There’s
something to be said for the familiar — especially in the throes of Omicron
chaos. The first installment of the fourteenth season was a showcase of some of
the show’s familiar premiere episode elements — an opening talent show, quippy
queens not here to make friends, RuPaul lazily step-touching while lip-syncing
her latest single.
That doesn’t
mean there’s no gimmicks; we’re getting a two-part premiere with one queen
sashaying away from each starting group. It’s my preferred way to start a
season, and it makes it much easier to get to know the queens quickly. There’s
plenty to savor with this cast, who have already proven to be a talented,
twisted bunch.
We’ll get into
the individual workroom lewks in our rankings below, but suffice to say, it’s
clear these queens came to play. (Even Willow Pill in her lil’ platform
sandals.) There are a lot of strong presentations, and the jokes are already
flying fast and furious.
This week’s
mini-challenge is another standard: the photoshoot with a twist. We’ve seen
pillow fights, flying leaps, giant tanks of water, powerful wind machines and
now they’re strapped to a spinning wheel. RuPaul picks Texas-native Kerri Colby
as the mini-challenge winner, but, I don’t know, all these photos always look
roughly the same to me?
Luckily, the
talent show maxi challenge is a much more meaningful measure.
First up is
June Jambalaya, performing an African dance number in traditional dress. She
gives a passionate performance, but a slipping headband and unflattering
undergarment sort of kill the illusion.
Next up,
Bosco, a Seattle weirdo that knows how to balance sexy, spooky and chic. For
her talent, she performs a burlesque striptease that picks the petals off her
floral dress until she’s down to nothing but a few well-placed sparkles. It’s
not ground breaking, but it’s executed with precision and a little wink at the
end (a rose seemingly blooming out of her rosebud).
Puerto Rican
pageant queen Alyssa Hunter rocks the stage with an edgy, rock ‘n’ roll lip
sync. It’s a genre we don’t dip into nearly enough on the show, but the lip
sync leaves plenty to be desired. At one point she uses a prop guitar but
doesn’t really play it, and the whole thing just looks sort of silly.
Things pick up
with Kerri Colby. It begins as another lip sync (this time to Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda”),
but her true talent is in jump rope. This ain’t yo mama’s Double Dutch. Kerri
is a former competitive jump roper, so there are enough kicks, tricks and
splits to delight the judges.
Then there’s
Michigan’s first RuPaul’s Drag Race queen, Orion Story, and,
well, alright, they all can’t be winners. Orion is doing a trailer park yoga
instructor character that’s part Drop Dead Gorgeous, part Jerri
Blank. There’s a funny idea here, but, as the judges would later point out, the
whole act needs to be workshopped a bit more before it’s ready for primetime.
There’s hardly a laugh to be found, and the bit never finds a rhythm.
Thankfully,
Kornbread follows up with a banger. Yes, it’s a lip sync, and, yes, it’s to an
“original track” (two things that usually tank a talent performance for me),
but the song slaps, the lyrics are sharp and Kornbread is bursting with star
power. It’s easily the most entertaining performance of the night.
Finally, we’ve got to talk about Willow Pill. The young queen gets a lot of spotlight during the premiere. The gals can’t stop dunking on her choice of arrival footwear (the aforementioned platform sandals). She reveals some of her backstory to Ru, including a lifelong battle with illness. Then, the ladies struggle to understand what talent she’s presenting, and, honestly, even after watching it, I do, too.
But, as it is
my job, let me try.
I guess you
would call it “performance art,” and I don’t mean that to be an insult. As Enya
plays, Willow prepares a bubble bath, then dumps red wine in, then a plate of
spaghetti, then a toaster. It’s strange and funny and has a point of view. Ru
goes absolutely gaga for it. If nothing else, Willow has our attention.
After a solid
Signature Show-stopping Drag runway, the judges give the win, rightfully, to
Kornbread. Guest judge Lizzo makes a strong case to give Kornbread the win,
even if some of the lyrics went over Michelle’s head. The win feels justified
and earned.
So, too, are
our bottom two. Nothing against June Jambalaya nor Orion Story, but they were
clearly this week’s weakest performers. June had that unfortunate headband
issue during her dance, and, again, Michelle could see her undergarments
through her runway. Orion’s character was more cringe than a Ché Diaz comedy
concert.
There’s been a
lot of questionable judging across the greater RuPaul’s Drag Race Cinematic
Universe lately, so to see a bottom two make clear sense in itself was
comforting.
They lip sync
to Lizzo’s “Water Me,” and Orion does the absolute worst thing a drag queen can
do to a Lizzo song, which is dance like a white guy. It just feels like
awkward, middle school moves. Chet Haze vibes. It’s … not good.
June takes a
straightforward, passionate approach and easily performs circles around Orion.
No surprises
here, June gets the save, and Orion sashays away.
We’ve still
got seven queens to meet next week. Let’s see where the first batch stands in
our rankings below. Leave your rankings in the comments!
2.
Kerri Colby‘s jump rope skills will only take her so far, so it’s a good thing
she’s also gorgeous with a great sense of style. We got a tiny taste of her
backstory while chatting with Ru, so we know there’s more to this queen than
just a pretty face and banging bod. (Though that bod was definitely banging in
that barely-there runway.)
3.
Bosco is bringing camp, fashion and a little spook to the competition.
So far, she’s stayed in the Dita Von Teese/Bettie Page lane, but she’s doing it
with a lot more polish than we’re used to from the alternative queens. The
trick will be not to fall into the trap of being too one-note.
4.
Yes, Willow Pill‘s entrance
look was very bad. Yes, she wore the precise, specific shade of green that
makes Michelle Visage violently ill. No, the green latex did not even fit
properly. And yet? None of it was bad enough to overpower her charming
weirdness. I get what she was trying to do when she arrived, including the
misspelled “angel”/”angle” and the full early-aughts Paris Hilton fantasy. But
it was still basically a walking Forever 21 bargain bin. Ru clearly has a
fondness for her, though, and that will take her far.
5.
I feel like there’s a lot more to June
Jambalaya than we saw in this first episode. Hopefully she finds her
footing (and some more subtle undergarments) for next week.
6.
I don’t want Alyssa Hunter to
go home soon (if for no other reason than to look at that pretty face out of
drag), but I have some concerns. She looked beautiful in both the talent show
and the runway, but they both just felt like pretty clothes and not a
performance. I want her to loosen up.
7.
It’s not that I think Orion Story’s signature
show-stopping drag shouldn’t be a mushroom-themed ensemble with three
prosthetic breasts — by all means — but if you’re going to do that you better
make sure all three boobs are securely in place! Is that so much to ask? I
could see the ends popping up on the left-most, and it was very distracting on
the runway. It’s a point so small, it’s not even mentioned as one of this
week’s deciding factors. She’s positioning herself as a comedian, but she ain’t
funny. Her entrance catchphrase was another bomb. Although it may not be the
end of her tale, this is the conclusion of this chapter of Orion’s RuPaul’s
Drag Race story.
What did you
think of the premiere?
SOURCE: TOWLEROAD
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