Sam Stanley
has become the first English rugby union player to come out, and at the age of
23 has probably got the pick of twinks, twerkers and gym-obsessed twats.
But the
England Sevens player is already taken, and it’s not who people might expect.
Meet Laurence
Hicks.
Sam’s
boyfriend is, let’s be fair, a little older. While we’re not entirely sure how
old he is, he looks to be a friendly-looking guy in his 40s. He might not be
playing rugby or training in the gym everyday like Sam, but he is attractive.
The funny
thing is, is that Sam has been gently coming out of the closet for the past
three months. You just had to know where to look.
This is from
an end of season awards dinner.
They seem
like a pretty happy couple. Laurence works for a travel company, has two kids in
their 20s, and, quick reminder, he takes Sam to see Bette Midler concerts. That
is a good guy.
Why are
people surprised by this pairing? Age gaps have been a part of gay
relationships for centuries – just ask the Greeks.
It’s not like
people mind (that much) about Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black, where there’s a
20 year difference. Or what about Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi? There’s
15 years between them. Stephen Fry and his husband Elliott Spencer? 30 years.
In Sam’s
coming out interview to the Sunday Times, he said he considered committing
suicide four or five years ago. After that moment, four or five years ago, he
met Laurence.
‘I was
standing on a bridge…overlooking a motorway in Essex,’ he said. ‘However,
looking back, the idea that I would jump was ridiculous but it was as if I was
thinking that I could get rid of the pain in one go.
‘You are so
worried about what people will think and I thought I couldn’t be a macho rugby
player the way I was, and there was nothing else I wanted to do with my life.’
When a lot of
gay men and women come out, starting to navigate their sexuality, it’s natural
for a lot of them to seek older people to date. These relationships may last a
short while or it may last a lifetime, but it’s not as uncommon as you might
think.
Sam is at a
point where he may still be figuring himself out, and he might need someone
more mature to help him out on his personal journey, or he might have simply
just found someone that makes sense to have in his life.
This isn’t to
say Laurence hasn’t had his own journey, he’s had two kids after all, but he
might be the stability that both of them need. But who knows? It’s their
relationship.
When people
look at relationships with an age gap, some think the older one is always
sleazy or the younger one is always a gold-digger. That’s judging at face
value. And if you know anything about relationships, judging at face value can
be a mistake.
Sam Stanley’s
coming out will undoubtedly change the world of rugby. But it should also help
to change our expectations of what a relationship is and what it should look
like. As long as the love is there, who cares?
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