Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 4, Episode 2
of "RuPaul's Drag Race."
We kick things off with a whole lot of shade for Jiggly
Caliente, who nearly went home last week. In memoriam of the first queen to go,
Alisa, apparently Jiggly deemed to necessary to wear a slashed,
off-the-shoulder top a la Sammi on "Jersey Shore."
Jiggly is worried that the other queens are doing more than
just reading her: "I feel like there's a target in the back of my head and
all these bitches are trying to assassinate me," she says.
But ooh, gurl: We got SheMail. Ru's come to pump up the girls
and says it's time for some necessary roughness (just don't hurt the face).
For the mini-challenge, the queens have to literally make
asses of themselves. They have 30 minutes to use a whole lot of foam, packing
peanuts and the like to stuff some junk in their respective trunks. And it's
gonna be tight because, as Dida Ritz explains, padding requires "at least
a good hour to even start."
Sharon Needles also has some advice: "When making your
ass, always draw the shape of Africa. Or as Latrice would say, the homeland."
But she's "Polynesian, bitch."
Time to walk for Ru, who is apparently not a fan of the
cottage cheesiness Jiggly is serving up. Phi Phi O'Hara, Willam and Chad
Michaels win the challenge and that gives them advantage for ...
Wrestling?! The girls will become the luscious ladies of the
fictional WTF and will each be coming up with her own over-the-top wrestling
character. Now, the mini-challenge winners pick their teams.
Phi Phi goes with Latrice, LaShauwn and Kenya. Willam picks
Dida, The Princess and Jiggly. And Chad Michaels claims Milan, Sharon Needles
and Madame LaQueer, the last woman standing.
Ru tells them each team needs to decide who will be the
heroines (faces) and villains (heels). As they discuss, Madame LaQueer is
quickly proving to be the weakest link on Team Chad because she has a bad
ankle. [Note: If this were "Watch What Happens Live!" and the
drinking game alert term was ankle, I would be physically incapable of writing
this, and maybe anything else, ever again.]
Willam is really happy with her team and Dida says they're
gonna ace it.
Then, the ladies head to the ring to meet with three
professionals -- Hollywood's Own, El Chido and King of Submissions -- who can
help them choreograph their fights.
While Jiggly throws shade and screams about New York, The
Princess stays pretty mum. "Princess is giving closed captioning while
[Jiggly's] in stereo," Willam jokes. I will not lie to you, I am really
coming around to her. She's kind of hilarious.
As is the beloved Sharon Needles, who really shows her
versatility in this episode, in addition to her smack talking skills.
"Come on, Madame. Mah damn face is sick of looking at you," Ms.
Needles taunts to LaQueer.
Back in the workroom, Ru checks in on all the teams and
Jiggly assures her she'll be luscious. And then our fearless host announces
that the guest judges will be Billy B., Rick Fox and John Salley. Willam says,
"I think i'll tuck extra tight for Rick Fox and John Salley."
Now, let's the games begin.
First up is Team Phi Phi and though I do not watch
professional wrestling so I'm unclear of its standards, this intro set up looks
like bad porn, not that I watch that either.
Nevertheless, it's still clear to me that Latrice and
split-show off Kenya have the attitude down. I am kind of loving it.
Next is Team Willam and the leader is still throwing out
zingers, calling Jiggly a "plus-sized Jujubee," who I miss dearly, by
the way.
Juju, I mean, Jiggly, is worried that The Princess'
lackluster performance in the ring will affect him. "If I get in the
bottom two because of this bitch? It ain't gonna be cute," she says.
Noted.
And the best for last is easily Team Chad. Between their
costumes (Madame LaQueer's cleaving-showcasing, Britney Spears-inspired red
pleather catsuit) and the storyline (the villains give the heroes crabs after
sleeping with their boyfriends), they're easily the ringleaders. I think
specific props should go out to Chad and Sharon, the latter of whom is a new
woman this episode and looking uber-fishy.
Speaking of which, there is an angle of Sharon Needles that
thoroughly amazes me. These tucks ... I mean, after four seasons of
"RuPaul's Drag Race," I will never get it.
Sharon is on fire; she says to Madame LaQueer, "Alright
Kirstie Alley before 'Dancing with the Stars."
And the show's over. Back in the workroom, the ladies discuss
family and Madame LaQueer says she has none anymore; her friends are her
family. Chad's seriously pouty lips quiver and they embrace. She better not cry
and f--- with that mug. There's no crying on "Drag Race" because it's
runway time!
Ru is looking very ruffled and '70s, complete with hoop
earrings and a fro (which is just how I like my RuPaul) and it's time for the
ladies to show off their girliest looks.
Kenya is up first in a magenta sequined mini-dress and Nicki
Minaj wig. She's precious.
LaShauwn is serving "bubble gum, yum yums ... Going
girly beyond." Chew on that.
I've said it 83 times and I'll say it again: Sharon is really
just blowing my mind. She looks amazing on the runway, as Michelle notes,
"a lost Arquette sister." Sharon says she wanted to show the judges
she could bring beauty to the stage even though it's foreign to her. Success!
Jiggly says she is serving "Banjee girl meets Sweet
16." I only know what half of that means and I'll buy it.
Milan is feeling like black Barbie meets a Valley girl. Her
dress is see-through. What kinda Barbie's was she playing with? Since John
Salley is there, though, Milan says she'd rather be a "Salley girl."
Madame LaQueer is sporting an asymmetrical hairstyle straight
out of "Edward Scissorhands." And she says it's the most beautiful
she's ever looked on the show (i.e. in two episodes).
Dida comes out and Michelle says, "I thought it was P.
Diddy's Mom." Dida says she's giving fish, face and vogue. She knows her
runway is "fierce" [snap].
Chad Michaels looks very Paris Hilton and she says she is
serving up "girly girl realness fish on a stick." Ru adds,
"Heidi Montag called and she wants her old body back."
The Princess is loving her little girl rockstar ensemble and
her red windblown hairstyle. But Ru is sensing a bit of Cameron Diaz.
"There's something about The Princess," he says. Gross.
Phi Phi is serving up "telenovela realness." She
says she was going for a dragged out Miami housewife" and judges are just
eating her up. "Her legs are like peanut butter ... easy to spread,"
Ru says.
Latrice Royale is "pretty in pink." Star Jones
called and "wants her old body back," according to Ru.
Willam's look is "rich bitch mistress." She says
she's "serving girlie girl on a platter to go, sauce on the side."
Billy B. thinks it's "'Toddlers and Tiaras' where are they now." I
wish.
Team Chad Michaels wins it and Madame LaQueer and Chad
Michaels get some risque wigs for being the creme de la creme. No, that's legit
the brand.
LaShawn gets ripped a new one, while the judges love Kenya
and Rick Fox calls Latrice "Shag-Quille O'Neal Latrice."
When the ladies leave the stage, the judges wonder if
Willam's attitude will get in the way and if The Princess is charismatic
enough. Rick says Dida was "going for 'Sex and the City,' but it was more
like Sex in the Alley." Billy B. sees literally nothing wrong with Kenya
or Latrice.
So it's not surprising that Latrice, Kenya and Phi Phi are
all safe. Ru asks Jiggly if there's more from her than "Queen of the
Hood"? That's to be determined. Nevertheless, she's safe.
The judges decide that The Princess is channelling pink, but
her performance was beige.
Thus, she's up for elimination. Willam is also safe
as is Dida, but LaShauwn will join The Princess at the bottom.
Time to lipsync for their lives to "Bad Girls" by
Donna Summer and LaShauwn just doesn't commit the way The Princess does, even
though she pulled it out of nowhere. So The Princess (chantay) will stay and
LaShawn has to sashay away. She's a young queen and, as she says, "some of
these girls are between 40 and 50 so it was sickening"
She signs the mirror with "Stay true 2 U" and it's
on to the next.
SOURCE: HUFFPOST TV
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