A MOTHER'S STRENGTH...

From I was a little boy; my mother has been my hero. There was NOTHING she couldn’t do and with her being both my mother AND father, there wasn’t anything she didn’t do. She was always strong and hard-working. She did her best to provide for both my sister and I, we had tons of toys, food to eat and MORE than enough clothes to wear. My mother struggled and it wasn’t until I became an adult I understood what her $150.00 dollar a week salary did for us. When I think back to the money I spent because I knew she would give me more, I squirm a little because if knew then what I know now…I vowed every day since then to do whatever I could to make my mother’s life better. It took me a long time to understand that I cannot do that until I can make mine better.

Now my mother just got herself a job after many years of being unemployed. I guess she was just tired because it isn’t like she couldn’t work; it just seemed to me like she didn’t. I am proud that she got herself back out there, but EVERYTIME I think about her new job I cringe. She is NOT doing anything illegal; she like me was recently employed within the Government’s Temporary Job Program. My mother is more on the domestic side with cooking and taking care of home being her specialty…so I know that the ONLY job she could find would be in the custodial arena. Now that does NOT bother me @ all…an honest living is an honest living. However, what does bother me is the way others view persons that perform this type of job; and yesterday @ my grandfather’s funeral, my thoughts about this subject were proven.

As we were leaving the grave site, my mother, sister and I were talking about work and stuff. They both asked me if I had the day off and I told them that I did. My sister told me that she had a few days off, and I told her that I was extended that courtesy and my mother chimed in saying that she wasn’t. She was told that she wasn’t there long enough to get more than a day off from work to grieve for her father. Now maybe it is JUST me over thinking things, but her revealing that to us hit me like a ton of bricks. Then the question came to me, could I have been right about her employment.

To think of my mother working her fingers to the bone, doing what she can to get by BOTHERS THE F&CK OUT OF ME! This brought me back to the times when I thought about accepting the various advances of men (both single and married) that wanted to make me their kept trophy. I knew within myself that I could NEVER do that, but the thought of doing it to make her life better was ALWAYS on my mind. SO many times I wished I wasn’t me, because then I could do it without a care in the world. Why did my mother have to bring me up thinking that it is better to have your own? Why did she had to show me that what you work hard for is yours and NO one can take it away from you?

I know what I am here for and I know what I am supposed to do. I hope that as the sun rises each day and I get closer to my goals…I ONLY pray that the Lord keeps her around long enough to enjoy life the way I see it for her…