WAITING...

Many persons are unaware about their HIV status and those that take the steps to find out are placed in predicament that is worst than watching paint dry. The waiting game of knowing ones status is grueling AND cruel…IF ONLY THERE WAS A BETTER WAY OF DEALING SUCH A SERIOUS ORDEAL. However, life is what is and there is nothing WE can do about it! HIV has taken a hold of this world and it is NOT letting go. I wish that there was some element in MY blood that would cure this deadly disease. Instead I have to embrace the grief that comes with hearing of others that has come in contact with this syndrome. I get that life changes from day to day, but that does not make it easy. This waiting made realize that nothing is constant and that this change shows some many things lost to us, things that can never be returned. I can imagine how one feels when they are faced with dealing with this virus. This disease takes time out of the lives of those inflicted and weighs them down. Thus waiting to find out if one is infected or not can push one deep into the state of sadness AND anguish. Though this is a very natural process and it allows us to sort through the range of emotions and reflect on our sexual pass, one remembers things that should be forgotten. WHO WANTS TO REMEMBER THE BROKEN CONDOM or THE STUPID ACT OF ENGAGING IN SEX WITHOUT ONE? This waiting makes it hard to live as if nothing is wrong OR life isn’t at stake (NOT THAT HIV MEANS THE END) it just means that life as one know is over and changes has to be made. Waiting just causes one to feel intense and feelings manifest themselves in ways that are like nothing ever felt especially if the results are not favorable. Waiting is the process that keeps us rooted in our thoughts of fear and sadness. Feeling despondent and not being able to cope with HIV is much worst than having HIV.