Frenemies! Duets! Major twist! Disqualification! Then, the producers clarify… nothing! Untucked is where they clarify… also nothing! Do I have the secret answers detailing the rules a contestant broke that sent her packing!? Read on and find out!
Sorry, I’ll get on with it.
Our six remaining girls come singin’ and dancin’ into the workroom
where Jiggly’s novel-sized farewell message is scrawled across the mirror. How
am I supposed to read this? There’s even a tissue stuck at the bottom.
Seriously, save some for the less-fortunate queens.
Willam finishes cleaning duty, and instead of reflecting on being in
the bottom two, it becomes about how she just tries to be pretty and sparkly.
Sharon chimes in with, “Miu Miu doesn’t make talent, honey.” Oh, snap!
For the mini-challenge, which isn’t really a challenge, Ru reveals that
she’s not looking for a winner or a loser—she’s looking for the truth. Our girls
are taking a polygraph test! And the man who administers every lie detector
test on every reality show ever, John Grogan,
makes his Drag Race debut. I guess someone had to balance Jonathan Clay
Harris’ hotness from last week.
Ru starts with an obvious opener to Dida Ritz, “Are you now—or have you ever been—a biological woman?” Please. Ugh. Duh.
The most asked question is, “If ______ were the last ladyboy on earth, would you kai kai with her?”
Sharon would kai kai with Phi Phi.
Phi Phi would not kai kai with Sharon.
And everyone would kai kai with Latrice.
The biggest shocker? Everyone admits to liking RuPaul’s Iron Fist line of shoes! I think this might be a new low in product integration. It’s one thing to have your shoes as an available accessory for challenges; it’s another to strap your contestants in and poke at them until you get an answer you can effectively splice together.
Drat. I’m all wound up.
I like the premise of this lie-detector challenge. Though not as original as WTF Wrestling, it’s at least original to Drag Race. The editing just reeks of manufacturing. Every time a queen gives her response, they cut to Grogan holding up his “true/not true” sign.
Not one response is done without a cut.
Maybe they wanted to speed up the pacing? Whatever. I shouldn’t get picky about the “reality” of reality television, but it’s a mini-challenge about telling the truth! The producers should have to along play, too.
RuPaul then pairs our girls with their frenemy, based on their answers in the lie-detector test. The partners are Phi Phi and Sharon, Latrice and Willam, and Dida and Chad. They must sing (not lip-synch!), and write additional lyrics for a duet of “Better Than You,” (sort of a drag version of “Anything You Can Do.”)
The Sharon/Phi Phi pairing gives us the chance to replay clips from “Party City/Tired Showgirl Bitch-Off 2012.” But watching their show come together is painful; Phi Phi keeps insisting that singing in opera is funny, and Sharon tries this rocker/yelling situation that my ears still haven’t recovered from.
RuPaul reveals to the girls that they’ll be also evaluated as teams: one pair wins, and one lip-synchs for their lives.
Sharon says it best, “Why RuPaul? Why are you doing this to us?!”
The adorable (and Grammy-nominated) producer/composer Lucian Piane (right), who wrote the song specifically for the show, does his best to tell the pairs to “work on knowing your lyrics and cues” in a dozen different ways.
They all struggle. They all get flustered.
Chad worries about not looking professional. And thankfully Phi Phi and Sharon back down from their operatic/shouting oncoming train concept.
Before the girls hit the main stage, though, Willam is uncharacteristically quiet. She’s actually… not fighting for attention. She claims that, “it has nothing to do with [the show].” It’s something personal.
Personal? Gasp! Are they not living a perfect Drag Race bubble where their only form of outside communication comes from winning mini-challenges? Something smells fishy (and not the Kenya Michaels kind of fishy).
For the main stage, our guest judges are Baywatch’s Pamela Anderson and Oscar nominee/poker champ Jennifer Tilly. There’s technically no runway this week—just their live performances in front of the judges.
Willam and Latrice kill it. They come out with matching parasols, sharp lyrics (“at least my mustache don’t show!”), and Latrice sends Willam crashing to the floor by throwing some fabric in her direction.
Bravo.
Phi Phi and Sharon (left) have great… costumes? Sharon is a devil. Phi Phi is an angel. But their performance is in its own circle of hell. Not funny. Not good.
They did get one backhanded compliment from Pamela: “I loved their voices together—but I’m tone deaf.”
Girl, I have no idea why you’re judging and I don’t care. Just keep speaking words.
Dida and Chad do a fine job. They play the ingénue / veteran perspective. Very Roxi and Velma from Chicago. And Dida finally—finally!—has bigger hair, so the heavens open up and start to sing with praises.
The results of best and worst teams are no surprise.
Top two: Willam and Latrice
Bottom two: Sharon and Phi Phi
While standing in the back to bask in their victory, Willam starts turning a little green and then vomits Absolut cocktails on the stage. This isn’t a tiny in-mouth puke: home girl is on her knees and blowing chunks on a defenseless stage light. Not cute.Not funny.
And then without a pause for cleanup, we proceed to the lip-synch: Sharon vs. Phi Phi. Good vs. Evil. Devil vs. Angel. Party City vs. Tired-Ass Show Girl. The song is “It’s Raining Men (The Sequel)” performed by Martha Wash and RuPaul.
We’ve not seen either of these girls lip-synch, so I’m somewhat fearful for Sharon.
Phi Phi loses her wig in the first five seconds (did she not learn from Dragtona Beach?), but that doesn’t keep her from doing high-energy back bends and incessant shaking.
Sharon plays well to her comedy; her neck moves in mysterious ways. Plus, girl can scoot across a stage plenty well. Advantage—I think, I hope, I pray to those bejeweled horns—goes to Sharon.
While Phi Phi searches for her lost wig, Ru calls up Willam to drop a bomb: “You have broken the rules. Rules that are in place to protect the fairness of this competition… Willam, I have to ask you to leave the competition immediately. Sashay away.”
Huminawhaaaa?!?
Is “not getting sloppy drunk” one of their rules? Or did she get wasted because she knew she was being sent home this week?
Was she smuggling in expensive shoes between episodes? Or maybe fraternizing the producers? So. Many. Questions. Let the wild theories begin!
The show released a statement via NewNowNext blog:
“During the filming of the fourth season of RuPaul’s Drag Race, it was brought to the producers [sic] attention that Willam had not complied with the rules as set forth in his competition contract. As a result, and in fairness to the other contestants, Willam was forced to leave the show. This issue will be addressed in the upcoming reunion special.”
Oh, crafty PR people. How craftily you craft your little words. There’s a huge difference between “addressing” an issue and “explaining” it. Untucked already did a great job of extending/addressing this vagueness for thirty minutes. So why wait until the end of the season? It’s rather easy to explain issues right now—that’s why God invited Twitter. Here, let me help:
“Willam got drunk on Absolut cocktails. Sorry ‘bout it. #AbsolutHatesVomit #CrossPromoFail”
“Willam conspired to split the winnings. Yes, the rules from Survivor also apply. Good luck on Drag Race All-Stars!”
“Willam did this Chick-Fil-A video thingy, and we’re all level-four vegans. #MeatIsMurder #ShashayAway”
All under 140 characters. Copy. Paste. Addressed. You’re welcome.
Next week the girls Frock the Vote. It looks like a political version of Snatch Game, and the guest judges are Dan Savage and—goodness really?!—Absolut vodka spokesperson Jeffrey Moran. Is he here to defend their brand after Willam’s pukefest? Dan, please overshadow him.
If Jason Sweeten were the last reality TV recapper on earth, would you kai kai with her?
SOURCE: QUEERTY
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