It is coming
up on a year of being with my boyfriend. I love him. More than anything. But
recently things have been different in our relationship and I’m almost at the
point where I want to break up with him, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
Background:
We met at a Gay Pride event. It was kind of unconventional but we had an
immediate connection. I spent two entire days of the weekend with him. He was
staying with some friends and we even left and rented a separate room so we
could have sex in private. It was hot! Anywho…we live in two different cities
and are doing the long distance thing. When we first started dating, he
stressed how he wanted a monogamous relationship and that was definitely not a
problem for me. He had told me stories about his ex’s that all cheated on him
and I could never do that to hurt him. I legitimately love the guy. He is a
very social person, loves to be around people and go to events and travel. He
has friends all over the world.
Fast forward
to about 9 months in, he came to visit for my birthday and it was a great
weekend, but when he left he kinda stopped talking to me. I called him out on
it and he apologized, saying that something was missing for him and he doesn’t
know what. That weekend I found out he went to a gay pride event and he
never told me he was going. I don’t think he did anything but that’s a
possibility. After talking it out, things were kind of back to normal, but part
of me started to become suspicious of him, and there were all of these little
things that have happened to make it worse. I am not the snooping type and I
have never had a reason not to trust him.
He has a
friend in the Caribbean, and one week he decided to go up there to spend a week with
him and his partner. Not that I care that he went up there, but he didn’t tell
me until he was literally at the airport waiting to board his flight. He took a
week off of work to go, which makes me believe that he had this trip planned,
so why would he not mention it….
One weekend I
went up to visit him. We were supposed to go to the Caribbean together but long
story and I didn’t go. One morning we woke up and he was checking his phone. I
honestly just happened to look over and saw a text message from a number that
wasn’t saved that said “Good Morning Baby.” He seemed to quickly put his phone
down and I didn’t make it known that I saw. That evening, we were in the car
and he was driving. He was getting texts and I was messing around on my phone.
Every time he would look at the text, reply, and delete it. I had a talk with
him about how things were different with us and he agreed that things aren't the same as before.
We decided to
plan a trip together. We decided to go to Puerto Rico since I had never been. I
was excited and everything was good. I found out that he was going to Puerto
Rico with his ex boyfriend the weekend before. He never told me about that
either. I even spoke to him on the phone the morning he was to leave and he
didn’t mention it. It wasn’t until later in the day when I asked him something
about the weekend when he told me he was going. Obviously I was upset and I
sent him a really long message telling him I can’t handle him being secretive, how
I’m not a priority anymore, basically
gave him the opportunity to break up with me if he didn’t want to be with me
anymore. He told me his ex is in a relationship and he just wanted to reconnect
with an old friend, I had nothing to worry about, and “don’t worry, you’re not
going anywhere”. (He’s told me before that his circle of friends is getting
smaller and he is trying to reconnect with people.)
Recently I
found he has a profile on a dating website. Trying to be optimistic I wondered
if he had it from before he met me but doing some searching I found that he had
logged in the day before. His profile says “Ultimately looking for a
relationship. Don’t care for being single.”
My problem: I
love him. The thought of not being with him hurts more than knowing that he is
doing all of this. Obviously it is pretty clear that he is sleeping around, but
it could be that he is just talking (That’s me in denial!) I want to call him
out but I don’t know how. I can legitimately see myself marrying this man and
sadly I don’t care that he is cheating. But I know deep down that I shouldn’t
be with someone who can’t be honest. That is the one thing I ever ask for. I
can’t figure out why he is with me. I can tell he loves me….or something…why
else would he be with me? He knows how I feel, I’d quit my job and move to be
with him, but that would be stupid at this point. I just don’t get it.
Anonymous
Been in that situation, only difference we were in the same city, state & house, it went on for years, he even stopped trying to hide. Finally he ran off with someone else. I was devastated. So if i were you i would cut my losses now, get my crying out & move on. there is someone better for you
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