When we see ourselves in other
people, it can be a great opportunity for growth if we are willing to do the
work.
Most of us
have probably come across the universal wisdom that the people who irritate us
the most are expressing qualities that we ourselves have. This is why other
persons we meet within the community can be so vexing for so many of us--we see
ourselves in them, and vice versa. This isn't always true, of course, but when
it is, it's a real opportunity for growth if we can acknowledge it, because it
is infinitely easier to change ourselves than it is to try to change another
person, which is never a good idea.
We may have to
look to other situations in our lives to see it, because we behave differently
in different environments. Perhaps we don't complain at work, because our
coworker overdoes it, but maybe we do it with our friends. Maybe we aren't
controlling at the office, but we're used to being in control at home, and this
is why we feel so irritated not to be in control at work. Even if we look and
find that we are not engaging in the same behavior that we see as negative in
others, we can still learn from what we are seeing in this person. The truth
is, human nature is universal, and we share many of the same tendencies. What
we see in others can always help us to understand ourselves more deeply.
Having the
ability to see something in another person within our queer communities, and
automatically bring this observation back to ourselves, is like having a
built-in system of checks and balances that enables us to be continually
engaged in self-exploration and behavior change. When we see behavior we don't
like, we can make a concerted effort to weed it out of ourselves, and when we
see behavior we do like, we can let it inspire us to engage in imitation.
Through this process, we read our environment and let it influence us to bring
out the best in ourselves.
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