¡KISS ME PLEASE!

PICTURE IT, YOU RECENTLY MET THIS GORGEOUS GUY WHO TOOK YOU HOME & YOU GAVE EACH OTHER THE TIME OF YOUR LIVES FOR HOURS ON END…BUT EVERY TIME YOU WENT TO KISS HIM HE PULLS AWAY…WHAT’S THAT ABOUT? FROM MY EXPERIENCE I’VE FOUND THAT KISSING IS A COMPLICATED MATTER BECAUSE THERE ARE MANY TYPES OF MEN OUT THERE, SO HOW DO YOU DECIPHER WHY HE WON’T LET YOUR LIPS MEET EACH OTHER? HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDER THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE HOOKED UP WITH ONE OF THE FOLLOWING MEN:

THE THUG: You’ve seen him porno movies and accept that his not wanting to kiss you is a manly thing…You can give him oral sex, he WILL poke you until dawn, but he will not reciprocate (or take it up the butt) because in his eyes that would make him less of a man. And thugs don’t play that! 

THE CLOSET CASES: A harsh name, I know, but some non-Exotics behave just like Exotics because they’re Closet Cases. Not only would servicing you be an admission of being gay (or bi, or questioning, or whatever label they’re fearful of getting) but kissing is a very intimate act. Sure, you can say a boner in the bootie is pretty dang personal, but kissing implies emotion and if you kiss a man it opens a floodgate of feelings these guys aren’t ready to handle.

THE CHEATERS: These guys are cheating on their partners so do everything except kissing, because at their core they see themselves as being good people with boundaries who just need a quick blow job to relax. Sometimes this man has a deal with his partner where he can hook up with others, but kissing isn't allowed.

THE ROMANTIC: Similar to the Cheater, only he’s saving his lips for that one true love. Seems silly—you’re more likely to hear of anal receptive sex being saved for a true love, but I’ve had my share of these men so I KNOW they exist.

THE FEARFUL: He worries about getting lip herpes; completely ignoring that oral sex can transmit more fun little critters into his body.

THE INEXPERIENCED: He can be a giver or receiver. Either he’s horrible at kissing and knows it (and probably found out in some sort of self-esteem-crushing manner), or he’s had so many hot encounters ruined by guys who can’t kiss that he doesn’t even want to mess with it.

THE REALIST: You have stink breath and this guy isn’t saying anything to be polite, but he can’t handle going near your mouth.