Spring is in the air! The
flowers are blooming, the sun is shining, the winter woes have worn off and
you’re ready to blossom into a casual fling! There’s just something about
that spring air that sends hormones into overdrive. While spring flings can be
full of excitement, it may not be all that it’s cracked up to be.
Casual sex
disguised as “spring flings,” “hooking up,” “Netflix and Chill,” “cuddle
buddies” – whatever you choose to call it, has perhaps also become more
socially acceptable, or even expected if not glamorized, in today’s society. In
fact, there are countless internet dating sites that cater to these sexual
trysts. Has the notion of “spring fling” become the standard for sexual
relationships? And are these casual hookups really the epitome of
simplicity and sexual pleasure, or could they be a nightmare waiting to happen?
It’s Risky
Some studies
show that casual sex is not all that it’s cracked up to be. In fact, things can
get downright messy! Some reports indicate that people are often left
emotionally empty as well as physically and spiritually distressed. In
addition, the emotional and distressed effects can sometimes have lasting
effects, which may include the inability of a person to form strong emotional
bonds of love, intimacy, attachment and/or trust.
Once someone
has had a fling with the same person for an extended period of time, they
inevitably begin to crave more and emotions may become involved. It’s a natural
progression of the emotional fidelity that develops when individuals
continuously intermingle. This natural progression occurs when there is an
exchange of physical energy along with the chemical hormones that are secreted
from the brain every time people engage in sexual activities. These chemical
hormones are responsible for bonding individuals together, which is why even
long after we’ve stopped having sex with someone we still feel connected to
them.
In fact, there
are some serious consequences with a spring fling sexual life that should be
considered beforehand. Here are just a few:
·
Risk for sexually transmitted infections,
including HIV
·
Unintended pregnancies
·
Settling for less than you want and/or deserve
·
Loneliness
·
Depression
·
Lack of self-esteem
·
Spiritual conflicts
·
Inability to form healthier relationships
·
Emotional instability
·
Anxiety
Is a Spring
Fling Just What the Doctor Ordered?
On the other
hand, engaging in a fling can be the perfect prescription for some. The freedom
of sexual experimentation is an important element to a healthy sex life, and
multiple partners without commitment can be a liberating way to explore sexual
preferences, try on different sexual styles, and discover what you want and
need sexually. It’s also a great way to discover and explore sexual fantasies
without feeling fear, guilt or shame. A spring fling can add variety to a sex
life, keeping things fresh and new. It’s an ideal arrangement for those who are
more focused on work or other things and do not have the desire to be in a
committed relationship.
Spring Fling
Rules
Having a
sexual relationship with no strings attached can be an amazing, electrifying,
over the edge and a breath-taking experience, but if you don’t understand or
consent to the rules of engagement you might find yourself regretting the
experience, or getting yourself into a very hectic situation. If you plan on
having a fling, you may consider some of the following tips before moving
forward:
1. A shared
understanding is essential. It’s important to
make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the spring fling arrangement.
Each partner should have a clear understanding as well as mutual power and say
in the situation.
2. Honesty and
communication come first. Be upfront and
direct regarding your intentions. Always communicate your expectations before
getting into any relationship. Identify clear boundaries. If you find yourself
developing feelings once you’re in the situation, communicate this to your partner
as well. This will help minimize confusion.
3. Find a
balance between physical intimacy and emotional detachment. Remember this is just a asual
arrangement. Expecting emotional intimacy is a sure way to set yourself up for
heartache and disappointment.
4. Limit time
together. This gets you into dangerous
territory! When you start to spend more time together, someone will inevitably
develop feelings. It also sends mixed messages and can create an uncomfortable
situation.
5. Keep your
feelings in check. If you feel yourself getting
emotionally invested, don’t convince yourself that he or she is feeling the same
way. In fact, as soon as you notice those feelings rising without
reciprocation, it may be time to re-evaluate the situation and either negotiate
a change or end it altogether.
6. Be
considerate. Don’t take advantage of the
situation. If you suspect that your “Friend with Benefits” is developing
feelings for you, do not lead them on. Initiate a discussion with them and/or
end the situation immediately. Imagine how you’d feel if the shoe was on the other
foot.
7. Practice
safer sex. Never take for granted the importance
of safer sex. Even though you think you know and/or you may not be having sex
with anyone else, it’s still important to use condoms. Consider the fact that
there’s no exclusivity, you never know who else they might be having sex with.
Be responsible for your sexual health.
8. Re-evaluate
your situation. To ensure everyone is on the same
page, it is important to re-evaluate the arrangement from time to time. If at
any time you decide that the situation is no longer in your best interest,
there should be an understanding that either of you can walk away or end things
at any time.
Remember:
It’s Called a Fling for a Reason!
Spring flings
can be fun, but keep in mind it’s only a fling. If you’re trying to keep it
casual, make sure that you approach the situation with a thorough understanding
of the rules. Whenever it comes to any type of sexual relationship, honesty and
communication are essential. You must not only be honest with yourself but also
honest with the person(s) in the situation with you.
If it’s a
“real relationship” that you’re looking for, do not allow yourself to do the
fling thing. Do not enter into a fling hoping for a ring. You will be the only
one to end up being hurt if you try to change someone’s mind or trick them into
a relationship. If at any time during the fling you start to notice a
change in feelings and/or behavior, it’s important to check it immediately. The
best way to avoid pain and embarrassment is by being honest in your intentions
and being clear about your expectations. If that does not work, then it may be
best to walk away because the spring fling has flung – it’s over!
SOURCE: BLACK DOCTOR
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