Why do it?
Let’s see…
First of all, being clued up on what you did wrong last time (or the last five
times!) will allow you to step into the new phase of your life fresh as a
daisy. And with harmony, as your yoga instructor would say. The more brutally
honest your ex is with you, the better. Self-awareness is hard to achieve,
that’s why you need him - someone who knows you inside out (literally), but
whom you are no longer intimate and emotionally connected with.
What if you
two are not on good terms?
Before you
approach your ex, you need to make some analysis of the current situation. If
you broke up in (relatively) good circumstances, then you are clear to go. If,
however, last time when you saw your ex, he was throwing cutlery at you,
probably it won’t be such a great idea to call him for advice. But if you
decide to bury the hatchet and approach him anyway, be prepared for some shit.
Even with the cutlery lying safe in the cupboard this time, your ex will
probably point at your flaws only. And it will sting your heart. But you’re a
grown-ass man and you sure know that truth can hurt sometimes.
First, ask
about the good stuff
Ask about the
bad stuff
Find out what is in his mind
that caused you’ll to broke up.
And the most
important question…
You need to ask this one, no matter if he answers it objectively, or not.
Do you think I’m ready for a new relationship?
Most probably, he’ll answer, “I don’t care.” Or, “No, you’re not.” But after
the conversation, you’ll know in your heart whether you’re ready or not,
whether you’re still stuck to the toxic parts of your past, or you’re already a
“fresh daisy” - emotionally healthy and full of energy to move on.
Whatever the feedback of your ex(es) will be, there’s one thing you must know: You need to get your shit together! But don’t do it just to please a future boyfriend, who, fingers crossed, will turn out to be more of a keeper than the last one! The most important relationship a person will ever have is the one with themself, and this relationship is for life. And when life is over… well, brother, then, you won’t need any feedback anymore.
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