We’ve all been there. You visit a hookup or dating website, cruise somebody’s
profile and are confronted with the list: THE, you to be not
on ‘the scene’ and on and on. But what are we REALLY getting? What I find
is a lot of hate when all we want to do is ‘get
off’.
I always thought that the one thing we gay had down to a science
was sex, but from the various ‘hookup’ sites it seems that we’ve forgotten how
to have sex. Sex should be about opening possibilities, not closing them off. The
negative language so prevalent signals that the culture of sexual liberation
has been replaced by sexual segregation.
Now I get the “sorry, that’s just what I’m into” or “no hard
feelings, it’s just my preference” and I get that we have the RIGHT to say what
attracts us, however I FIRMLY
believe that we have the RESPONSIBILITY
to watch how we say it. Having preferences is fine, but are they neutral terms? If we were living in a culture where
everything was the same...It just isn’t intelligible to look at someone and say, 'I want to reach orgasm by being f*cked, but only f*cked by a person this ethnicity or race.' Does this connection make sense?
Sexual desire is universal, but how we shape that desire is
based on our willingness to pursue it. Who is to say that desire just naturally
happens? Who is to say that the terms “straight-acting” or “masculine” are
possible? When I’m online and someone says, ‘Are you masc/fem?’ my usual
response is, ‘What do you mean by that?’ after all, aren’t those terms merely culturally
relative?
I get it but I don’t understand why it is so important that we find a masculine, DL, buff man? If
you’re just trying to hook up, indiscriminate promiscuity is about letting go
of our notions that we should measure someone’s sexual worth based on scripted
notions of race, class, gender expression and body. When you go onto your
hookup site today, we MUST remember
that words can beat us down and it’s within our power to change how we frame
our desires. So logon and be indiscriminately promiscuous and deny that bigoted
‘masc’ guy a hookup because of his prejudiced profile. Just make sure you tell him there are no hard feelings, it’s
just a preference.
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