BOYZ PLAY WITH BOYZ

NEVER in my
wildest dreams did I think that I was GAY or that my playing with my male friends in that way was such
a bad thing. Moreover I didn’t understand until now why I got punished for
taking PLAY TIME even further. If only I could have been told that NOTHING was wrong with
me by those in charge AND that sexuality is PERFECTLY natural…WISHFUL
THINKING I SUPPOSE…They thought that they had caged the monster, but how long can you keep a beast in
captivity before it turns on you?

As a result I held a lot inside and I
only THANK GOD that I didn’t do anything to hurt myself. But it is hard
living and knowing that you are different and that you are something the world
doesn’t approve of. I guess those around me found it EXTREMELY difficult to
live in a world where we do NOT pass any gender stereotypes. Looking back, I suppose @ that
time in my life my heart knew that being with my friends in that way was nature
and NOT nurture, only my brain couldn’t formulate this. Moreover, I
wish that my actions said that being GAY is just a variation in Genes and is NO different from someone having blue OR brown eyes.

I guess my playing with my friends in
this way caused them to associate me playing with girl toys AND doing girly things. Nonetheless, I can’t help but to wonder if either of
those things are such a bad thing. WHY WERE MY THOUGHTS OF THINKING HOW BEAUTIFUL
MY FRIENDS WERE IS SUCH A NO NO? Talk
about NOT knowing your
place in the world…I guess I was supposed to be a SLAVE and try to be someone that I am NOT! GOD TALK
ABOUT PAIN & SUFFERING…CAN YOU IMAGINE JUST LIVING EACH DAY PRAYING THAT
YOU CAN BE HAPPY & FULFILLED? I wish that so many of us could find that boy again AND experience life without it
being seen as good OR bad…right OR wrong…I find it RATHER sad that as we grow up we LOOSE our
way AND are continually influenced by
the beliefs
AND ideas of an unjust society
that STEALS OUR FREEDOM.

Homosexuality is frowned upon by so
many and those who partake in it are viewed as perverted OR sick. If only those involved would choose to live in a
manner which is accepting to them AND NOT the
other way around. But I guess through NO fault
of their own most grownups live in a world that tells them constantly that a
relationship needs to take on a certain look; and that is SHOULD be between a man AND a woman. But the MAN that I am knows that the boy I
was that liked playing with others boys was onto something. I MEAN HOW DOES A MAN TRY TO
LIVE A LIFE ACCORDING TO THE COMMONLY ACCEPTED BELIEF THAT HOMOSEXUALITY
IS WRONG? Don’t
get me wrong, I get that HOMOSEXUALITY is NOT for everyone; but @ the same time, I believe the same goes
for traditional relationships. Many of us are IDEALLY suited for HOMOSEXUALITY, yet we
succumb to the pressure of society. Submissiveness is a quality that is deemed
a sign of weakness and making the choice to ACCEPT ones sexuality opens one to rejection by family and friends.
Nevertheless, it is also one that ULTIMATELY leads to the path of FREEDOM. 

MOST OF US
CAN REMEMBER THE FEELING OF BEING HOME THINKING BACK TO OUR CHILDHOOD, IF ONLY
WE COULD FIND SOMEWAY TO TAP INTO
THAT PART OF OURSELVES. LIVING A
LIFE ACCORDING TO WHAT
IS TRUE FOR ONESELF IS WHAT FREEDOM IS; & THAT IS WHAT I BELIEVE THAT ‘GOD’
MEANT FOR US TO DO. WHEN I THINK ABOUT ME PLAYING WITH OTHER BOYS WHEN I WAS A BOY MYSELF,
I CAN ONLY THANK ‘GOD’ THAT I VALUE, APPRECIATE, RESPECT & LOVE MYSELF
ENOUGH TO NEVER TO ALLOW OTHERS TO CAUSE ME TO SELF-DESTRUCTIVE.