It is
dishonest to enter into a relationship with the idea that you are going to
change or fix a man.
A
relationship, in the truest sense of the word, means relating to another.
Usually when we say that we relate to someone, it is because we’ve found common
ground. But part of relating is finding ways to make ideas that seem different
come together. So often when we choose relationships, we try to fit another
person into our predetermined ideal. When they don’t fit perfectly, we may try
to make them over, creating our own vision from the raw material they’ve
brought. But unless someone asks for guidance and direction, entering into a
relationship with someone we want to change is dishonest. Then our relationship
becomes with someone we’ve imagined, and anytime our partner steps outside of
that imaginary projection, we will be disappointed. An honest relationship is
one in which we accept each other as whole individuals, and find a way to share
our life experiences together. Then, whenever we want, we can choose as a
couple to give the relationship a makeover by renewing the !
way we interact.
By wanting to
give another person a makeover, we are basically saying we don’t accept them
for who they are. If we take a moment to imagine the roles reversed, we can get
a sense of how it would feel if our beloved only committed to us because they
thought we were, or would become, someone else entirely. In such an
environment, we are not relating to each other from a real place, and we are
keeping ourselves from being able to learn and grow from the different
viewpoints that our partners offer.
If we feel that a change is
needed in our relationship, the only makeover that we truly have the power to
make is on ourselves. By accepting our partners for exactly who they are—the
ideal and the not-so-ideal—we will create an energetic shift in our
relationships, and we may find ourselves really appreciating our partners for
the first time. Working from within, we determine how we relate to the people
and the world around us, and when we can accept it and embrace it all, without
conditions, we make every act of relating a positive one.
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