Every day we hear stories of personal suffering and loss that far exceed our
own. When we compare our situations to those of people living in contentious
homes or those who have lost their livelihoods to homophobia, it is tempting to
minimize our own experiences of suffering. We may feel that we don't have a
right to be upset about the breakup of a relationship, for example, because at
least we have food to eat and a roof over our heads.
While awareness of the pain of others can be a valuable way to keep our own
struggles in perspective, it is not a legitimate reason to disregard our own
pain. Disparaging your feelings as being less important than other people's
emotions leads to denial and repression. Over time, an unwillingness to
experience your own feelings leads to numbness. It is as if our internal
systems become clogged with our unexpressed emotions. This in no way helps
other people who are suffering in the world. In fact, it may do just the
opposite because when we devalue our own sorrow, we become impervious to the
sorrow in others.
Fully experiencing our own hurt is the gateway to compassion toward other human
beings. Feelings of loss, abandonment, loneliness, and fear are universal, and,
in that sense, all feelings are created equal. Regardless of what leads us to
feel the way we do, our comprehension of what it means to be human is deepened
by our own experiences. Our personal lives provide us with the material we need
to become fully conscious. If we reject our emotions because we think our
experiences are not dramatic or important enough, we are missing out on our own
humanity. We honor and value the human condition when we fully inhabit our
bodies so we can experience and feel life fully. Accepting our emotions and
allowing ourselves to feel them connects us to all human beings. Then, when we
hear the stories of other people's suffering, our hearts can resonate with
understanding and compassion -- for all of us.
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