IN OUR LIVES, BUT AS DIFFICULT AS IT SEEMED LOVE IS THE ONLY WAY TO CONQUER FEAR…AND IT STARTS WITH SELF-LOVE. FOR WE NEED NOT THE LOVE OF ANOTHER TO EXPERIENCE WHO WE ARE, WE CAN DO THAT ALL BY OURSELVES. FEAR HAS CAUSED US TO FORGET THAT LIFE IS A JOURNEY WITHOUT A BEGINNING & END. IT IS MADE UP OF AN IMMENSE NUMBER OF EXPERIENCES, EACH ONE SHAPING THE NEXT…AND THESE EXPERIENCES ARE CHARACTERIZED BY THE FEAR YOU FEEL WHILST YOU’RE GOING THROUGH THESE EXPERIENCES…SO DO YOU KNOW WHAT FEAR IS HOLDING YOU BACK FROM LIFE? I DARE YOU TO IDENTIFY IT, BUT IN DOING SO I ASK THAT YOU USE THIS GREAT ACRONYM FOR FEAR WHICH IS FEELING EXCITED AND READY…¿WHAT DO YOU FEAR?

Saturday, March 28, 2009


NO ONE IN THE WORLD is a song by Anita Baker, written by Ken Hirsch and Marti Sharron for her 1986 Grammy award winning album Rapture. The song peaked on the Billboard Hot 100 @ 44, but will remain a No. 1 hit in my book. This song wasn’t just another record; this is a PURE example of QUALITY @ its finest. Anita has this rich matchless voice. She is what good music is all about and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do…

Friday, March 27, 2009



Him: I have not every been f&ck before, but I have sucked my bro lol
Me: yr bro?
Him: Yeah he is a year older but we did it when we were 17 and 18
Me: but he is yr brother?
Him: yeah, we were just wrestling, and he started it so what it felt good.
Me: ok
Me: so is yr brother gay?
Him: No he is married now. Im the one who is
Me: uh-huh
Me: I am sure he is
Me: so u guys never talked ahimut wot took place?
Him: I’ve never discussed it with another soul
Me: o
Me: k
Him: u think it was wrong to experiment with my bro?
Me: DUH!
Me: he is yr flesh and blood
Me: if it wasn't wrong u would have told others about it
Him: I disagree cuz all we did was experiment. just played. and no seed was taking inside of either of us. besides who u closer too than a brother.
Me: so why haven't u told anyone about it?
Me: if u feel it isn't wrong
Him: cus I’m not sure being gay isn’t wrong.
Me: but u were adults (almost)
Me: that has nothing 2 do with being gay right now
Me: this is about you and your bro messing around
Him: u saying it is right to be jacked off by a stranger but not every a brother.
Me: yes I am
Him: o k why? I’m interested.
Me: dude if u don't know then I can't tell u
Me: sorry
Him: so am I doomed because of one mistake.
Me: I am not saying that
Me: just that if u can't acknowledge that it was wrong then something is wrong
Me: right?

Thursday, March 26, 2009


If I may confess: I am a mere CONNOISSEUR of all things that involve GIVING personal sexual pleasure. I feel that the ability to give sexual self-pleasure is a powerful AND natural activity that PROMOTES a hearty well-being. Doctors say it HEIGHTENS the senses, EXERCISES the body and STRENGTHENS the self-esteem. However, there are SO many of us that were taught to avoid and find shame in the innocent experience of giving our bodies pleasure, so imagine the genitals…I don’t know about you, but for me this NATURAL activity gives my body satisfaction, so why should I deny myself the pleasure? Isn’t it probably the safest sexual activity out there? Especially if you are single…However if you are like me, very much involved AND LOVING IT, is it wrong if I make the lizard puke when I have someone to help me with that? There is NOTHING wrong with the sex life of my relationship AND the fact that I can give AND receive pleasure even after indulging myself does that some how take away from my relationship OR does mean I LOVE a challenge? So given the fact that masturbation feels GOOD and it is my way of giving myself a little something something on the side. And if you add the fact that I’ve been doing this from my pre-teen years, don’t I OWE it to myself to continue? JUST THOUGHT I’D ASK…

Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Intimacy occurs with everyone we meet, everyday of the year.  Friends, family and even strangers fulfill some part of our total intimacy needs. If you boil down all their findings you'll discover something most people get confused about: one person can not meet all of our intimacy needs.  In reality it would be unfair to expect them to. From the list below identify the three most important types of intimacy for you and then answer the following questions:

  • How satisfied are you regarding this particular intimacy?

  • Who in your life helps get these needs met?

  • How am I helping others fulfill their intimacy needs?

  • If I’m unsatisfied, how do I plan to address the needs?

  • In my primary relationship, what type of intimacy do WE need to work on together? 

  1. EMOTIONAL INTIMACY is the sharing of significant experiences and feelings. Emotional intimacy is the foundation of all other forms of intimacy. It is the ability to talk without fear. When fear is present, talking about that fear can facilitate a stronger and closer relationship. Emotional intimacy includes the ability to share one’s hopes and dreams.

  2. SEXUAL INTIMACY is more than just the physical act of sex. Talking about the deepest and darkest sexual secrets is a form of sexual intimacy. For some of my clients, I am the first person they talk to about sexuality. 

  3. INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY is the closeness resulting from sharing ideas. There is a genuine respect for each individual’s opinion. Agreement on the topic isn’t required for intellectual intimacy. It is the process of sharing, reflection and discussion that highlights the aspects of intellectual intimacy. 

  4. AESTHETIC INTIMACY relates to experiences of beauty. This can include expressions of art such as music, plays and movies but also natural beauty such as sunrises, listening to a thunderstorm, and taking a day hike. 

  5. CREATIVE INTIMACY is the intimacy of shared vision. The key component is the process of co-creating with another person. Both you and the other person are growing in deeper ways as a result of the experience. 

  6. RECREATIONAL INTIMACY refers to the experience of play and stepping outside of the struggles of life, and simply spending time together. The types of play include sports, outdoor activities, and indoor activities. Sometimes other intimacies are incorporated into recreational activities such as going to a movie (aesthetic) and then talking about it afterward (intellectual).

  7. WORK INTIMACY occurs in the sharing of tasks. It can include projects, events, or the process of long-term commitment regarding work or family. These tasks vary in type, intensity and duration and could include completing a project at work, or finishing cleaning up the house. The feelings of satisfaction when completing a task with another person are examples of work intimacy. 

  8. CRISIS INTIMACY occurs as a result of major and minor tragedies. Personal crises may be illness or accidents. Larger forms of crisis intimacy can be community experiences of a natural disaster. In these situations individuals step outside of their limits and connect. Strangers will go above and beyond typical behaviors. The long-term response of the gay community to HIV is a great example of this type of intimacy. 

  9. COMMITMENT INTIMACY is the experience of hope and possibility in response to addressing an issue, cause or event bigger than one person. This can range from a short-term task (completing a social service project) to a never-ending task such as social justice, or providing HIV services. It is the process of transforming the world relative that is the source of intimacy.

  10. SPIRITUAL INTIMACY develops through sharing the most important areas of concerns including values, meaning for life, and the core of our being. It's an experience of possibility and transcendence beyond the daily experience of who we are. It can be connected to religious traditions and practices, but ultimately it is about how we connect with God (in whatever way we understand God). 

  11. COMMUNICATION INTIMACY is the process of full disclosure with another person. It is the process of being open, honest and truthful. This includes giving difficult and constructive feedback even when it is difficult to do so. 

  12. CONFLICT INTIMACY is the process of connecting, respectful fighting and facing differences with others. Through the conflict there is a process of closeness that transcends the conflict ultimately leading to a closer relationship. The power of make-up sex highlights how conflict intimacy is so powerful.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009








Monday, March 23, 2009



Sunday, March 22, 2009


Many of my FRIENDS tend to forget that I am a unique person whose attributes, attitude AND perspectives are to be admired even if they do not fully gel with their own. For this reason I tend to seek out uniqueness in others AND relish in their individuality AND differences. However, as of late I find myself shying away from people because I can NO longer make excuses for the life they live; and I am NOT about being anyone’s moral compass. Call me crazy, but I thought that being a TRUE friend meant that I should see you as my equal? Nonetheless, I’ve to come to realize that I have to be a friend to myself first and foremost. Hence I try to live for the GREATER cause. I find that SO many of my friends seem to OVERLOOK the FACT that we’re part of something greater than ourselves. So if we all are about LIVING a life that is worth something, I can’t in all in consciousness keep the close contact with certain friends of mine. I find that most of them focus on the short-term, that tangible gain that drives them…all for what? So do I really have any choice but to expand my mind so that I can transcend the distinction between self and them? Why should I SACRIFICE myself and maintain a relationship that ONLY seeks the scraps that life offers? I would like to think that me deciding to NOT be what friends think I should be a good thing since I am honoring them with MY honesty. Isn’t it? I live a life that offers VERY little room for fear OR doubt. So if my choosing is to actually LIVE, why would anyone want to be punished because they are not? Just shows me that as humans we take what we need and the other stuff we cast aside because it does not serve our purpose; and that would be all good with me but…Life is all about growth AND evolution so if I am pulling my friends across the fence with me and all they do is weigh themselves down, what should I do? I get my place in the human system AND I understand the order of things; yet it HURTS me to walk away, but what choice do I have? I can’t continue to bring persons with me that hurt themselves AND call it life when it is NOT! It is a KNOWN fact that ALL actions have CONSEQUENCES and it is OUR responsibility to be good to karma because it can bite you in the ass later. Yet my friends would rather that I compromise myself so they can feel better about themselves when they know that I can’t. I guess the notion that the OLDER we get, the more JADED we become is true…Pity most of us don’t change as the seasons change AND progress…I am NOT about forcing others to do as I see fit. The only thing I have control over is MY inner thoughts AND outer actions. And I can provide information, influence AND suggestions, but the desire to live decent human lives must come from them…FRIENDSHIP TO ME IS AN EPITOME OF WHOLENESS & INTEGRATION, WITH A WARM SPOT IN THE CENTER THAT’S THE SYMBOLIZATION OF OUR COLLECTIVE SPIRITS. LIKE A CANDLE USED TO LIGHT ANOTHER, THE CONNECTION THAT RESULTS GOES BEYOND TIME N’ SPACE…HOWEVER, I AM THE LIGHT THAT HAS TO KEEP ILLUMINATING THE OTHERS BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO TRY. THERE IS POWER IN NUMBERS & I BELIEVE WE CAN INDEED CHANGE, BUT I NEED MEN & WOMEN THAT ARE READY…SO AS I WALK THROUGH THE WORLD, I HOPE THAT REALIZE THAT MY REAL FRIENDS DON’T EXPLANATION FOR WHO I AM & MY ENEMIES WON’T EVER BELIEVE IN ME…SO THEY’LL HAVE TO CHOOSE A SIDE, I KNOW I HAVE…

Saturday, March 21, 2009


CAN’T YOU SEE is a song by R&B girl group Total, released as their debut single. The track was released from the New Jersey Drive Soundtrack and also later appeared on their debut album. After making their recording debut on his tracks "Juicy", "One More Chance" and "One More Chance" (Hip Hop Remix)", The Notorious B. I. G. returned the favor with an intro rap verse to the song. The track was written and arranged by Terri & Monica's Terri Robinson, produced entirely by Sean "Puffy" Combs with instrumentation provided by associates Herb Middleton and Chucky Thompson and contains a sample from James Brown's "The Payback". The track was a success both on the mainstream U.S. Billboard Hot 100 chart, reaching number thirteen and the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart, where it made number three. I chose this song because it brings back memories from a time an innocent time in my life. Even now I get all emotional when hearing it so I hope you enjoy this little gem…

Friday, March 20, 2009


What do you do when you are blamed for trying to OR failing to save someone? You know those individuals that are on that slippery slope to nowhere? YEAH THEM! They did EVERYTHING possible to ensure that they get what they wanted, when they wanted without concern of who they hurt…that is until their house of cards come crashing down. Now that the lights are on AND no one is home, who is to BLAME? I FIRMLY believe that life is all about making choices, some of them good…some of them bad; and prevention is BETTER than cure. So when things take an ugly turn, I can’t help but wonder who should take responsibility for the mistakes? Most of us have NO problems enjoying the sweetness that life offers, but when things turn sour…well that’s another story all together. Why are so many of us so uncomfortable with accepting the fruits of their actions? It seems that WE embrace the despair for the SOLE purpose of putting it on someone else when it is OUR actions AND decisions that led us there. It makes sense if you think about it because that means they don’t have to change their behavior AND life can go on as usual…So they numb themselves to what really is happening and blame others because it is easier to breathe that way. Never realizing that playing THE BLAME GAME can ONLY lead to pain AND powerlessness. Why would anyone want to live a diminished life is strange to me, but whatever keeps the world spinning right? So as we carry on doing GOD knows what to ourselves, I hope that we REALLY feel that we had NO choice but to BLAME someone else because I am merely being who I am AND taking responsibility is just for the weak. Pity them playing THE BLAME GAME will ONLY cause them MORE trauma AND pain…BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT LIKE PIECES OF A PUZZLE OUR LIVES FALL INTO PLACE…THE GOOD & THE BAD FORMING THE PERSON THAT WE ARE & I HOPE THAT WHEN NO ONE ELSE IS AROUND TO BE BLAMED THEY CAN START POINTING THAT FINGER @ THE RIGHT PERSON. BECAUSE PLACING BLAME SAYS THAT I SEE THE PROBLEM, BUT I DIDN’T LEARN THE LESSON…SO UNTIL WE GET LESSON WE WILL CONTINUE TO EMOTIONALLY FADE OUT…

Thursday, March 19, 2009


I don’t mean to write this,
But I have to wonder if…
The world is dependant on MY personal fulfillment?
So as I try to transcend words
Into meaning
I HOPE you get
Who are we
The we that is we
And the who that is me that is you
Ain’t it true,
That things ain’t never what they supposed to be?
And though this is seriously serious
I can’t help but feel a bit delirious
Because this is all SO mysterious…
You know the thing
That divide us from us
Wonder why I make a fuss?
So silly of me to want us for us
As I play with words
And you play with yourselves
Trying SO hard to get better and better
If only…we could STOP feeding on that THING!
After all we is we
And that’s all we pretend to be…
TOTALLY understandable…right?
If only it all weren’t TOTALLY misunderstood
Trying to understand me
By misunderstanding yourselves…

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Not many partners are equals in libido. Typically, one wants sex more than the other. But that’s NOT the case for Noel and I. There hasn’t been a time when we reached for each other and the other was turned down. In fact I’d say that we can’t seem to get enough of each other…Which brings me to my question, is there such a thing as TOO MUCH SEX? I’ve read tons of articles on the subject and I feel that would be the most horrible thing to deal with…THE DEATH OF OUR ROMANCE & THE WANING OF OUR SEXUAL DESIRE FOR EACH OTHER…I mean we are both the type of men that could let one off @ least once a day. For me the thought of having sex occurs countless times a day. And like clock work right before I sleep, I lay beside Noel look @ him and wonder to myself will we OR will we? I mean we are both willing so why don’t we? Have we allowed ourselves to get caught up in the notion that TOO MUCH of a good isn’t a good thing? I am NO where near being tired of sex and I am not concerned about trying to kill it, it is just that I wonder about it from time to time. With noel I’ve learned how to let all aspects of my sexual self shine and I ENJOY expressing myself. For the first time I don’t want to close the door based on some crazy notion AND the fear of the unknown. So many couples feel a lot of pressure to remain sexually fresh, new AND exciting. Who needs that? I want us to EMBRACE the on-going discovery of each other and if we get to do that EVERYDAY I don’t think that’s a bad thing @ all…Most if not all of us for reason can’t embrace SEX in the way we should because we abuse N’ misuse it WAY TOO often. From the club to the halls of the churches we are either seeking that thrill OR feeling ashamed because of it…NEVER is there that middle ground where both persons want to spend their lives with each other AND try their hardest to wear each other out on a daily…

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


With the new movie He's Just Not Into You hitting theaters, I thought it was PERFECT when I came upon this gem that turned the tables and identify the signals that you're unexcited about him. I know it can be hard to admit you're just not feeling a guy who seems perfect on paper, but think about it this way: Every moment you spend with the wrong man is a moment you're missing out with the right one.

  1. YOU DON’T THINK ABOUT HIM MUCH WHEN YOU’RE APART…When there are real sparks with a guy, he’s on your mind constantly — you see his face in crowds, you reread his texts, you plan out your next date in your mind over and over. When you’re not truly attracted to him, he pops into your brain infrequently, and when he does, there’s no heart-thumping anticipation. 

  2. YOU DON’T ESPECIALLY WANT HIM TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS & FAMILY…Even if he’s a good, solid guy, you may worry that he won’t impress the people closest to you because he doesn’t really impress you either. Another reason you may be keeping him under wraps: You’re afraid that friends and family members will sense a lack of excitement on your part and ask you why you’re with a man you’re not head-over-heels for. 

  3. IT DOESN’T BOTHER YOU WHEN HE GOES OUT WITHOUT YOU…He says he’s hanging with some co-workers Friday night. No big deal. Saturday night he’ll be reuniting with frat buddies from college. You tell him to have a good time and you’ll talk later. If you don’t feel a twinge of discomfort (or worse, you feel actual relief) when he makes lots of solo plans, it’s a red flag. 

  4. YOU’RE NOT EXCITED TO HOOK UP WITH HIM…Everyone feels too tired or too stressed for sex every once in a while, but if you rarely look forward to getting naked with him, you need to reevaluate the relationship. Listen to your body: If you don’t feel physical chemistry, the emotional kind probably isn’t there either. 

  5. YOU WONDER IF OTHER GUYS YOU MEET ARE AVAILABLE…You may not think there’s anything wrong with secretly sizing up another guy’s date-ability potential; hey, you’re not giving him your phone number or anything. But it’s a tip-off that you’re kind of looking and assessing your options.

Monday, March 16, 2009


The other day I was reading a blog that posted an open letter to the one TYLER PERRY. In the letter the blogger pretty much asked that Mr. Perry COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. Now after reading the letter I thought to myself, DO WE HAVE ANY RIGHT TO BAGGER SOMEONE OUT OF THE CLOSET? I mean it ain’t like happiness is on this side of the rainbow; and we are doing such a FABULOUS job in the GAY COMMUNITY. Truth be told WE live an invisible N’ hidden existence DESPITE the fact that times are changing AND the world is slowly becoming more ACCEPTING and TOLERANT. So why should Mr. Perry embrace that? I know I wouldn’t…Can you really blame him? Think about it…WE have way TOO much doubt about WHO or WHAT we are; and the suffering that we’ve endured @ our own hands is limitless. So isn’t it wrong that we EXPECTANTLY look to celebrities like him for some sort of vindication? I know that some of you may say that he is obligated to aid us in our plight, but really how much of us are aiding our own dilemma? Being GAY is apart of one's life purpose, announced before birth that goes through rigorous trials to show us that we are SPIRITUAL BEINGS in an EARTHLY BODY. We have to take the things of OUR spirit so that we grow N’ prosper and NOT use someone else to take us where we ought to be…As long as WE sit on OUR collective asses and buckle under the weight of OUR sexuality, we will ALWAYS BE BOUND! Should Tyler Perry come out of the closet? Sure, but that’s his choice and we shouldn’t want him to take responsibility for a tribe because he is popular and well known. OUR day of absolution will come, but ONLY when we yield to the realization that we are strong on our own…Watching us get upset @ the thought of someone NOT claiming to be one of us is like watching a train wreck from a distance. You can see it coming for miles and sense the inevitable conclusion and the more we fight for someone else’s sexuality who is going to fight for ours? SHIT…I am tired of us squandering OUR moral authority by tearing ourselves down. I get that OUR life is in many ways is a reaction to pressure from a society that rejects us; and living is hard. But isn’t that case for all of us? Are we the ONLY forgotten ones? Isn’t it obvious that society itself is lost? Tyler Perry and the many others like him are FORCED to create a separate community in order to survive (some survival huh?) Yet we rather he be a source of controversy that is EXPLOITED by society…HE WOULD REPRESENT THE LOSS & CONFLICT SO MANY OF US LIVE ON A DAILY BASES…& WHO REALLY WANTS THAT FOR ANOTHER? SHIT MOST OF US DON’T EVEN WANT IT FOR OURSELVES…SO BEFORE WE START TEARING DOWN THE CLOSETS OF CELEBS, WE NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT WE HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFER TO OURSELVES SO THAT WHEN THEY DO COME OUT THEY ARE MERELY ADDING TO WHAT WE HAVE & NOT WHAT WE WANT…

Sunday, March 15, 2009


Our life path is a process between where we are now and where we would like to be. Seeing ourselves as having completed this path helps us think more deeply about what we want to attain in life. As we continue to exist in a world where PEOPLE, PLACES and POSSESSIONS mostly dictate the choices we make; how do you know if you are making the right choice when you’ve reach THE FORK IN THE ROAD? If one were to look @ the state of the world today, one would see a place that is on the end with VERY little hope of change. So many of us just do WHAT we want, to WHOM we want, WHEN we want, WHERE we want without giving SERIOUS thought to the WHY. I would LOVE to live in a world where we realized that the material things have little meaning for us, and we should INVEST ourselves in behaving in a POSITIVE manner to each other. Look @ life today, it isn’t about having things that counts, it is about making sure that we as a species are able to survive. They say that LIFE is a state of mind we achieve when we believe that we are capable of caring for ourselves no matter what our circumstances. But in our quest to care for ourselves have we made the choice to think ONLY about ourselves? I think we all know the answer to that question…Moreover, we feel more than comfortable succeeding while others perish…We know that the SOURCE of prosperity lies buried in OUR minds, hearts, and souls yet we live as if ONLY our dreams deserve to come true. So many of us do NOT understand the TRUE meaning of PERSONAL power because we made the choice to LIVE with this false notion that POWER is something we use to exercise our will upon others. If only we would realize that it is the TOTAL opposite…It is MY belief that when we have our PERSONAL power intact that we are neither superior nor docile. In fact we would have a CLEAR sense of how OUR choices impact others and things would be right as rain…UNTIL SUCH TIME WE NEED TO STOP DECIDING WITH OUR MIND WHAT WE WANT OUR HEARTS TO FEEL…THE FORK LIES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD & GOD IS GIVING US ONE LAST CHANCE TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION. I FEEL THAT LIFE IS ABLE TO THRIVE THROUGH INNOVATION, DETERMINATION & AN UNDERLYING GOODNESS TO OUR FELLOWMAN THAT CANNOT BE DENIED…AS THEY SAY THE BEST CURE FOR A PROBLEM IS THE PROBLEM ITSELF & THE STATE OF THE WORLD TODAY CAN BE SEEN AS A PROBLEM OR AN OPPORTUNITY…WHAT CHOICES WOULD YOU MAKE TODAY?

Saturday, March 14, 2009


WHEN I’M BACK ON MY FEET AGAIN is the title of the fourth single released from Michael Bolton's 1989 album, Soul Provider. The song peaked at #7 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in the summer of 1990, becoming Bolton's third Top 10 hit in the United States. It also spent three weeks atop the Hot Adult Contemporary Tracks chart in the U.S., the singer's second #1 on this chart (following "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You"). In addition, "When I'm Back on My Feet Again" peaked at #44 on the UK Singles Chart. When I hear this song, I am reminded that I will get the chance to pursue those opportunities that will help me achieve my goals. This song gives me THE faith to not only seek out opportunity but to create it whenever possible…And even though failure is ALWAYS a possibility, this song lets me know that I can ONLY learn valuable lessons about myself AND the world around me as I rise from the ashes…AND I HOPE THIS SONG BRINGS YOU INSPIRATION IN SUCH TRYING TIMES…

Friday, March 13, 2009


There are many job fairs in USA where job seekers can meet face-to-face with potential employers. Search the list here by date to find a job fair near you.
March 13, 2009 Whippany, New Jersey (Address and time from to be determined)
March 17, 2009 Cincinnati, Ohio (Address and time from to be determined)
March 18, 2009 Anchorage, Alaska Egan Convention Center 555 W. Fifth Ave 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Tucson, Arizona University of Phoenix 300 S. Craycroft Rd 1 p.m. to 4 p.m.
Indianapolis, Indiana Westin Indianapolis 50 S. Capitol Avenue (Time from to be determined)
March 19, 2009 Houston, Texas Westin Galleria 5600 West Alabama 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Chicago, Illinois (Address and time from to be determined)
March 20, 2009 Seattle, Washington Washington State Convention and Trade Center 800 Convention Place 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.
March 24, 2009 Minneapolis, Minnesota (Address and time from to be determined)
March 26, 2009 Nashville, Tennessee (Address and time from to be determined)
March 27, 2009 Washington, D.C. Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center 1300 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W. 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Charlotte, North Carolina (Address and time from to be determined)
March 31, 2009 Raleigh/Durham, North Carolina (Address and time from to be determined)


Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Here @ thegayte-keeper we normally make it a policy not to pat ourselves on the back for what we do here because we don’t do this for ourselves. But every once in a while something comes along and inspires us to achieve NEW possibilities and we would be remiss if we didn’t HIGHLIGHT OUR 1000th BLOG ENTRY! For what seems like just yesterday, we shared the magic AND wisdom through the written word. We sought to be that sensual, warm, cozy cottage NO matter how crazed with greed the world appeared to be. We KNEW that SO few of us are the link from this world to the next. And the ONLY persons that have access to the gate are the gatekeepers. So with the vibration of my soul being different, I took my task here VERY seriously. It is NO secret that I am living in a world dealing with a culture that doesn't care about what I really stand for. The life of a man such as me is SO susceptible to the PRESSURE from a society that rejects me. With this blog I strived to create a place where labels don’t matter… a place where we need not divide ourselves…a place where we all can fulfill the role for which we were born…SO AS WE RELISH THIS DAY, WE WANT TO THANK YOU BECAUSE IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOU WE WOULDN’T GOTTEN THIS FAR…SO AS WE MARCH TOWARDS THE NEXT 1000th BLOG ENTRY, WE HOPE THAT WE HAVE…











Tuesday, March 10, 2009


 It takes STRENGTH to be firm;
 It takes courage to be gentle.
 It takes STRENGTH to conquer,
 It takes courage to surrender.
 It takes STRENGTH to be certain;
 It takes courage to have doubt.
 It takes STRENGTH to fit in;
 It takes courage to stand out.
 It takes STRENGTH to feel a friend's pain;
 It takes courage to feel your own pain.
 It takes STRENGTH to endure abuse;
 It takes courage to stop it.
 It takes STRENGTH to stand alone;    
 It takes courage to lean on another.
 It takes STRENGTH to love;
 It takes courage to be loved.
 It takes STRENGTH to survive,
 It takes courage to live. 

Monday, March 9, 2009


As of late I’ve been experiencing a bit of brain overload when it comes to my blog. I come up with these brilliant entries (or so I think) then when I am done with them I feel that they are crap AND shouldn’t see the light of day. Any of you ever feel that way? Truth is, I've been writing more than ever and I can easily post something, but for some reason if that message isn’t the one that I feel should be read then it stays on my pc. CRAZY HUH?  I suppose that one would think that it is a bit off for me to complain about this, but this just as bad as having a SERIOUS case of WRITER’S BLOCK. I know this is just blogging, but I am sure that each of you feel that this is a focused activity. Blogging requires separation, the ability to be deliberate AND the chance to bar oneself from the demands of rampant ideas. Suppose I need some WRITER’S BLOCK to keep my brain contained, what do you think?

Sunday, March 8, 2009



INTERNATIONAL WOMAN’S DAY (IWD) is marked on March 8 every year. It is a major day of global celebration for the economic, political and social achievements of women. This day of observation was started as a political event, the holiday blended in the culture of many countries (primarily Russia and the countries of former Soviet bloc). In some celebrations, the day lost its political flavor, and became simply an occasion for men to express their love to the women around them in a way somewhat similar to Mother's Day and St Valentine's Day mixed together. In others, however, the political and human rights theme as designated by the United Nations runs strong, and political and social awareness of the struggles of women worldwide are brought out and examined in a hopeful manner. Today's world is changing at a startling pace and it thrives on diversity. Hence to honor this day, I’ve decided to highlight the female bloggers that are NOW! These women are REAL, HONEST & OPEN about their lives (kinda makes me wonder if they were created from a man’s rib), nonetheless I am HAPPY to bring them here on a day such as this…


Dope Fiend – She is just an up and coming Art Kid living in the metropolis that is London town. She likes all things crazy, wacky, tacky, spectacular, splendid and downright dirty. She is real and you won’t find anything here exaggerated or fabricated. So here’s to my sister, who proves to me that the next generation really does GET IT, that we really have come a long way. She’s smarter, braver, and more confident than most women her age… and I take pride in knowing that, somehow, the world will benefit from her being here. 

Ms. Angie’s Place – She shares a lot about herself in her blog as well as her art. This woman dreams AND creates, she lives AND learns…she is that comfy place you can rest your soul and know that all is alright. She represents that courageous brave woman that gives birth to life. She dares to be a woman in a world SO cruel, a woman who is told by the world that she is less than…yet she is here SIGNIFICANTLY giving a voice to those under-represented women in the blogosphere. Her being here says that there are women out there who are willing to contribute to the design and development of tomorrow…  

Oyin – She says that she is a sweet, kind-hearted person, but she is SO much more. First and foremost she is a WOMAN! She is a woman that knows that we all must work together so that we can promote every single human on this planet. She reminds me that a nation cannot be conquered until the hearts of its women are on the ground. She is such an AMAZING person and I glad that I met her…

Pro’s Hood – She is a spoken word poet/artist. This woman is Haitian/Dominican Brooklyn bred, a single parent, mother of a 7 yr old politician. She tells it like it is without hesitation. I think of her as that Renaissance Black Woman that embraces, connects with AND enjoys her womanhood. The world maybe experiencing a global shortage when it comes to women, but if you read her you wouldn’t know it. 

Scorned Woman – She started out an angry, bitter, hurt, scorned woman, but now she has found herself going down the road that may actually lead to happiness and understanding of self and love. This woman DARED to put her personal business out there on a daily basis. She actually made me see that you can forgive someone after they’ve destroyed your heart N’ soul. This woman is SO strong and I envy her EVERY TIME I read her blog…So walk down that road with her and see for yourself…

Shallotte– She says that she is a quiet, down-to-earth and simple individual who loves nothing more than to read books, listen to old school R&B and enjoy some peace and quiet. But she is SO much more…This woman of woman has a soul and a vision that supersedes her time on this planet. She has left a positive impression on my soul AND I hope to know her for the rest of my life. She is a woman that knows the key to life is empowerment and I applaud her EVERY step of the way…

Socialedisturbed – She is opinionated, don’t know her limits AND is VERY real…A woman after my own heart. She is that woman who won’t let you leave her behind, she isn’t that woman that is suffering a silent emergency, trapped in a downward spiral of desperation AND personal insecurity…One look @ her and you’d know that she can’t and won’t be denied…I would like to see you try…

So while you’re reflecting today - or this week - about the women you know, think about how they’ve made the world the world a better place. So while the rest of the world is promoting Oprah and Hillary Clinton, I will promote them because they are all cut from the same cloth…SO HERE’S TO MY FEMALE FRIENDS & BUDDIES, THOSE I’VE KNOWN FOR YEARS & THOSE I’VE JUST MET. IN ALMOST EVERY CASE OUR CONNECTION HAS BEEN INSTANT & LASTING. EVEN THOUGH WE MAY NOT MEET OR TALK FOR LONG STRETCHES, I SHARE THE JOY & SORROW, SATISFACTION & FRUSTRATION, LAUGHTER & TEAR WITH YOU…EACH OF US ARE DIFFERENT & YET THE EXPERIENCES WE’VE SHARED HAVE SHAPED US INTO THE WOMEN WE’VE BECOME…HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMAN’S DAY!

Saturday, March 7, 2009


MAN IN THE MIRROR was a number-one hit for singer Michael Jackson when released as a single in the spring of 1988. It is one of Jackson's most critically acclaimed songs and it was nominated for Record of the Year at the Grammy Awards. The song garnered massive airplay and topped the Billboard Hot 100 for two weeks.

I chose this song because of its message AND I felt that we all could take a break from the hustle N’ bustle of life and put thing in perspective.

Friday, March 6, 2009


Male patients are notorious for failing to seek medical attention when they’re ill or feeling pain, and are much more likely than women to downplay their symptoms if they do finally seek care, doctors say. Guys are very prone to sticking their head in the sand and hoping when they emerge everything will be back to normal. It's a very, very bad idea. It’s an especially bad idea with the following five symptoms, for which men should seek immediate medical attention, physicians say.

1. CHEST PAIN – It could be indigestion or the body’s response to stress and anxiety, but it also could be an all-important warning sign of heart problems. The worst-case scenario is that it’s the symptom of a heart attack. "I tell my medical students that the most common symptoms of a heart attack is chest pain, and the second most common one is denial," Simon told If you’re experiencing chest pain or tightness, pain radiating from your chest down your left arm, or shortness of breath, seek immediate medical attention, doctors say.

2. AN EXPANDING MIDSECTION – Belly fat is the worst fat you can have," Harry Fisch, a professor of clinical urology at Columbia University, tells CNN. "A big belly is a sign a man has low testosterone levels. And the lower the testosterone, the greater the risk of diabetes and coronary artery disease." If you find your midsection steadily expanding, talk with your doctor about a weight-loss regimen or possible testosterone- replacement therapy.

3. ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION – Sure an occasional problem getting it up is perfectly normal, particularly as you age, but consistent erectile dysfunction can be a sign of psychological problems or serious physical ailments, including cardiovascular problems. See your doctor for a full physical exam, not just a prescription for Viagra.

4. FREQUENT URINATION – Having to pee more than usual—particularly multiple times at night—can be an early warning sign of prostate problems. It’s also a common symptom among diabetics with uncontrolled blood-sugar levels. "I'll ask a patient if he's getting up at night to urinate, and he'll say, 'Oh, yeah, two or three times.' I ask him if that bothers him, and he'll say no. I tell him it should," Fisch told If you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time in the restroom, schedule an appointment for a full physical, doctors recommend.

5. LONG-TERM PRESCRIPTION DRUG USE - It might seem difficult to believe, but many men end up hooked on prescription medications—particularly pain pills—and aren’t even aware of it, doctors say. "Maybe they're taking medicine for back pain, and a couple of years later they're still on them,” Joel Heidelbaugh, a family medicine specialist at the University of Michigan Medical School, tells “They can't function without them, and they don't even know it." So if you find yourself popping pills every day for an old ailment or out of habit, talk with your physician about possible addiction treatment.