BLAMING OTHERS

As we begin to truly understand that the world outside of us is a reflection ofthe world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to blame for theproblems in our lives. If we had a difficult childhood, we may wonder how we cantake responsibility for that, and in our current relationships, the samequestion arises. We all know that blaming others is the opposite of takingresponsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for thingsthat we don’t truly feel responsible for. We may blame our parents for our lowself-esteem, and we may blame our current partner for exacerbating it with theirunconscious behavior. Objectively, this seems to make sense. After all, it isnot our fault if our parents were irresponsible or unkind, and we are not toblame for our partner’s bad behavior. Perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming. Whether we blame othersor blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it. It setsup a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward under theburdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the resolutionof our pain in the hands of someone other than us. Ultimately, we cannot insistthat someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make thatchoice when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to move forward with ourlives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, webegin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands. We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for ourforgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with ourpartner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to takeresponsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want tobe loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of thewrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves tolive a life free of blame.