After every breakup, you spend time,
TOO much time pouring over every detail, trying to figure out what you did
wrong this time. Why do I keep picking the
wrong men, yada, yada yada…? Never realizing that maybe, just maybe he wasn't right for you. But is it surprising that you blame yourself? Don’t we as
society live in a culture of single blaming and shaming when a relationship doesn't work out?
It almost seem as if the world tends
to forget that being coupled is NOT
an achievement and being newly singled isn't a failure. Being in a relationship
is a life choice, born of opportunity. It is two people being in the right
place at the right time and wanting the same things. It’s an opportunity that’s
seized. While a solid relationship can make you grow as a person, the mere fact
that you’re coupled does not make you a better person.
I say to my single friends all the time that they didn't do
anything wrong. There’s
nothing wrong with them,
but they need to take an assessment of what happened, find out what
patterns they may be repeating and stop internalize any wrongness about being
single. Stop blaming yourself.
Sometimes we just are not moving in the same direction, or want different things out of life. In the end I think it is easier to move on without assigning blame, but rather what you need different. Why you couldn't fulfill each others need. I really think that is what closure is all about.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, there are persons from my past that I see and I think wow us not getting together wasn't such a bad thing. And it is not because of how our lives ended up, it is all about know within yourself who is truly right for you.
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