Safer sex is terrible. Just terrible.
Safer sex ruins the mood, it
interferes with the fluidity of passion, it's a hassle, and it's just not hot.
Condoms? They're the worst. They
don't feel good, they are tight, they break, they hurt, they are the ultimate
enemies of gushy erections.
Safer oral sex is absolutely off the
table — who wants to go down on latex?
Those are just a fraction of the
numerous reasons collected by researchers, medical providers, and health
educators. If those beliefs are vividly active in people's minds and sexual
experiences, it's understandably challenging to promote safer sex.
There isn't much prevention
initiatives can do, nor there should be, for folks who are well aware of the
risks associated with unprotected sex yet consciously opt for bareback fun. But
for those who contemplate safer sex while struggling with the perceived
disadvantages, there are a few possibilities to take under advisement.
1. Challenge that big, thick, juicy
organ of yours. Your brain, of course. The brain is a
sexual organ that is morphed by sex hormones. There is indeed a male brain and
a female brain, and a gay cerebral circuitry and a straight one. Emotions,
expectations, adrenaline, and thoughts have a fundamental impact on sexual
adventures. Sex is more than friction. Mental arousal is powerful — you can get
over having to use condoms, but if your environment doesn’t stimulate your
brain, there won’t be triumphant pleasure. On the contrary, there might be a
thin barrier between genitals, but if minds are in gear, expect a great ride on
the carousel of life.
2. Don’t be it, dream it. Explore imaginary sub-worlds. In line
with tip number 1, fantasy is an incredible tool to enhance protected sex. Make
it an interactive experience: Talk to your sexual partners about your
fantasies, about your closeted desires. Role-play situations that are otherwise
improbable. It doesn’t mean you have to rush to the store and buy Batman and
Robin costumes (although if that works, it works). Verbalizing a fantasy,
discussing it with your partners, sharing naughty thoughts is all you need to
create lingering excitement that can later erupt during sex.
3. Know your shields. The idea of protected oral sex is
remote in many minds. Interestingly, very few folks have physically touched a
dental dam, let alone licked one. How can they have an idea of the tricks you
can play with its elasticity, the depth you can reach with its protection?
Condoms come in different dimensions, textures, tastes. There are condoms with
the colors of the flag of your favorite country. Play with them, laugh with
them; sex doesn’t always have to be so intensively serious. You might find it
electrifying to jiggle your excitement wrapped in a fluorescent and glowing
condom. Know your opportunities before you reject them. Explore, experience,
make your world larger: Try the female condom for anal intercourse, put on your
partner’s rubber using your mouth, heat up penetration with warming lube.
4. Take a walk on the wild side. Bondage, domination and submission,
and sadomasochistic (BDSM) activities are generally at low risk for
transmission of diseases, unless we consider extreme practices that may include
exchange of body fluids, like cutting and medical submission. Although BDSM is
not everybody’s cup of lust, there seems to be increasing interest around it,
as all those 50 shades of gray can attest. Once informed consent, trust, and
agreements are set, deepen your interest in these somewhat atypical scenarios,
from masked three-ways to blindfolded encounters; from dungeon basements of
gags and whips to leather and handcuffs.
5. Call upon all avatars. The Web expands people’s ability to
know and share, to create sexual narratives between what is real and what will
never be. In chat rooms, video sharing platforms, Tumblr pages, men and women
indulge in individual sex elicited and solicited by communal dialogues. You
might be alone in your room, but you are connecting with other lively sexual
creatures in their solitary spaces. It’s an interactive form of masturbation.
Viruses may be involved, but they only harm your computer. Better your devices
than your genitals, I say.
6. Focus on the whole. Exactly, the whole, w included. The
entire body is a sexual entity made of unexpected erogenous areas. Men and
women who focus their attention only on genitals miss out on unexpected
perceptions, sensations, chills (and could develop performance anxiety,
erectile dysfunction, and all sorts of anorgasmic experiences). Instead, take
on the whole body: Breathe on the eyelids, let ice cubes melt in his inner
thighs, kiss the area behind the knees, wash her hair, lick the skin between
the genitals and the anus. These activities and many others can very safely
produce intense arousal.
Give it a try. Good lovers make magic
with or without condoms. Do you still think that safer sex can't be fun? Well,
sexually transmitted infections don’t appear to be fun either.
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