SOMETIMES...

…I become so afraid that I may have to live a life that is LESS than what I want for myself. I have this DREAM and as time go on I wonder if it will ever come to fruition. For a long time now, I have decided or rather it was decided that I COULD NOT accept a MAN that is NOT what I NEED or WANT in my life. Now it is interesting because there are very few MEN that I can choose from and the ones that are available; well let us just they leave me with an even GREATER fear. I have all this LOVE and no one to share it with, I meet MEN that I think could be potentially what I am looking for, but they more times that I care to recount turn out to be someone that is NOT for me. I think that as I move forward I will be ALONE because I am TOO much for most of them and the sad thing is that I am afraid because this always turns out to the TRUTH! I wish most times that I were just your AVERAGE man and that I did not have a BRAIN, SOUL or HEART; then I would be like everyone else and live a life that is just ordinary. I could be one of those men that treat another man as my property as if I own him, rather than the LOVE of my life. A DAMAGE man will not do, he is too F&CKED up mentally and all he has is a life full of HOMOPHOBIC persons that make him that way. I am tired of the MAN that EQUATES SEX with LOVE, tell me how it is better to have SEX over SUBSTANCE. I don’t understand how is that most GAY men don’t know what a LTR looks like, it’s as if it’s a concept that bears no meaning and I am suppose to date someone with that way of thinking? I want a man that knows and believes that LOVE conquers all, but not before, we go through some things to prove worthy of LOVE. Give me a man that has STRUCTURE and use SOUND judgment, so many times men come and give the same thing as if they all go to the same school and copy off each other’s test paper; I don’t have time for those type of men. WHY CAN’T I FIND THE MAN THAT HAS THE BALLS TO BE A MAN? WHERE IS THE MAN THAT CAN FACE LIFE & ACCEPT THE HAND HE IS DEALT? I LONG FOR THE KEITHBOYKINS, KENNETH WINFREYS & RODS OF THE WORLD, GIVE ME THE MAN THAT IS ABOUT SOMETHING, THE MAN THAT WANTS CHANGE! I WANT A MAN THAT WANTS A LIFE WITH ANOTHER MAN; A MAN THAT CAN LOVE ANOTHER SEX JUST LIKE HIS & HAVE NO PROBLEMS WITH THAT…LORD KNOWS SOMETIMES…I JUST WANT A REAL MAN, I WONDER IF HE IS OUT THERE?