In the gay community it is very common that you stay friends with
an ex, this could be an ex partner, ex lover or ex one night stand. As with any
relationship, there is no right or wrong action you should or shouldn’t do. A
lot of gay men have the ability to compartmentalize sex and emotions.
For lots of gay men the gay community is their replacement family
and they do not want to lose connection with that. If you fall out with your
brother, this does not mean you are going to disconnection from the rest of
your family, this is part of the reason why so many gay men stay friends with
their ex’s.
When hooking up and becoming boyfriends with a guy there has to be
a connection physically, emotionally and intellectually. However some are just
purely fueled with sexuality, and once that itch has been scratched the other
two elements come into play and if they don’t fit then the relationship
eventually fails.
There is a general acceptance that sex and relationships are two
separate areas, men can detach the emotions from something based on a pure
physical level. There is science backing this up, it’s pure biology, when a
woman has sex a chemical reaction happens in her body which makes her want to
bring everything together as if she was having a child and gets protective,
where as a man will climax and want to repel away.
So staying friends with a n ex is accepted, can we disentangle the two? I say why even try, as long as your
break up hasn’t resulted in a restraining order then moving the relationship
over to a friendship can and should happen.
Are you friends with any of your exes?
I have NO LOVE for the guys that I've dated. Because we're not together for a reason, and it's usually because of them being emotional cripples. A problem which makes them have that stereotypical need of gay males to hold onto every connection, even when it proves itself worthless of your mental, emotional, and/or spiritual progress.
ReplyDeleteI also think we males feel the same connection after sex that females do. It is a scientific fact that our bodies release a natural chemical to incite that feeling of connection. The failure in males that makes them end up alone AND lonely is that they try so hard to live by the so-called "manly" rules of "What Men Do" that they fight that connection. Hence why just about any guy that I stay in touch with after a hook-up has the option to date me. For I know something brought us together. However, I'm never the pursuer because of that attitude in your typical male, so I don't get let down.
What can work to my advantage is my being a public person who has often made my view on this matter known. So a guy wanting me who is not as public can feel comfort in being the pursuer.
No one has taken me up on that offer yet, but Fate has its own clock ticking. One that often varies differently from ours individually.
I agree with you TOTALLY on the connection aspect of your comment, I am not connected to my exes, well just one who is a friend of mine but I can say that I have no love for the exes as well.
DeleteMy first ex and I are still pretty tight. We were friends, then we tried the relationship thing and things did not work out. No big deal. My second ex moved, so I don't know if we would have stayed friends. My third ex is... no, solid, no friendship there. It is still sometimes awkward around the guy who set us up, and is still friends with us both. Hook ups are different, that is just sex. No connection. No big deal.
ReplyDeleteright about the hook up part
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