THIS SIDE OF ME...

My life takes me on a journey from self-hate to self-love. If I had to describe my life, I'd say it is my cathartic renegade of truth and evolutionary healing, mainly because it is an open invitation to the pain and growth that is my life. I have overcome shame and remove the mask is my personal journey of same-gender loving discovery from childhood to adulthood and the misery that I endured because of religious and societal constructs, along with the jubilation I discovered through spirituality and God. I’ve kept an open mind and heart, from the very beginning to this day and now I wonder if I am meant to spend my life with a WOMAN.

I have this notion that my SOUL MATE is a MAN, but what if that's not the case? What if I was meant to be a WOMAN? I firmly believe that this 'LIFE STYLE' is meant to be a lonely one, I feel that every single one of us are goin to have to walk this path...live this existence. I feel that the contractual obligations that come with life are well defined and that no matter how many times I fight it, I am fighting a loosing battle. I know that I have this dream of living my life, raising kids but NOT with a MOTHER but with TWO FATHERS.

Funny thing is that I know that I am walking blindly in a land that doesn't exist. I know that it's important to acknowledge that there are WOMEN out there that I will find myself attracted to. Crazy thing is that I don't know if I have it in me to satisfy a WOMAN, I don't know if I care to. All I know is that whatever path my life takes I will make sure that I am living to please ME! Maybe I should explore 'THIS SIDE OF ME' maybe I will find true happiness. God knows that the world would accept me, God knows that as crazy as it seems I won't be seen as GAY anymore. But knowing me as well as I do, I will crucify any WOMAN that comes my way and I know she can't take it...I have fought to hard to be GAY to let it go just like that...All I know is that this isn't all who I am...I know in my heart of hearts that I am meant to live this 'LIFE' I am meant to be A GAY MAN and that's the real ME.