They Say That When We’re Choosing A Tennis Partner It Is Best To Find Someone That Plays Better Than Us So That It Will Help To Improve Our Game.
Unfortunately, this kind of sucks for the better player if what they’re looking for is a challenge and the hope of improving their own game.
Romantic love works pretty much the same way…sort of.
Romantic love thrives best when both partners share a perception of equality between them and it struggles when we don’t.
Perception of equality means something very different to equality in the traditional sense of the word. This is not equality based around superficial or materialistic things. This is not about looks, age, gender, life experience, power, financial status or even intelligence. This is not about equality “in the eyes of God” sense either.
This type of equality is based on how both partners feel with and about each other. It is of a spiritual nature with an “essence” and “felt perception” that comes from a shared commitment to certain principles, values and a well-developed sense of self…A “Soul Equal” if you will.
Different than “Soulmates”—a term which can have more of an esoteric, intangible, serendipitous quality to it—“Soul Equals” are on similar spiritual paths to each other. These paths require choices and criteria beyond what we think of with a typical Soulmate connection. There are self-imposed standards here that are highly conscious and deliberate regarding ones thoughts, feelings and actions.
The two concepts often do merge, but not always.
Soul Equals truly value each other as equals and share an intention and dedication to the wellbeing and growth of themselves and the relationship. There is a strong mutual desire to keep healing and moving things forward. This happens through a daily practice of honest communication, self-reflection, and a high level of personal accountability.
When the sh*t hits the fan, Soul Equals do not run, hide or blame—instead, they pause, reflect and talk.
They support each other in the process of peeling away their layers.
When partners honor and live by these core traits and choices, a deep level of trust, honesty, adaptability, resiliency and unconditional support can flourish. And it flourishes well because of the wide-open space that’s created for safety and security. The ego may tempt, but rarely does it win.
The feelings generated through this kind of shared responsibility grounds the relationship with a tremendously strong foundation to build upon. Both partners can feel free and liberated to be their authentic selves and this will create a flow of high vibrational energy that will keep everything buzzing and humming with passion and aliveness.
We achieve our deepest levels of intimacy from this type of partnership.
These relationships are often completely mysterious to outsiders. We sometimes observe happy couples that seem to make no sense to us, yet they are blissfully happy. This is usually because we are viewing them through the lens of superficial, societal criteria.
Alternatively, when two people are not Soul Equals, if they are not aligned in many important and key self-development areas, the mismatched tennis game unfolds.
This will often show up when we begin a relationship because there is a strong physical attraction and perhaps not a heck of a lot more. Biochemical reactions take over and we ignore {or typically don’t even see} the half dozen or so red flags indicating the mismatch.
What started out with lust will turn pretty lack-luster faster than you can say “game, set, match.” A challenging dynamic of the fairly miserable kind will soon settle in.
The partner in the subordinate role will typically begin acting out of the fear of being left. They will abandon themselves and their needs and operate from the wounded ego; repeatedly giving in, hiding in the shadow of their partner, not voicing their truth, doing anything they need to do to hang on, remain “in the game” and try to win love and approval.
They may also take the opposite approach {with similar results} and repeatedly test their partner’s staying power by acting out and self-sabotaging anything positive.
The partner in the dominant role will fairly quickly become bored and frustrated by the inability to evolve and be challenged. Things will turn stagnant, the relationship will suffer a loss of respect, the connection will erode, resentments will build, and passion will wane, eventually grinding to a halt.
Intimacy cannot thrive in a union of misaligned souls.
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