The thought of a
SHATTERED soul of a
GAY man battling
HIV brings tears to my eyes. So imagine how I felt when a friend of mine confessed to me that he was
NO longer taking his medication. An
OVERWHELMING feeling of sorrow took over as I realized that I cannot do anything for him other than offer him encouragement
AND prayer. It is @ that moment that I realized that I could say
BE STRONG, KEEP FIGHTING; yet the reality is this disease takes so much out of person. In addition, to a certain extent, I was
ANGRY at the universe because the
REAL killer is
NOT the possibility of a
PHYSICAL DEATH, it is a
SOCIAL one.
Hearing something like this made me realize that recess is OVER and WE need STOP playing around with this disease. I find it
VERY interesting how we do not think about
LIFE until DEATH comes knocking in the neighborhood; yet
WE ignore the countless amount of
GAY men that fighting this fight.
WHEN ARE WE GOING TO STOP-LOSS & TAKE OUR GAY BROTHERS IN HAND & GIVE THEM A REASON TO WANT TO BE ON THIS PLANET? We have given okay for this disease to take over
OUR lives
AND run over the community and this needs to change.
HIV does
NOT care about who
OR what it hurts, so why do we display the same action? We look @ them as if they are
NO longer
ACCEPTABLE for society as if
WE the
POWER to approve of each other.
HOW CAN WE CONTINUE TO SEGREGATE OURSELVES FROM EACH OTHER WHEN WE LIVE IN A WORLD DIVIDED? IN THIS BATTLE WE NEED TO REMEMBER ONE THING, TODAY FOR HIM BUT TOMORROW MIGHT BE YOU…
Tears Fallen
Marvin, RN
Tears Fallen
My eyes are troubled
By the sea, I looked up and cursed
HIV gave me a big fright
I shy away from the light
He saw the pain in my eyes from above
Jesus, I sought no more love
Having HIV brought me down to my knees
I cried for help and peace
I tried my best to remain calm
My sorrows laid in both palms
Where’s my life going?
Somewhere out there, coming to a end soon
Tomorrow may never come
Borrowed time I need
My work in this world isn’t done
My soul is empty of you, I’m alone
With HIV, it’s hard to cope
You’re my last hope
From my spirit, you released everything negative
Strength came upon me to live HIV positive
Thanks for the gift of life
Against suicide, I put down the knife
You moved me so deeply
Joyful tears fallen
Oh my God, what a way to capture these words that lay silent in my heart and mind. Fighting so much, I wanted not to feel this way, but so alone I felt. Wondering who would care if I was gone. Where are they now, that I feel so empty and alone. Hearing in the back of mind, telling me to fight. But here I sit alone, ready to take these pills that will end my tonight. I'm not sure how hopelessness has crept in this head of mine, but it feels like it's here to stay and kiss my face goodnight. Some say that it's all in my mind, but no it's not when tonight feels like a lifetime. We all carry around the pain we choose not to recongnize, please help me GOD by healing the pain I carry inside. Knowing is a positive thing, but to who I just want to scream and say. Finding the will to carry on is a personal thing and I hope one day everyone wakes up and realizes that battle with HIV is a contant ring. You can never forget that you know, but who you tell, will they understand your plight and say it's ok to go.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the hardest things for me to read. I had a friend that just committed suicide because he could not fight the disease or at least he feel as though he could not and now I am faced with another that does not want to carry on now because somehow reality has set in and no i know that he has not been taken his meds for almost three months now. How do I find the words to tell, him, what do I say to him when I am not sure how to answer the questions. I wish I could give him the strength I have in my spirit to fight, But it seems as though he has already given up. He talks about dieing, and every day he says he is ready to go. I hide the tears, but I cant anymore. I hate this disease, I hate how it takes control, I hate how people push their heads in the sand. I am afraid@!
ReplyDeleteCan you understand?Can you understand, I find a way to say.I struggle so hard to figure out why I feel this way.Reaching down so deep inside, finding a way to run and hide.For if one day, I could feel the way I use to.Can you really understand why I feel so sad and blue.This is not the person I imagined myself to be,Emotion causes me to stop seeing the forest because of this one tree. The phone doesn’t ring the way it use to, except hearing from a telemarketer who doesn’t know me from Adam #1 or Adam #2. I know I’m not the only person to feel this way,Hearing the words I Love You is something I wish to hear someone say. When was this last time that you put your arms out to embrace, Expecting nothing more than a simple smile on a sad and teary face.Time is the greatest gift we have to give, share it with those who struggle with a reason to live.
ReplyDeleteSince finding out 3 years ago about my status of being positive. And eventhough i haven't had to be put on meds (thank God) there is never a day when I am not reminded that I carry this virus inside me. It's hard when people look at u different and make u feel like ur life just isn't worth too much of anything anymore. People seem to be afraid of me....to even be my friend. But I haven't let that stop me from wanting to have real relationships with people who can accept me for who i am...not judge me for what I have. Thanks so much for ur words.
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