Having taken that step a few years ago, I thought I would share with you the five fears I think
are common for everyone about to take the shared property plunge.
It’s a
legitimate fear. Up until the point of moving in we’re probably used to either
having our own room at our parents’ house, our own place or maybe a shared house
with friends. We’ve always had our own dedicated space. It was a few weeks
after agreeing to move in that it actually dawned on me that this plan would
involve sharing space. In my head I guess I’d sectioned my partner off in some
imaginary wing of the home or else fitting in around all my stuff, like the
spare drawer we give up when they first start staying over. It’s a reality
you’ll have to face. The house is going to be shared space for the two of you –
that’s kind of the point. If it’s a genuine worry and you value your personal
space, pick a little corner. Make it your snug or your den or your office. Have
a special chair or spot on the sofa that’s your spot. It’s important to carry
over that feeling of dedicated personal space we get used to.
I think Paloma
Faith said it in her song ‘Just Be’; you’ll watch all the little things that
once drew you to them, eventually get on your nerves. We all have habits that
will likely annoy someone else, simply because that’s not what they’re used to.
Whether its leaving towels on the bathroom floor, always having their phone in
their hand or snoring every night, we all have a habit that will likely drive
someone around the bend. Just remember, as annoying as you find them, you are
just as annoying. You can take solace in your mutual annoyance. The fact is as
much as you think you know your other half, a whole tonne of stuff will be
revealed when you live together. It all adds up to the reasons why you love
them though, right?
Relationships always involve a
balance of power. Things need to be done and duties need to be divvied up. Who
does what? Who sorts the bills, walks the dog, cleans the toilet? Now it is
literally just you two together and everything that happens under that roof is
down to you guys. You have to do it all and decide which way to work it between
you. Chances are that each of you will feel as if you’re doing the greater
share of work. The trick is to maintain that feeling. Power works best when
everyone thinks they’re doing better. (and you thought the washing up was a
simple task that was totally independent from any sort of make or break power
struggle – wrong, it’s serious stuff).
I’ll make this
an easy answer. Yes. There will be days when you’ll be bored out of your mind
because expectations of living together rarely sit parallel with dream visions
of paying bills, sorting mail, running food shops and cleaning bathrooms.
That’s the often omitted reality of it all. Especially when we move in together
relatively early, which seems to be more common these days. It can be a lot of
fun and there will be some great times but spending 24/7 with one person will
sometimes leave you with very little to say. And that’s fine!
Not so much a
question but the one tip I would give everyone. Communicate with your partner.
Moving in together is an amazing experience but it only works if you
communicate fully. In an age when we spend more time talking screen to screen
than we do face to face, it can take a while to get used to the change of pace
and rhythm of having someone with you 24/7. Whether it’s deciding which space
is yours, where you go out on the weekend, who does the washing up or just
trying to get them to pick the towel off the bathroom floor.
Communicate. Do that and I think taking the step of moving in together could be
one of the best things you ever do.
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