Immediately
after a breakup, the sense of loss, disappointment, and anger can be
overwhelming. You ask yourself the question, How to make the pain go away? Some
people are convinced that the best healing practice after a hard breakup is to
immediately find someone else to date. The classic rebound follows the urge to
find a substitute of a former lover. If you can’t wait for a couple of months
to pass before start dating again and you’re already “window-shopping” for a
new boyfriend, here are some of the things you should keep in mind before
choosing a new partner with whom to jump into a rebound relationship.
HOW SOON IS
TOO SOON?
Experience has
shown that relationships that have started within three months after a breakup
usually end up quickly. However, there hasn’t been official statistics, so this
cannot be taken as a general truth. Rebound relationships often happen because
one of the partners is still recovering from the breakup and/or wants to get
back on their ex for having hurt them. The reason why rebound relationships
don’t last is quite simple: unresolved feelings for the ex.
GO FOR THE
EXACT OPPOSITE TYPE OF YOUR EX
Now, that
we’ve already agreed that rebound relationships are mainly about making the ex
jealous, you should start looking for someone who is nothing like your ex. Of
course, it’s quite uncommon for one to be drawn to a guy who doesn’t fit one's
stereotypical partner's profile, but it is NOT uncommon, either. So, if you
really want to piss your ex, then you should do it in a spectacular way by
showing him you are not exclusively into, say, 30-something, brown-haired
intellectuals, who love pottery, hiking, vegan food, and Yorkshire Terriers.
Visualize your next partner: He is 20-something, Swedish blonde or R&B
black, ideally a high-school drop-out, who regularly attends Monster Jam events
and enjoys fast food and an occasional butt fuck with strangers in public
restrooms.
GO CASUAL
You feel that
the fault for why you two brоkе it up is mainly yours, because you just enjoy
dating casually, and your partner was not quite OK with this type of attitude.
The way you treated him and your relationship made him feel that he was taken
for granted. If that’s the case, then you shouldn’t look for a rebound switch
with the idea that you are going to grow old together. Obviously, you haven’t
reached that phase in your life when you’d like to commit to one person only.
You’re just having a Sidney Lauper moment - dating around and having fun. Pick
your next partner in the spur of a moment and don’t give much thought to what
will happen in a year. Or in two weeks.
THE BACKUP
VERSION
The serial
re-bounders choose for a partner someone they’ve already cheated with on their
ex, or with someone they’ve fancied for some time. In this case scenario, your
potential rebound partner is usually a guy you’ve already lined up, but you
won’t allow yourself to go out with while you were still in an exclusive
relationship with some other guy. Now, that you’re out of this relationship,
you may spread your wings and fly in whatever direction you choose.
THE TOXIC
REBOUND
This one is
the most treacherous of all the types of rebound relationships. It's a
paradoxical situation, indeed: you've been trying so hard to escape the
nightmare of a previous toxic relationship, that eventually, you end up dating
the very same type of person as your ex-partner. You may not be able to realize
it at first, but sooner or later, you’ll start seeing your ex in everything the
rebound’s doing and saying. That will bring back the same old anxieties, worries
and habits that made your previous relationship a living hell.
YOUR EX IS THE
BEST
There’s a
slight chance that your rebound relationship is with your ex - the guy you’ve
been desperately trying to either forget forever or bring back into your life again.
If one day he shows up at your doorstep playing a good Samaritan, warning you
that your rebound lover is not good for you, then you can be sure you've won
this battle. The ball is now in your court and it’s up to you how the game will
continue. With or without the ex.
SOURCE: ANDREW CHRISTIAN
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