Every Monday morning Alex (name
changed for anonymity) and I met for breakfast at our favorite dive in Boston's
Harvard Square.
I would notice visible bruises and
cuts on his face, arms, and legs, but assumed the black and blue marks were
simply par for the course for a guy who enjoyed the rough-and-tumble adrenaline
high that come with playing weekend scrimmage football. I don't recall a time
when Alex didn’t have a knot on his head, a cut on his lip, a bite into his
skin, welts on his arms, or stitches. I did notice over time, however, that the
teddy bear sweet guy who sat across the table from me with a smile as wide as
the Charles River looked beaten up rather than injured. When I began asking
Alex about his bruises he shrugged off my queries and talked about something
else. Some Monday mornings he would call me at the last minute to cancel or he
wouldn't show up at all.
One morning he called me to cancel,
telling me he was in Mount Auburn Hospital. His partner had stabbed him,
injuring him severely.
October is Coming Out Month, and it
is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Within lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender, and queer communities of color, not enough information and
statistics come out about domestic violence. And neither does attention,
education, intervention, and advocacy to prevent it.
The topic lives so deeply on the
“down low” that I missed the signs from Alex.
It's estimated that 25 percent
to 33 percent of the LGBTQ population will experience some form of partner
abuse or domestic violence in their lifetime. The Inter-Personal Violence study
conducted in 2011 stated that LGBTQ communities of color are one of the
demographic groups experiencing a high incidence of domestic violence. However,
it's often hard to determine accurately how prevalent interpersonal violence is
in these communities because of social stigmas and cultural taboos that prevent
people from accurately reporting abuse. Other forms of oppression and discrimination
figure in this as well.
What also prevents the gathering of
accurate data in these communities of color is that same-gender interpersonal
violence is clouded with myths. There is a belief that because the victim and
the abuser are of the same gender, and are also in a consensual sexual
relationship, the battering that occurs starts out as a mutual act of S&M.
Another myth is that same-gender sexual abuse is not as bad because men and men
and women and women are on equal playing field when it comes to defending
themselves. Sadly, these untruths still abound among many health care
workers and law enforcement officials.
Domestic violence is not only an act
of physical violence; it can also be an act of sexual violence as well as
mental violence such as threatening and stalking.
Because Alex wasn't out to his team,
his partner — an effeminate male who couldn't simply be introduced as just a
buddy without suspicion — could only watch him play from a distance. Alex's
partner’s eyes turned suspicious as he witnessed friendly, innocent pats on the
butt during games. And he began stalking Alex. On the morning we were to meet,
his partner accused him of an affair and a fight ensued.
Alex was seen several times for his
scrapes, cuts, and bruises in the same emergency room at the same hospital.
However, with violence associated with young black males, the protocol and
treatment for domestic violence-related injuries in inner-city hospitals for
these patients are rarely introduced or followed up.
Another major problem is the lack of
police intervention.
The police were called to the house
several times by both Alex and his partner. If they came at all, they were
coming to the call of an interracial couple in distress. However, when the cops
looked at Alex — African-American, 6 foot 2,' and 200 pounds — and then his
partner — white, 5 foor 9, and 160 pounds — judgment was rendered as to who was
the abuser.
In same-race relationships, many
victims will often not prosecute their partners for fear of community
abandonment, isolation, and scorn. Rather, some rationalize the violence as the
root cause of persistent micro and macrolevels of racism their partner
encounters.
But not all LGBTQ people of color
feel that way.
"People of color are expected to
stay silent in the face of violence and as part of the LGBTQ community the
silence becomes louder when law-enforcement, judicial, and political figures
ignore our calls for help," Sean Smith wrote in his 2013 article "Imprisoned by Violence: Domestic Violence in the (Black)
LGBT Community." "Not having power over our own behaviors
and emotions causes us to exert dominating and violent attitudes within our
community and toward our partners."
Resources and services have to be made available to LGBTQ communities of color.
And this is the time to reach out to us. Everyone deserves a safe, loving,
healthy, and violence-free relationship.
As marriage equality is only recently legal throughout the USA, there is going to be a reporting disparity. Finally achieving our rights, we often feel ashamed to report incidents of domestic abuse or violence. Many local law enforcement agencies don't recognize this as a serious problem. Until equality is honestly respected and accepted, there will always remain an unequal documentation and reporting. Good job in raising awareness of this serious issue within our community. Naked hugs!
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