As a gay man are you in opposition to sexual and domestic abuse against women? If your answer is yes, why would you follow AND cling to the male dominant view that most hetero-men have? Many gay men reject the trappings of ‘traditional’ femininity. But what's the alternative, machismo, homophobia…self-hatred? When a gay man brainstorms this question, do you think he knows that he is holding on to the negative qualities linked with ‘manliness?’ Do you think that gay men who subscribe to the masculine dominant view of the world know that he doesn’t have to? When is he going to realize that the kind of masculinity he is subscribing is toxic for him? I would like to think that the gay men who largely identify themselves in terms of what they are against, (they're not rapists or misogynists) would reject the machismo in the thugs and overtly masculine men that tend to treat women as objects of theirs. Rather they seem to lap these men up with such pleasure. How can a gay man want to get with a man that sees him as someone who is toxic to his masculinity?
It is PAINFULLY clear that a gay man being dubbed as a ‘feminist -masculine’ male or vice-versa is something to be feared, the world sees us men wanting to be women, so what is a gay man to do when he has failed to envision an alternative? Now I am NOT saying that he should embrace what the world sees him as, but rather reject their acceptance of him as their version of man or else. We are NOT them, so why should we want their acceptance and other bodily parts? The manly men of this society CONSTANLY lampoon us and the women they see, with their misogynist actions and these men STUBBORNLY cling to their ‘maleness’ and sadly, gay men, they're NOT ACTING!
However if we really use good common sense, we would see that the REAL meaning of manhood isn’t about stepping on others viewed as less than, but understanding that we are all the same no matter what gender energies we present to the world. I wish that I could see a movement of gay men all who want to tear down the male dominated world right alongside the feminist. I know many would say, why tear down something and not have anything to put in its place…and while that is valid, I say to them think of that old saying that goes, ‘we can't be what we can't see.’ I ALWAYS felt that we gay men exist to show the world that they can try on various identities and find one that is truly AUTHENTIC! Think about it…the more gay men align themselves with women, the more opportunities the next generation has to find a positive, masculine gender identity that actually fits.
TOO many of us are stuck in stage one of gender consciousness; we have a dire need to prove that we are one of the ‘good ones’ that can and will separate ourselves from all the gendered behaviors and beliefs that we deem oppressive. Is there any surprise that so many of us burn out because we do something that others say and/or do? Call me crazy, but I feel that gay men who reject the long-established idea of masculinity have a greater chance of being more than just a symbol of a man’s man. He would have the chance to explore the joy of relationships, be real with his family and friends, and open with his partner. Being masculine-feminist gives the gay man the opportunity to shed that socialized skin and all the anxiety that comes with trying to be a ‘man’ in this world.
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