Time to
separate the queens from the kweens with everyone’s favorite challenge: Snatch
Game. We’re dealing with seasoned pros here, so this should have been a stellar
Snatch. There were some high highs, but there were more low lows than I
might’ve assumed going into this.
Let’s dish
about our favorite impersonations below!
Before we get into the rankings, we’ve got some drama to discuss.
Adore arrived the day after her harsh critique looking rough. When Ru visited
the workroom, Adore threatened to leave. Ru begged her to stay, but no luck.
Even Michelle Visage came a-calling to apologize for, I don’t know, JUDGING on
the judging panel, but to no avail. So Adore walked before even getting her wig
on for the main challenge. Bye, gurl.
While I love
this twist where the girls are sending each other home, I do not need to see
the one-on-one convos before the lip sync. They are oddly cliched and stilted
in a way that most reality shows are, but they are also the kind of thing this
show usually satires so well. It’s just weirdly earnest, and no one actually
says anything of value outside the typical reality show argle-bargle. I’d
almost rather watch the other girls who are safe gossip and cluck about what
they think is going to happen, what they would do in that situation, etc.
I also have a
theory about these eliminated girls. Now, this is pure conjecture, but I’m
thinking they are going to come back at the end Survivor-style for a
final tribal council to pick the ultimate winner.
Alright,
alright, let’s get down to business.
1. You know someone slayed the Snatch when they’re firing off jokes
even when they’re not being featured. Alaska’s Mae West made the
whole game more funny. She nailed West’s signature bawdy humor, but she still
kept enough of Alaska in there to save it from being too one-note. I think the Anus singer
will go down in the annals of Snatch Game herstory as one of the best. I did
not think her lip sync was necessarily superior, and I want to be on the record
that she has officially used up all her fake death drops for the season.
2. Right on
Alaska’s heels, Katya created a character out of the grab-bag
of eccentricities that is Bjork. The Icelandic singer is sort of an easy
target, but Katya kept the crazy feeling consistent while still fitting her
into the Snatch Game world. Her bathing beauty latex runway look was an instant
classic.
3. Remember last week when
I said Alyssa Edwards is unintentionally hilarious? Boy did
that hold true this week. Don’t get me wrong, I was also cracking up whenever
they flashed even the smallest glimpse of her Joan Crawford. But in terms of
the actual performance, she recited some of the most obvious lines from Mommie
Dearest, often completely apropos of nothing, and the voice was not quite
all there. Alyssa’s choices were not great. However, Alyssa delivering these
terrible choices was still entertaining, which basically sums up how I feel
about her overall.
4. I actually
don’t think Phi Phi was being shady when she warned Alyssa and
Roxxxy about their Snatch choices. Alyssa’s Joan Crawford was too much Alyssa,
and Roxxxy’s Sofia Vergara was not great. If only she could be as astute with
her own character selection. She painted the Long Island Medium in broad
strokes, and then repeatedly hammered the same joke about Theresa being a
fraudulent psychic. It was fine, but it wasn’t great.
5. Not to hate
on Ginger too much, but I was really disappointed in her Tammy
Faye. I’ll concede that maybe the edit didn’t give her time to shine, but I was
actually most put off by her choice in wig. That wig did not scream Tammy Faye.
It just felt like a very typical Ginger wig. I also felt like her runway look
was heinous, which knocked her down a few pegs for me.
6. Detox’s
limits were really on display here. You saw her trying so hard to be clever, and
it just fell flat. Detox is often funny and biting and quick in her
confessional interviews, but she just cannot write an actual joke.
7. Look, I
wasn’t thrilled by Tatianna Grande, but she had at least one
or two lukewarm jokes, and that’s more than Roxxxy had. I agree that her runway
look was basic and blah, but I think she did a touch better than Roxxxy’s
abysmal Alaska during the main challenge.
8. Considering
how well she did in her season’s Snatch, it was surprising to see Roxxxy flounder
here. Every time Roxxxy reduced her Alaska character down to a shrill
“Hiiiiiiii!” I cringed. It was just so obvious that was actually the best she
could come up with. These girls are so neck and neck, a lackluster performance
like that can send a gurl packing.
9. I still
don’t quite understand what Adore’s major malfunction was. Sure
Michelle was tough on her, but that’s Michelle’s whole thing. Once she rolled
in the workroom looking like a “swollen baby” I was over it and ready to see
her go. I was tired of the pity party. I was tired of the humble brag about her
fans. I was tired of late-‘90s Limited Too choker necklace and haircut. It’s
sad, but this appearance has really soured me on Adore overall.
How would you
rank the queens?
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