¿SO WHAT WOKE THE 'SLEEPIN' BULL?

For
the past few days, the bullish side of me (i.e.
the me that can f&*k another just cause he can) show himself and it had
me confused. You see from the moment I met Noel almost 5 years ago, I haven’t
had any lingering thoughts of f&*king other men. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve
had offers, but just looked @ them like okay moving right along and I see sexy
men all the time, so here I was sitting trying to figure out WTF is going on with me. I didn’t love
Noel any less, our sex life is more than fine and I don’t cheat so I was lost
because I could NOT figure out what
was up with these thoughts of mine. I felt like the lion that crouches in
silence as the victim prey sees the silence as his time to carelessly ‘sleep walk’, oblivious to the lurking
danger. Silence is deafening to the truth.

Silence
is truth, and yet a double edged sword because I couldn’t understand how I
could feel like this after all this time when I NEVER made an effort NOT
to be tempted. Was there a ‘conspiracy of
silence’ afoot? Had the bull in me
lull me into a false sense of who I was/am as a sexual being? People are
mostly robots with readymade answers like a computer. Have I become that? Am I one
of those persons? I am asking the question, and the answer is NOT there {confusing right}. I talked to my best friend about how I was
feeling lately and he said maybe it some mid-life crisis and I am like huh? I am 34 think I have time
for a mid-life crisis, right? Still what
could this all mean?

All in all I've come to realize that what I was feeling means that I am human and that doesn't mean that the 'bull' within has to sleep forever. I don't think so because there is NOTHING wrong with having sexual thoughts about men I see out and about.
Desires are natural and have no reflection on my relationship or anything else.
There is no shame in feeling physical, sexual, emotional desires. They make you
human. There is nothing shameful about sex and like I always tell my friends, I can window shop all I want, the problem ONLY exists when I attempt to go inside and bargain for the merchandise.