NOTEVENCLOSE

I think that the ULTIMATE form of intimacy I can experience with another is SPIRITUAL intimacy. This kind of intimacy is of the highest order and fuses HEART, SOUL n’ MIND. So imagine how much I yearn for this connection since I have met someone special AND he has made me realize that I am NOT satisfied with just the physicality of my actions; I WANT MORE! Oh sure, all of the right signifiers are there: MISSIONARY POSITION (THIS IS FAVORITE SEX POSITION), GAZING INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES…ENJOYING EACH OTHER…KISSING PASSIONATELY AS OUR BODIES BURN FOR EACH OTHER. Though this is GREAT, I want to connect with a HIM on a SPIRITUAL, MENTAL, & EMOTIONAL level that peaks during SEX. The best SEX can be is a MESSY, UNRESTRAINED & EXPLOSIVE session that leaves me feeling like half the man I am. The other half of me feels CLUMSY, AWKWARD & WEIRD but somewhere in the middle, I find it frustrating AND humbling. Moreover, it is wonderful and I am grateful that I get experience such an event. However, I am @ a stage where I feel as if SEX has robbed me of that which I desire most. The ubiquitous way SEX invades my existence, teasing AND taking me to the edge only NOT to push me off gives the feeling of discontent. SEX is the most exciting experience and the secret to ALL happiness and makes life meaningful; if only I could cross over…My desire to go beyond the act itself is simply my way of fulfilling my humanity and connecting to another. The profound ways I have been negotiating on the sexual playground has thus taken me to new levels but I know there is more. I feel HOLLOW; EMPTY…just a shell that shows various varieties of my imperfections. I WANT THAT LOVE MAKING, SOUL SHAKING…HEART BREAKING KIND OF LOVE WITH A MAN THAT TAKES MY BREATHE AWAY. I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE DESTINY FIGHTS WITH ME. THE STRONG MINDED WARROR WITHIN WANTS HIS HEART SEIZED, HIS SOUL LOCKED & HIS ENTIRE EXISTENCE ELEVATED…SO TAKE ME OVA!