One of the
most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship is the give and take of
energy that occurs between two people. In the best-case scenario, both people
share the talking and listening, and the giving and receiving of support,
equally. Occasionally, within any relationship, the balance shifts and one
person needs to listen more, or give more. Generally, over a long period of
time, even this exception will take on a balanced rhythm; we all go through
times when we take more and times when we give more.
However, there
are also relationships in which the balance has always felt one-sided. You may
have a friend whom you like, but you have begun to notice that the conversation
is always about their life and their problems and never about yours. You may
also have a friend who seems to require an inordinate amount of support from
you but who is unable or unwilling to give much in return. Over time, these
relationships can be draining and unsatisfying. One option is simply to end the
relationship, or let it fade out naturally. Another option is to communicate to
your friend that you would like to create a more equal balance in which your
concerns also get some airtime. They may be taken aback at first, but if they
are able to hear you, your friendship will become that much more sincere. They
may even thank you for revealing a pattern that is probably sabotaging more
than one relationship in
their life.
A third option
is to simply accept the relationship as it is. There are many one-sided
relationships that actually work. One example of this is a mentor relationship
in which you are learning from someone. Another example is a relationship in
which you are helping someone who is sick, disabled, or otherwise needy. In
these instances, you can simply be grateful that you are able to help and be
helped, trusting that the balance of give and take will even out in the big
picture of your life.
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