THE POSITIVE~POSITIVE

HIV Positive

by Marvin, RN

HIV Positive

I can’t be so negative

It won’t bring me down fast

I want my HIV status to last

Take better care of me

Make it my #1 goal

Why dig myself into a hole?

My life is on a roll

Going too fast will take a toll

Sit down and really thing about my HIV status

Hit me like a bolt of lightning,

LIVE LIFE

Give me a reason to enjoy life

I can’t sit there and do nothing

I want to do something

My life isn’t done, not by a long shot

HIV status put me on the spot

Stay active and do the best I can

I won’t give up for being HIV positive

Often, when we are unhappy, we fall into the habit of thinking that, if only one or two particular things in our life would change, everything would be fine. We might focus on the fact that they need this OR that in order to CHANGE OUR existence on this planet. Now imagine if you HIV on top of all the things WE have to deal with in OUR lives; wouldn’t anyone be NEGATIVE on their out look on life AND where they feel it is going? Would you dwell AND strategize on how you would deal with this killer OR would you lay down and die? Having met persons that are in fact HIV +, I have come to realize that the real reason for our unhappiness sits unrecognized AND unaddressed because there is NOT much here in the way of counseling OR assistance for the mental needs of persons that are fighting this disease. I could say maybe they need to do this OR that, but in actuality this disease is more complex than that. I SAY THE FIRST STEP IN ENDING THE NEGATIVE FEELINGS IS TO TAKE A MOMENT & STOP FOCUSING ON THE EXTERNAL IN ORDER TO GET TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER. I understand that the LAST thing anyone that has HIV wants to hear OR think about is that there is a DEEP learning of self that can emerge because of the disease. In the midst of pain, feeling picked on by life, or overwhelmed by the enormity of this disease it is HARD to examine the situation and NOT be negative. HIV brings too much disappointment AND anger for one to look for anything resembling a bright side to its suffering. Though I feel that somewhere in their hearts, they know that they will eventually surface from the depths into the light of greater awareness; it is merely a matter of time…& as much as it hurts me to write this, I have to say that THE ONLY WAY TO GET PASS THIS DISEASE IS TO REALIZE THAT THE ONLY OUT OF IT IS THROUGH IT! THEN & ONLY THEN THEY CAN COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT YOU ARE LIVING WITH HIV & NOT DYING FROM IT! Dealing with HIV is one of the ULTIMATE test of mankind AND having the COURAGE to BELIEVE that YOU can bear the PAIN and have FAITH that YOU will come out the other side is all that I am asking for. For it is MY belief that it is only through COURAGE that one can allow themselves to cycle through the grieving process with a full inner permission to experience it. The powerful teaching of being POSITIVE offers the ability to surrender AND realize that it goes HAND-IN-HAND with acceptance. While the individual experiences of HIV carry with them unique lessons, the implication of what is learned is universal. The wisdom one gains from going through the process of feeling LOSS, HEARTBREAK or DEEP disappointment because of HIV gives one access to the heart of humanity. The point is, slowing down and turning our attention to what we should be doing with ourselves in the first place which is LIVING! LIFE SHOWS UP DIFFERENTLY FOR EACH ONE OF US AS WE LEARN IN DIFFERENT WAYS, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE SHOULD GO @ IT ALONE. HENCE I EMPLORE ALL US BOTH HIV +/- TO NOT JUST TRY OUR HARDEST BUT DO OUR BEST TO FIND OUR INNER LIGHT SO THAT WE CAN SHINE @ OUR FULLEST. THOUGH WE ARE MERELY PHYSICAL, MENTAL & SPIRITUAL BEINGS, WE NEED TO ENSURE THAT OUR LIGHT IS NOT BEING BLOCKED OR FILTERED. AS GAY MEN I FIND THAT WE THE POWER @ THE CENTER OF OUR BEING BECAUSE WE EITHER FORGET HOW TO CONNECT OR SIPHON OUR POWER IN TOO MANY DIRECTIONS. THOSE OF US THAT ARE HIV + SHOULD TAKE THIS DISEASE AS THE PLATFORM THAT MAKES THEM WHOLE AGAIN…IT IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN BEAT THIS DISEASE & MAKE THE MOST OUT OF LIFE!