Before we spill
all the tea on the finale of RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, let’s
take a minute to discuss the season as a whole (and save the juicy spoilers for
below).
This may have
been the best season of any RuPaul’s Drag Race (and, hot take,
possibly one of the best seasons of any reality competition show ever). Not
only was the collection of queens topknotch, but they constructed a nail-biting
season where charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent were tested at every turn.
Of course, the twist where the girls choose who goes home was inspired, but
even the challenges they put together were stellar. You really got the sense
that you were seeing these performers pushed to their limits and giving us
everything they’ve got.
The caliber of
queens on display consistently churned out jaw-dropping, gag-worthy lewks and
showcased some of the most clever, thoughtful entertainment anywhere on
television. These are artists in every sense of the word, and it is bonkers to
think of a world in which they never got this exposure. Praise Ru.
I already can’t
stop fantasy casting All Stars 3. (My fantasy draft would include
Ongina, Jessica Wild, Ivy Winters, BenDeLaCreme, Laganja Estranga, Acid Betty,
Naomi Smalls, Kim Chi, Dida Ritz and Willam. Leave yours in the comments!)
But enough
about the future, we’ve got a finale to recap. Onward, to our spoiler-filled
recap, below!
The ladies
enter the work room after last
week’s shocking elimination, and Alaska is still reeling. Her time in
the bottom three last week left her seriously shook, though it was Detox’s
surprising choice to save Roxxxy that gagged Ru. Katya reveals she would have
sent Roxxxy packing if she had been chosen the lip sync victor. Everyone knows
that was the right choice, so it’s not like this causes a big to-do.
Michelle Visage
is in the house to give the girls their final challenge. They will be writing
and recording their own original rap verses for RuPaul’s new track “Read U
Wrote U,” appearing on Ru and Michelle’s podcast, What’s the Tee?,
and then performing an elaborately choreographed live lip sync to their raps on
the runway.
The final
choreo for previous Drag Race seasons (i.e. hairography and
chiffonography) and the resulting music videos were always a little cheesy, but
choreographer Travis Wall has put together some stunning routines for these
pros. Most of the queens do a decent job. The exception is Katya, who
blows the competition away with aerial splits and headstands that are sure to
steal the show.
She’s also the
star of the podcasting segment, carrying on an easy conversation with the
hostesses that is alternately heartwarming and hilarious. Very #onbrand for
her. Detox is charming as well, discussing the influence of Thierry Mugler on
her runway fashión. Although these convos appeared to be the most
straightforward component of the challenge, the sitdown with Ru and Michelle
sends Alaska for another loop. Ru brings up the RoLaskaTox alliance, and it
throws Alaska into a tizzy when she returns to the work room, so much so
that she can’t even be in the proximity of Detox and Roxxxy.
It’s not quite
as off-putting as her meltdown last week, and it’s certainly a lot shorter.
Tensions subside, and humor is back in full-effect when the gals get ready for
the runway.
In my favorite
one-liner of the night, Roxxxy asks what everyone’s favorite moment of the
season was, and Alaska answers with a perfect callback to Roxxxy’s season five
villainy, shooting back without missing a beat, “When you were in the bottom
two.” I can’t imagine producers didn’t pull some strings to create this moment,
but it was still a delicious reminder that Roxxxy Andrews is a rancid, mean
queen. #neverforget.
The rapping
performance is about ten times better than it needs to be. It is hands-down the
most wholly satisfying choreography this show has ever done, and the girls’
rhymes themselves were better than expected.
Sure, Roxxxy
stunk up the joint a little, but not enough to bring down the overall show.
Only Todrick Hall seems to be truly into her portion of the show, reinforcing
my firm belief that he’s got terrible taste and must go. (It also made me long
for an alternate world where Alyssa rightfully made the top four and made this
super group even more superior.)
Ru
asks the queens why they deserve to win. Alaska starts things off with a
totally flawless response that name-checks some of Drag Race’s
greatest moments and flaunts her fanaticism. Alaska knew (or expected) this
question was coming, and she prepared accordingly. Katya also has a bit ready
that blends her kooky Russian caricature with an earnest moment of gratitude
for Ru helping her believe in herself. It’s sweet and funny and perfect. Detox
emphasizes her fashion sense, and Roxxxy, well, who cares?
The judges
“deliberate,” but, in true reality-TV fashion, these final deliberations are
always crafted to make it seem like every finalist could realistically win, and
we all know that’s not the case.
Ru doesn’t even
allow Roxxxy to entertain the idea she was a first-runner up. Before the final
lip sync, she tells her she hasn’t made the cut, righting last week’s terrible
wrong, and leaving us with a final three.
The sync itself
is a bit of letdown. Slower numbers rarely provide breakout moments. Tonight’s
“If I Were Your Woman” by Gladys Knight and the Pips was a missed opportunity
to give these three outstanding performers a chance to do something more
dynamic. The only notable choice was Alaska’s deliberate make-up smear. A nice
touch, but not particularly thrilling.
And the winner
is …
1. Alaska, duh. Her
spot at the top of the heap was more than well-earned. Like Bob the Drag
Queen’s win last season, Alaska’s victory is the result of a player really
studying the game and coming prepared. That’s not to deny her talent
and competency. If anything, I think it speaks to her work ethic.
2. It was a close call, but Katya eked
out a second-place finish, in my mind. She struggled at times, but she’s got a
firm grasp on who she is as a performer. I love what Ru said about her comedy:
“Everybody’s invited to the party.” That’s what endears her so much to fans.
She also gives the best confessional interviews this side of Bianca del Rio.
3. I’ve got to
hand it to Detox. She rode a consistent wave throughout this
competition, delivering mostly strong performances in the challenges and
slaying the runway week after week. With Alaska getting most of the attention
for her dominance, it’s easy to forget that Detox won three challenges and only
landed in the bottom once. I still think I’d rather look at Detox than listen
to her, but she really stepped her game up this season. I think a lot of folks
will look back on her with higher regard because of her performance here.
4. Ugh. Roxxxy.
This episode ACHED for Alyssa, and you ruined it. (I know, technically, Detox
ruined it, but let me have this.) I’m not buying what you’re selling. I don’t
buy your redemption storyline. Even Ru knew your presence in this top four was
a travesty. That’s why she gasped when you were saved. That’s why you didn’t
even get to lip sync with the other girls. You know if Alyssa was still there,
all four of them would have done that lip sync, that is just the truth.
I hate to end
on such a sour note. Much like the end of the last Presidential Debate (or the
end of a Real Housewives reunion), I have challenged myself to
say something nice about Roxxxy so I don’t become one
of those social media haters. So, I will say that I think she does
makeup real well, she can whip wig around like no other and she seems very
sweet to her mother.
That’s all,
hennies! See you for season 9!
Did the right
queen take the crown? Who would cast in All Stars 3?
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