Below, you’ll find five signs
as ones that you might find more happiness by ending things than by trying to
stick it out.
1. If It’s an
Abusive Relationship
Caraballo
notes that you should move on “if you are unsafe or if there is abuse in the
relationship.”
While that
doesn’t just indicate physical violence, that’s certainly one way a
relationship can be abusive. Rather, abuse is when one partner has some form of
power over the other and uses it in order to hurt and control them.
If your
partner’s engaging in gaslighting or other forms of psychological manipulation
and you feel completely overwhelmed, broken down or isolated by your partner’s
behavior, that’s a sign that you should get out immediately.
2. If Your
Partner Doesn’t Respect Your Wants and Needs
Although not
as serious as an abusive partner, “if you continuously feel like your partner
minimizes or dismisses your needs,” as Caraballo puts it, you’re in a
relationship that is unlikely to make you genuinely happy.
Whatever else
this person is bringing to the table, relationships are about communication and
care, and someone who doesn’t care about what you want or need is seriously
failing to meet the standards of what a good and healthy relationship should
be.
3. If You
Don’t Care About the Relationship/Your Partner
On the flip
side, it’s possible that the partner who’s tapped out or not willing to give an
effort is you. If so, that’s probably a good sign that it’s time to end
things.
“If you care
about the quality and longevity of a relationship, you need to work on issues
and attempt to resolve conflicts,” says O’Reilly. “Though you can’t solve every
problem and some people are less inclined to engage in emotional and/or
vulnerable conversations, a decline in willingness to discuss relationship
issues may be a sign that you’re considering a breakup.”
Though it may
make you and/or your partner sadder in the short term, if you’re genuinely not
invested, sticking around will only delay the inevitable.
“Do you notice
that you’re having more fun when your significant other isn’t around?” asks
King. “Do you feel relieved at the thought of being away with them even if it’s
for a short period of time? If so, then you aren’t mentally invested in the
relationship anymore, which is an ideal reason to cut ties.”
4. If Your
Values and Priorities Don’t Align
“Another sign
that a breakup might be a good thing to do is when you notice that your values
and priorities don’t align anymore,” says King. “Everyone has a set of values
and priorities that they hold dear to them — whether it be freedom, a specific
political ideology, religion, relationship style, etc.”
If you find
yourselves regularly getting into disagreements or simply unable to agree on
big things like what you want out of life, where the relationship is headed,
where you want to live in five years, which political party to vote for and so
on, that might be a sign that you’re not meant to be.
“Though every
relationship requires it’s fair share of compromise, sometimes there are
aspects of your life that are too substantial to differ on, and too many major
compromises in these areas can cause resentment and bitterness in the future,”
she adds.
5. If You
Don’t Like “Relationship You”
Some people,
when faced with a partner who’s not right for them, rather than breaking up or
asserting their desires, simply capitulate to their partner’s desires in order
to reduce conflict. This may work in the short term, but over time, it can
leave you feeling like you’re faking things and acting out a version of
yourself that isn’t genuine in order to please your partner.
“If you don’t
feel good about yourself within the context of the relationship, you may want
to consider whether or not it is worth preserving,” says O’Reilly. “For
example, do you feel excited, happy, at ease and confidence when you’re at
work, with friends, with family, but not with your partner? Have you thought
about why this might be the case? Have you talked to them about your needs,
desires and boundaries?”
“There are no
sure fire signs that you should break up,” she notes, but you shouldn’t “allow
the longevity of a relationship to be your only reason for staying.”
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