You know what
really kills the excitement of Drag Race returning? The
interminable number of early episodes featuring massive group challenges.
This week the
gals tucked their pom-poms and did the splits in a cheerleading-themed
challenge. Because you know what gay men love? Reliving high school sports.
But before we
get our bloomers in a bunch, there’s a few small orders of business to handle.
Last week ended on a cliffhanger with a promised 14th queen joining the
competition. Who’s the lucky lady getting a second chance? It’s Miss Cucu
herself, Cynthia Lee Fontaine! The high-energy Puerto Rican queen didn’t last
long enough to make it to Snatch Game in season 8, but she left enough of an
impression on audiences to earn the title of Miss Congeniality. She’s been
battling Stage-1 liver cancer, but is happily now in remission.
And speaking of
comebacks, back in the workroom, the queens get a very special visit from Lisa
Kudrow. She’s not there to judge or to coach or really do anything by spout off
a couple of catchphrases before making a much too quick exit. What a waste.
Ru names
Cynthia Lee Fontaine and last week’s winner Nina Bo’nina Brown as team captains
of The B-52 Bombers (named for this week’s guest judges) and RuPaul’s
Glamazons, respectively. They’ll need to perform a character-heavy opening
number, do some flips and aerials and have an all-out cheer battle with the
opposing team.
The stunts
actually seem hard to do. Good thing they have cheerleading champ (and Travis
Wall’s partner) Dom Palange to guide them. RuPaul’s Glamazons (Alexis, Sasha,
Shea, Nina, Charlie, Aja, and Jaymes) have a tougher time than their
competitors. Throughout the rehearsals Jaymes struggles to nail her character
or timing, and her teammates’ obvious lack of confidence in her shakes her even
more.
The performance
itself is almost too overwhelming to follow. Valentina surprises the other
queens by stealing the show despite being the last picked. Shea nails the
tumbles and slays the white party-themed runway. A lot of the gurls get lost in
the shuffle, but Kimora and Jaymes stand out for all the wrong reasons. Kimora
is a bore in the cheer, and on the runway, she serves us tacky nautical
Americana instead of white party glamour. And, well, Jaymes? She’s in way over
her wig.
Which queens
brought it on and which were just stuntin’? Find out in our rankings below, and
remember this is a cheertatorship, not a cheerocracy, so it’s al
subjective.
1. Shea
Coulee continues to impress. Not just in the challenge and runway, but
her attitude. Like Bob before her, she just seems to get this whole
competition. I was gagging on her runway look, and I am eating up everything
she’s serving.
2. In a way,
it’s a good thing we didn’t see some more of Nina’s off-the-wall
presentations. She gave us a white party ensemble that satisfied the challenge
with style without flaunting the parameters to satisfy her own aesthetic.
Points for versatility (which matter a lot in this competition), but I still
missed Nina at her most unhinged.
3. OK, I’m not
too proud to admit when I was wrong. This week’s episode made me a believer in Valentina.
She was the star of the cheerleading routine, and she looked stunning on the
runway. Maybe 10 months is all this gal needed to unleash her star power. I’m
not ready to hand her the crown yet, but consider me impressed.
4. You
can’t say Eureka isn’t giving it her all. She rah-rah-boomed
with the same stamina as girls a fraction of her size. For a pageant queen, I
admire her bold fashion choices, particularly the edgier wigs. Hell, I’d keep
Eureka around just for her priceless reactions when a guest judge appears.
5. We
didn’t get a lot of Sasha this week, but what we saw held my
interest. She wasn’t afraid to be silly during the cheer challenge, though I
thought her white party ensemble was a little staid.
6. The middle
of the pack really blended together this week. Peppermint still
has a big piece of my heart, which nearly tripled in size tonight hearing about
how she weathered a brutal attack in high school with the support of the other
students. Her runway look was part Queen Elsa, part Auntie Entity, all fab.
7. Good on Alexis for
rolling with the punches as she and Jaymes swapped parts back and forth. She
sort of oversold just how much “acting” was really necessary in this challenge,
and the runway was glamorous, but felt like a frostier take on Gaga at the
Globes.
8. Look, I’m
very happy Cynthia Lee Fontaine is healthy, but that doesn’t
mean I’m glad to have her back. Truthfully, I wasn’t a fan of her manic schtick
the first time around, and I don’t find it much more charming now.
9. When it
comes to this week, Aja was … there. Not much more to say. She
wanted that face mask to give us silenced Illuminati princess, but all I got
was a face full of someone’s jockstrap and a cheap-looking wig.
10. I wasn’t
nearly as impressed with Trinity as she seems to be with
herself. I also didn’t love the labial cyber babe look she walked down the
runway.
11. Farrah:
Who?
12. The same
criticism lobbed at Jaymes goes for Charlie as well. If you’re
supposed to be a comedy queen, give me comedy. This is the second week we saw
some eleganza, but not a laugh to be found.
13. Kimora’s
limitations are starting to show. There’s nothing but sex to be seen. I
wouldn’t have been upset if that lip sync sent them both home. If she were
performing to the Pussycat Dolls or Ariana Grande, she’d slay, but the B-52s
required a little more punky, campy energy. I get that sex is her strength, but
she’s got to give us some variety.
14. Everything
the judges said about Jaymes was spot on. Even though I felt
her lip sync was better suited to the track, I agree that her drag character
isn’t quite fully baked. Sweet gal, but not America’s Next Drag Superstar.
How would you
rank the queens?
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