In general, I prefer my True
Blood episodes to have an “S” in the rating. But if that’s not possible,
then I at least expect a big twist. And we got one in “Hopeless.” I figured
Russell wouldn’t suffer the true death, but I didn’t see Roman getting it so
soon. If he's really dead, I hope next week starts with him exploding
into a bloody mess because a man as grand as he can't go out with such little
splatter. Either way, RIP, Nike golf polo. And welcome back, Russell Edgington,
who has more fun in the promo for next week than we've seen all season. It's
finally go time!
We
picked up with Alcide being dragged away from Russell's lair by a wolf. Sookie
ran after him but stopped when more wolves appeared and threatened Bill. Bill
and Eric went into fight mode, and Russell took the opportunity to try to drink
from Sookie, but she zapped him away. Eric wanted to stake Russell then and
there, but Bill stopped him: If Russell died, they died. Eric may be willing to
make that trade, but Bill wasn’t. Eric retracted his fangs, and in came the
Authority squad led by Chancellor Kibwe.
Russell was led away in handcuffs
while comparing Lilith to a Leprechaun. Alcide returned, shirtless with some
bloody wounds (thank you), and said werewolf JD put up a fight but fled when
the other two wolves fell. (I didn’t remember who JD was, but as we’d be
informed later, he’s the new packmaster in Shreveport.) Bill and Eric told
Kibwe they’d found Sookie and Alcide “humping each other like livestock”
(Eric’s words, natch) in the back of a van outside Shreveport. They took the
van because they had another human with them who remembered coming to this
location before -- Doug. Bill and Eric pretended to glamour Sookie and Alcide.
Actually, Eric did it for real after touching Alcide’s face to heal a wound
with his blood. (If only that was enough blood to result in Alcide having sex
dreams about Eric!) He told Alcide he wouldn’t remember anything of the night,
he would always protect Sookie with his life, and he would keep his hands off
of her romantically because he finds her disgusting. BASTARD! Do not deny us
the possibility of them finishing what they started, Eric.
Bill knew he wasn’t really
glamouring, Sookie, but he was selling it -- and saying goodbye. He said she
wouldn’t remember meeting him or Eric, and she would live her life the way she
was meant to -- in the sun, with others like her, humans. Kibwe promised to
glamour Doug and all of the human captives -- who said they could identity the
woman who told them they were going to die for the glory of god -- after they
were interrogated. Doug was such a fun character and genuinely just wanted to
forget any of this ever happened. But others wanted some financial compensation
and thought they’d seen Russell Edgington. They were all slaughtered by Kibwe
on a bus. RIP, Doug. I hope Alcide avenges you. The big question: Did Kibwe
kill them because he’s actually in on this with the female Authority member who
freed Russell and didn’t want to risk her being identified, or because Roman
told him humans with any knowledge of Russell’s existence had to die because it
was more absolute than glamouring?
While Eric and Bill headed back to
the Authority (Bill was still “covering his ass,” Eric not so much: “Lilith can
f---ing blow me”), a clueless Alcide and a sobbing Sookie hit the road to Bon
Temps. Alcide woke up the next morning under a pretty pink comforter in
Sookie’s bed, which somehow never looked that small when Eric was in it. His
feet hung over the foot of the bed. He sat up comically confused, then went
downstairs. He was getting flashbacks to his makeout session with Sookie and
asked if they’d done it. She told him other stuff had happened. When she went
to grab his hand to show him, he recoiled. She figured Eric had done that, too.
So that’s good. Since she gave Alcide the memories back, does that mean he no
longer finds her disgusting?
Alcide swore a lot when he realized
wolves were on V again and another Jackson situation was imminent. He couldn’t
just sit back and watch it happen. He left and Sookie said (to herself) that
she was going to sit there and quietly slip into a coma. Next we saw Alcide, he
was paying JD a visit at the pack’s barn hangout, which was like a high school
makeout party. They smelled him before he stepped inside, wearing the hell out
of a leather jacket. Alcide confronted JD about doing V, and from the shocked
looks, most in the pack were unaware of it. “I accept the role of master of
this pack,” Alcide said. I was instantly torn: Power will look good on Alcide,
but presumably, being Shreveport packmaster means he won’t be free to drive to
Bon Temps for booze and booty calls. JD told him he was the packmaster now,
because no one had challenged him, and Alcide said to consider him the first.
JD told Alcide he needed a second for the challenge to be official -- “Put your
f---in’ meat where your bark is” -- and hello, we all knew hot girl who had
badmouthed JD at the opening of the scene was going to do it. She did. JD
promised to bring punishment to Alcide. Alcide told him to just say when. We
haven’t heard when it’s going to happen. But I suspect shortly after it does,
Alcide and the shewolf will be an item. Sorry, Sook.
Sookie, meanwhile, had gone into
work. Shocking! Once she, Arlene, and Holly finished bashing men, Jason
arrived. He’d had another dream where he was visited by his father, who’s the
strong, silent type. Jason vowed to find the vampire who killed his parents,
and his father said, “The only thing you have to fear is—" but then Jason
woke up. (At least we got a second to appreciate what looked to be a Miller
Lite pillow on Jason’s chair.) He told Sookie what Hadley had said about their
parents at the fairy nightclub. Naturally, she thought he was on V again. But
then she believed him and wanted him to take her there so she could get Hadley
and her son Tucker out.
Jason took her to the field, and
Sookie found the portal to the dimension with the fairy Moulin Rouge. Jason was
so cute when he tried to follow her and couldn’t. “Hey, that’s my sister, you
fairy f---ers! Bring her back here,” he yelled. Sookie reached back and grabbed
him. This place needs better choreography. Jason saw his tie on a male fairy
and asked him for it back. “You can have anything you want. Let’s go, come on,”
the guy said, hitting on him. Love it! “No, that’s okay. You can keep it,”
Jason said. They found Hadley, who insisted the fairies were keeping her and
Tucker safe. Claude, Claudine’s brother, hugged Sookie. He was the one who’d
helped her escape Mab. He’s cuter now in this dimension, thank god. Turns out,
the fairies like Claude and his many sisters who don’t believe in harvesting
humans (or dressing like Disney characters) had escaped to this world before
the last portal closed.
Eventually, Claude had to come clean
about Sookie’s and Jason's parents. Claudine had told him that a vampire had
ambushed the two of them on a bridge in the rain because he’d been drawn to
them by Sookie's blood on a Band-Aid in the backseat of the car. Sookie refused
to believe it and tried to zap Claude, but she had no juice. The other fairies
zapped her. Which vampire did it? And how guilty is Sookie going to feel now?
Guilty enough to try to lose all of her fairy power?
Eric and Bill had arrived at the
Authority and received a heroes’ welcome by the chancellors. They were throwing
a little office party with blood champagne. Eric and Bill had their iStakes
removed, and Eric asked to see Nora. Salome told him about her coming out
as Sanguinista, then she said she was off to continue interrogating
Russell, who’d been silvered intravenously, to find out who’d freed him. She thanked
them again for bringing in Russell. Bill said it was their duty. “Boy Scout,”
Eric said. “Delinquent,” Bill answered.
Before Salome could leave, Roman made
his grand entrance in leisure wear, calling Bill and Eric “my boys,” and
carrying a bottle of 18th century Austrian hemophiliac blood that “cost a
f---ng f---load of money.” He took one sip and no one else touched it. Pity.
Hope it can be recorked. Roman thanked his boys and said he now knows they are
with him -- they believe in the coexistence of humans and vamps. “There are
certain humans I’ve felt protective towards in the past,” Eric said. “Yeah,”
Roman said, trying to get him to say something with more team spirit. The most
Eric could muster was saying he was a pacifist as long as humans didn’t
negatively affect him. For a moment, I thought Eric was trying to get himself
tossed back in jail so he could see Nora. Maybe he was, but then thought better
of it (perhaps feeling Bill’s worried glare behind him). Roman interpreted it
as Eric simply being too cool for school to admit he believed in anything but
himself.
Salome again tried to make her way to
interrogate Russell, and Roman told her not to -- Russell was going to be
executed that night, soon enough for Roman to hit the links before sunrise.
Rosalyn (Cougar Town’s Barb) and Dieter were visibly delighted. Salome
tried to convince Roman that Russell had information they could use. But why
would they believe anything someone who is bats--- crazy had to say? Good
point. Salome offered to give him another dose of silver and bring him to
Roman. Roman asked her to slap an iStake on him. “I don’t want to get dirty.”
HA! Eric asked Roman if he could see Nora and admitted she was his sister.
Roman agreed, after making certain both Eric and Bill would be there for
Russell’s execution.
Eric saw Nora, who was too busy
chanting to acknowledge him until Salome walked by with a shouting Russell and
told her that his execution was that night. Then Nora started yammering about
how it was finally happening. “She” had been right all along. Was
"she" Lilith or Salome? Nora made it sound like she hadn’t freed
Russell. So it was Salome, right?
In the chancellors’ chamber, Roman
had Russell on his knees. “In the name of the father and of the mother…” Roman
started. “In the name of my ass!” Russell shouted. He called Roman a hypocrite.
He condemns the Sanguinistas for using Lilith to justify their bloodlust for
humans, and Roman uses her to justify his bloodlust for power. Russell said he wanted
to drink humans for the pure pleasure of it, “it makes my d--- hard.” Roman pat
him on the head and said, “Are you done?” Classic. As Russell continued with
the colorful insults, Roman got ready to activate the iStake. More shouting
ensued, and then he pushed the button. Nothing happened. Russell, clearly
having not been silvered, pinned Roman to the table and told
him “Peace is for pussies!” and staked him. Eric had just zoomed into the room.
Had he figured it out? Would he have tried to stop Russell? Why did no one make
a move to help Roman? Salome teared up, but clearly she knew it was coming,
right? “Praise Lilith,” Nora said in her cell.
On to Sam and Luna. While they were
wheeled into the hospital, Emma showed up all adorable in wolf cub form at her
grandmother’s door. Once they were stabilized, Sam snuck into see Luna and
managed to be sexy even in a hospital gown. It was the way he told the nurse
that she’d never keep him away from Luna, so she might as well bring his IV in
there. Emma came in with her grandmother, who insisted she doesn’t want to take
Emma from Luna, she just wants to be a part of her life so she doesn’t lose
both Emma and Marcus. Luna realized she had no choice. Someone has to watch
Emma while she recovers and keep her safe. I’m holding out hope that Grandma is
decent (aside from that eating her dead son ritual).
Sam told Andy about the attack being
a hate crime and that he wanted to use his keen sense of smell (which extends
to fear) to help him find the shooters. Andy was resistant because he can’t
condone vigilant justice, but after Sam said he was going after these guys with
or without Andy, Andy relented. Next we saw Andy, he was at that anti-vampire
shop introduced earlier in the season asking the owner, Junior, questions.
Junior said he wondered why the
government doesn’t acknowledge the existence of supes other than vampires. He
thinks the people have a right to know. Then, he became visibly uncomfortable
when Sam came in looking at a crossbow. Junior bent down to get some wooden
bullets to show to Andy, and instead popped up with a gun. Sam fired the
crossbow first, hitting him in the chest. “Jesus, tits!” Andy said, thanking
Sam for saving his life. Sam had smelled Junior go into survival mode. I
suppose Junior would have had to shoot Andy after he shot Sam, so Sam really
had saved his life.
Junior had been on the phone giving
someone directions when Andy had first entered. Presumably, it was one of the
guys in the Obama masks who showed up outside Fangtasia and shot the male vamp
Hoyt had given the okay to drain him to death after Jessica rejected him.
Backing up, Jessica and Tara's bathroom fight had spilled into the bar.
Tara made the mistake of referring to Fangtasia as “my house.” Pam dragged her
off by her hair and told her it was HER house. Pam also said Tara made her
proud fighting -- "proud the way a human’s proud of a well-trained dog.
Nothin’ more.” Oh, Pam, you do have a soft spot for your spawn.
Hoyt misunderstood Jessica not
wanting him to die for her still wanting to be with him. I would have thrown my
head down on a table, too, if I didn’t have my laptop there. Hoyt told Jessica
she could glamour him and do anything she ever wanted to do to a human to
him. She told him they would never happen. That's when he got
suicidal. Turns out, at least one of those masked men knows Hoyt. Covered
in that vamp's blood, Hoyt was pulled into their van. Will he become a vampire
slayer now out of revenge?
Like Hoyt, I used to love Terry. Now
all I want to do is fast-forward. After Terry and Patrick saw the Ifrit that
had just killed Eller, they drove back to Bon Temps. On the way, Terry jumped
out of the car while it was still moving and… do we even care? This is such
filler. These two just keep rehashing what happened and what kind of danger
they’re in. SNOOZE. Terry finally told Arlene the truth while standing in front
of a Budweiser sign at Merlotte’s. She thought he’d just gone off his meds,
because how could there be a smoke monster after them? (I don’t know, Arlene,
how could any of the stuff you witnessed in the first four seasons have
happened?) Arlene was willing to work through this with him if he got back on
his meds, because she needs an adult to help raise her kids. Terry knew he was
just putting her and the kids in danger. He thanked her for having taken a
chance on him and left again.
Lafayette went to see his mother,
Ruby Jean, who is 100 percent more fun to watch than Terry and Patrick at this
point. She looked catatonic when Lafayette entered her room. “Oh, mama,” he
said. “What?” she answered, shocking him. She told him about seeing Jesus with
his lips sewn shut, and that he was with an evil man who made him drink goat
blood -- his grandfather, Don Bartolo. Ruby Jean said she had no clue how she
knew all this: the “lestricity” has always just run through her, and she’s
always seen stuff she couldn't explain. She told Lafayette to go save Jesus.
“Jesus loves you,” she said, giving him a kiss, “even if you an abomination.”
And the thing is, this was one of their better visits!
Your turn. What did you think of the episode?
SOURCE EW
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